Rescue Me
by sparagus
Summary: After losing her fiance to a tragic accident, Bella escapes Washington and the painful memories therein. She vows never to love again. Can the gentle and sensitive musician tear down her walls and open her heart? AU & AH .Rated M for eventual lemons
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

"_Bella, you are the love of my life, the girl of my dreams, and I love you. I have always loved you. Marry me, Bella. Be mine."_

_Jacob was beautiful. He sat next to me on our picnic blanket on the beach. It was the same beach that we had played together on, shared our first kiss on, declared our love for one another on in the exact same place where we now sat as he asked me to be his wife. It was our spot. The special spot was a sweet and sentimental icon in our relationship, and that he was proposing now in that spot was both unsurprising and very endearing. Jacob, my Jacob, was so comfortable and so predictable. _

_The sun was shining, a rarity in our small Washington town. It shown against his smooth and toned copper skin. His well-built chest, stomach, and arm muscles were accentuated by his tight black tee shirt, and his chocolaty-brown eyes were full of love and adoration. I had never had to wonder what Jacob was thinking or feeling—his face was an open book._

_I smiled at him, his face alight with love and joy, my heart warming and my legs shaking as his large hand slipped into the pocket of his jeans, retrieving a small ring. The gold band reflected the sun's rays and the light bounced off of the petite, solitary diamond in the center._

_I could only manage a nod as hot streams fell from my eyes and down my cheeks. Jake's responding grin was triumphant as he slid the ring onto my finger._

"_I love you, Bella. With all my heart, I love you."_

"_I love you, too, Jake." My voice cracked with the incredible emotion of the moment, and his lips crashed down upon mine in a rough passion._

***

"Bells—" I was startled from the dream-like memory of that beautiful afternoon by my father's nudging of my shoulder. His voice was gruff, as it always was, but he was trying to make his words gentle as his concerned eyes seemed to cut through me like a knife. "You really should eat something."

I shook my head, cutting off my brief glance at him, my eyes training back to the still form beneath the white blanket on the bed before me. The florescent lights bounced off of the white bedding, the white walls, the shiny, white linoleum floors, and the harsh glare they created was starting to give me a headache again—or maybe it was the constant beeping of every machine that was plugged into Jacob. I sighed, rubbing my fingertips against my aching, throbbing temples. "Not hungry, Dad. Besides, I need to be here with him."

I'd left only when I absolutely had to. It had been three weeks...three excruciatingly long weeks since Jake's accident. I had refused to leave him. I showered in the private bath of his hospital room, and I slept in the chair next to his bed. I hadn't left the room in days; I wanted to be there when Jacob's beautiful eyes opened—I wanted to be the first face that he saw when he was freed from his imprisoning coma.

Charlie nodded at me; I doubted that he'd expect anything else, really. He left the room mumbling about needing something to eat, and as he left, I let my eyes rake over Jacob's form, praying for a change. My heart ached in its familiar way as my every ounce of wishing he would awaken was wasted, his body remaining unchanged. His beautiful body had been tattered; both legs and a few of his ribs had been broken in several places—his right arm had been complete smashed beyond form.

They'd been able to put all of those injuries back together, however. It was the injuries to his head that kept him there in the horrible bed, under those horrible florescent lights, surrounded by horrible hospital smells—that kept him trapped inside of himself.

I let my weary body lean forward from its beside vigil onto Jake's left shoulder, one of the few places his body hadn't been harmed. The tears fell freely again, burning my eyes and cheeks and soaking through the thin blue material of his hospital gown."Oh, Jake...please wake up," I sobbed into his shoulder over the muscles that had so often wrapped around me and had been my comfort, my safety, my home.

I'd begged and pleaded over the last few weeks. Desperate to have him back, I pleaded with Jake; I pleaded with fate; I pleaded with whatever god may or may not exist, but it was all in vain, because he had never woken. Jacob was eerily tranquil and unresponsive as the silence devoured both my pleas and the unrelenting and harsh beeping of the machines, if that were possible.

It took several minutes to put myself back into check. I swiped the back of my hands against my damp cheeks, wiping away the salty tears. My bones ached from sitting in this chair next to his bed for hours on end. I honestly wasn't even sure what day it was anymore, or who had called to cancel the church, the caterer and the cake. Thoughts of our missed wedding brought another round of hysterical sobs from somewhere deep within me. We would have been back from our honeymoon by now. But ultimately, I didn't care about that—not any of it. If only Jake would wake up and be okay; it was all I wanted now.

Something changed within a split second, and my mind registered that the machines were beeping too fast before I could wonder why. The room was suddenly filled with two nurses and a doctor, all three of whom were familiar to me. They'd all taken care of Jake at some point during the three weeks he'd been here. They created a busy whirlwind around me, and I watched in a mind-numbing fear as their faces stretched in stress, reading the machines and looking at my Jacob.

"Wheel him to the OR!" The doctor yelled the order, and I was pushed out of the chair and away from the bed.

"What's going on?" My panic had flooded my voice, my heart, my legs, my soul...as my stomach convulsed with dread.

None of them answered me as they moved around with the speed of a flying bullet. The three of them worked together to move him and some of the machines out the door more quickly than I could process the scene. I wanted to follow them and to demand that they tell me what was happening. But I was paralyzed with an ominous dread, because in my heart, I knew the answer. Jacob was gone—and I was alone.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

***One Year Later***

EPOV

"Edward, you have to come! Please_..._" She broke out the big guns with that look that I very rarely could resist. Her begging was annoying, but I knew, and she knew that I knew, that she had already won.

My sister Alice, with her petite frame and spiky, ebony hair, had the capability to make me do just about anything, and she knew it. I was mere putty in her hands—not that I minded nearly as much as I feigned to when arguing with her. She knew me better than anyone and I her.

"Fine, Alice," I huffed, "but for the record, I don't want to."

She squealed and giggled smugly while grasping onto my arm. "Edward Cullen, I finally have a new roommate that isn't deranged, and I want my big brothers to meet her!"

I sighed. "I'm just thankful that you're not living with the sadistic dog woman anymore." Alice's last roommate had groomed dogs—or trained them? Maybe both; we never really found out. She had been eerily creepy, and I had been so relieved the day that Alice told me she was moving out.

My little sister laughed at the memory, and I couldn't help but join her. "Okay. Tomorrow night at your apartment." I confirmed. "What does she do?"

We were walking along the sidewalk from Alice's favorite restaurant to her apartment. The Chicago skyline was darkening into a silhouette as the sun fell behind the horizon, casting pink and orange splashes of color against the pale blue sky. Alice's arm was linked in mine, and we strolled casually, in no particular hurry.

Alice's normally bright blue eyes darkened a bit. "It's weird, Edward. She has a degree in psychology, but she just took a job as a bartender downtown. She's new to the city, and...there's something about her—something big has happened to her. I think she's running away from something."

I sighed again. "Alice...are you sure she's not trouble? It makes me nervous." And it did. My baby sister, living with people I didn't know who had histories that I didn't know made me very uneasy, and I wished that she'd taken me up on my many offers to move into my apartment after each time she dealt with roommate drama.

"Edward," she huffed. "I'm sure. I never felt sure about any of my other roommates, but Edward...she's different. She's in a lot of pain, and you know that I can sense things...well, I sense that she needs me."

I quirked an eyebrow at her. "She _needs_ you, Alice? How do you know that?"

She shook her head. "I'm not sure, Edward. It's just a feeling."

It was my turn to shake my head. "Well, I will come tomorrow night, and I will meet her, but if I get the wrong vibe Alice...I swear to God I will be moving you in with me, and I won't take no for an answer."

Alice smiled a half-smile—a familiar smile. It was the smile that said that I was being too much of a big brother but that she didn't feel like arguing anymore. I nudged her. "I'm serious."

Her smile deepened as she rolled her eyes dramatically for effect. "I know you are, but you'll understand when you meet her, Edward. She's different." She was entirely confident of her stance on the issue, and there would be no swaying her.

Alice had so much of our mother in her. Our mother who, without consciously deciding to do so, took it upon herself to love—love for family and love for friends, but more amazing than that, love for those who had no one else to love them. I both admired and hated it. I admired that they both cared so deeply and felt so genuinely; I admired even more that they could care and feel so much for people that they didn't even know. I hated it all for the same reasons; I hated how vulnerable it made them—hated the hurt feelings they had whenever their care was thrown back in their faces with no returned gratitude or sensitivity.

We had reached the door to Alice's building, and I waited until she unlocked the door before hugging her. "Okay, Squirt, I'll see you tomorrow."

I walked to the street, where I had left my car earlier that evening. I waited until Alice was safely inside, door closed behind her, before I sped away towards my own building several blocks away. I was glad for the weekend off from work, as I always was; it was my time to concentrate on creating what I wanted to create, rather than following a creation of someone else's making. It was late, but that mattered little to me as I swept the door open to my two-bedroom loft apartment. I threw my keys on the table by the door, flipping the light switch on as I made my way to the high-vaulted living room where my piano awaited. It was home as I slid onto the bench, warming up my fingers on the shiny, ivory keys with ease.

Everything in life could be translated to music—maybe that was why it touched my life in a way that no other thing or person had. Music could be dark and even scary—it could be light and carefree, it could be love or hate, desire or condemnation, passion or apathy. Tonight my music was pensive as my fingers hammered the notes on the keys, resonating my pondering thoughts of life and love and the meaning of it all. I wasn't sure where I fit in to anything anymore, but it didn't matter, because the music didn't require that I know. It didn't require that I choose. It was wholly accepting of my indecision and lack of motivation—it was what it was whether I had purpose or not. It did, and that's what mattered. My eyes opened as I leaned forward to jot down the notes and melodies I had added. The piece was taking on a life of its own, like they all eventually did, becoming its own entity...its own expression in my world where words had always failed.

It was in the early hours of the morning that I finally climbed the stairs to my room and plopped into bed, barely bothering to rid myself of shirt and pants before doing so. My playing and writing had somewhat eased the ferocious spinnings of my mind and my life, and I was able to drift into a dreamless, though somewhat restless, sleep.

The next morning I slept in, as per any Saturday morning. I drudged out of bed, starting coffee, before making myself deal with mundane chores that needed to be done. The sooner they were complete, the sooner I could fall back into my music, erasing the real world with its meaningless and trivial moments, and throwing myself into a world of my own creating—a world that was mine and only mine, with its plot lines and unnamed characters and loves and lusts and passions. It was a world that held everything that I doubted the real world could ever hold for me. Everything I longed for and desired after was thrown with gusto into my world of notes and harmonies and magic.

All too soon it was time for me to leave for Alice's. I sighed, closing the lid to my piano over the polished, cherished keys, and grabbed my jacket from the hook by the door. I arrived in a matter of minutes, thanks to light traffic, and I skipped up the steps to Alice's building, noticing, without surprise, that she had already added her new roommate's name. I pushed the button next to "Cullen/Swan." _Swan. Unusual last name..._

"Hey," came Alice's peppy trill.

"It's me," was all I said in reply.

"Yay! C'mon up, Edward." The buzzer sounded; the lock clicked open, and I headed up the stairs to her apartment, knocking on the door with three quick taps, as always.

She threw the door open with a wide grin. I returned a less enthusiastic smile and looked around. I wasn't at all surprised to see Jasper only a few footsteps behind my sister, smiling at me. Nor was I surprised to hear our brother Emmett's booming laugh in the other room.

"Hey, Edward. How's it going?" Jasper, Alice's long-time boyfriend, extended his hand. I took it and returned his shake. He and Alice had been together for many years, and we had become close friends in that time.

"Not bad, Jasper. How are you?"

He looked at Alice with a smile. "Great, as always." He didn't look back at me; his eyes had gotten lost in gooey love land as he stared at my sister like she was the star in the center of his universe. I sighed at the familiar feelings of want for that very same kind of love poking at my very soul, but I pushed it away, burying it deep—saving the feelings for my only outlet and lifeline—my music.

Alice jumped slightly, and her grin widened as she grabbed my hand. "Come meet, Bella!" I buried my urge to groan a protest and allowed her to pull me into the living room where Rosalie, Emmett's bride of four months, sat next to, who I assumed was the new roommate. Her long chestnut hair flowed over her shoulders and down her back, hitting her waist. Her features were delicate, but as my eyes traced her face I was stricken by something I couldn't identify at first. I could hear notes in my head portraying that look. It was...sad—more than sad, really. Every line, every feature was just barely maintaining a careful composure as a fury of pain was locked just below the surface. My heart stopped, and I had an overwhelming urge to do something—to do anything that would make that look go away. She was too delicate...too beautiful to hold such an ugly emotion. _Great, Edward. You're around Alice too much...bleeding heart, here I come._

"Sorry to interrupt," Alice said to her and Rose. "Bella, I wanted you to meet my and Emmett's brother, Edward," she said, and I almost scoffed at the proud tone she took on when she said the words, as if she were a mother bragging to her friends about the distinguished accomplishments of her son. "Edward, Bella," she said simply.

Bella's chocolaty-brown eyes looked up into mine, the sadness still present. She offered, what I assumed was supposed to be a smile, though her lips barely moved from their turned down position. She offered her hand. "Nice to meet you, Edward." Her voice was a higher alto, and it was beautiful, but it lacked any kind of emotion or inflection.

I took her hand to politely shake it and had to suppress the instinctual gasp I felt rising in my throat when our hands met. It felt as if an electrical current passed through her hand to mine, and I fought the urge to pull back. Bella, however, did gasp and pull her hand away from mine, her face forming into a frown as her eyes zeroed in on our hands and widened.

Alice seemed to have missed the strange exchange between Bella and I. "Gonna go finish dinner," her voice was as peppy as ever as she skipped back to the direction of the kitchen.

"I'll help," said Rosalie, excusing herself and leaving me alone with this sad stranger, to whom I had no idea what to say.

I sat slowly in the seat across from Bella—the seat that Rosalie had just vacated. "How are you settling in, Bella?" I tried to keep my voice light and conversational, though I felt anything but. My mind was reeling with questions for her and about her, and I couldn't shake off the nagging urge to do _something_ to erase that heartbreaking sadness splashed across her face.

She shrugged. "Pretty well, I suppose. Alice has been very kind, and it's been a relief to me to not have to worry about finding a decent roommate." Her monotone voice was subdued.

I nodded, my mind immediately easing with her genuine words about Alice—maybe she would be a perfect roommate for her. "Alice tells me that you're new to Chicago. Where'd you move from?"

Her face contorted in a pain that was worse than the pain that had been lying below the surface earlier. I panicked. What had I said? What could I do to make that look go away? What had happened to her? She quickly masked her powerful emotions, her face sinking back into the barely composed features. Her voice was weak, however, and just barely above a whisper. "Washington," was all she offered. The answer only fueled my curiosity, and I had to use extreme self-control to not pepper her with all of the questions that I wanted to ask her. Why had she moved? Was she forced to move? Was it a family crisis? A love affair gone wrong? I couldn't imagine that this shy and reserved woman had done something to put herself in any kind of trouble that she would have to run from.

I only nodded, and tried to think of something to lighten her spirits. "Do you like it? Chicago, I mean?"

Ah, the ghost smile returned as her lips twitched upward infinitesimally. "I haven't been here long," she admitted, "so I haven't seen much of it yet. But, from what I have seen, yes. I like it. It's so much bigger than anywhere I've ever lived before."

I smiled, trying to encourage her, to make her feel comfortable, but I really wasn't sure of what to say or do. I'd always evaded real-life experiences to my preferred world of music and melodies that seemed more beautiful than any experience the "real" world could provide for me. Now it was a pain-staking detriment, for I longed to comfort her, and I hadn't the faintest idea on how to do so. I briefly wondered if this is how Alice and Esme felt each time their hearts went out to someone who needed them. My mind drifted to Alice's words last night. _"She needs me,"_....yes—maybe she was right. Bella did need someone, but I wasn't sure why or what that someone could do for her. I was surprised at the hope that welled up in my throat and the thought that Alice really could help Bella...help her out of her pain.

"Alice and I grew up here," I commented. "We'll have to take you to all of the city's best indulgences," I said, and winked before I could stop myself from doing so—I hoped she hadn't noticed.

She had. Bella shifted uncomfortably and nodded. "Sure...I'd appreciate that," she said with a frown.

"Where are you working, Bella?" Again, I thought only after I spoke and wondered if the question would make her uncomfortable. I sighed in relief as she answered without an added pain to her beautiful features, though she did wince slightly. I wondered why.

"At the Baja Beach Club." She was hesitant to answer me.

I smiled. "That's an interesting career," I mused.

She looked down at her hands. "Yeah, well...I'm trying to figure it out—figure out what I want to do, I mean. I can't do what I went to school to do, so..." I grimaced, glad she wasn't looking at me. The pain was back in her beautiful face again. I felt a bolt of anger at myself; I walked her into that expression with nearly everything I said to her.

"Oh," was all I could make myself say. I wanted to know why; I wanted to ask her what she went to school for, though I already knew from my conversation with Alice the previous night that she had been a psychology major. Was she originally aiming for a doctorate in the field? Had she planned to use the education for something else? What could have happened to sway her from that path? Was it her own choice or someone else's? Why did I care so much? I had never been interested in a person the way that I was interested in this agonized stranger, locked in her protective shell.

"What do you do?" She finally broke the silence, and I offered her a smile. "I play in the Chicago Symphony."

Her eyes brightened for the first time since I'd met her. I was surprised at how thrilling I found her reaction. "You do? What do you play?" Her words, for the first time in the conversation, were not mere polite responses or typical small-talk questions. Her voice took on a passionate ring, and my heart's pace accelerated slightly.

I smiled again, encouraged at the immediate change in the atmosphere between us. "Piano."

She grinned; the grin was stunning on her delicate face. "Wow. You must be very good."

I shrugged, trying to play the modesty card, but I was good. I knew that I was, and everyone who had heard me play knew that I was. I couldn't not be good; It was my obsession, my life, my calling, my one and only love. "I enjoy it very much," I told her, almost laughing at the understatement, but had decided that the statement was modest enough that I wouldn't come off as an arrogant ass.

"I imagine you'd have to enjoy it—it must take an insane amount of patience and practice." Her words flowed easily, and I was elated that my most passionate obsession had opened her up a little more. Perhaps music would be the medicine to her soul's illnesses; I delighted in the thought.

I nodded. "Yes, but, practice...it's something I spend most of my free time doing anyway. When I'm not at work, I'm practicing."

Her eyes widened again; they were so expressive when she allowed them to be. "So, what does work consist of, then, for the concert pianist?" Her eyes twinkled slightly, and my heart sprouted wings. It had only ever sprouted wings in my own melodic world—never in the real world, and never in response to another human being. How oddly unnerving and wonderful it was.

"Work consists of two daily practices—one from nine to eleven in the morning and one from one until four in the afternoon. We play most weeknights at seven, and on Fridays and Saturdays we play a matinée at five, our regular concert at seven, and a late show at ten." I was showing off; I knew it—I couldn't help myself.

Her eyes widened even more, if possible, in response, and I chuckled. "That certainly is...a lot. So it's Saturday night...you must have the evening off?"

I nodded. "There are three of us who play the piano, and we rotate playing—sort of like shifts, I guess."

She smiled. "Well, I think you're the first person I've ever said this to, but you truly do have an amazing job."

I grinned. "I agree. It's like playing...all day."

She laughed softly. _Wait. She laughed. She laughed! I made her laugh._ I smiled in response to its beautiful sound, and there was a silence as I stared into her eyes. I couldn't help myself; I glanced down to her lips as she bit the bottom one between her teeth. It was an unintentional glance, and when I looked back into her eyes, they were distant again. The pain was back, possibly worse than before, and I wasn't sure what to say to make it better. I cleared my throat, and my entire body relaxed as I heard Alice call to us that dinner was ready; I jumped. "Shall we?" I asked, trying to make my smile light.

She just nodded in response, without making eye contact, and I followed her into the dining room. I sighed. What a mysterious puzzle. I felt odd about our interaction; I was ecstatic that music, of all things, would brighten her eyes and envelope her into the conversation with comfort and ease. At the same time, I was completely irritated with myself and my wandering eyes; I had longed for our conversation to last forever and was disheartened that I had ended it in such dissonance.

She was quiet for the rest of the evening; she answered questions softly, never really making eye contact with me or anyone else except for Alice. Though I felt slightly hollow that she wouldn't look at me, it was oddly comforting to me that she did look at Alice when she spoke. The two of them seemed to have an unspoken understanding. I trusted my sister with all of my being; I would trust her with my life if it came down to it, and though Bella wasn't mine and my protectiveness toward her was unjustified, I found solace in the fact that she had Alice, and Alice would protect her.

I couldn't wrap my mind around the odd way that I felt toward Bella Swan. She was a mystery—a sad and sweet line in a melody that was dancing in my mind. Her melody mingled with my thoughts of her face, her sad expressions, and her twinkly eyes when we spoke of music. She was an odd magnetic force that pulled at me much like the shore pulls in the waves of the ocean, and yet her guarded countenance warned me not to succumb to the pull of that magnetic force—at least not in the real world, but as I hugged my family and friends goodnight, and nodded toward Bella, bidding her her a goodnight as well, I couldn't make myself stop the dark and curious notes that filled my mind and my vision, and before I had even reached my piano that evening, a story was dancing into existence.

The story was of a girl—a story of a mystery, a story of a heartbreak and pain so intense that only music could capture its deepest crevices. In my tightly controlled world of lines and notes and sounds, I did allow myself to succumb to the pull of her gravity, making an entrance into her world that may never be possible in the real world in which we lived in. But in my world, I would save her; in my world, I would capture her and erase the pain and give her joy and laughter and love. My subconscious desires flooded through my fingers and onto the ivory keys. I played through the overwhelming passion and desire and justice as I sought to make her world right. When the last note finally drifted off into my gravely silent apartment, the weight of the emotion crashed down upon me. I didn't understand what I was feeling, and couldn't form coherent thoughts...but I knew that for the very first time in my life, my worlds were colliding, and I couldn't do anything to stop them.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

BPOV

"_Bella, help me," Jacob pleaded, reaching for me. All I could see was his face twisted in pain and his hand reaching out toward me. It was all blurry, but I reached back toward him, stretching as far as I could make myself stretch, trying to grasp onto his fingers, but I slipped further away from him with every passing second._

"_Jacob...Jacob come back! Jake..."_

"_Bella, help!" Panic seized his eyes, his square, masculine jaw set against the pain, eyes wide and terrified._

"_I can't...Jake, I can't reach you!" I screamed, desperate to just grab his hand. If I could only get a good grasp I could save him from the enveloping darkness._

"_Bella..." His voice was fading. His face was fading into the black, and is panic was gone as he called out softly to me one last time._

"_NO JAKE!" I screamed. _

My eyes flew open at the alarming scream, and my heart was racing wildly. It took me several moments to realize that the scream was coming from me. I threw myself back on my bed roughly, smothering my face with my pillow. I hoped I hadn't woken Alice, but my hope vanished when I saw the light from the hallway pop on, leaking a warm glow under my closed door. I couldn't stop the sobs that wracked through my body.

"Bella?" Alice's tentative voice came through the door as she knocked quietly. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah," I managed to say through my sobs.

I'd been here for three months, and Alice had been a wonderful roommate so far. I woke every night to screams that escaped my throat, and every morning Alice's worried eyes would survey my face. She would ask me the same question every morning, "Are you okay, Bella?" I'd mumble that I was, while playing with my breakfast, forcing the bites down unwillingly.

But tonight the pain ripped a hole in the center of my very being, and I couldn't control the sobs escaping my body. My door opened slowly, and she padded toward my bed. The light from the hall illuminated her face. It was contorted with worry. She sat next to me as sobs wracked my body, and I tried desperately to hold myself together with my arms wrapped tightly around myself.

"Shh," was all she said, wrapping both of her arms around me into a secure embrace. Her warmth flooded over me. I didn't know how long she held me or how long it took me to finally calm down, but eventually, I did, clinging to her.

"Bella...sweetie...will you tell me who Jacob is?" Her question was so gentle and non-intrusive, but his name tore through my being. My eyes were out of tears for the moment, though, so I inhaled deeply.

"If you don't want to talk about it, it's okay," she said softly.

I wiped at my wet face, stingy with tears, and pulled back from her slightly. "Jake was my fiancée." The words slashed at my heart, stabbing at the pain and the emptiness as flashes of his beautiful face danced in my memory.

She didn't say anything for a long while, but her eyes never left my face. "What happened?" She finally asked in a ghostly whisper.

A sob escaped my throat, but I willed myself to stay in check. "He..." I looked at my hands and the tears fell again. "Two nights before our wedding...he went riding with his friends...his hobby of motorcycle riding always made me nervous..."another sob. But I couldn't make myself stop the words. I hadn't spoken of him out loud for nearly a year, and now...defenses down, the words poured out freely. I couldn't have stopped them if I had wanted to, but I wasn't entirely sure that I did want to. Something about finally releasing the painful words where I felt safe with Alice, appealed to me.

"I told him before he left not to hurt himself, that it would ruin the wedding photos. The _wedding photos_!" I was nearly screaming out the memory in disgust. If _only_ scratches in the wedding photos _had_ been the worst of it. If only I _could_ yell at him in frustration for a few minor scratches that would remain forever a part of our memories through our _wedding_ photos.

"He brushed off my worries like he always did, promising he'd be careful and that he'd be home before I knew it..." The sobs built hysterically again, but I didn't stop. "He didn't. He didn't come home, Alice. A truck had lost control...it...it..._crushed_ him. He was in a coma for three weeks before he...before he-" But I couldn't finish the words. Pain tormented every part of me, and I rolled into a ball again, trying to shut it out. "I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get to say I love you one more time...I...I...he's gone..."

"Oh, Bella," I somehow heard her pained reply over my sobs.

"Oh, sweetheart," she rubbed circles on my back in long, gentle movements, soothing me into a painful calm. She didn't say anything else, and I was grateful for it. My cries were less hysterical, and at some point, I fell into a troubled sleep.

It seemed only minutes later that I awoke to the sun shining through the window offensively. I groaned, unwilling to face another day. I pulled my fluffy quilt above my head, wishing to lose myself in a subconscious haze. I heard Alice humming lightly as she knocked on my door. As much as I wanted to grumble at her to let me waste away in this half-life that was left to me, I simply mumbled, "Come in," pushing the blanket off of my head.

Her smile was as bright as the sun, and I groaned again.

"I brought you breakfast!" She trilled. How she could skip around like that while carrying a tray of breakfast food and coffee, I would never know.

I wasn't hungry, but I was touched that she made the effort, so I tried to choke down a few unappetizing bites. Food in general was grossly unappealing to me. It all tasted like dirt, as if, when Jake left and took most of me with him, it oddly included my sense of taste as well. I sighed.

"Do you work today?" She asked, monitoring my every bite. I knew she had noticed over the past several months that I usually only played with my food.

I quickly tried to remember what day it was to answer her question. Friday. I shook my head, "not tonight."

She grinned. "Well, _I_ have the day off today, too, and I was wondering if you'd like to do something fun! Shopping? A movie?"

I grimaced. "You don't have to do this. I'd rather stay home. In my sweats. In bed." I said lamely, hating my monotonous declaration not only for how flat it sounded, but the actual sad truth that it contained.

Her smile was patient. "I know. But, see, if you don't come, I'll have to go all by myself," she pouted.

I sighed, lacking the energy to protest. "Okay."

She squealed and clapped her hands together. "Yay! Okay, finish eating and then hop in the shower! I'll go clean up in the kitchen!"

I obeyed. The hot water felt extremely comforting to my tired muscles. Somewhere deep within me, it was comforting to know that _something_ still felt right. I still had a headache from my violent sobs the night before, and I longed for night, so I could crawl back into bed. The nightmares, as horrible as they were, were nothing compared to the constant companion that was my pain.

Reluctantly, I shut off the water and dressed myself, not bothering with my hair or make up, as usual. There wasn't a reason to care. I heard voices in the next room, and warily padded out. I wasn't in the mood for company.I wasn't surprised to see Alice at the table with Edward when I entered our kitchen/dining room. Someone in her family was always here, it seemed. I nodded toward him, with an unfriendly, "hey."

He smiled. "Good morning, Bella."

I didn't understand the gene that the two of them, as well as Emmett, seemed to share for being so...annoyingly happy all of the time. It was unnerving to me. And after that first night that I'd met Edward, I was cautious of him. I didn't want him getting the wrong idea, and I hated myself for the interest he sparked within me. I suppressed my interest that evening and felt an immediate and sturdy wall go up against him. He was dangerous with his charming smile and his intense gaze and his genuine countenance.

I grumbled as I sat down with them, not wanting to be rude, but not wanting to sit down with them, either.

"So, I'm taking Bella shopping today!" Alice sang cheerily.

I heard Edward's low chuckle, though I refused to look at him.

"Brave of you, Bella."

I shrugged. What difference did it make? No matter how I spent my time, it would pass all too slowly. "I don't mind," I muttered.

The two of them fell back into a comfortable conversation that became only a humming noise in my ears with no defined words or voiced thoughts. My mind fell into a numb haze. It was most comfortable that way, with no disturbing thoughts, no painful memories, no present distractions. Just me. Me in my emptiness.

"Bella?" A voice broke through. Bella. That was me. I supposed that the direct address required a response.

"Huh?" I pulled my vision back into focus as my eyes traveled to his face before I realized what they were doing.

His own eyes were full of passion, just like Alice's. It made me nauseous that they were always so excited about everything. He grinned. "We're having a movie night tonight. You'd better voice your rental preferences now..." he said, feigning an ominous tone.

I didn't remember being invited _or_ voicing the desire to be part of their family movie night. Family. A family of which I was not a part of. Why did they want me there with them? Their happiness together was just a painful reminder of something I was robbed of. Something I would never have.

"Movie night?" I said dumbly.

He just smiled in return. "You're not getting out of it, Swan. Alice and I have banded together. We'll pull Emmett and Rose and Jasper in to help us, too, if we need to. You are going to have an evening of fun!"

I quirked an eyebrow at him, feeling numb inside. "Okay," was all I could manage. It was rather unenthusiastic, but he wore me out nearly as much as Alice did, and I just couldn't muster the energy to keep up with either of them, let alone both of them together.

Last night had knocked me for a loop, and I felt emptiness inside again more acutely than I had for many months. I hadn't had a night that bad in a long while, and my heart ached and my muscles ached, and the last thing I wanted to do was put on a front for five of the happiest people in the world. Their happiness made me want to curl in a ball in my bed and never come out again.

"You guys go pick movies; I'm going to go pick up snacks and stuff to make pizza," I heard Alice say as she skipped to the door. She was gone before I could protest, and now I was alone with Edward. I cringed. Why was she doing this to me?

"Bella," his voice broke through my mental curses toward Alice, and the genuine concern of his tone automatically left me with my guard down. "You don't have to come with me if you don't want to." I glanced to his face, and, in spite of myself, looked into his eyes. His return glance was surprised. Probably surprised that I had made eye contact with him after weeks of avoiding him as much as possible. His expression was so gentle that it was a struggle to keep my guard up.

"Edward," I said warily. "I-" I fumbled, and his face was stunned. "I'm sorry," I blurted out before I could stop the words, but felt I must make up for my rude behavior somehow.

"Sorry for what, Bella?" He was frowning in confusion. Could he seriously not know what I was apologizing for?

"I'm sorry I've been so rude to you. You've been nothing but nice to me."

His green eyes...I'd never noticed that they were green until now...were soft and forgiving. He smiled a gentle smile. "Bella, you've not been rude. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, and clearly, that is exactly what I did the night we met."

I shook my head and sighed, already exhausted at the effort that the conversation required. "You didn't. I...I'm going through a lot right now...and it's easier to handle if I just keep to myself..."

The questions blazed in his curious eyes, but I was so thankful that he didn't voice them. He simply smiled a crooked smile—and in spite of myself, I smiled back.

"Listen," I began, "I'll try to be easier to be around..."

He waved me off. "I'd better go get those movies. If Alice beats me back, _I'll_ be the dinner. Forget pizza." I smiled again, though it was a half-hearted attempt.

"Can I come?" I was unsure of asking. Unsure of really wanting to go. Unsure of so many things, but I _was_ fairly sure that I didn't want to be alone right then.

He was surprised again, but I appreciated his effort to mask it casually. "Of course," was his reply. Though my smile didn't reach my lips, it did warm me a bit on the inside.

I followed him out, locking the door behind us, and we walked to the video store on the corner of Alice and my block. After much debate, we finally settled on several movies, all older releases, all light-hearted, and all certain to be something we all would enjoy.

We were walking back at a casual pace. "Bella, can I tell you something?" He asked as we neared the building.

I nodded, praying that his question wouldn't tear me apart with memories and raw feelings. When he didn't say anything, I stopped walking and turned to face him.

He hesitated only a moment before he continued. "I don't know what you're going through...or where your pain is coming from, but I want you to know that Alice," He paused with a gentle smile. "Bella, she's quite taken with you. I know you're alone in the city, but know that you're not _really_ alone. If there's one thing to be said for the Cullen trio, we make good friends...and we won't ever leave you alone."

His words took me by surprise and crashed upon my heart with a force that I wasn't expecting. It was a small and gentle promise, but it filled my tattered heart to breaking point, and I couldn't stop the tears from falling down my cheeks. The quiet declaration brought alive emotions in me that I hadn't felt in the smallest form in a very long time. That fact made my heart ache, as I realized it was all in vain.

"I'm not friend-worthy," I said with a humorless laugh. "I don't know how to _be _a friend anymore." My voice sounded foreign in my own ears, as the words came out broken and blurred.

Edward's smile was steady, and I loathed the flutter that arose inside of me from that smile. I was desperately shoving bricks back onto the wall I'd built to protect myself from him, feeling the futility of each painstaking effort. Why was he making this so difficult for me? Why couldn't he just leave the walls as they were so I could stay safe and protected in my own personal agony.

"Bella," his voice was gentle, and I sobbed in response. His hand tentatively rested on my shoulder. "You _are_ friend-worthy, and it makes no difference to any of us if you know _how_ to be a friend or not. We're here. We'll _be_ here." His voice was confident as he reiterated the promise to me.

I was overwhelmed by it. Overwhelmed by the kindness and sincerity and patience. Overwhelmed by my own weak shell of a heart and how precious little I had to return to them. Overwhelmed by the desire to cling to my tiny, tattered shell of a heart and not share it with them, despite their love. The shell was all I had left, and if they took that and trampled on it...there'd be nothing left.

I didn't realize I'd been shaking my head until he said, "Hey. Don't fret, Bella. Let's go upstairs."

I nodded dumbly, tripping up the stairs as I aimed for the door. I fumbled with the keys, unable to coerce them into cooperation with the lock. His fingers reached out from behind me and, he silently took the keys from my hand, and slid the key into the lock, turning it, and pushing the door open. He held it for me, and I wordlessly walked through the door.

My numb state of being was thawing in the presence of the Cullens, and I wasn't sure that I was happy with the result. I was feeling again. There was always the pain, of course, but now there were much more dreadful feelings bubbling to the surface. I wasn't sure that I could face them. Fear, unease, skepticism, cynicism...worst of all, _hope_. Hope scared me the very most. Where there was hope, there was risk. And where there was risk, there was inevitable pain. And I was bearing the absolute extent of pain that I could possibly hold. If any additional amount were to be added on, I'd surely be crushed.

Yet I couldn't walk away. Alice and Edward, and even Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper, had an inexplicable gravity that pulled me toward them. My heart cried out for the comfort and love that they so generously and willingly offered me. My head, my logic...every thinking part of me shied away from them, trying to protect me from the possible hurt. I was torn and broken, but to them, it didn't seem to matter. They accepted me as I was. Intuitively, I knew deep down that what pieces were left of me would be safe with the...each of them. But I couldn't address that now. Not now. I needed my walls. I needed my pain. I couldn't rely on anyone again. I had done that once, fully trusting and open, and it left me alone and broken. No, I couldn't let these walls be touched. They were my safety and protection...and I couldn't let them down. Not even for the Cullens.

***

**EPOV**

There was no denying that Bella had changed my world. She'd been living with Alice for three months, and though I had rarely interacted with her one on one, there was something about her that called to me. I wasn't entirely sure what to make of the gravitational pull or how to analyze it in my mind, but it was in my music. Everything that I had written since that first night was laced with notes of Bella. Melancholy and dark, sad and alone. It may have been hearing her in my music that made my own heart ache for her the way that it did. Notes bubbled into refrains that I didn't understand, and I was overwhelmed by the powerful emotion that escaped my fingers and the keys into the air around me.

Earlier that evening, Bella had opened up to us a little. She'd always refused going anywhere with any of us, but tonight, she'd finally agreed to have a movie night with us, and it had thrilled us all, especially Alice. Alice's countenance had been different when I arrived at her apartment this morning. Her eyes were flooded with more knowledge and less curiosity, and I could only surmise...only _hope..._ that Bella had confided in Alice...if at least just a little.

Bella was quiet through our group effort of pizza-making, as well as through dinner and the two movies we ended up watching. I found myself watching her more than I paid attention to the videos. I studied the sad contours of her beautiful face, and the more that I studied, the more pain and emptiness and loneliness I found in the features that betrayed her. It did something to my heart that I couldn't understand or explain. I ached. I had no idea what caused her pain, but I knew it was catastrophic. I knew very little about her, in all reality, but I was feeling so oddly attached to her as we all huddled in her and Alice's living room watching videos. I'd never been much of a compassionate being, and so the compassion, the protective impulses, the sympathy, and true care that I felt toward Bella were all so new and powerful and confusing to me. I longed to ease her pain, even more so now than I did that first night of meeting her. Alice had been right. She _was_ different. She was special. And she needed so much that she wouldn't let herself have—and that was something I couldn't understand either. But Alice understood. Alice had gained a new perspective on Bella, and while I was so thankful that she had, part of me longed to know.

I had left their apartment when the others did, and naturally, came home and sat at my piano. Over the months since the first night that I had met Bella, my notes and harmonies were filled with emotions I had never felt, reflecting a conflict so strong and so intricate and so confusing that for the first time in my life, my music made me tired. It took every ounce of concentration and drive to play for longer than half an hour at a time. Under normal circumstances, I would have found that frustrating and maybe even infuriating. But under these circumstances, I was merely humbled: humbled by Bella, humbled by her deep mysteries, humbled by her agonizing pain, humbled by her ability to live with that pain, humbled by the fact that when her notes and melodies filled by head and my fingers and my heart, I couldn't take it all in at once, and had to step back and absorb each new thought and feeling and emotion.

I felt that my conversation with her this afternoon opened a door, perhaps. She felt unworthy and broken. I didn't know why, but I wanted to understand. I wanted to know her. I wanted to make her smile a smile that would reach her rich chocolate eyes. I wasn't sure how to do so, but I knew that with enough consistency, she would see the sincerity. She was not trusting. It was written in her eyes, in the way that she carried herself, in her voice and in her words, she was keeping everyone out. I only hoped with the deepest of hopes that, in time, she would see that I, Alice, and even the others would be there for her. I was amazed at the fact that all five of us, with very little knowledge of Bella, were so taken with her. We all wanted her to be happy, and a protective instinct had flooded over all of us. We would protect her. I could feel the unspoken agreement between us all, and Bella, whether she wanted it or not, had a new family who loved her.

My fingers fell away from the keys, and exhausted, I pushed myself away from the piano, thinking thoughts of the girl who turned our world upside down. I wondered if she would sleep soundly tonight, and prayed that no nightmares would find her. As the thought fluttered across my mind, my exhaustion suddenly rolled away as my head was bombarded with notes so gentle and mysterious and lulling, that I couldn't resist sitting back on the bench again, scrawling notes on the lined paper as my fingers worked slowly across the notes. And in that moment, something happened that I had never experienced before. Words glided across my brain with each note, and I was awe struck by it. I scribbled the words quickly, not wanting to lose them. And splattered on the pages before me, _her_ song was growing wings.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

BPOV:

I sighed warily as I climbed the stairs to the apartment. My bones ached after the double shift, and I loathed the alcohol and cigarette smell that emanated off of me. I fumbled with the key and finally turned the lock successfully. The apartment was dark, and I flicked the light switch on as I tossed both my keys and my bag into the corner on the floor, not really caring much where they'd landed.

I found Alice's note on the counter by the phone.

_B-Went to Em and Rosalie's—will be back by 12._

I sighed again. _Must be having another movie night._ I glanced at the clock on the stove. It was already 11:30. A knock on the door made me jump. Irritated at my jumpiness, I checked the peek hole to see Jasper. Surprised, thinking he would be with Alice, I swung the door open.

"Jasper. Hi."

He smiled. "Hey Bella. Mind if I come in?"

"Sure," I stepped aside, allowing him entrance. "Alice is at Emmett's..." I informed him.

"Oh." I was surprised that his face reflected surprise. Alice and Jasper always seemed so in sync. It threw me off that he wasn't aware that she was at Emmett's house.

I frowned, feeling awkward. "Want me to call her?"

"Nah, that's okay," his surprise quickly abated. "Mind if I wait here for her? I just got off work and don't feel much like chasing her down at the moment." His smile was slightly irritated.

"Of course. Have you eaten?"

"No."

"I was about to heat up some left-over lasagna if you'd like some?" I offered.

"Sure." He followed me into the kitchen.

"Looks like you had a rough day," he observed, plopping onto a stool at the counter. I was touched at his genuine concern.

I nodded, feeling oddly at ease around him. "It was a little rough. And I'm tired." I tacked on. I was surprised at my own confession. Never had I offered more than the conversation required. Not recently anyway. The guards stationed on my protective walls around my heart were at ease, and as much as it irritated me, a small and unrecognizable part of me wanted it that way. It was a strange conflict; one that I filed away for later study.

His voice was still gentle. "You look tired," he confirmed. I looked at his eyes, brilliant blue and full of concern. "Have you been sleeping enough?"

I shook my head as the guards fell asleep at their posts. "I try," I admitted. "I can't make the nightmares go away."

"What are they about?" His question was very soft and quiet, allowing me to back out of the conversation if I chose to do so.

I felt odd. My guards had been on high alert since my conversation with Edward, ready to shoot down any closeness, anything that would make me vulnerable. Yet, I felt an odd serenity now as he offered to listen to my fears and finally release my built up frustrations and pain. I _wanted_ to answer. My instincts were shouting at me to retreat from the vulnerability inherent in answering, but...I was tired. Tired of the fight against the pain.

"They're about my fiancé." My voice cracked, and his surprised expression filled me with joy and relief as I realized that Alice had kept my confidence, in spite of her very close relationship with him, and even her siblings and Rosalie. As quickly as it had come, though, the joy was replaced with sorrow and exhaustion as I thought of my nightmare dreams.

He didn't say anything, not pushing. That only added to my newfound trust. "He died." I had never said it like that before—so bluntly. The words ripped at my chest in a familiar way, but oddly, I felt not my typical hysteria often accompanied by these thoughts of Jacob, but calm. There were no tears yet—a record.

"I'm so sorry," his voice was a whisper as he watched my face.

"Thanks," I mumbled. "I dream of him...every night. He's...he's always calling out to me to help him, to save him...and I can never quite reach his hands..and..in the end...he always falls away into the darkness."

There was a silence for a few moments. I sat next to him, putting a plate of heated lasagna in front of both of us.

"I lost my sister three years ago," he said quietly. "Which was in no way what you must have dealt with...are still dealing with...but I can understand the...the grief and the loss...the emptiness."

I turned my head and focused my eyes on his face, which held a small, sad smile. "I'm so sorry, Jasper. Were you close?"

He nodded. "We were twins, and really did have that connection that people always talk about. Could feel what the other felt, know things...the night of her accident I knew something dreadful had happened to her before the phone call...and she was a thousand miles away. We had all the same friends, same interests. It was sort of like I lost half of myself that night."

I nodded, tears finally making an appearance, falling silently down my cheeks. I knew only too well what it felt like to lose half of yourself. Though the loss had effected two totally different relationships, fundamentally, it was uncannily familiar. It was comforting to know that I wasn't the only one who had ever felt it.

"What was he like?" Again, a soft invitation with an option to bow out of the conversation. But I found myself longing to talk about him...to remember him.

"Jake was always very sweet. We had known each other since we were two," I smiled at the thought. "My parents divorced when I was young, and my home life was very unstable. But Jake was my constant. Strong and stable, loving and passionate..."

Jasper smiled. "Sounds like a good guy."

I nodded with another weak smile, a tear falling again. "He really was."

Jasper placed a hand lightly on my shoulder. "You'll always miss him, Bella, but the pain...it will get easier...easier to bear, and easier to survive."

The words flooded through my soul in a comforting warmth. My voice was slightly hoarse now. "How did you cope, Jasper?"

He smiled ruefully at me. "The same way you're starting to cope, Bella."

I was confused. I was starting to cope? Was that related to the at-ease soldiers on my walls of defense? If so, maybe he was right....

"I met Ali shortly after Jenny died. We were both seniors in Northwestern, and my grades were dropping rapidly because I just didn't care anymore. To this day, I can't explain it...the little pixie just grabbed onto my heart and didn't let go...just as she's done with you, Bella."

Tears stung my eyes, and for the first time in a very long time, it wasn't in reaction to my deep ever-dwelling pain. But he wasn't finished. His voice lowered slightly.

"And that's how you will cope, Bella. Alice loves you. We all do. I know you're scared, and I know you're hesitant to let us in...but I can say from experience with them...they will not hurt you. Once they've set their heart on something...or in both of our cases, _someone_," he smiled again, "they don't let go. And I have to tell you...you honestly can't have anyone better in your corner."

His words, each and every one of them rang true in my mind, as clear as a bell. The truth was in their patience with my moodiness, their compassion, and yes, even their love. They _loved_ me. My heart faltered momentarily as I tried to grasp onto the idea.

I frowned. "Jasper...I don't know how to love them back...I don't have much of a heart left to love them back _with._" I admitted, agonized at the thought. I honestly didn't know if my heart was capable of that kind of emotion anymore. All I had left were fragments left in the wake of my lost love.

His eyes were so gentle, they calmed me again. "It's okay, Bella. I know you're missing a lot of your heart right now. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you will heal. Your heart will slowly mend with love, and...it will be okay, Bella."

_It will be okay. _ His words echoed in my head. No one had ever told me that it would be okay. No one had looked me in the eye without sympathy and told me I would heal. Doubts crept upon my short-lived hope.

"How can you know that?" My voice was a strained whisper as I struggled to keep the tears at bay.

He smiled. "Because I_ do_ know it. Have faith, Bella." It was all he offered as proof, but I couldn't help but return a bemused, lopsided smile.

"Thank you," I whispered. "It means more to me than you could possibly know."

He grinned, and surprised me with a hug that was so comforting and whole, that I squeezed him back. I smiled, wiping the remnants of tears from my cheeks before standing and gathering our plates to put in the sink.

Alice danced through the door at that moment, her eyes dancing and her grin so wide it looked like it had to be physically painful. "Hi!" She was breathless.

I smiled at her expression. "Hey. Everything okay?"

She nodded wildly. "They're _pregnant_!"

Jasper chuckled.

"Both of them?" I giggled, and she looked at me with wide eyes, like I had grown two heads. Then her grin crept back on her face as she looked from me to Jasper and back again, and laughed loudly. "No," she finally managed. "Just Rosie."

I smiled at her again. "That's wonderful."

She nodded with another grin, and kissed Jasper while plopping herself onto the stool that I had recently vacated. They shared a look that was a private, unspoken language between just the two of them. It made me ache with memories of the past, but I buried the ache for now. It'd make its reappearance soon enough. This newfound peace I felt was too wonderful to push away. It'd be gone on its own soon enough.

Alice pried her eyes from Jasper's and looked at me. "Bella, do you have plans for Thanksgiving?"

It was two weeks away, and I hadn't given it much thought. I didn't have enough cash saved to visit my dad or my mom. Not that it mattered. A big part of me didn't want to be around either of them. My dad's house held too many memories of Jake. And my mom's overwhelming pity strangled me. No...I would rather be alone.

"I was just going to hang out here if that's okay?" I hadn't thought about it not being okay until now. Maybe she wanted to have her family here for the day. I hadn't thought of that.

"Nope, it's not okay." Was all she said.

"That's okay," I said quickly, trying in vain not to feel the hurt from her reply. "I'll just...see maybe if they need extra help at the club so you can have the apartment." I cringed at the sadness in my voice that I had tried so hard to cover with nonchalance.

She laughed, her eyes dancing again. "I don't want the apartment, silly! I want _you_ to come with _me_ to my parents' house for the weekend!" The end of her sentence was practically a squeal.

"What?" Sadness erased, shock filled my voice.

"I won't take no for an answer, now that I know you weren't planning on visiting family. My parents want to meet you."

I sighed. "Alice, I don't want to impose on your family time."

She shrugged. "You are family." She said those priceless words so causally that I was stunned.

"W-what?" I stammered.

She smiled warmly. "You're like a sister to me." She said the phrase, again, much too casually, like it was painfully obvious that was how she felt.

Tears filled my eyes. Between her and Jasper, not only had the guards on the walls been poisoned to death, but bricks were starting to crumble slowly in. It had only been a matter of hours. But had it only been a matter of hours? No...it had been days, weeks, _months_. Since I had met Alice at the coffee shop down the street. The tears that had pooled in my eyes were falling over onto my cheeks now, and she jumped from the stool and enveloped me in a vice-grip hug.

Tonight, for the first time since the accident, my heart tingled with an emotion I thought it'd never feel again.

***

I fidgeted nervously in the back seat of Edward's Volvo. Alice, sitting next to me, grabbed my hand with a reassuring smile. "Relax! It's just Thanksgiving!"

I didn't want to go into detail with her again about how my Thanksgiving traditions consisted of delivery pizza and soda while Charlie, Jake, and Jake's dad, Billy, had watched football. All day. Some instinct told me that the Cullens probably had a very formal meal, and maybe more.

I caught Edward's gaze in the rear view mirror, and my stomach fell. He offered a smile, and I forced myself to return it. Though my comfort with Alice and Jasper was almost completely full, I didn't trust myself with Edward. It made me incredibly uneasy that my heart sputtered from just a look, let alone a smile. And more than uneasy, I felt crushing guilt. I couldn't understand why my heart was betraying me like it was. My walls still held strong to keep Edward at a far and safe distance.

I looked out the window, distracted by our surroundings as we left the city. "Where do your parents live, exactly?" All they had said was that it was 'out of town'.

"Just off the lake," Alice chirped. "It's really not all that far, but _so_ much easier to stay with them than fight holiday traffic!"

I nodded in understanding. Edward took an exit that lead to a nearly empty highway. After only a few miles, he turned again. This turn took us under a large, white archway, and onto a long and winding lane lined with massive pine trees. Just when I thought the lane would never reach an end, an insanely large brick house popped into view. I guessed that it was three floors, and in front, it was graced with rather regal white columns that matched the archway miles behind us. The grounds surrounding the house were...incredible. I wondered just how beautiful they were in the spring and summer, when the gardens were graced with flowers and green leaves and vines. It was incredibly surreal. It was only when I felt light-headed that I realized I had been holding my breath. I let it out in a long, unsteady wave.

Jasper chuckled, and I assumed that perhaps he had had a similar reaction on his first visit to the overwhelming estate. Edward and Alice both seemed completely oblivious to my reaction or to the fact that this place that was once their home was incredibly intimidating.

The car rolled to a stop in the circular brick driveway that wrapped around the front of the house, and Alice immediately bounced out of the car and grabbed onto my hand. Edward offered me yet another smile. I didn't do as good of a job returning this one. Something in his eyes caught my heartbeat, and I had to look away.

Before we'd even reached the steps in front of the house, the large wooden and glass door swung open. "Kids!" A beautiful brunette with kind, maternal eyes, squealed as she bounced down the stairs to meet us. It was already very evident where Alice obtained her zest.

"Alice! Edward! My sweethearts! Jasper, love! How are you?" She hugged each of them and planted warm kisses on their cheeks in turn. She turned to me with sparkling eyes. Edward had her eyes. "Bella," she said my name gently and maternally, and already I felt at home. She enveloped me in a welcoming embrace, just as she had the others. She held me longer than she had with them. "I'm so very happy you're joining us this weekend," she said close to my ear. As she pulled back, she kissed my cheek, and smiled. "Welcome."

"Thank you, Mrs. Cullen." I blushed. The idea of displaying affection so freely was completely foreign to me, even amongst my own family. Yet she didn't make me feel uncomfortable.

She smiled widely at me. "Esme, please. You can call me Mrs. Cullen when grandchildren are running all over." My eyes widened at the idea of Emmett and Rosalie's news, and I stole a glance at Alice who shook her head infinitesimally, telling me that they didn't know Emmett and Rose's news.

But I was saved from my conspicuous reaction to her words by another greeting. "Kids!" It was a male voice this time, that greeted our group in a manner similar to Esme's greeting. He dashed out the door, his smile warm, and blue eyes sparkling with kindness and wisdom. He hugged his children and Jasper, and then turned to me, smiling warmly. I was thankful when, instead of hugging me, he offered his hand for me to shake. "You must be Bella," his tone was every bit as inviting as his wife's, and I was instantly at ease. "I'm Carlisle. Welcome to our home."

"Thank you," I smiled shyly, shaking his hand.

They ushered us into the grand foyer, and the inside of the house, flooded with tasteful and expensive decor, was infinitely more beautiful on the inside than the out, which I may not have thought possible before entering. The floors were all hard wood, and there in the foyer, a grand spiral staircase lead to the second floor.

"Alice, show Bella the guest room, love," Esme cooed, and turned to me. "Now, Bella, make yourself at home here, please, and if there's anything you need...don't you hesitate to ask."

I smiled, and thanked her as Alice dragged me by the hand up the staircase. The hallway of the second floor was longer than either of my parents' houses entire length. It was overwhelming. Alice gestured to a room with pink walls and girly fluff and giggled. "My room. Jazz usually stays there with me when we visit," she explained. We continued. "Edward's room," she gestured to a room on the other side of the hall. It was immaculate and masculine, and I felt my jaw drop slightly when I saw the piano in the corner.

"He has a piano in his room?" I asked with a raised brow, unable to hide my surprise.

She rolled her eyes. "Ugh. Yes. But luckily mum and dad made him soundproof his room. He always played at godforsaken hours of the night....still does, actually."

I couldn't help but smile, and glance over his very orderly room. I wondered if his apartment was more of the same neat and orderly arrangements. I noticed a wall of CDs and books and found myself wondering what he spent his time reading and listening to.

"Bella!" Alice was down the hall now. "Here's the best guest room in the house, from now on to be Bella's guest room!" She jumped up and down as she made the declaration, making me giggle.

I walked the few feet closing the distance between Edward's room and the guest bedroom. I peeked my head around the door and couldn't help but gape. The pale blue walls were covered with artsy modern paintings. The plush beige carpet covered the expansive floor, and was home to a king-sized bed adorned with midnight blue and slate bedding. The room was complete with an armoire and dresser set in deep oak that matched the bed frame. I couldn't help but smile as I glanced at Alice. She returned an enthusiastic grin.

"I'll let you freshen up, then we could see what everyone else wants to do?"

I nodded, dropping my bag by the bed and retrieving my brush, trying to tame the mess it'd become on the drive. I chuckled at the knock on the door two minutes later. _ Impatient Alice._ "C'mon in," I called, walking into the attached bathroom. White marble floors, counter tops, spa-style jet tub and separate shower....I sighed at it's beauty.

"Bella,"

I jumped at the sound of my name when it didn't come from Alice's soprano trill, but from a deep, rich, velvet-like voice. I sucked in a breath and turned to see Edward standing in the doorway between the bedroom and the bathroom, leaning casually against the door frame.

"Sorry," he grinned a lopsided, half-amused smile. "Didn't mean to startle you."

"Oh." _Great, Bella. Intelligence at its finest in that retort. _I tried again. "No, that's okay. I was just...admiring the bathroom." _Admiring the __**bathroom**__? Ugh._

He laughed, eyes dancing delightfully and making my stomach flop. Oh, how I hated that. "Admiring...the bathroom..." He raised an eyebrow and paused for effect. Then completely changed expressions. "Would you like to come down to the theater with the rest of us for a movie?"

"Oh. Uh...yeah." _Articulate, Bella_.

He smiled again and offered me his arm. I looked down at it, and back up to his eyes, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. "Edward..."

He shook his head. "No, it's okay," and his tone assured me that it really was. "Sorry," he added with an apologetic smile, and I found myself returning it—half-hearted as it may have been.

"It's okay. I'm sorry...I...I just--"

He cut me off with a gentle interruption. "You don't have to explain, Bella."

"Thank you." I couldn't make my voice raise above a choppy whisper.

He just smiled. "After you."

***

The remainder of the afternoon was fun and carefree as we watched movies in the unbelievable Cullen home theater and munched on a late dinner of pizza and wings. The guest room bed was quite easily the _most_ comfortable place I had ever slept.

Thursday morning, Alice jumped on my bed wildly, forcing me out of slumber. "Rise and shine, beautiful!" _It should be illegal to talk that loud this early in the morning._

I groaned. "Alice...."

"Come on, Bella! We're going down to the beach!"

"We are?" I squinted one eye open at her as she flopped onto her stomach next to me. "What is it, like _five_ degrees outside, Alice?"

She grinned. "Twenty."

I groaned again, and she pouted. I knew, and she knew I knew, that she was going to get her own way as she added frosting to the cake of guilt-trip filling with her, "_Please_, Bella."

"Fine." I was disappointed that my voice wasn't harsher than I hoped it would be. I threw the covers off in a huff. She left me to shower and dress, and I clumped down the regal staircase in a less-than-regal manner. Everyone was sitting in the kitchen at the bar, hovering over plates of pancakes.

"Bella, love, how did you sleep?" Esme asked with a bright smile. _They're __**all**__ morning people._ I groaned again internally.

"Great, thanks." I tried to mimic their peppy tones with a bright smile, but just couldn't muster the energy for either. The only open stool was next to Edward. I suppressed a sigh as I sat next to him...wishing that I didn't have to talk to him this morning, and the reason why reared its ugly head as he smiled his gorgeous smile at me. "Happy Thanksgiving."

I smiled in spite of myself, but tried to reflect my grumpiness in my voice. "You too."

He laughed. "Not big on mornings, huh?"

I answered him with a glare, and he just offered another laugh, handing me a plate of stacked pancakes. "Eat up—no food after this until four," he said with mock horror.

I smiled again...but this smile felt real and deeper than the surface. "Thanks."

"You're going down to the beach?" He asked after swallowing a bite full of pancake.

I nodded. "Apparently you people find joy in torture."

He laughed again. _Stupid morning people._ But his talking interrupted my mental curses. "The beach is torture?"

"In twenty degree weather? Yes."

"I"ll give you that," he smiled warmly again. "But...you've never been to the beach in twenty degree weather with the Cullens." He winked.

_Why does he **do** that?_ I couldn't smile back at him this time. That wink did things to my stomach that brought on a wave of guilt as pictures of Jacob's face flashed through my mind.

"I'm sorry, Bella." He was looking at his plate, and I realized that everyone had left the room.

I sighed. "Edward, you don't have anything to apologize for. I...I'm sorry. I know I'm frustrating."

"I just...well, I have a difficult time filtering with you."

I allowed myself to search his eyes to try and understand what he meant, but had to ask anyway. "What do you mean by that?"

"Honestly?" He looked a little scared. That in turn made me scared. _Did_ I want to know honestly? Yes. Better to know. So I nodded.

"Bella, please don't feel the need to say anything in response to this. I know that there's nothing that can happen, so please don't think this is an attempt at...at anything, but...I like you. So much. And I have great difficulty concealing it sometimes."

I wasn't sure what to say. I wished that I could tell him I felt the same, but when I allowed myself to even consider the ramifications of that, all I could see was Jacob's face. Tears were forming in my eyes, and I sighed, trying to control them.

Edward misread the sigh, and let out a long sigh of his own. "Sorry," he said shortly...quietly...and left the room more quickly than I could respond.

I sighed another frustrated sight and picked up my plate and Edward's, placing them both in the sink as the others had done. I wandered back upstairs to grab my coat and scarf. On my way back down, I paused at the foot of the stairs and let myself absorb the music that was floating through the air. It pulled at me, dark and sad. It reflected so much of what my heart and soul felt. Before I realized I was walking, I was there, behind Edward and the beautiful baby grand piano that was against the glass wall facing the large lake.

It was picturesque. The handsome and mysterious musician, the beautiful and majestic instrument—together making dark and sorrowful music with interwoven tones of hope—tones that were almost, but not-quite subdued by the darker more ominous tones. The man, his medium, and the music set against the gray and dreary sky, clouds low over the lake just yards away. The effect of it all was overwhelming and left my knees shaking slightly. Edward hadn't noticed my entrance, so I sat quietly on the sofa behind him, not wanting to disturb him or is beautiful, sad, and hungry melody.

His beautiful baritone voice, velvet-soft and smooth, shocked me when it fell into line with the melody of the ivory keys.

"Angel of my dreams, your sad face haunts me," the notes were dark, his voice sad and pensive. I wondered if I should leave. It seemed like a very private experience—one I should not be intruding upon. It felt very similar to sneaking a peek at someone's diary. But as his words continued, I found myself glued, and couldn't walk away. His smooth voice left me in awe as I wondered of whom he was singing. Had she broken his heart? The very idea made me ache for him.

"Every painful smile, every sigh, every far-off gaze, breaks my heart while you pull and call to me, and I wonder why."

More dark, sad, unsettled notes...but then they softly and subtly transformed with more notes of hope, soft and sweet and beautiful. I found myself longing for a happy ending in his words, when he hit the refrain. My heart fell from my chest to my stomach, his words carrying the power of a wrecking ball to my very being.

"Rest easy, beautiful Bella. Tonight you're safe. Sleep with the sweetest of dreams, I'll keep the monsters away."

The notes cut off suddenly, and he rested his head against the lid of the piano. My head was spinning and my heart was pounding in my ears as tears welled in my eyes. I suddenly knew that I _shouldn't_ be sitting here. I stood and quietly crept from the room. His head never came up while I retreated.

I was out on the shore in the cold wind before I realized that I had left the house. The beach was empty and still, and I wondered briefly where Alice and the others had gone. But more important things quickly filled my head, swirling in my brain, leaving me dizzy, guilty, and aching. Tears were falling, but I did nothing to stop them.

Edward was writing music. About me. He liked me. I couldn't understand _why._ Id' been cold and rude and even obnoxious at times. I'd been fighting feelings toward him, feeling so guilty about feeling them. And now...I felt even more guilty that _he_ had feelings for _me_. Feelings that I'd never be able to return. He deserved someone with a whole heart. Someone who could hold every ounce of love he had to give and return it freely, untainted and unrestrained.

"Hey," his voice was behind me, and I jumped again.

"Edward. Hi." I managed.

"Sorry about back there, Bella, I...I try so hard not to make you uncomfortable, and it's all seem to be able to do."

I shook my head. "Edward...can we talk?" I nodded toward a piece of driftwood big enough for the two of us to sit on.

He nodded, following me to the log, and sitting beside me.

"I need to tell you something. Why I've been so...aloof toward you..."

He shook his head. "No. You _don't_ tell me anything unless you are one hundred percent comfortable with doing so." His green eyes were on fire. He broke the gaze, staring at the sand beneath us.

"I am." I tried to say with enough confidence to be believable. I waited for him to make eye contact with me again before continuing.

"Edward, about a year and a half ago...I was engaged." I paused to let him absorb, and as he did his eyes widened in surprise. I smiled sadly. "I was engaged to my high school sweetheart...my best friend in the world. He was in a motorcycle accident two nights before our wedding." Telling this to Edward did not make my stomach feel as if it were falling out, as I had felt when sharing the story with Alice and Jasper each in turn. I felt the familiar twists of pain and sadness...but I felt somewhat held together sitting next to him—an odd peace in sharing my brokenness with him.

His eyes were wide. "Bella," He was searching for words, but I interrupted him.

"He was in a coma for three weeks...and...and...then he was gone." Tears fell silently down my cheeks, making the brisk wind off of the lake feel even colder.

He wrapped his arms around me, and I didn't resist the warmth or the comfort that he was offering. "I'm so sorry, Bella. So sorry." His voice was husky and rough. I felt a wet drop hit the top of my head, and pulled back slightly to look at his face. There were tears, and they touched my soul in a way that nothing else ever had. I wiped them away with my thumb, and offered a faint smile.

"I like you, Edward, but you have to understand that I have nothing to offer. I have nothing but tattered pieces of a heart that doesn't know how to love anymore." My voice was raspy from tears and the cold wind.

His arms squeezed around me, and he didn't say anything for a long time, but I felt peaceful in his arms as he offered comfort. This embrace did not cause the onslaught of guilt that I was expecting. It only held a much needed solace to my pain.

"Bella," his voice was still rough. "Will you let me be your friend? I...I care so much about you...I want to be there for you in whatever way you need me."

He was making himself extremely vulnerable to me, just as I was to him. I was touched beyond words at his words and their implications, at his willingness to be my friend and to support me. I wanted to do the same for him, though I didn't know how or even that I could. Surely it was all something that could be figured out. I nodded. "I'd like that very much, Edward."


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**A/N: As the story progresses—each chapter that starts with Bella's POV will begin with an entry to Bella's journal. Starting with this chapter, on Thanksgiving day, Bella writes for the first time to Jake about her life, her heart, and the people putting her back together. She's starting to work through her pain and grief....bear with me! Our Edward is patient...and his patience will be rewarded. ;-)**

**Also—would love to hear feedback and/or suggestions from you! Feel free to leave reviews! :-)**

_My dearest Jake,_

_I'm not quite sure why I'm writing this to you. It makes me feel a bit silly, and you'd probably tease me for it if you were here. I don't know...I guess it just somehow makes me feel closer to you. I miss you, Jake, more than I can put into words, I miss you._

_So I'm in Chicago now. I know, I know, you'd think I was nuts for moving so far from home and to such a large city, right? I honestly moved here to find a place with no memories of you lurking around any and every corner I took. Not that I don't want to remember you, love, but it was too painful to drive every day on the road of your accident. Charlie's house was too full of memories...geez, _Washington_ was too full of memories._

_But don't think I don't allow myself to think of you. Something has happened to me, Jake. I honestly am not sure what caused it, actually, but I can think of you sometimes now and enjoy the memory instead of completely falling apart at a thought of you, or hear a song that reminds me of you. Or relive a sweet memory of you and our time together._

_I think it may be this group of friends that I've made. They're wonderful, and Jake, I know that if you could meet them, you'd love them too. Let me start from the beginning. When I moved to the city, I moved in with a girl named Alice. She's so spunky and cheery all of the time—she literally made it impossible for me to mope around all of the time._

_Alice's boyfriend, Jasper, is sweet and is very perceptive about the feelings of others. I've talked with him about you, and he understands the pain. I had no idea how much it would help to have someone who understands what it feels like to lose someone so vital to your life. I take comfort in the fact that he's made it through...and maybe I can too? I know that's what you would want for me, Jake, but God, it's hard to live without you._

_Alice is also very close with her brothers, Emmett and Edward. Both are very friendly, though I'll admit, I've done precious little to deserve their friendliness. You'd like them, Jake...so many of their characteristics remind me of you._

_I'm at their home today. Well, the home they grew up in, anyway. I met their parents yesterday, and I'm sharing Thanksgiving weekend with them. It's nice not to have to be alone._

_I couldn't go home. Charlie and Billy together...watching the games without you yelling for the opposite team that the two of them are? I couldn't do it, Jake. I'm glad that they have each other...because I honestly couldn't handle going home right now._

_Well, Jake, they're waiting on me for dinner. Happy Thanksgiving. I love you, and I miss you so very much. I'm so thankful for the time that I had with you._

_Love you with all of my heart,_

_Bella._

***

I was amazed as my eyes glanced over the words that I had just written, and I had no tears. I smiled sadly as I ran my fingers over the pages and then closed the journal. "Happy Thanksgiving, Jake," I whispered into the completely silent bedroom.

A knock on my closed door made me jump. I swiped the journal from the desk and tossed it back into my bag, walking to the door.

Edward. Of course it was Edward. His smile was warm and comforting...and that fact was slightly disconcerting to me still. Was it wrong to find comfort in his presence? Was it wrong to bask in the warmth of his eyes and expressions that I didn't wholly understand? It felt as if it was wrong, though I knew the feeling was illogical.

"Mom sent me to tell you dinner is ready."

I returned his smile. "Thanks, Edward."

He gestured for me to lead the way out of the room and down the hall, and I complied. "Did you get warmed up?" He asked with a playful half-smile.

I nodded. "The hot chocolate really helped, thanks." I motioned the empty mug in my hand up slightly toward him.

"Well...I really do make a mean hot chocolate." His tone was playful as it danced in the air like a beautiful melody....almost as beautiful as his music.

I couldn't help but laugh and nod in agreement. "You really do."

We joined the family at the large oak table. It was covered with a delicate lace cloth, flowery china, which I guessed was worth more than my entire year's salary. Crystal wine glasses etched with intricate designs were at each place setting, and the plethora of Thanksgiving dishes adorned the center spotlight.

"Everything looks so wonderful," I said toward Esme, who hadn't let any one of us into the kitchen to help her. The others agreed quietly.

She smiled warmly in response with a flush in her cheeks. "Thank you, Bella."

"Okay!" Alice sang. "Lets all say something we're thankful for. I'll go first!"

I had to smile at the girl's enthusiasm.

"I'm thankful for...." she paused...I'm guessing to add suspense. It sounded as if she was leading up to something, and my grin widened at her flare for theatrics. "My job as _Regional Purchasing Officer_." She squealed, as my, and every other set of eyes at the table widened in surprise...except for Jasper, who I'm guessing had already known about her big promotion.

"Alice!" I said, jumping up to hug her. "Why didn't you _tell_ me?" She was just a chair down from me on the other side of Edward.

A round of congratulations and hugs followed. We all knew how hard Alice had been working for that promotion.

It was Jasper's turn to declare his thanks. His eyes sparkled as he stood up, and for an odd reason that I couldn't explain, my heart was beating harder and more quickly at his look. What _was_ Thanksgiving to this family? Special Announcement Day?

He cleared his throat. "I am so thankful for this family, and especially for this beautiful woman beside me." His southern accent, usually quite diluted, was now coming out as a strong drawl. Whether it was because of nerves or excitement, I didn't know, but I knew, and I had a feeling every other person at the table knew, what was coming next.

"Alice," his sole focus was on her now, and in that moment I knew that _she_ knew what was about to transpire. Her hands flew to her mouth and her pixie green eyes filled with tears. I sucked in a breath, preparing for an onslaught of pain from experiencing their tender moment.

"Darlin', I _am_ thankful for you. You captured my heart from the first time you said 'hello', and it's been yours since then. Now," he paused with a smile before continuing. "I spoke to your daddy."

I had to suppress and overwhelmingly ridiculous laugh at the idea of Carlisle, Mr. Smooth-Sophisticated-Surgeon-Man, being called "daddy" by another grown man.

Jasper pulled out a small black velvet box, and I was sure everyone was waiting with bated breath, just as I was. The room was completely silent. He dropped to a knee beside her. "Alice...I love you more than life itself. Be my wife?"

She squealed through her tears and wrapped her arms around his neck. "_Yes!_ Yes, yes yes!"

We all shared a quiet chuckle at her very "Alice" answer. A round of hugs, kisses, and congratulations ensued as we all shared the joy with them. It was only at that point, as I watched these warm-hearted, lovely people embrace and share their love, that I realized the pain that I had braced myself for never came. On an inner level of my soul I felt twinges of sadness and emptiness, but the pain didn't overwhelm my very being as I had expected it to.

Carlisle smiled as we all settled into our places around the table once again. He cleared his throat with a sly grin. "Any other life-changing announcements before I continue with my meager 'I'm thankful for' statement?" Humor traced his tone, but my eyes unwittingly darted toward Emmett and Rosalie, both flushed pink.

They both shifted nervously in their seats. "Uh," came Emmett's voice. "Yeah. Actually," he looked at Rose, and she gazed back at him with a loving smile. I risked a glance at Edward. His eyes were wide as he looked at them. It was then that I had realized that Alice, Jasper, and I were the only ones in on their secret.

Once Emmett spoke, before even announcing their news, Esme knew. Her hand flew to her throat, her eyes wet with tears.

"Rosie and I are having a baby!" His base voice boomed proudly.

Gasps from Esme, Carlisle, and Edward resounded as Alice, Jasper, and I sent grins in their direction. Another round of congratulations whirled around the table with hugs and kisses, and they informed us hat the baby was due in June.

After all of the commotion from each announcement settled into an excited, but quieter, hum, we finally ate. Though so much was announced in so little time, it seemed appropriate that each bit of news was voiced at this meal. It was appropriate to be thankful for each of them on this day, of all days. And though this family was not my own, I felt an overwhelming happiness for each and every one of them, and even more so, I felt a desperate desire to be with this family for always. I loved them.

Edward helped me shoo Esme out of the kitchen as we started to clean up, and the others disbursed to various places in the house. We cleaned off the table, and then Edward washed the dishes as I dried. Our clean up effort started in a comfortable, companionable silence.

"Big day," I finally broke the silence, wanting to hear his voice again.

He nodded with a smile. His green eyes were dancing again, and the sight made my stomach flutter.

"You're getting a brother-in-law." I stated the obvious.

His smile widened. "I already see him as a brother. It was only a matter of time before they made things official."

I returned his smile with a nod. "You're an uncle." Another obvious bit of fact.

His smile turned into all-out grin at that, and it made me smile again in response. "_That_ I wasn't expecting."

"Really? Why not?"

He shook his head. "Em and Rose just seemed like the type of couple who would be married for ten years before having kids."

I smiled. "Guess they fooled you." And I winked. _**Stop**__ flirting, you idiot. No need to make things harder for you. Especially no need to make things harder for __**him**__._

He studied my face for a long moment. "You knew," his accusation was quiet and surprised.

I nodded sheepishly. "Alice was with them two weeks ago when they found out. She was too excited to contain herself. It just sort of spilled out while Jasper and I were talking to her."

He laughed. "I've always wanted to be an uncle."

"You know...I've always thought it'd be fun to be an aunt...what with the spoiling and all." I sighed at the fact that I never would be an aunt.

His smile softened, and I could still feel his eyes on me, though I made sincere effort to not allow my gaze to meet his. "Guess you'll have to just adopt our family...then you can be an aunt to Em and Rose's baby, too."

It was a simple statement, but it brought tears with it anyway.

He smiled. "Face it, Swan, you're stuck with us whether you like it or not."

I laughed through the tears. "I do like it," was all I could offer.

A silence lingered for only a few minutes. This time it was Edward who broke it. "Bella?" His voice was softer now, and it caused me to look up at him. His green eyes held hints of something. What was it? Nervousness? "Hm?"

"We're having a concert next Saturday...I'll be playing a couple of pieces that I composed in front of an audience for the first time...and I'd like you to be there."

I know my widening eyes gave away my surprise. "_Really_? You're playing your own pieces? Edward! That's great! Congratulations!" I couldn't explain why I felt so proud of him. Maybe it was because of how hard I knew that he worked. Maybe it was because hearing him play that morning was one of the more beautiful sounds I'd ever heard in my life, and I _knew_ that he had written _that_.

His smile was modest in response to my praise. "Will you come, Bella? The whole family will be there."

I smiled back at him. "Of course, Edward. I wouldn't miss it for the world." And then I hugged him. I don't know why I did, but I did, my arms clasping tightly around him. I didn't pull back right away, and neither did he. It was when I heard him inhale deeply that I slowly withdrew from his arms, careful to conceal my facial expressions. I forced a smile, hoping it didn't look too forced. The close contact with him brought back pangs of guilt and pain, and I could feel the cracks in my heart alighting with fire again.

He didn't seem to notice, his eyes still dancing excitedly. "Thanks, Bel."

I smiled at the nickname. I liked the Cullen family. I loved my chipper roommate and her sweet fiancée. I loved her parents, warm and welcoming. Though I hadn't gotten to know Emmett or Rosalie much yet, I liked them both very much. But I was still terrified of Edward. Every reaction my mind and heart and even my body had to him made me feel incredibly wrong. But he was, in his own way, unrelenting with my heart. I couldn't tell if he was doing it on purpose, but I suspected that he wasn't. Yes, I felt a dangerous attraction to him on many levels. I was attracted to his mysterious mind, his friendly countenance, his amazingly beautiful music, his god-like features, his laugh, his smile, his warm heart. I was attracted to all of him, and it scared me so much.

And his song. It touched my heart in a way nothing else ever had. It left me feeling confused and uncertain and guilty and sad and elated and hopeful. It was too much emotion for me to contain. Why was he writing for me?

***

The weekend passed all too quickly, and as I trudged down the stairs, duffel bag in hand, the feeling of disappointment crept upon me. I wasn't ready to leave this beautiful haven. I wished that I could stay—here with this family, each and every one of them—and never have to face the outside world again.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by the weight of my bag being lifted away from me. I turned to see Edward, and offered a smile and a "Thanks."

"Of course," he smiled back at me, and we met the others at the door.

"Oh, I'll miss you!" Esme said as she clung tightly to Alice.

"I'll miss you, too, Mom, but it won't be long until we're all here to crash your house again. And I told Jasper just this morning, _this_ is where I want to be married. Here at home. In the gardens."

"Oh, sweetheart, that would be wonderful!" She hugged Alice again, and moved toward Edward.

"Edward, love, I'll see you Saturday. Now your father and I have something planned for afterward, so don't make any plans to go out with your musician friends."

"Okay," Edward responded with a smile that beamed his adoration for her.

"And Bella," Esme hugged me tightly. "Sweetheart, you are _always_ welcome in our home. I will see you Saturday."

I smiled. "Thank you so much...for everything." My voice was choked with emotion.

She hugged me tightly once more, and we all said our final goodbyes and piled into the Volvo. I wanted to give Alice and Jasper the opportunity to sit together, so I insisted that he take the seat that I had on the drive out, while I took his spot in the passenger seat. Alice reached forward from the backseat and squeezed my shoulder. "I'm so glad you came, Bella."

I smiled back at her. "Thanks, Ali. I had such a beautiful weekend."

Edward was glancing sideways at me with a crooked smile, and I was beyond being able to keep myself from returning it.

***

The week pressed by slowly, and when Saturday finally arrived, I was practically giddy with anticipation. I was nervous for Edward and so very excited to see him in concert, playing his very own music.

"Alice?" I knocked on the frame of her open bedroom door. She was sitting on her flowery bedspread thumbing through a bridal magazine.

She looked up at me with a grin. "Bella! What's up?"

"Hey," I said nervously, "I was wondering if I could borrow a dress for tonight? I've never been to a symphony...I don't own much black tie..."

She jumped up, clapping. I guessed that I'd definitely made the right choice in coming to her instead of trying to figure it out on my own. She responded so enthusiastically....as always. Her eyes twinkled mischievously.

"Don't be mad, Bella, but I sort of brought this home from work for you yesterday," she said, pulling out a beautiful sapphire blue dress from her closet. It was sleeveless and looked like it hit right above the knee. The fabric was light and ruffled, and I loved it. I took it from her, holding it at arms length.

"Ooh, Alice. It's _gorgeous_."

She smiled. "Of _course_ it is. It's right off the runway, darling." She said in a faux debonair manner.

I giggled. "How much do I owe you for this?" Surely my savings would take a hit for this one.

Her eyebrows shot up. "Are you kidding? This dress is a sample sent to me by a designer in France. He's begging my store to pick it up...honey, I didn't pay a dime for that hot little number...but our stores will be selling them for around six hundred in seven or eight weeks."

"Really?" My awe was apparent in my voice. _Wow._

"Yep! Now..._these_ on the other hand..." she wiggled her eyebrows and pulled out a shoe box with a small shopping bag sitting on top of it.

"Bag first," she said, handing it to me. I tentatively pulled out a set of dangling sapphire earrings and matching necklace.

"My treat," she said with a grin.

"Oh, Alice...it's really too much. Let me pay you for these."

She laughed giddily. "Not on your life, my dear. Now open the box," she commanded as she handed it to me.

I sighed and followed her instructions. Inside was a gorgeous pair of blue satin peep toe heels. I gasped.

"I know!" Alice squealed. "They're yours, love!"

"That's so sweet of you, Alice. Really. Thank you." And tears welled as I hugged her.

"Anytime." She said this like her gesture wasn't the huge deal that it was. I don't think anyone had ever spent this much money on me for anything. "Now...go get ready! We don't have much time left, and I will _not_ have you being late to your first symphony!"

In spite of her worries, though, we arrived early, gorgeously dolled up. We met Jasper and the rest of Alice's family in the large music hall, taking our seats next to them. We greeted one another with hugs and kisses before the lights dimmed and the MC introduced the conductor and each member of the symphony as they took their seats on the large stage.

From our seats, arranged especially well in the center, up about one third of the way, we had an ideal view of the symphony. Edward's piano was to the left of the symphony, and was at the front edge of the stage. He was introduced last, coming out from the heavy red velvet curtains that separated backstage from front in his suave, black tuxedo. He stood, as did the other musicians, until the applause died down and the conductor tapped is baton against the podium.

Beautiful music filled the air, and I was lost in the ebbs and flows of the melodies, harmonies, and movements. Though I wanted to take in the entire symphonic experience visually as much as I did the auditory, I couldn't pry my eyes from Edward. He sat tall at his bench, moving gracefully, passionately against the keys. He was beautiful. His music was beautiful. His grace was more than anything I could compare him to.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the MC stood next to the conductor. "Our next and final two pieces of the evening will be preformed solely by our pianist, Edward Cullen. Mr. Cullen has composed both pieces, and has contracted with the symphony and Mr. Hurst, our conductor, to compose the pieces into full symphonic arrangements. We are pleased to announce that the two pieces you hear tonight will be performed by the entire symphony for our New Year's Concert. Tickets are available at the box office."

I looked with awe at Alice, who looked equally surprised at the announcement. Edward hadn't mentioned this. To anyone. I glanced at the program to see the titles of his pieces.

_My Dreary Night_ and _Beautiful Awakening_ were the titles to the pieces. The first was dark and lonely and made me physically ache. The title of the piece did not do justice to the emotions that each dark note and chained melody created in my head and my heart and my soul. It ended with a hopelessness that left me near tears, but after the applause died down, he gracefully began the final piece. It matched the tone of his previous melody at first, dark and hopeless. Little by little, though, flashes of hope and peace filtered through the darkness until all that was left was joy and hope and..._love._ It was the only way it could be described, and my stomach was in knots. I felt small and insignificant as his sound filled the large auditorium, telling us all with intricate sounds what I could never even put into words.

I found myself wondering of him. Wondering of his inner thoughts and feelings and opinions. Who was this man, who could transform the worst and the loveliest of emotions into reality without saying a word? Who was this man, who, with notes on ivory keys had twisted my heart and my stomach and my mind and left me wondering what any and all of these emotions could mean. I trembled as his song, glorious and full of love, ended happily and full of promise. Its completion was met with a monstrous standing ovation, and cheering came from all around me. I was in tears, and wasn't at all surprised that those around me were as well. In the wake of his masterful creation, my heart felt something it had never really felt before. Ever. I didn't understand it.

There were many things about Edward and my feelings toward him that I didn't know and didn't understand. Of one thing I was certain: Edward was beautiful in every way, and his heart called to mine in ways that terrified my very core.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

BPOV

_My Dear Jake,_

_Tonight was one of the most amazing nights I've ever had. Had you been there with me, you'd understand exactly why._

_I've mentioned my new friend Edward. I also mentioned how he plays piano and composes music? Well, I, along with his family, went to see him tonight in concert. He played two beautiful songs he had composed. It was the first time that he played what he had written for an official audience._

_It was beautiful, Jake. It made my heart feel things I haven't felt in so long. Much of the first song reminded me of you—of missing you actually. It so much reflected how my heart felt...feels...with you gone. Dark, empty, alone....hopeless. But the second piece...Jake, I can't explain what it did to me. It gave me hope. It **was **hope._

_Jake, am I awful to hope? Having such a positive feeling makes me feel as if I'm betraying you...betraying your memory. Logically, I know it doesn't make sense to keep myself sad and unhappy throughout the rest of my entire life—blocking out people who want to care for me to preserve some strange homage of us...an us that doesn't exist anymore. _

_In my heart, though, I almost feel as if letting myself heal somehow cancels out anything that we had and shared together, and that thought breaks my heart all over again._

_Jake, my heart is feeling things that I didn't think it would ever feel again. It makes me feel sick, scared and horrible while at the same time giving me hope, longing...and even joy. Which, in turn, leads to more guilt. Jake, how do I get through this? What would you do? I know what you'd tell me if you were able to. I know you'd want my happiness...but it feels so wrong to try and be happy without you. At the same time, happiness is oozing its way into my broken heart, and it's taking too much energy and effort to keep it out...I don't know what to do._

_I just wish you were here._

_I miss you, Jake. I love you._

_Always,_

_Bella_

_***_

We waited for Edward in the grand foyer of the music hall, and he didn't make us wait long. He appeared from an unmarked door, changed into a pair of perfectly fitting khakis and a long-sleeved blue button down shirt.

Our eyes locked almost instantly and his fell from my face down to my body and back up to my eyes again. I couldn't stop the blush that he caused with the action, and when he smiled his large, lop-sided smile, I couldn't help but return it.

"Bella." His voice was deep and rich while his green eyes danced. "You look...amazing."

I looked down at my fidgeting fingers. "Thank you." My voice was quiet...but my pounding heart made up the difference.

A throat clearing reminded me that Edward and I really _weren't_ in our own little world. Apparently, the sound had had the same effect on Edward, for when I glanced back at him with a shy smile, he was shaking his head back into the present, but still grinning. His family chuckled quietly around us.

Finally released from our weird little moment, he hugged everyone, modestly allowing his family, especially his mother, to gloat about his talent and sing his praises. I smiled at her pride in him. In a strange way, I felt proud of him as well.

"Now, my dear, we're going out!" Esme exclaimed.

He laughed. "Alright. At your request, Mom, my night is free for you."

"Good," She smiled smugly.

We convened at a nearby five-star restaurant for drinks and exotic deserts, where we all comfortably visited and laughed. The more that I was treated as a member of this family, the more I craved the feeling. I knew my heart was falling in love with each and every one of them, and it was scaring me a little less every day.

"Edward, Bella," Alice called to us as we all walked from the restaurant toward the exit. We both stopped so she could catch up to us.

"Bella, I'm going to head to Jasper's tonight. Would you mind if Edward drove you home?" She was hopeful, and there was no way I could deny her, as much as the idea of being alone with Edward again made me nervous and unsure of myself.

"Sure...if Edward doesn't mind?" I said, my voice still coming out in a strange choked sound.

Edward smiled. "Of course." His smile sent butterflies through me. I smiled in return...I never seemed to be able to _not_ return his smile.

We all ended up walking out to the parking lot in pairs after we had wished one another a good evening. Esme and Carlisle walked in front, arms linked. Emmett and Rosalie followed behind them, his arm wrapped around her waist. Jasper and Alice held hands and were walking so closely that I wondered how they could do so while holding hands without one of them falling over.

Edward and I were in the back by several yards, walking side by side—within touching distance, but not actually touching.. I was appreciative of the moment. I wanted to tell him what I thought of his music without being the center of attention to six other pair of eyes and ears.

"Edward, you were amazing tonight. Your songs...they leave me...speechless. I...they..." _Could I __**be**__ any more eloquent?_ "You somehow wrote two songs that...I could relate to more than you'll ever know."

His eyes were intense when I met his gaze. His pace slowed considerably. "Bella, it means so much to me that you liked them."

I smiled. "You're very talented, Edward."

"It was all flat," he said, and I really didn't know what he was talking about. Fortunately he explained himself before I had to ask. "Every piece that I wrote felt flat...until I found a miraculous inspiration."

Something in my stomach dropped. _That didn't mean __**any**__thing. Get a grip, Bella._ "Well...whatever it was...it's amazing." I said, voice choked yet again.

His eyes never left mine. He nodded, his smile gone, face serious. "Yes. Quite amazing. Beautiful. Completely mysterious and intriguing. Lovely-"

"Edward," I cut him off warily, willing my eyes to stay connected to his, though every instinct screamed at me to look away while I still could.

His eyes took on a nervous glint. "Bella, I wrote them for you." His words were gentle and nervous.

I could feel tears. More songs for me? _Beautiful? Lovely?_ This was wrong.

"You...you what?" Was all my whisper of a voice would say. He stopped walking altogether. His eyes still holding mine. They were on fire, and my heart pounded in my ears.

"Bella, I know you're hurting. I know your heart belongs to someone else and that your dreams are still consumed with him. Please know that I don't ever want to do anything to make you uncomfortable or to hurt you in any way. But Bella...you captivate me. You touch my heart, my soul, my _music_, in ways that I don't understand."

I didn't know what to say. My heart ached and felt gloriously exultant at the same time. I took in a deep, shaky breath. "Edward..you...you are making my heart feel again. And it scares me so much." I admitted in a whisper. I couldn't believe that I was saying it aloud...admitting my feelings to him and making myself completely vulnerable.

He steered me off of the walking path into the garden by the restaurant and onto a wooden bench sitting peacefully amongst bushes and statues, and what I imagined, would be flowers when spring arrived. He let me sit first, then sat next to me, taking my hand in his. I couldn't help my sharp intake of oxygen.

"I don't want you to be scared, Bella," he said softly. His voice...it was sweet and soft and full of compassion. My insides melted, and a tear fell. I couldn't stop it.

I shook my head. "Edward...Edward, I don't...I can't...I can't offer anything. I don't have anything left. My heart hurts, and I can't...I can't risk it again, Edward. I have nothing for you. I-"

"Bella," he quietly interrupted my frantic admissions. I couldn't make myself look from the ground to his eyes. "Hey," he placed a finger under my chin, gently forcing me to meet his gaze again.

His eyes were as soft and compassionate as his tone and his words.

"Bella, I'm not asking you for anything you can't or won't give. You are an incredibly special, beautiful, intriguing woman...and I'm happy with anything you can and _want_ to give to me. Your friendship, your insight, your smile." He paused with a smile of his own. "It's a beautiful smile."

I bit my lip. "I...I don't know what to say." And I didn't. He was amazing. Amazing. And I couldn't let myself feel these things I was feeling for him.

He was quiet for a moment, studying my face. "Say that you'll trust me to be careful with you." His voice had gained a passionate plea. It took me by surprise and I looked into his eyes. It was there in his eyes as well. "Say you'll let me in, Bella, if even just a little. I want to know you. I want to help you, and make you smile and laugh and...I want you to be happy."

Tears fell unbidden now and a thousand emotions swept over me. I couldn't understand why he cared so much. I couldn't fathom why this beautiful, sensitive, amazing man was wasting time caring for someone as broken as I was. For someone who would never be able to love him as he deserved.

"Why? It's so...wrong." I cried.

He frowned. "To be happy?"

I nodded, frantically swiping at the tears on my cheeks.

"Why is it wrong for you to be happy, Bella? You deserve to be happy."

"It's wrong because I _shouldn't_ be happy. Jake is gone. He took my heart with him. My life, everything I had...being happy now would be like spitting on all of it—like wiping its importance out of existence!" My words came out in a harsh torrent that I couldn't control.

"Oh, Bella," his voice was husky and sad. "I know your life was turned upside down, but it's _not_ wrong to let yourself find happiness again. I have no doubt in my mind that Jacob loved you very much. And because of that, _he_ would want you to find happiness again. I know that he would. And, Bella, he didn't take your heart with him. Not all of it, at least. I know it's broken, and I know it's hurting, but it's there. And it's alive. And it's beating." His words were passionate and articulate. But then quietly, almost achingly, he said, "And it's desperately needing love, Bella."

I shook my head. "Edward," I couldn't hide my instinctive warning to him. I needed it to be there. I couldn't have this conversation. Not with that look in his eyes. Not with my heart pounding noisily in my hears. Not with words of love and care and healing. Not with Jake's face in my mind...No.

"It's okay," he whispered gently. "Let's get you home."

He released my hand, for which I was eternally grateful. The contact only added to my wild and confused emotions. He led me to his car with a feathery-light hand on the small of my back. Our ride back to my apartment was quiet, as I contemplated the evening, trying to calm the tidal wave of emotions threatening to bury me alive. I wasn't at all surprised when Edward walked me to my door.

"Goodnight, Bella. Dream happy dreams." He said softly...sweetly, with a gentle smile.

"Thank you, Edward," I whispered, so touched by his gentleness.

He waited until I unlocked the door and was safely locked back inside before retreating back to his car. I sighed as I plodded up the steps toward our apartment, feeling the incredible weight of every difficult emotion running through me. Each made me tired and overwhelmed beyond words.

Once inside my room, I slipped out of the beautiful dress, hanging it carefully in my closet and removing each accessory. I slipped into a comfortable pair of cotton pajama pants and a tee shirt. Before I let sleep, and agonizing dreams, take me, I again wrote to Jake, as I had each night for the last week and a half. I wished I could tell him everything. I wished he were here to tell me how to proceed.

When I finally succumbed to unconsciousness, my dreams were not only of Jacob, but of Edward as well. Jacob and I were walking hand-in-hand in a meadow, not casually, but Jake with purpose, and I with confusion. And then, standing before us in a field of wild flowers, was Edward. The sun bounced off of his wild bronze hair. He was smiling.

I looked to Jake, who looked back at me, eyes serious, but with a small, sad smile gracing his rustic, handsome face. He pulled me right up to Edward, placing my hand in Edward's. Jake kissed my cheek and whispered, "Be happy." He walked away, blurring into the distance, and then eventually disappearing altogether.

His disappearing did not leave me frantic and helpless as it did in every other dream, but peaceful...like Jake, wherever he was, was okay, and wanted me to be as well.

Edward pulled my hand to bring me into his chest, holding me tightly...comfortingly...lovingly.

"Don't worry, Bella," his velvet-soft voice hummed. "I'm here."

I woke up then. It was still slightly dark, and my clock's red digits read 6:17. I sighed, feeling oddly peaceful. It was a stark contrast to my mess of emotions from the previous night. For the first time in so long I was ready to start my day, and did so with a smile.

***

Even the idea of going to work in the smelly club didn't bother me as I dressed for work. Alice had called me to let me know that she and Jasper were going to spend the day together if I didn't need her. I had to chuckle and assure her I was a big girl who could handle one day alone.

I took the el-train to the block of the club, and walked briskly through the back door. It was busy tonight, which was typical for the football-watching, beer-drinking men that filled the room.

I was busy filling glasses, wiping up messes, and refilling bowls of nuts on the counter, and I felt eyes on me. I turned to see a blonde man with eyes of black staring at me. Something about him raised the hairs on the back of my neck and made my stomach fall. I wasn't sure what it was. Often there were men who had had too much to drink, wanting to look, touch, tease...but while I found their behavior irritating, never had I felt so...threatened by just a look. I looked away, going to take orders from the opposite end of the counter.

"Hey," a voice called loudly. I turned. Of course it was him. "Hey, I haven't had my order taken yet."

To placate him, and keep him from causing a scene, I walked over to him. "What would you like?" My voice was unfriendly and detached, hoping that he would take a hint.

"What do you think I would like?" He asked, his eyes dancing darkly and his eyebrow quirked menacingly.

I sighed my impatience, hoping my nerves weren't showing. "I really wouldn't know. Look, I have a lot to do...do you want something or not?"

"Oh yeah, I definitely want something." His tone frightened me. He paused and then smiled. "But, I will have to wait for what I want, I think. For now I'll just take a scotch neat."

I was shaking, but I hoped it didn't show. I was in a room full of many people. I was safe. And this Neanderthal would hopefully take his drink and leave the counter. But, luck wasn't on my side. _When is it ever?_ I thought bitterly. He stayed at the counter all night. He didn't once step into any action that would allow the bouncers to justifiably kick him out, but his menacing tone and his hateful eyes kept me on edge all night.

When my shift ended, I nervously made my way back to the staff lounge to gather my coat and purse. I slipped out the back room into the alley, thinking I'd avoid the frightening man at the bar that way. I made it out of the alley and to the street. Breathing a sigh of relief, I worked my way to the train.

I knew it was paranoia from the strange evening, but I kept glancing over my shoulder, feeling a presence behind me that I never saw. The hairs on my arms and neck were standing up wildly, my heart beating too fast, my legs feeling too shaky. I finally made it to the train and was more than relieved to find it waiting for me. I wouldn't have to wait for the next one.

I sat with a deep breath in the nearly empty car, trying to calm my nerves and the car lurched forward. I couldn't shake my uneasy feeling, and longed for, more than anything, being back at home, safe behind a locked door. I jumped at the announcement that I had finally reached my stop and rushed off the car, down the platform, and onto the sidewalk, walking as fast as my shaky legs would carry me. And again I felt a presence. I turned....and this time I saw him. He was there, following me. I buried an overwhelming instinct to scream bloody murder. _Oh my god, murder._ My heart pounded. I didn't know what he wanted, but from his countenance...his hateful eyes...his menacing actions of the night, I didn't want to know what he wanted. And his words came back to me, _"Oh yeah, I definitely want something. But, I will have to wait for what I want, I think." _

If I had had anything at all in my stomach, I would have lost it in that moment. I tried to run. I tried, and tripped like the idiot klutz that I was. "What do you want?" I spit at him, trying to scramble up to my feet again.

He kicked me back down with a menacing snarl. "I haven't quite decided _exactly _what I want yet, Bella."

"How do you know my name?" Was all I could ask. It wasn't important. I didn't care how he knew. I wanted to wake up and find this to be a horrible nightmare.

He smirked. "I spent the entire evening in your presence. Your name was said many times tonight. And as far as what I want...it all depends entirely upon you and your willingness to cooperate with me."

"What are you talking about?" My voice sounded weaker and smaller than I wanted it to.

"Well one way or another, I'm going to have you. How unpleasant that experience is for you is entirely up to you."

I felt a dry heave. "Please leave me alone."

"Aw. A nice attempt. You're going to struggle aren't you?" He angled his neck, looking at me sideways, one booted foot still on my leg, pinning me down. No one was around. How was no one around? He smiled. "Well...that's okay. Sometimes the ones who struggle are the funnest."

And then he grabbed my wrist. His hand was tight and rough, gripping my wrist bone so hard I thought it may break. He yanked me to my feet with a hard jerk and I felt a flash of incredible pain travel up my arm.

"Let me go." I tried to sound forceful and strong, but fear and pain clogged my throat and my attempt just sounded pathetic.

He didn't answer this time, tired of talking. He grabbed my hair in his fist and shoved me into the nearby alley, and pinned me against the brick wall. My head was throbbing from where he pulled at my hair, as was my wrist where he had tightly gripped me. I finally found my voice enough to scream a loud scream. It was cutoff by him slapping a hand over my mouth. He growled.

"Quiet."

His hands ripped at my clothing, and I braced myself for the worst. It took me a moment to register what was happening when he was suddenly gone with a grunt. Two grunts? I stared several feet away from me, instinctively crossing my arms across my front. My shirt was ripped, and I could feel blood at my lips from where he had slapped his hand to stop my scream.

I couldn't process what was going on. My eyes focused on two figures on the ground in the dark alley. One was my attacker. Who was the other? And then there were arms around me. "Bella! Bella, are you okay? Are you hurt?"

I used every ounce of my concentration to focus on the voice. Alice. Alice was here. Her arms were around me. I heard the sounds of flesh and bones crunching nearby, but couldn't focus. Alice was here with me. I wasn't going to die.

"Alice." My voice wasn't there...it was just a raspy breath. I grabbed onto her like she was a life vest that would save me from drowning.

"Bella, I'm here. It's okay, Bella. Did he hurt you?"

"I...I don't know..."

"Alice, call the cops!" That voice. I knew it. I knew the voice. I turned to the two men on the ground. My attacker was out cold on the cement. A sillhoutte of messy hair made me gasp. Edward.

"I did. They're coming." She said.

I couldn't figure out what the chattering noise was or why it was getting louder. I could still feel Alice's arms around me, though, and that was all I needed to know that she and Edward were here, and I was safe. It seemed like hours. The chattering continued and my cheeks were wet. It was when I felt the moisture that I realized that the chattering was me. My teeth were knocking together, tears falling by the gallon.

Alice was whispering something to me over and over, but I couldn't focus on the words. When would I wake up?

Then there were flashing lights and a commotion as two men picked up the attacker, forcing his hands in handcuffs, shoving him in the backseat of their flashing car. As soon as he was in the car, Edward took Alice's place. His arms were bigger, solid...keeping me upright.

"Bella...Bella, are you okay? Shhh...It's okay. You're safe. They have him. You're safe." He repeated over and over, and I finally found enough concentration to focus on his face. A new round of hysteria ensued when I saw it. It was bloody and his eye was blackening. "Edward...you're hurt."

"It's nothing Bella. I'm just worried for you. Are you okay? Please tell me he didn't hurt you."

I shook my head. "I don't know...I don't think so..." And then there was a woman in front of me, shining a light into my eyes and poking and prodding me.

"What are you doing?" I asked flatly, not appreciating her in my space.

"Sweetie, you've just been assaulted. Are you hurt? What did he do to you? Can you tell me?" Her voice was calm, professional, but gentle.

I blinked, willing my mind to focus on her questions. I couldn't.

"She's in shock," that was Edward. Edward...where did he go?

"Edward?"

"I'm here, Bella." I felt a hand, large and warm, grasping mine.

"Bella, what happened?" He asked again softly.

I shook my head. "He followed me home from work...he was...he was at the club all night harassing me. Not enough to cause a problem, but enough to scare me..."

Edward huffed. Why was he huffing?

"He said how painful it would be would be entirely up to me." My voice was flat, but I couldn't do anything about that. "That if I didn't fight, it'd be better...but that he hoped I would because it was more fun that way."

"Did he touch you?" The paramedic asked.

I nodded. "He grabbed my wrist...shoved me into the wall with my hair..."

"Honey, I know you feel exposed, but you need to let me look at your arm." She said. She softly pulled my arm away from my body, bringing my wrist closer to her.

"Here," that was Edward again. And then I was covered. Whatever was covering the front of me and my ripped clothing smelled of Edward. The smell was wonderful and reassuring and brought an element of calm to my mind.

The woman took my arm, pressing it, and I cried out.

"I'm sorry. Honey, your wrist is broken. I need to get you to the hospital now. You're in shock."

I nodded dumbly. "Edward, please don't leave me." I needed him there. I couldn't go without him. I needed him. I knew my voice sounded desperate, but I didn't care.

"I'm here, Bella. I'm here." And I felt his hand again. And it felt assuring and safe. As long as he was with me, I would be safe. I leaned into him, and he helped me into the ambulance. "Stay awake, honey." He said softly.

I felt my lips curl. "You called me honey." My voice sounded funny in my own ears.

But he smiled, and I liked it. "Does that bother you?"

"Not right now. Ask me again tomorrow."

He chuckled. "Bella...he didn't...he didn't touch you did he?"

"I told you already." I was tired.

"No, I mean...I assume since your jeans were still on and fastened...he didn't..."

"No," my voice choked, as the flashbacks hit and I felt sick to my stomach again. How easily he would have if Alice and Edward hadn't been there.

"Where'd you guys come from? Thank God you were there." I still couldn't find my voice. All of my words were crackled whispers.

"We were on our way back from Jasper's. I was walking Alice home, and we heard you scream."

"Oh." Was all I could say. "Edward, I..." I didn't know what to say. "Thank you." I whispered.

"Bella, I'm just so glad we came back when we did. We had debated another movie...we...we almost stayed."

I shook my head. "You were here."

He squeezed my hand. He was still here...he was my angel.


	7. Chapter 6

A/N: So bear with me on this chapter. I had to redo the last chapter in Edward's POV for some clarification on Edward's thoughts and feelings throughout the weekend as well as a few additional points of interest. This one is a bit longer--Hope you enjoy!

**Chapter 6**

EPOV

It was amazingly intriguing to play my songs on stage to an audience for the first time. No one had heard these particular pieces before, with the exception of Alexander, my conductor, and of course, the rest of the symphony from the grueling practices we'd had this week.

The songs that I wrote, inspired by and written for one beautiful woman, were the most powerful that I'd ever written. No one but myself knew that the two pieces together were only two parts of a trilogy of notes. The final part of the grouping was still an unorganized mess in my head. It would be of a love that triumphs over pain—a love that may never come to exist in this world, but that, in my musical world where I was master, already _had_ existed for awhile now.

I hammered through the dark chords of the first piece, my heart breaking again as my mind filled with images of Bella's pained eyes, her sad expressions, her lovely heart that had experienced far too great a pain for someone as beautiful as she. It was agonizing to play through each dark note, each hopeless line of sound.

With relief, I began to play the second piece once the audience had quieted again. I was relieved as I was finally able to transfer my deepest of hopes into her darkest of nights. My notes of hope were a silent promise to her of my devotion. I wanted her to know that my notes were for her. I wanted her to feel that I could feel her sadness. I wanted her to understand the biggest promise I'd ever made—that I would _always_ be there for her. I wanted her to hear my greatest unspoken declaration—one that I could not speak aloud to her. One that she wouldn't want to hear from me: that my heart had been transformed, touched for the very first time with waves of love and adoration for the girl whose face was standing out in the audience like a beacon calling to me.

I watched her for a moment as my fingers journeyed over the their memorized course. She was sitting with my family, her eyes closed, a smile playing on her beautiful lips as I played my notes of hope. _Hope for you, my dearest Bella._

I closed the piece and stood at the warm and flattering audience response. I couldn't help but smile when I heard Emmett's obnoxiously loud hollers.

As soon as the symphony, myself included, had exited the stage, I dashed to the changing room, quickly throwing my tux and all of its necessary accessories on a hanger and into my full-length dress locker. I hurriedly buttoned my shirt and dashed toward the exit that would lead to the foyer, where she would be waiting with my family.

Almost immediately my eyes found her gorgeous brown eyes. The bright blue in my peripheral vision caused my gaze to fall before I realized what I was doing. She was wearing an amazing sapphire blue dress with a v-neck opening and a wavy, flirty skirt that stopped just above two deliciously perfect knees. The dress hugged her feminine curves in every right way. It was when that thought registered in my brain that I finally snapped back into reality, my eyes darting back to hers, hoping that she hadn't noticed my ogling. When her eyes met mine, and her cheeks flushed a deep shade of pink, I knew that she had indeed caught me doing just that. All I could offer her was an apologetic smile, feeling overwhelmingly relieved when she smiled a shy, forgiving response.

"Bella, you look...amazing." I finally had found my voice. _Quite amazing. You're beautiful._ I wanted to add, but held myself in check.

She looked down, breaking our eye contact, and mumbled a quiet, "thank you."

Emmett obnoxiously cleared his throat in that moment, reminding me that the rest of my family was not only there, but had just witnessed the strange exchange between Bella and myself. I shook my head, trying to pull myself back into the group with a stupid grin plastered on my face. _The things this girl does to me without even realizing..._

"Oh, Edward! It was beautiful. Amazing!" My mom showered praises as she hugged me tightly. Similar compliments poured forth from everyone else in my family as well. Bella was silent throughout that time, letting my family express their pride, though my gaze always fell back to her.

It wasn't long before we all filed out and drove to a nearby hotel, where mom had arranged for us drinks and the hotel's famous dessert samplers. Everyone was smiles and cheer. Even Bella. Her deep brown eyes had pulled at mine with an odd gravitational force throughout the entire evening. My heart was elated, and I wished I could pull her close to me. Hug her. Smell her. Drown myself in all things Bella. I'd lost count of the times I had had to pull myself away from those kinds of thoughts. She had caught me staring at her a few times and redirected her gaze with a beautifully attractive flush of her cheeks.

I caught Alice's eye once, and she winked. I inwardly sighed. She was onto me. Which bothered me a bit. I knew nothing would ever happen with Bella. She was clinging to her ghost. I'd rather be alone in my agonizing unrequited love than have Alice be aware of my feelings. I was just happy that Bella finally let me in just a little. That she was willing to let me be her friend. That was all I could hope for.

We all eventually stood from the table we'd shared, beginning to disperse from the large dining room. I was surprised when I noticed that Bella had taken a place walking right next to me as we left the restaurant. I smiled at her and earned one of her beautiful ones in response.

"Edward," _Now what, Alice?_ "Bella!"

Bella and I both turned and waiting for her to catch up to us. She skipped right up to Bella, her eyes dancing as she grinned at us. She looked at me, then to Bella. I wasn't sure if I should feel excited or cautious.

"Bella, I'm going to head to Jasper's tonight. Would you mind if Edward drove you home?"

_Thank you, sweet and wonderful sister. I owe you._ I thrilled at Alice's suggestion. But Bella's tone was hesitant. I tried not to read too much into it.

"Sure...if Edward doesn't mind?"

I smiled to reassure her that, not only did I not mind, but that I would savor every sweet moment in her presence. "Of course." I was relieved when she smiled at me.

Bella and I walked out together, trailing my parents and siblings, walking in pairs to the parking lot.

"Edward." Bella said softly. My name was a new kind of music on her lips. I turned my head towards her to watch her face as she spoke. Her eyes were bright, which warmed my heart. "You were amazing tonight. Your songs...they leave me speechless...I...they..." She paused, and my heart was pounding. Should I tell her that they were _her_ songs? But she continued before I could decide. "You somehow wrote two songs that...I could relate to more than you will ever know."

I was stunned. I wanted to tell her then and there that I loved her and wanted to marry her. It was ridiculous and illogical, but true. I'd gladly bind myself to her and only her for eternity this very night if there was any way that she loved me back, even just a fraction of the amount that I loved her. I pulled my thoughts back into control yet again, and said, "Bella, it means so much to me that you like them."

She smiled at me, and my heart reveled in the feelings that stirred in me from that one smile, that one glance. "You're very talented, Edward."

"It was all flat," I wanted her to know it wasn't my talent, but _her_ that made my music great. "Every piece that I wrote felt flat...until I found a miraculous inspiration."

Her voice was gone again, and I worried that I had stepped to far. "Well...whatever it was...it's amazing."

I knew full well that she was referring to the music, but I referred to her, my miracle, while nodding in agreement. "Yes. Quite amazing. Beautiful. Completely mysterious and intriguing. Lovely-" I couldn't stop the words from pouring out from my heart until she cut them off.

"Edward..."

Before she could go on, I had to tell her. "Bella, I wrote them for you." I could hardly force my voice out of my throat. My nerves were knotted, and my heart was pounding wildly in my chest. I was so scared that she'd tell me to leave her alone.

"You...you what?" Her scratchy whisper was almost incredulous, and I'd never been more aware of my own vulnerabilities than in that moment, but I had to explain myself to her. So I told her what was in my heart, editing out my outrageous desire to claim my undying love for her in that very moment.

"Bella, I know you're hurting. I know your heart belongs to someone else and that your dreams are still consumed with him. Please know that I don't ever want to do anything to make you uncomfortable or to hurt you in any way. But Bella...you captivate me. You touch my heart, my soul, my _music_, in ways that I don't understand." My words were pleading as I laid my heart out before her.

She was silent a few moments before taking in a deep shaky breath. At that moment, I realized that I was still holding my own breath. I couldn't seem to let go of it just yet...for I somehow needed that retained oxygen.

"Edward...you...are making my heart feel again. And it scares me so much." My head started spinning slightly as I processed her words, and finally let out that long breath of air. She _was_ feeling something for me...even if just a little. My mind was reeling, and I couldn't grasp any individual thoughts.

I motioned her to a nearby bench in a garden by the restaurant. I sat next to her on the bench, and dared to take her hand in mine. Her gasp showed her surprise, but I was so relieved when she didn't pull it away.

"I don't want you to be scared, Bella." I rubbed my thumb over her knuckles.

"Edward...Edward, I don't...I can't...I can't offer you anything. I don't have anything left. My heart hurts, and I can't...I can't risk it again, Edward. I have nothing for you. I--" The pain and panic in her voice was more than I could bear.

"Bella," I interrupted as gently as I could. Her face was sad. Her eyes, brimming with tears, were focused on the ground in front of her. "Hey," I let my free hand lightly touch her chin, bringing her eyes back to mine again.

"Bella, I'm not asking you for anything you can't or won't give. You are an incredibly special, beautiful, intriguing woman...and I'm happy with anything you can and _want_ to give me. Your friendship, your insight, your smile." I paused, smiling at the image I had of her smiling her bright sunshine of a smile. "It's a beautiful smile."

Her teeth took in her bottom lip. It was endearing and filled me with the primal male instinct to grab her and kiss her until she couldn't remember any pain. I pushed the instinct aside quickly, burying it with every other longing I felt regarding this captivating beauty beside me. I focused on her eyes.

"I...I don't know what to say." It was her quiet admission, and my heart melted for her. Her deep brown eyes pooled with tears again, and I longed to smooth the worry lines away with my fingers. I allowed myself to speak, yet again, from my heart.

"Say that you'll trust me to be careful with you." I so desperately wanted that. "Say you'll let me in, Bella, if even just a little. I want to know you. I want to help you and make you smile and laugh and...I want you to be happy."

She was crying now, and I squeezed her hand tighter, worried again that I had pushed her too far.

"Why? It's so...wrong." She said brokenly through her tears.

I frowned. What did she mean? "To be happy?" I tried to clarify.

She only nodded in confirmation, her hands wildly swiping at the stray tears on her cheeks.

"Why is it wrong for you to be happy, Bella? You deserve to be happy."

Her words came out in a quick, tortured flow. "It's wrong because I _shouldn't_ be happy. Jake is gone. He took my heart with him. My life, everything I had...being happy now would be like spitting on all of it...like wiping its importance out of existence."

Her words hit me like a truck. My heart contracted in her pain, my arms keenly ached to wrap her safely and warmly and show her just how wrong she was.

"Oh, Bella," I finally cracked the words out. "I know your life was turned upside down, but it's _not_ wrong to let yourself find happiness again. I have no doubt in my mind that Jacob loved you very much. And because of that _he_ would want you to find happiness again. I know that he would. And, Bella, he didn't take your heart with him. Not all of it, at least. I know it's broken, and I know it's hurting, but it's there. And it's alive. And it's beating." My passionate speech broke then, but I had to continue. "And it's desperately needing love, Bella." _Let **me** love you._

"Edward..." And with her wary tone, I knew I had finally reached her threshold. I'd pushed her too far with that, and the walls were back up now, and invisible barrier between us. My heart felt crushed.

I was immediately remorseful for pushing so far. I squeezed her hand again. "It's okay," I could only manage a whisper. "Let's get you home."

We rode to her and Alice's apartment building in silence. My mind replayed the evening while my heart ached for her in every way imaginable. I opened her car door once we arrived and walked her up the steps of her building.

"Good night, Bella." I wanted to stroke her cheek with my fingers. I simply smiled at her instead. "Dream happy dreams."

"Thank you, Edward." Her voice and her eyes were soft. She offered a soft, faint smile that, in turn, ignited a matching soft, faint hope in my sad and aching heart.

Once she was safely inside, I headed for home. My heart ached in a new way tonight, and I couldn't quite pinpoint the difference. Something had changed tonight between Bella and I. My heart hoped that it was a good change, but it dreadfully feared that it would be the opposite. She was part of my very essence now, though how that came to be, I wasn't entirely sure. I only feared she would never, _could_ never feel the same way about me.

For the first night in many years, I walked past my beloved piano and up the stairs to my room. I fell into my bed, not bothering to remove my clothes, and fell asleep with thoughts of Bella dancing in my brain as my heart longed to be near her once again. I was pulled into a restless sleep filled with dreams of her and I, and I couldn't know if they'd ever be a reality. She was always so far away. And tonight, I felt that distance keenly. Would she ever let me in?

***

"Come on, Edward! It'll be fun! You know...the three letter word that you _never_ have?"

I sighed. "Alright, fine." _Because Alice always wins._ "Where? Here?"

She scoffed over the phone. "To the Edward _museum_? Uhm, no. I thought we could meet at Jazz's apartment. I just want to be home by the time Bella gets off work. I don't want her to have to be alone again tonight."

"So not too late then?"

"No."

"Okay."

She squealed into the phone, and I had to pull it away from my ear slightly to reduce the ringing it caused. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She sang, and then added, "You know you love me."

"Uh huh. I'll meet you there at six," I said grumpily.

We said our goodbyes, and I huffed as I put the phone away. I was exhausted both physically, from the very little sleep I had gotten, and emotionally, from my conversation with Bella last night and the huge change that I'd felt deep inside my very soul. Had she felt it as well? Did it mean anything? Would I ever have a place in her heart? In her future?

I decided that since I'd neglected to do so the previous night, I needed to practice. I had one more week of performances before a three-week vacation. I'd been granted such a long leave due to the new contract I'd signed with the symphony. I'd be playing each set every day for full three weeks in January. The very idea was exhausting, but I wanted to be the one to play the songs that were more a part of me than any other piece I'd ever played for work before.

I sat on the familiar bench and was unable to play the symphony's arranged music. So I played my favorite melody. Bella's Lullabye. I only hoped that someday I'd be able to play it for her. And I was no vocalist, but I longed to sing it for her—to show her my love in my strongest possible way—through my music.

I made my way to Jasper's and arrived on time at six.

"Edward!" He greeted me with a handshake and then pulled me into a "man-hug", as Alice called them.

"Jas. How's it' going?"

"Not bad. Em called. He and Rosie opted out tonight—she's not feeling well. So it's just us and Alice. That okay?"

"Of course."

"Edward!" Alice sang, and I smiled at her as she danced up to us behind Jasper. "We ordered Chinese!"

"Perfect." I said, as we made our way to Jasper's living room. He had a large, flat screen TV set up with surround sound speakers and a matching brown leather sofa set. Owning a small chain of electronic stores, he had an ideal entertainment set-up. Because of that fact, as well as him owning the most spacious and comfortable apartment of all of us, his was usually where we would hold our said movie nights.

"What'll it be tonight?" He asked in his subtle southern drawl, standing in front of his large bookcase that housed hundreds of DVDs.

I shrugged my indifference, plopping down in front of the Chinese food. It was neatly arranged on the coffee table, which was center to the sofa, love seat, and two chairs. "I don't care."

"How about something light? Zoolander? Dumb and Dumber?" Alice suggested, sitting in the love seat adjacent to the chair that I had claimed.

Jasper nodded. "Dumb and Dumber it is."

After we'd all settled in with our Chinese containers, chopsticks, and the movie, I asked a question that had been on my mind since last weekend.

"So, now that the two of you are engaged...what are your plans?" I looked back and forth between the two of them.

"Well, we both decided we didn't want to move in together before hand. I've always felt that way, but now with Bella, I'd rather her not be alone just yet," Alice answered.

I nodded. "Have you set a date?"

Alice looked at Jasper and smiled. "We were thinking maybe in June or July. June Twentieth or July Fourth."

I laughed at the strange dates, wondering what made them narrow it down to those two dates, but decided instead to ask a more important question. "Have you told Bella of your plans?"

Alice nodded. "She's going to be a bridesmaid," Alice grinned.

"Alice, do you really think that's a good idea? What if it's just too hard for her?" I wasn't doing a good job of hiding my irritation at her.

Alice's brows furrowed defensively, and I braced myself. I knew that look. "We've talked about it, Edward. She _wants_ to do it. It may be good for her."

It was my turn to frown at her. "Please just be careful with her, Alice."

She rolled her eyes, irritating me further. "Please, Edward. _You_ are more of a danger to her than her being in my wedding is."

Her words ignited an irrational anger in me. I could feel my face warm with heat at the accusation. "What? I would _never_ hurt her."

"Edward...don't think I haven't noticed your glances at her, your expressions. If _you_ hurt her, Edward, so help me--"

"I _love _her, Alice." I was so angry that she'd think me capable of hurting Bella so easily, assuming I was only interested in Bella for one reason. The words came out before I could filter them.

"You _what_?" Her and Jasper said at once, both staring at me with wide eyes.

I shifted uncomfortably and sighed. I hadn't meant to say it. I just so desperately wanted her to understand that I truly cared for Bella. "I love her," I said, resigned.

"Edward...you _love_ her? You _love_ love her?"

_Ugh. Was I not blunt enough?_ "Yes." My voice was pinched in my throat with my irritation at her.

"Really?" She scooted closer to where our seats met. "Edward...does she know?"

I shook my head. "I don't think so. But...last night...last night I admitted as much of my feelings to her as I dared."

"What'd she say?" Her intense gaze was boring into me.

I sighed, frustrated. "She said nothing." That wasn't entirely true...but it was all that I was willing to give Alice at that moment.

She nodded. "She needs time, Edward. She's trying."

I shook by head. "I don't know. I'm beginning to think she won't ever let me in. Perhaps it was just a lost cause." My deflated tone was only a fractional reflection of the ache in the center of my being. I so desperately wanted to be wrong.

And God bless Alice, she said what I needed to hear.

"Be patient, Edward. She's coming around. It's getting easier for her now. She's letting go of the guilt and working through the pain. If you love her, be patient."

"Thanks," was all I could manage in a whisper.

I was thankful that the conversation ended there. I didn't think I could take much more of it just then. We watched the rest of the movie in a comfortable silence, laughing occasionally. Once it ended, Alice and I helped Jasper clean up the mess we'd all made throughout the course of the evening.

"Shall we watch another?" Jasper inquired.

Alice glanced at her watch. "It's just after nine. Bella will be getting home soon. I should go."

"I'll drive you," I offered, eager at the chance to possibly see Bella, though I had no idea what I would say to her when I did see her.

Alice and I rode in silence, and I pulled up to her building, walking her to her door as always. As we reached the steps, a loud scream pierced into the night sky. I didn't register my reaction as fast as it happened. My blood drained from my face, and my stomach fell, and I knew something was horribly wrong. My eyes darted to Alice's wide eyes, and we both glanced in the direction that the scream had originated. I started running before I could think about the situation. The noise was too familiar, and my heart pounded in my chest as my legs carried me in slow motion around the corner of the building to the dark alleyway.

All that my eyes could see was a man, large and bulky, shoved against a much smaller, feminine figure, who was up against the wall. His hands were grasping at her clothes. My stomach turned when the recognition hit me. Bella. It was Bella. _No!_

All it took was one look at her frightened face and everything in my mind went red. I lunged myself, without thinking, at her attacker, and we both landed on the hard cemented alley with a thud. I, being on the top of him, took a swing at him, anger boiling over from the core of my being and displaying itself full force when I made contact with his face. In response, I felt a harsh jab in my ribs, then against my face. I groaned, grabbing a handful of his hair and knocking his head toward the ground. I'd hoped it was enough to knock him out, and let out a breath of sweet relief as I realized it _had_ been enough to knock him out.

"Alice, call the cops!" I yelled loudly, adrenaline rushing though every part of my body. I looked back and relief flooded over me as I realized she was holding Bella.

"I did. They're coming." Her voice was calm and collected, and she was soothing Bella.

_Bella._ I let my eyes travel to her. Her face was terrified. _She's going to be in shock,_ I thought. Her clothing was ripped apart, exposing most of her top half. I looked away, sickened at the thought of the caveman below me doing that to her...and worse. I wanted to go to her, to hold her and comfort her. But I dared not leave her attacker unattended. And Alice had her. She was safe.

It felt as if it had taken forever for the police to arrive, but they finally did. Once the man was in cuffs, I went to Bella, easing her from Alice's arms into my own.

"Bella...Bella, are you okay? Shh...it's okay. You're safe. They have him. You're safe." I repeated the words over and over into her hair, stroking her head, holding her close. She finally looked at me, but her face turned to panic.

"Edward...you're hurt." Her voice was raw, her eyes spilling with tears.

_Of all the things for her to be worrying about._ I shook my head. "It's nothing, Bella. I'm just worried for you. Are you okay? Please tell me he didn't hurt you."

My face and ribs _were_ beginning to throb now, but I didn't care. I ran a hand very softly over her cheek, love pouring from every part of me. I wanted to cry.

A medic from the recently arrived ambulance walked up to us then. "I need to see her, please." She said gently.

I nodded, and reluctantly released Bella. When Bella didn't answer all of the questions the paramedic had asked her, I offered, "She's in shock."

"Edward?" Bella's voice was panicked again.

I softly grabbed her hand, re-establishing our connection and hoping to comfort her just a little. "I'm here, Bella. Bella, can you tell us what happened?"

She shook her head. Her eyes widened. "He followed me home from work...he was...he was at the club all night harassing me. Not enough to cause a problem, just enough to scare me."

I let out the breath I had been holding, enraged again. The medic gave me a warning look, communicating with her eyes that I needed to stay calm. I worked at bringing myself back into check as Bella continued.

"He said how painful it would be would be entirely up to me. That if I didn't fight, it'd be better for me, but that he hoped I would because it would be more fun for him that way."

It took all of my self control to not chase after the police car and beat the man to a bloody pulp. I normally wasn't a violent person, by my rage washed over me. He'd hurt the most special person in my world...and would have done much more had Alice and I not shown up when we did. The thought sickened me.

"Did he touch you?" The paramedic asked.

Bella nodded. "He grabbed my wrist...shoved me into the wall with my hair..."

"Honey, I know you feel exposed, but you need to let me look at your arm."

Her words reminded me that Bella's coat had been pulled off somewhere and her bare skin was exposed. I chastised myself for not giving her my coat sooner. I tore it off in a quick motion and gently placed it across the front of Bella. "Here."

"Your wrist is broken," was all that I heard after Bella's cry of pain. I felt the hot tears stab my eyes, then a tight grasp on my arm that made me wince. It was Bella. Her fingernails dug into my skin, and her eyes were panicked again.

"Edward, please don't leave me." Her voice was full of fear, and my heart broke for her.

"I'm here, Bella. I'm here." I squeezed her hand, and helped her into the ambulance, crawling in behind her.

"I'll meet you at the hospital," Alice called from outside. I just nodded at her, and turned my full attention to Bella, wrapping an arm around her. "Stay awake, honey." I whispered against her hair.

She smiled, which in turn made me smile. "You called me honey."

"Does that bother you?" My smile still played on my lips as I watched her eyes.

"Not right now. Ask me again tomorrow."

I couldn't help but chuckle at that. My mind quickly sobered, though, as I looked at her. "Bella, he didn't...he didn't touch you did he?" My mind was grasping at all hope that the most traumatic of possibilities did not occur.

"I told you already." She sounded so tired. I wanted to kiss her cheek and tell her that I loved her. But I needed to make sure she was okay.

"No, I mean...I assume since your jeans were still on and fastened...he didn't..."

"No." Her reply was short and very quiet, and relief flooded over me in one large wave.

"Where'd you guys come from? Thank God you were there."

I cringed at thinking of what could have happened had Alice and I stayed at Jasper's.

"We were on our way back from Jasper's." I explained to her. "I was walking Alice inside, and we heard you scream."

"Oh." she paused, then added, "Edward, I...thank you."

"Bella, I'm just so glad we came back when we did. We had talked about another movie...we almost stayed."

She shook her head, then leaned it against my shoulder, making my heart skip a beat in response. "You were here."

I squeezed her hand and kissed the top of her head. _I always will be, _I promised her silently.


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N: Just wanted to say a quick THANK YOU for the reviews and many story alerts-you guys are sweet and totally make my day! (Would love reviews from those of you on alert as well!) :-) Longest one yet...hope you enjoy :-)**

**Chapter 7**

EPOV

When we arrived at the hospital, Bella was wheeled away to a section in the back of the emergency room for examination. I would have gone with her, had the attending doctor not insisted that I be examined as well. His persistence annoyed me. I just wanted to be with Bella, but gave up arguing with him in a sigh of defeat.

"I'll be with you as soon as they'll let me," I assured her, squeezing her hand. She nodded, but her eyes looked so scared as they took her away. It took my every ounce of will power to not run after her.

"Edward!" I turned quickly to the familiar voice. Relief swept over me. "Dad."

My father's face was puckered with worry as his eyes swept over me from head to toe. "Are you okay, son?"

"I'm sure it looks much worse than it is, Dad. How did you--"

He cut off my question. "Alice called. She's on her way. Your mom and I were at a movie not far from here, so we got here first."

I nodded at his explanation. "Dad, will you look at Bella please? She's scared, and they won't let me go with her until I'm examined." I trusted my father with everything I was. I wouldn't feel assured of Bella's well-being until he saw her.

"Come on." His hand landed on my back between my shoulders, leading the way to the nurse's desk down the hall.

"Jamie, can you please tell me where Bella Swan is?" The nurse smiled at my father with large eyes. I fought the urge to roll my own eyes. Women always seemed to be affected by him.

"Sure, Dr. Cullen. Just a moment." She tore her eyes away from him and typed on the keypad in front of her, studying the screen. "She's in x-ray now. She'll be taken to Exam Room Five when she's finished." She smiled.

He nodded to her. "Thank you."

He began a brisk walk down the opposite direction that we had come, and I jogged to keep pace with him, wincing at the pain in my side that I was just now beginning to notice. The adrenaline must've been wearing off—the pain was finally registering in my brain. My father glanced at me.

"Are you alright, Edward? Are you hurt?"

I nodded. "I'm alright. I'm assuming Alice told you the whole story?"

He nodded his affirmation, his trained eyes still examining me.

"He hit my mouth and eye...kicked my ribs, but I think they're okay," I answered his original question.

"Alright. I want to check your ribs to be sure, but if you're not in too much pain, I'll do so after I see Bella."

"Okay," I readily agreed, thankful that my father understood that I had no intention of being examined before Bella. All I wanted now was the knowledge that she was safe. That she was okay and that the monster in the alley hadn't harmed her any worse than her arm.

After what seemed like a mile, we finally made it to Bella's assigned room. As we entered, I realized that we had made it there before she had. I sat in a chair next to the exam table, but couldn't sit still. I was so anxious to see her. I fidgeted and bounced my leg restlessly, fully aware of my father's eyes on me from his rolling chair a few feet away.

"You need to calm down, Edward. I know how you care for Bella, but seeing you antsy will not help her disposition or comfort any."

I nodded, knowing he was right, and made a conscious effort to keep myself and my nerves in check. However, my uneasy thoughts poured forth into words before I could stop them. "I could have lost her tonight, Dad." My voice was incredibly strained. I wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because the realization of that fact haunted my soul like nothing ever had before. She was in no way mine, but the thought of her not existing made my heart ache painfully.

My father had is compassionate doctor expression turned on. His eyes were intense upon mine. "I know, Edward. But you didn't. Bella is okay."

As if on cue, Bella was wheeled in bye wheelchair. Her face was no longer fearful, for which I was relieved. I was almost as amused as I was relieved at the irritation I found in her eyes. "They wouldn't let me walk," her voice was as irritated as her eyes were, and she turned in the chair and scowled at the nurse who had pushed her in. "Apparently a broken wrist inhibits the ability to walk." Bella huffed.

She was delightfully adorable. I allowed a chuckle. It helped me to relax a bit. Her eyes met mine and visibly softened. I couldn't help but smile at her beautiful face and was warmed through my entire being when she returned it, signs of her irritation quickly fading.

"Dr. Cullen," another nurse had entered as the one who had wheeled Bella into the room was leaving. She handed my father Bella's x-rays.

"Thank you," he said, and she was gone as quickly as she had entered.

He quickly clipped them to the lighted board as I held my hand out to Bella and helped her to the exam table.

"Thanks," her eyes were still soft, and I couldn't release that beautiful gaze. It was sunshine to me. Oxygen. Life. God, how I loved her. _I love her._

"You're welcome," I smiled.

"Bella, you have a compound fracture," my father interrupted our moment, looking at her. He then pointed with his small silver pen to the picture on the board. "It's broken here...and here. I'm going to put a hard cast on your wrist, and it'll need to be on for six weeks."

She nodded, and he began working quickly and efficiently. Soon, Bella's arm was enveloped in a bright white cast from her hand to just below her elbow. He thoroughly checked her reflexes, vitals, and asked her how she was feeling.

"Okay..." She said softly. She looked so tired. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold her until she fell asleep.

My father nodded at her. His voice softened as his eyes made contact with hers. "Bella, you may want to consider trauma counseling if you find you have trouble sleeping or have nightmares after this."

Bella flinched, and I winced at her reaction. I wondered if she had been through therapy after losing Jacob. My dad either did not notice our reactions to his suggestion, or he pretended not to. I guessed it was the latter. He was always intricately observant, a quality which, throughout the years, my siblings and I had found very irritating.

"Bella, I'd feel the most comfortable if you would stay overnight for observation," he added, still looking directly at her.

She sighed. "Alright. Can..." She was suddenly timid and looked down at her hands. "Can Edward...stay...with me?"

My heartbeat increased at her request. She wanted me to stay? With her? I thought I had sprouted wings then and there.

Dad nodded. "That won't be a problem. I need to check on his ribs, then he'll be free to join you. I'm going to have a nurse take you to your room."

"Carlisle...can I please just go to it on my own?" Her irritation was back. I held back a chuckle, and found myself elated again that she addressed him in such a familiar manner, as if she felt like part of our family. If possible, my heart soared higher. My father didn't hold back _his_ chuckle. His eyes danced with amusement.

"Sure, Bella. I'll let them know. Your room is 251, a floor up. Elevators are down the hall on the left.

She smiled at him. "Thank you." She turned to me now, her eyes hesitant. "Edward...you don't have to stay...if you don't want to...I--"

I put a finger to her lips. "I _do_. I'll meet you just as soon as I can." I assured her, hoping to convey my sincerity of wanting to stay with her through my eyes.

She smiled and nodded, hopping up from the table and exiting the room.

My dad wasted little time examining my injuries. He cleaned my split lip and offered me ice for its swelling. When he got to my ribs, I winced as he felt them.

"We could do an x-ray, or I could just tape you. I can tell you now that you have at least one cracked rib, maybe two."

"Just tape it," I responded quickly and decisively, just wanting to be with Bella. I trusted my father, and he wouldn't have given me an option that he thought was a bad idea.

He nodded and got to work.

"I'm proud of you, Edward," his voice reflected it, and the words warmed my heart.

"Dad, I just did what I had to do." It was true. Doing anything other than what I _did_ do wasn't an option.

"I know," he said gently. "But you did a good job of it. And I'm proud of you." He had finished wrapping my mid-section. He hugged me lightly, patting me on the back.

"Thank you, Dad," was all I could say in response.

My phone alerted me to a new text, and I pulled it out of my pocket as my Dad cleaned up the room.

_'In Bella's room-bring a soda for her. -A'_

"Dad, am I clear? Can I go to Bella now?" I didn't try to hide my anxiousness from him.

He nodded. "Take it easy. No heavy lifting for a few weeks—got it?"

I nodded, walking toward the door.

"And Edward,"

I turned to him.

"If Bella struggles with this trauma...if she has nightmares or anxiety, _please_ encourage her to see a therapist to deal with those emotions. I'm normally not so quick to worry when so little damage has been done, but given Bella's past and her emotional turmoil from that...it could so easily get out of control." His concern both touched me and deeply frightened me.

All I could do was nod, and I left the room. I stopped at the vending machines, as directed, and bought sodas for Bella, Alice and myself. I walked as quickly to the elevators as my throbbing side would allow.

I knocked on Bella's door and waited for a moment before letting myself in. My heart quickened when I was greeted by her smile. I returned it without hesitation, so happy to see her.

"I brought sodas," I offered, handing a bottle to Bella, then to Alice. I set my own down on the table and reclaimed Bella's bottle, opening it for her.

"Thank you, Edward." Her voice was soft. Her eyes held a new twinkle that I didn't understand. It wasn't a bad change. In fact it made my stomach flip inside.

"Are you sure you'll be alright without me?" Alice asked Bella.

Bella smiled at my sister lovingly. "Yes. Thank you so much, Alice."

Alice kissed Bella's cheek. "Okay, sweetie, I'll see you tomorrow. Get some rest."

Bella nodded, and Alice turned to walk out, winking at me. "Thanks for the soda." She held her soda toward me with a smile.

I smiled at her. "Goodnight, Alice."

And Bella and I were alone. I walked to the side of the bed next to Bella's head. "Are you okay?"

Her eyes were penetrating mine. "Yes. Thank you again, Edward."

"I would do anything for you, Bella." I wasn't sure why, but I didn't feel uncomfortable or afraid to admit this to her.

She didn't smile, but her eyes lightened slightly, tears pooling. "I believe you would."

Whatever new thing that was between us now was making me brave. This time, after so many times of holding back, I _did_ stroke her cheek softly with my fingertips—as gently as I could. Her eyes closed, and she leaned into my touch. It caused reactions in my heart that I had never felt before.

"I'm so glad you're okay, Bella."

She frowned then. She spoke before I could wonder _why_ she was frowning. "Are _you_ okay, Edward?"

She was thinking of me. Again. My heart melted. "More than okay," I assured her. "Just cracked a rib or two," I said lightly.

She winced. "I'm so sorry, Ed--"

I cut her off be leaning in toward her. Our faces were only fractions of an inch apart, and my eyes questioned hers...silently asking permission. The silent question wasn't enough. I had to be sure.

"Can I kiss you, Bella?" My breath bounced off of her lips back against mine.

She simply closed her eye and moved closer just infinitesimally. Our breaths mingled as I closed the short distance between us and gently pressed my lips to hers. Hers were soft and warm and melted my heart in brand new ways. I was lost in her. I wanted this always. I knew it was selfish, but I wanted her lips; I wanted her heart; I wanted her love. I pulled back slightly after a few moments to gage her response.

She was smiling, and I was relieved beyond description. The relief was quickly washed away when tears pooled in her eyes, and my heart instantly fell into my stomach at the thought that she regretted the beautiful moment. "I'm sorry." I whispered, devastation overwhelming me.

She shook her head slowly and completely took me by surprise when I felt her cold hand grasp onto mine. I studied her eyes, trying to understand what was going through her head.

"Can I tell you something?" Her voice was hoarse.

I nodded, not trusting my own ability to speak just then. She took a deep, shaky breath.

"Edward...I like you. Very much. I'm so scared of that, but...but I've decided that maybe it's okay to be scared." Her brows furrowed together. "You've been so patient." She looked down at our entwined fingers. "But Edward, I need you to know that I am going to require a lot more patience. Every new step is like a mountain in and of itself. So if it's too much...please tell me now...before there's too much for either of us to lose."

She was still looking at our hands. I brought her chin up with my free hand, sitting next to her on the bed so that our eyes were level. I searched hers for a long moment. My nerves had calmed slightly, giving me courage to voice something I was so scared to say. "Bella...I...I don't know how to word this. Words always escape me when it comes to you. But...I need you to know that I've never in my life felt for _anyone_ what I feel for you. You are _amazing_. I know you don't see it, but you are. And...I want you to know that I set my heart on you awhile ago. I don't plan on giving you up. Things can go just as slow as you need them to. You are worth whatever wait it takes. Your needs are _my_ needs, Bella. I am here for _you_, and you alone."

Tears spilled down her cheeks quietly, as my own eyes filled with moisture. I felt a stream of moisture on my face.

"Are you sure?" Her whisper was almost incredulous. "I can't promise that I'm worth it." She was frowning again.

"You are," I said without hesitation, softly wiping my thumb across the wet trails her tears had left behind on her cheeks.

"I'm broken," she whispered.

"You're healing," I retorted, again without hesitation. "Your heart is beautiful, and it's healing."

"I'm scared," she admitted, again in a whisper, her eyes focused on mine, searching.

"Scared of what, sweetheart?" I searched her eyes as well.

"Scared of loving again. Scared of losing again. Scared that you'll decide it's too much and walk away. Scared I'll lose you because I can't get passed my guilt..."

I wrapped my arms around her, gently, ignoring the pain stabbing my side. "You will _not_ lose me. Ever. So long as I have breath in my body, I will be here with you." I realized my words, and hurriedly continued, hoping they wouldn't upset her. I forced a smile. "Unless you get sick of me."

She was crying, and I feared my pitiful attempt at a joke had done nothing to cover the words that had, in a subtle way, brought death into the conversation. She didn't answer. Her silent tears turned into wracking sobs. I didn't know what to say, so I rocked her gently, rubbing large circles on her back.

"Edward, I don't know how to let go." She was clinging to me now as I rocked her slowly.

After she calmed a bit, I smoothed her hair. "Bella, can I ask you something?"

She nodded against my shoulder with a sniffle.

"Did you talk to anyone after Jacob died? Did you see a therapist?" I asked softly. I winced as her sobs returned. I was so glad she couldn't see my face. She let out a sob-smothered, "no," in response.

"Is there a reason you didn't?" I hoped to God I wasn't pushing her too far, but it felt too important to let go.

"I can't. I can't deal with the pain, Edward. I can't." She was sobbing again, and my heart clenched.

"You _can._" I was surprised at the authority that was in my voice, despite my fear of making her even more upset. "Bella, you're living in it _every _day, letting it tear you apart. I think if you maybe saw someone...maybe it would help you let go."

She stiffened and pulled back from me. Dread immediately filled by being. Oh, how I feared losing her. Her glare was physically painful to me, but I willed myself to not look away from her.

"_Let go_?" She spit the words at me, and my stomach churned. "I don't _want_ to let go. I _love_ him!" She screamed, and I recoiled from her venomous tone as if she had slapped me, my heart physically pained in a sharp, horrible way. I brought myself into check, yet again. She needed me...and I knew it was her grief speaking.

"I know Bella," My voice was so quiet that I wasn't sure if she could hear it. "I didn't mean let go of your love for him...I meant let go of the pain." I ached all over, and it was all I could do to keep my tears..._my _pain in check.

Her eyes softened against mine again, then filled with remorse. "Oh, Edward. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm so sorry." She bit her lip, breaking eye contact again. Her voice was quiet now. I could barely hear her. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I _do_ need help...I guess I thought I could get passed this on my own eventually. I studied psychology. Did I ever tell you that?"

"Alice did." I said softly.

She nodded. "I was enrolled in grad school at the University of Washington for the fall semester after our wedding. I wanted to be a pediatric psychologist...but after the accident...I couldn't bear the thought. I know the appropriate theories and terminologies and processes for grieving and living and moving on...and I didn't want it pushed in my face daily like some horrible taunt."

I watched her face as she spoke, and if possible, my love for her grew even deeper. "Bella..._whatever_ you need, I'll be there with you to help you through it. You _don't_ have to do this alone." I offered a small smile.

She didn't return it, but took my hand again. "You're too good, Edward Cullen."

I shook my head. "No. You are worth _every _bit of it and _more_."

Our eyes searched the other's for a long few moments. She spoke quietly again, eyes still on mine. "I'm so scared that this process will hurt you, Edward."

I squeezed her hand. "I'm tough." I was willing to go through anything, _anything_ to be with her.

"Edward..." she studied again, her frown burrowing deeper into her face. "Please be very sure that this is what you want."

I understood that she needed that promise. She needed the commitment. I knew beyond any kind of shadow of a doubt I was ready to make that promise. I nodded at her. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life, Bella." My eyes burned into hers, willing her to know that I was fully serious. "I'm in, Bella. I promise you. I always will be." How desperately I wanted to tell her that I loved her.

Tears fell silently down her cheeks, and I leaned down to softly kiss them away, never making contact with her lips. She quieted again, and I pulled back, looking into her eyes.

Her voice was quiet. "Do you think...do you think your father could recommend someone for me?"

I smiled softly at her, so humbled by her bravery. "I'm sure that he could, Bella. He's got the best judgment of anyone that I know. He can help you find the best."

She nodded. She was studying my face again. "Edward...why do you care?" Her voice wasn't harsh or biting...it was a genuine wondering.

I pondered my answer, not sure how blunt I could be right now. _Because I love you with every fiber of my being,_ I wanted to say. I decided something a little less intense may be more appropriate. "Bella, you are an amazing, incredibly wonderful woman. I've only known you for four months, and already you have changed me. You have brought something alive in me. I don't know what it is; I can't pinpoint it exactly...but I know you have forever changed me."

Her eyes were wide. She had heard what I didn't say in those words. She heard my unspoken _I love you_. Tears fell down her cheeks again.

"Edward..." her voice was gentle. "Thank you."

And I wrapped her in my arms again, holding her until she slept.

***

BPOV

Edward's promise and reassurances both warmed me and terrified me—a dual and polar opposite response in my head and heart. He held me until sleep finally came, and in his strong arms, I felt safe and secure. Protected and loved.

I awoke slightly confused at where I was, but could hear voices coming from the foot of my bed. It took a few blinks to rid my eyes of their sleepy blur before I saw Edward. He was still with me, which didn't surprise me on any level. One of the voices I'd heard upon waking was his. He was speaking to his father in quiet, gloriously rich tones that were just Edward. He glanced at me, and smiled when our eyes met.

"Good morning," I managed to croak out. My voice sounded so foreign to my own hears that it startled me.

Neither seemed to notice anything strange about my voice, but smiled warmly. It was true that Edward had inherited a great many features from his mother, but he and Carlisle had the same smile, the same mouth, the same cheekbone structure. They both had incredibly dazzling smiles.

"How are you feeling this morning, Bella?" It was Dr. Cullen who asked me this.

I nodded at him, but could feel my own frown forming. "Okay, I guess." I pondered that for a moment as I assessed my body, then added, "My head is pounding."

Carlisle nodded. "I'm not surprised; you must have been shoved fairly roughly into that wall."

Edward sighed, which drew my eyes to his. "Are _you_ okay?" I asked him, worried that maybe his injuries may have been greater than he let on the previous night.

His eyes darkened a shade of green and in them danced anger. If I was entirely honest with myself, I would have admitted being frightened by that look. He sighed. "I wish I could hunt down that--"

"Edward." Carlisle's stern but gentle word stopped Edward mid-sentence, but his eyes were still brooding as he glanced at Carlisle, then back at me again, betraying the rage he felt inside towards my attacker.

I took his hand, wanting more than anything for him to just be calm. "Edward, he's in jail. And I'm fine. You know...I had a heroic rescue last night," I said lightly with the most carefree smile I could muster.

He smiled back at me, his eyes easing of some of their angry intensity, and I was relieved that they soon lightened back to their natural shade. I turned to Carlisle.

"Carlisle, can you help me find a therapist?" I asked this quietly, looking at my hands. I knew if I didn't force myself to ask then, that I would talk myself out of it.

His kind, fatherly eyes softened as he nodded. It made me miss Charlie...wishing that I didn't have to face so many demons by going home to see him.

Edward squeezed my hand as his father scribbled away on a pad he pulled from his white coat. He ripped the top layer of paper from the bundle and handed it to me. "Dr. Angela Weber. She's the absolute best in the city for trauma and grief counseling."

I wasn't sure why, but my eyes teared at that, and it wasn't because of my fear of facing my past and my pain. I knew that it was due to the fact that even my best friends' parents cared for me, and their combined care as an entirely family unit was something that warmed me and comforted me in ways that I so desperately needed and wanted.

"Thank you," I managed to push my voice through the emotions that were choking my throat.

"I'm also writing you a prescription for some pain medication. That arm is going to be sore for a couple of weeks."

I nodded. "Thank you, Carlisle." I said again, and he handed me another piece of paper.

He smiled warmly. "Not a problem at all, Bella." He then turned his attention to my chart that was already in his hands. "I'm signing your discharge papers. You're free," he said with a wink. "I'll see you guys soon."

He gracefully left the room, and I turned to Edward. I was acutely aware of the fact that his hand still held mine. The contact was comforting and peaceful. I smiled at him when our eyes met, actually feeling a bit of joy deep within as I watched his emerald eyes dance.

"Can I drive you home?"

I smiled again. "Of course." I was thankful that Alice had brought me a change of clothes the previous night. "I'm just going to get dressed real quick." I announced, waiting for him to turn so that I could scoot out of the bed, grab my duffel bag that Alice had brought, and scurry to the private bathroom off of my room clad in my skimpy, open-backed hospital gown. In a matter of minutes, we were in Edward's car and on our way to the apartment. His hand held mine, and, as earlier, it felt so reassuring.

"What's your favorite color?" I asked Edward, breaking the silence, watching his face as I rested my head against the headrest. He glanced sideways at me and smiled, surprise canvasing his features.

"Blue. What's yours?"

I shrugged. "It changes. Today? Green." I smiled, and internally groaned at the flirtation I was attempting. Would he realize that the only reason green was my favorite was because of his beautiful eyes?

He smiled, seeming not to have caught on. "Favorite holiday?"

I frowned. "I'm not sure. Used to be Christmas. But Thanksgiving was the best holiday I've had in a long time," I studied my fingers, intertwined with his.

"Will you be spending Christmas with us, Bella?" His inquiry was very quiet, almost as if he was nervous about asking.

My head whipped around in surprise. I studied his face for a moment, while he glanced sideways at me again a couple of times before I spoke. "I...I so hate to impose on your family, Edward."

"Are you going home?" He pressed.

I was frowning again. Was I? I hadn't decided yet. "I don't know....I should, but..."

"But what?"

I sighed and couldn't suppress the glare that I shot at him.

"Bella..." He said, then sighed. "I'm sorry, Bella."

I returned his sigh with one of my own. "But I'm scared of going home, Edward." I finished my previous statement. "Every road, every place, every room in my father's house...ever turn, Edward. _Everything _is Jake. Everything."

My eyes traced his face, waiting for his response. He licked his lips, which I found as an odd action when coupled with his pensive expression. "Maybe you're ready for that, Bella."

I shook my head vehemently. "No. I'm not." I was _not_ ready.

He nodded, and I was so thankful he didn't push. I didn't want to fight with him, but I _knew_ he was wrong. I knew I was nowhere near ready to set foot on any soil that was Washington. Not yet.

We rode in silence for several minutes before he spoke again. "You know," his voice was quiet and gentle. "You're always welcome to spend Christmas with us, Bella."

I smiled. "I know." Then another sigh escaped. "I really love your family, Edward. I have no idea why they wanted me, but...it means so much to me that they do."

He smiled a bright smile that was sunshine and grace and warmed me throughout. "Like I said...you're stuck with us."

"And like I said," my smile was still plastered on my face, "I like it."

He chuckled as we pulled in front of my building. "Will you come in?" I invited.

"Of course." And he was out of the vehicle, opening my door, and offering an elbow, which I took without hesitation.

We climbed the stairs and I unlocked the apartment to find it quiet and empty. "Alice must be at work," I said, more to myself than Edward. I sighed. It felt as if I'd been away for two weeks. In reality, I'd only left the apartment just under twenty four hours ago.

I turned toward Edward. "Do you want to watch a movie or something? Distasteful daytime television?" I quirked an eyebrow.

I was rewarded with his wonderful laugh, which made me smile. "Yes, that sounds great," he responded.

We both settled onto the sofa in the living room, but the TV was never turned on. I found myself craving to know more about him. Though I'd known him several months, he was a complete mystery to me.

"How'd you find music, Edward?" I turned to face him, sitting with Indain-style with my back against the arm rest of the sofa. He mirrored me. My eyes studied his as they took on a fiery twinkle._ That must be his music twinkle,_ I thought to myself, amused at, and if I was being honest, wholly attracted to the new light in his eye.

"Well, my mom was very adamant that we be exposed to the arts. As soon as we each turned four, we were in put into piano classes. Alice switched from piano to cello when she was eight."

"Alice plays the cello?" I giggled. I had a hard time picturing her tiny frame playing the cello.

He grinned with a nod. "I don't think she's played for several years, but yes. Emmett convinced mom to let him quit music lessons when he was twelve so that he could focus on football and baseball camps. Dad helped him with that battle. I don't think he would have won it on his own." His smile was intricately laced with his adoration for his family.

I smiled. "How long did you take lessons?"

"Until I went to college. I then studied musical theory and appreciation, so I traded two lessons a week for hours upon hours of study and practice. We all were in dance as well."

I laughed, and he smiled a cheesy, amused half-grin at my reaction. "Okay. I can definitely see Alice in dance, and maybe even you...but _Emmett_?" The laugh returned as I pictured the large, bulky Emmett dancing gracefully in a studio.

Edward's laugh joined mine for a short duet that was its own beautiful music in my ears. "Believe it or not, the bear is quite graceful. He actually requires his football team to take dance as part of their required practice. Grace equals agility according to Emmett."

My jaw flew open in response to this information. I giggled again. "So...I'm guessing that Alice's wedding will not only include dancing—but Fred Astaire, Ginger Rodgers dancing."

He laughed again, and I was mesmerized by the way his green eyes danced in time with the wonderful silky-smooth sound. "Yes, I'm afraid your prediction will be rather spot-on."

I groaned. "Wonderful. I was in ballet...for a year..."

He raised an eyebrow, and I nodded.

"They asked me not to return for a second year." I giggled.

His eyes flashed in shock. "You were kicked _out_ of ballet? Whatever for?" His voice was all amusement and tease.

I smiled sheepishly at my hands resting in my lap. "Let's just say I'm somewhat balance and coordination challenged."

"How old were you?" His eyes still danced away with his amusement. I realized in that moment that his eyes were the most expressive part of him save his incredible music.

I grimaced. "Five."

"No! They kicked a _five_ year old out of dance?" And then he laughed again, and I couldn't help but join in.

"Needless to say, I've refused to enter onto a dance floor since."

"Oh, now Bella, you _have_ to let me dance with you at the wedding. It's all in the leading, you know. Plus," he pointed to himself and then me. "Best man, maid of honor...you know it's our duty to at least dance one dance together."

I sighed. "Edward...when I dance, people get hurt. If I were to dance with you, you'd must likely be the one to sustain the injuries."

His grin almost blinded me. "Oh you of little faith. Promise me at least one?"

I sighed. "Fine. But you can't ever say that I didn't warn you. When your father is casting your foot or fixing your broken nose, don't come crying to me."

His eyebrows raised again. Clearly he was enjoying this. "How on earth would you break my nose by dancing?"

I groaned again. "Okay...in middle school a boy convinced me to dance with him. He attempted to swing me...I'm not quite sure what happened, but I know that my arm hit his face as I spun into him...yeah. He didn't speak to me much after that."

Edward's laugh made a grand entrance again, musical bliss at its finest. "Bella—I will risk my feet _and_ my nose...for a dance with the most beautiful woman in the world."

I felt my face flush as the room became measurably warmer. He smiled at me, brushing a hand against my cheek. It left a hot trail on my skin as my heart pounded wildly in response.

"You look lovely in that shade of pink," he winked. If possible, the shade darkened even further. "You really are so incredibly beautiful. You know that, right?" His green eyes were dark again, and in them I saw so many things...they were so _loving_.

I smiled nervously, looking at my hands again. My gaze connecting with his was too intense for me to process at that moment. There was a long silent moment as I studied my fingers.

"What's your favorite book?" Edward's voice filled the quiet room, swiping away the awkward tension with a light and merry tone.

I smiled at him, thankful for the change in subject _and_ atmosphere. "Another one that I can't choose just one of. It varies depending on circumstances, mood...you know. My current favorite is Wuthering Heights."

He raised his eyebrows, which I was beginning to think was a classic trademark of his as well. I smiled at his surprise. "Hmm. Why is that, Bella?"

I shrugged. "Maybe because everything throughout the book from the characters to what they put themselves through is completely and utterly hopeless."

He nodded. "I'll give you that." Then added quietly, "I guess that's fitting."

I frowned at him, not entirely sure whether or not I should have been hurt by his statement. His eyes softened infinitely. "I'm sorry, Bella."

I took a deep breath, unable to bury the feeling of hurt. "I know I must seem hopeless."

He shook his head. "No. _I_ know you're _not_ hopeless in any way. I just think _you_ often times don't realize that you're not."

I searched his eyes for a long while, unsure of what to say. "I really _was_ hopeless, you know," I began. "Before Alice...before _you._" I couldn't bear to look into his intense eyes any longer, and looked down at my hands again. I felt his large, warm hand cup my cheek, and I couldn't help myself from returning my gaze back to his.

"You're doing fine, sweetheart." My heart fluttered at the endearment at the same time that it clenched in pain from it. "You're doing better than that. You're so strong. If anyone is capable of overcoming so much pain and heartbreak, it's you Bella." His eyes and tone and face were all so sincere, tears sprang in my eyes.

"I don't feel strong, Edward," I admitted, sounding very much like a lost child.

He smiled softly, and whispered, "But you are."


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

BPOV

_My dearest Jake,_

_I had a dream about you last night. I always dream about you, but last night, for the first time, it wasn't sad or traumatic, and it didn't leave me waking up terrified. I dreamt of the day you proposed to me. I don't know why it didn't cause additional pain, but it just...didn't. I woke thinking only happy, reminiscent thoughts._

_So, today I am going to see a grief and trauma counselor. If I'm being honest with myself, deep down I knew a long time ago that I should have seen someone—long before I left Washington. I've been so scared of letting go, Jake. I know you wouldn't want me in pain, living a non-life while clinging desperately to a past that has no future._

_There are two weeks until Christmas, and I cannot make myself decide on going to visit Dad or not. I should. But I've run far from your ghosts...and I am truly petrified to find them again. Edward insists that I'm ready, but he's not pushing me, which I am thankful for. He has more faith in me that I have in myself, that is certain._

_I wish you could know him, Jake. Though it goes against all logic, I wonder at times if it was you who orchestrated me finding Alice for a roommate and, by proxy, leading me to Edward? Is he for me Jake? Someone to love who will love me back? Is it sick to think that way? Surely you would know what I need now. Are the Cullens the guardian angels you sent for me, Jake? Is Edward my heart's rescue?_

_I love you, Jake. I miss you every day._

_~Bella_

***

"Isabella Swan?" I started at my own name in its familiar usage. I looked up to the receptionist behind the sleek black, modern desk of the small waiting room. The desk matched the rest of the room, which was decorated in black and white and had a modern feel. "Dr. Weber is ready for you." She smiled kindly, and I stood to follow her. We reached the massive oak double doors to Dr. Weber's office, and, after two crisp knocks, she opened the left door.

"Dr. Weber, Isabella Swan." She backed away from the door and retreated to her desk.

"Thank you, Amy. Isabella?" Dr. Weber ushered me into her plush office, which looked much like her waiting room. Her face was friendly, framed professionally with small, black glasses. Her dark curly hair was pulled up from her tanned face, and her smile was welcoming. I relaxed slightly as I entered the room.

"Please have a seat, if you'd like," Dr. Weber gestured to a large plush seat across from her large black desk.

I smiled and briefly wondered what the alternative would be if I _wouldn't_ like to sit. I kept my smirk to an inward release only and followed her instructions, sitting in the comfortable chair as she sat in hers across the desk from me.

"I'm Dr. Weber, as you know. You are welcome to call me that—or Angela—whichever you prefer." Her kind brown eyes instantly eased a bit more of my anxiety.

"Thanks," I replied, allowing a small smile to play on my lips. "Please call me Bella. I'm only 'Isabella' in my ten-year-old-in-trouble incarnation." That earned her laugh.

"Bella," she stated simply. "Nice to meet you."

I nodded once in a wordless reciprocation. She sat back against her tall-backed black leather office chair. I recognized the gesture—an invitation for me to begin spilling everything about myself. But I remained silent, forcing her to initiate the discussion. I knew in the back of my mind that by doing so, I was simply vying for some sort of control. I also knew that I didn't have to do so—that it was only a defense mechanism that I didn't need to utilize. But I didn't care enough about that to speak first.

"Why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself, Bella?" she prompted.

I sighed and decided that I'd start at the beginning. Why not? "I was born Isabella Marie Swan twenty-five years ago in Washington State. My parents divorced when I was seven. My mom and I moved to Phoenix—that's where she was originally from. She remarried when I was sixteen, and I moved back to Washington to live with my dad so she and my step-father, Phil, could have their newlywed time alone. I spent two years in Forks, then moved to Seattle for college. I moved here to Chicago four months ago."

"What do you do for a living?" Her voice was soft and friendly, but I immediately felt ashamed to admit the job that I had settled into for fear of pursuing anything real.

"I work at a club downtown. Waitressing sometimes, but mostly bar tending."

Dr. Weber smiled. "Do you enjoy it?"

I frowned; was she kidding? "No."

"Why not?"

I couldn't contain a small huff of exasperation. Need I list the reasons I hated the job? Sure. Fine. "Because I am groped and yelled at, and the whole job is just extremely unfulfilling." It felt good to admit that aloud.

She paused for a moment, eyes measuring something from my expression. What she was looking for, I didn't know. "Why do you work there if you don't enjoy it?"

I sighed again. "Because it's easy," I admitted, shame creeping back in.

Dr. Weber nodded. "Tell me about your parents."

That was easier, thank God. I cleared my throat, my fingers twisting together. "My mom is young for her age. She's a kindergarten teacher; she's always full of life and enthusiasm. She has a million hobbies but only sticks with them for a few weeks at a time before moving onto something new. Growing up, I did the grocery shopping and cooking—as well as the bills. She always tended to forget those things. Phil is seven years younger than she is, but he's good for her. He takes care of her...makes sure all of those things are done."

Angela smiled. "You love your mom. You're close to her?"

I nodded. "She was my best friend for a long time."

"Until you moved to Forks?"

I nodded again.

"Tell me about your dad."

I smiled again. "He's a lot like me. Quiet, reserved. He's the police chief in Forks. Loves simplicity. He fishes and hunts and loves sports. My dad has a very quiet but unbelievable inner strength."

Angela grinned again. "Who took the best friend status when you moved to Forks?"

I sighed, the ever-familiar pain burning through my chest again. I looked down at my hands. "Uh, well, my dad's best friend had a son a year younger than me. We were friends when we were little, and when I moved back in with my dad, our friendship resumed as if I'd never moved away. We were inseparable—except for school. He went to school on the reservation at La Push. It was about year after I had been back in Forks that our relationship comfortably and naturally evolved. We had a long-distance relationship my freshman year of college, but then he joined me at the University of Washington."

"Did he move to Chicago with you?"

I shook my head, unable to stop the inevitable tears. She was silent, waiting for me to continue. Dr. Weber offered a box of tissues, and I gratefully accepted them.

"I graduated and had been accepted into a Master's program at UW. Jake still had to finish his senior year, but we were set to go back to UW in the fall. He proposed to me over our Christmas break before I graduated. We had decided to get married in the spring, right after graduation."

"What happened, Bella?"

I took in a deep, shaky breath, not wanting to relive this. Again. "He went out for a ride with his friends two nights before our wedding. It was sort of their version of a bachelor party; the whole bunch of them idolized their stupid motorcycles. A truck was passing on a corner and it...hit Jake." Tears were falling freely from my eyes now, and I could do nothing to stop them.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. He was killed?"

I shook my head. "He...he survived the wreck. They did so many surgeries for him...but after a three-week coma, his body gave up."

Dr. Weber was silent for a long time. "I know that was difficult to share, Bella. Let's move onto something else for awhile."

I nodded, grateful not only for her suggestion, but for her comforting tone that really did reach her eyes.

"Tell me why you decided to seek counseling now after all of these months, Bella."

"Honestly? My friends talked me into it. I didn't think it was necessary—that I could deal with losing Jake on my own...but...after the attack..."

"What attack?"

I slowly recounted to her the tale of my attack and rescue in detail. She nodded. If she were surprised, she didn't show it—but then, she wouldn't. I knew from my own education in the field that she was trained _not_ to have any strong reactions to _anything_. And in reality, I'm sure she had patients with much worse experiences than what I had gone through. That thought alone was humbling.

"So Dr. Cullen gave me your name," I continued. "I came to you at his suggestion—as well as his kids, my friends, Edward and Alice."

She smiled. "I'm glad you took their advice, Bella. The last two years have given you a lot to deal with from finding a life love, to losing it in such a tragic way, to being harmed and threatened with violation. And it's okay if you can't process it all on your own. Few people are successful at attempting to do so. It doesn't make you weak."

I smiled at her half-heartedly.

"What are your plans for the holidays, Bella?"

I fidgeted again. "I...don't know. My father has asked me to visit. I've also been invited to the Cullens'. I want to go home, but I'm scared to do so. Scared of the ghosts I'll find," I admitted quietly, but the tears had finally subsided.

Dr. Weber nodded, again; the only thing emitting from her was compassion and understanding.

"What will you find if you visit your father?"

I sighed. I knew what she was asking. My fingers were still fidgeting against one another. "He's everywhere. It's why I left. He and my father were close. He's in every room of my father's house. Every road we drove together on...every street, every park...my old truck...the beach, the trees." I huffed again in a poor attempt at a half-laugh. "Hell, even the damned rain reminds me of him."

"Bella, tell me about your life in Chicago."

I silently thanked her for changing the topic again. I even smiled a bit. "Well, you already know about my amazing job." She smiled at that, as did I. "I work forty to sixty hours a week—whatever my manager will allow. The rest of my time, I am alone or with my friends."

"Would you like to tell me about them?"

I grinned; there was nothing forced about that expression in relation to them. "Alice is my roommate. She's in fashion and has more energy than anyone I've ever met. Finding her for a roommate was...well, really it was my salvation. I don't know what would've happened without her in my life. I've only been here for four months, but Alice has become one of the most important people in my life. I'm also building a wonderful friendship with her fiancée; he and I share a similar loss. Then there's Edward..." I had already mentioned Edward in my recount of the night of my attack.

She smiled, and I held back my cringe at the connotations that the smile held.

"He's Alice's brother. He's a musician. I...I'm very close to him. And...and that scares me."

Angela nodded. "That's only natural with all that you've been through. Do you love him, Bella?"

I frowned and locked my gaze back onto my hands. "I don't think so. I'm drawn to him. I like him very much, and he's done so much to help me through my grief. But...I can't love him. I won't. I can't. I can't risk letting someone that far into my heart again. I just can't." I was well aware that my tone was gradually becoming frantic as I rambled. "Not to mention Jake. I know Jake would want me to be happy, but...every time I allow myself to get close to Edward emotionally _or_ physically, I cannot shake off the guilt of betraying Jacob."

Though my mouth spoke the words and my brain demanded that I think the thoughts that I had spoken, my heart was well aware of what Edward Cullen was doing to it. Did I love Edward Cullen? Maybe not yet, but if I didn't already, I knew I was close. I was terrified beyond belief, and the only defense I had was to adamantly renounce the fact.

Angela was silent for a few long minutes that I thought would never end. "Bella, our time today is up, but I would like to continue seeing you if you'll allow. Twice a week for an hour at a time. I' want to see you this Thursday, and I'd like for you to consider going to your father's for Christmas."

I started to protest, but she held up a hand. "Just think about it, Bella, and we'll discuss it on Thursday."

I nodded and left Dr. Weber's office feeling slightly overwhelmed and confused. Was this the best course of action? Could I face the past and my former home? Would it break what little was left of me?

***

EPOV-

I restlessly hammered away at my piano, my escape, my distraction, my only outlet of expression for this love and desire that I felt. I hadn't realized that my frustrations had escalated as they had until my fingers met the keys, and I poured forth every emotion that I was feeling into them. Love. Pain. Confusion. Frustration. Longing. More love. Incredible love that I had never before felt. Would I ever be able to tell Bella that I loved her? Did I dare entertain thoughts of the future? Thoughts of Bella walking toward me in a white gown? Thoughts of her being radiantly swollen with my children...beautiful creations that would be a testament of our love? Did I dare hope that one day she could love me as I loved her now? They were thoughts that she probably harbored as well—only instead of with me, they were thoughts of a life with her lost love.

I jumped up from the bench as my door buzzer sounded. I hoped with my heart that it was the only person that I wanted to see. I was so excited to see her, and anxious to learn about how her appointment had gone. I was so pleased that Bella had finally agreed to seek help in her grief. It would be the only thing that would heal her the way that she desperately needed. The way that _I_ desperately needed.

I pushed the button by the door. "Yeah?"

"Edward?"

My heart jumped in my throat and, if I had eaten lunch that day, I would have lost it at the sound of _her_ voice. I fought the light-headed sensation that made the room around me spin.

My voice was a hoarse whisper. "What are you doing here?"

"Eddie, can I please come up? I need to talk to you."

I felt a familiar stab of pain through my chest—a pain that I had long since buried. It had been long buried with each and every memory, dream, sensation...love...that had been related to her. _Oh, God._

"Eddie? Please..."

I numbly buzzed her in, fighting the instinct to fall to the floor and protect myself in the fetal position. When her knock sounded on my door, I wasn't sure how much time it had taken her to reach my apartment, but I hadn't moved in that time. Not an inch. I slowly pulled the door open and stared dumbly at her beautiful face, piercing blue eyes, and the strawberry blond hair that I had run my fingers through so many times in the past.

"Tanya." I was still missing my voice, and all of my nerves seemed to take their leave. I wasn't strong enough for this. Not now. Not after all of this time. Not with songs of Bella floating through my head and love for Bella piercing my heart. _Not now._

She smiled, seemingly oblivious to my instantaneous internal struggle. God, how I had loved that beautiful smile. "Eddie. I missed you so much." She hugged me, and I stood as still as stone while I was enveloped by her scent. I had blocked memories of even her _smell, _and it hit me with full force. It was everything Tanya, everything I had buried deep within myself and never allowed to resurface.

"Can I come in?"

I nodded, moving aside for her to enter my apartment. I shut the door after she had stepped in and followed her into my living room, sitting next to her on my couch. I was completely numb, and couldn't think; I couldn't process any words to speak aloud.

"How have you been?" Her eyes were full of concern, which I found odd. Last time I'd seen them, they were full of pity...and so cold. So unloving. So...cruel.

I nodded, frowned, cleared my throat...and forced myself to look into her eyes. "Okay," was all I could manage.

She smiled again and nodded toward my piano, which was buried in lined composition sheets that were covered with my scribbled notes. With _Bella's_ notes. "Still writing?"

Something ignited within me. "Of course. Hoping you took my creativity when you left?" Ah, there it was. I knew the bitterness would cut through the numbness eventually.

Her eyes flashed with some sort of emotion that I couldn't process. "Eddie...I...of course not. Music is who you _are_."

My voice was choked with emotion. "Funny...you took most of who I was when you left, Tanya."

"I'm so sorry, Eddie." She truly did look as if she had some sort of sorrow about that. "I..." Tanya paused and took my hand in both of her perfectly manicured ones. I stared at them, our joined hands, and nauseousness formed in the pit of my stomach. I glanced back into her eyes, and she smiled a sad smile. "I made a mistake, Edward. I...I'm sorry that I left. I was confused. But...I never stopped loving you, Eddie."

The numbness returned again. How long had I wished for her to come back and say those very words to me? I had wished for that for many months after she left, up until the day that I had finally buried all thoughts and memories of her for the sake of my own sanity. It had been over a year since I had allowed myself to yearn for her...to miss her....to even think her name.

"I...I don't know what to say," was all I could force out from my throat. My voice was so flat, even in my own ears.

She smiled again, and her voice was soft as she spoke, sliding closer to me so that our legs were touching. "That's okay, sweetie. Just know that I missed you, and I love you so very much, Eddie."

I couldn't process her words as her hand was suddenly caressing my cheek. Her lips were then on mine, and the fog in my brain finally cleared a bit. I pulled away from her, forcing myself to maintain eye contact. "What are you doing?"

Her face fell. "Showing you that I still love you....still _want_ you."

My anger returned, filling me. "It doesn't work like that, Tanya! You _broke_ me when you left...do you realize that? I...you...you _left_. You left for _him._ You told me that I wasn't good enough for you. So why now, Tanya? What has changed?" My voice was louder than it needed to be, but I couldn't bring myself to reign it in.

She sighed. "Surely you can understand, Edward. We were young. I needed stability, someone to take care of me. And...lets face it, you playing in a piano bar for pennies wasn't going to do that. Drew was a _doctor_. He could afford to take me out, to buy me things, to help me while I finished school."

Pain shot through me again as she tore open all of my old wounds. It had all come down to money. This girl, who I had, at one time, thought I would marry, left me because I wasn't good enough. Had she ever really _loved_ me?

"But, Edward, Drew isn't who I love. It didn't work out, because I couldn't let go of my feelings for _you_. Now that you're...established...we can be together. All you needed was time, my love."

"What? I...I don't understand..."

She sighed again but smiled at me. "You grew up, Eddie. You have a wonderful career, and we can have a tasteful life together now."

"You...you want to get back together?" Was she kidding?

Her smile widened as she nodded. "If you were to propose to me again, I assure you that my answer this time would be much different. Opposite, in fact."

_Oh, God._ "Because I make more money, I am suddenly worthy of being your husband?" I felt sick.

"Eddie..." her tone was as if she were chastising a child. "Stop being so melodramatic. You _always_ had money."

"I meant my own, not my parents'," I snapped at her. "What then? What is it?"

"I couldn't have married a _lounge entertainer_. God, people would have judged me. It was okay in college, but as we got closer to graduation and you still had no plans...Eddie, can't you understand why I refused to marry you? Why I needed more?"

I shook my head. "No, Tanya. I can't. If you _really_ loved me, it wouldn't have mattered."

"That's ridiculous, and you know it. I _did_ really love you. I still _do _ really love you. You just weren't what I needed, not then."

"I'm being _ridiculous_?" Incredulous, too.

She smiled. "Don't be mad. Can't we just move on from here, Eddie? Please?"

I groaned, running my hands through my hair. "No. No. No, we can't. It doesn't work that way. And I'm in love, Tanya."

Her shock at my declaration was evident. "In love? With who?"

I wasn't getting into this with her. "I don't think it's your business."

She sighed again. "How long have you been with her?"

I couldn't very well admit to Tanya that I wasn't really even _with_ the one I loved, could I? "Tanya...please go. I can't do this. We're over. We have been for a long time."

To my surprise, tears fell from her ocean blue eyes. "Please, Edward. I know you love me. Please give me another chance."

"Just go," my voice was laden with my grief, pain, confusion, desire to give in to her and my disgust for wanting to do so.

She stood and handed me a card. "My business card. I wrote my cell number on the back. I know I surprised you, Eddie, and I know we have a lot to work through, but call me. Please. We were meant to be together. No one knows you like I know you, Edward. _No one_ can love you like I love you. No one can give you what I can. And you love me, too. Just let yourself feel it again, and we can work through everything else." She ran her perfect hand along my arm, and then she was gone.

I couldn't move. Was she right? Would Bella ever love me? At least Tanya _did_ love me., in her weird way. Would that be all that I ever got to have? I now had what I needed to keep Tanya if I wanted to do so. I had enough money to last more than a lifetime, I had a family of social importance, a career that was finally good enough...I'd probably need a better apartment, but that was a small thing, wasn't it? A small price to pay? Would my waiting for Bella come to anything in the end? Would I be waiting for an undetermined amount of time only to have my heart broken again?

Bella had needed assurances from me, and until now, I hadn't realized that I needed assurances from her. I needed her assurances. I _needed_ them, and I already knew she couldn't make them—not right now. But just because she couldn't assure me with promises of a future together didn't mean that I should turn to Tanya, did it? Tanya had broken my trust, my heart, my life...my self-worth. Why was I even considering this? I had already decided that Bella was worth it. Why did one visit from my past love change my resolve?

And I realized then...that it was _because_ she was my past love...and my heart had never completely let go of the hope that she'd come back to me some day. I had never let go, and I still loved her, in spite of everything.

I fell to the floor, back against my apartment door, with a groan. For the first time in my life, I felt physically unable to transpose my feelings into notes and chains of melody. I ached everywhere and was completely startled, shocked, and aggrieved when I heard the sound of her sweet voice on the other side of my door in sync with her light trademark knock.

"Edward?" My heart stopped, and my tears fell. How could I face her now? What would I say? What would I choose? Why couldn't she love me now, when I so desperately needed that? I feared opening the door, but she knew I'd be waiting for her return from her counseling appointment. With still-fresh tears and without any answers, I turned the knob to open my door to her.

**A/N: Thanks to my new betas JadeMoon and Hazel-Buttafly! I appreciate your help. :-)**

**Reviews make me so happy...(I'm not above begging...hehe)**


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

EPOV

I was still feeling a strange combination of numbness and panic as I stood to open the door. My mind was frantically racing in one hundred directions. Why panic seized me, I didn't know; I had done nothing wrong. Nothing except doubt my intentions with Bella. Nothing but question if she'd ever be able to give me what I thought I needed. Sure. There was plenty for me to be panicked over. My visit with Tanya had left me shaken, confused, and hurting in ways I couldn't sort through in such a short amount of time. Would Bella notice?

I inhaled a deep, shaky breath as I opened the door. She stood before me wearing one of her very rare, true, and radiant smiles. It took my breath away, melting my heart and seizing my soul. For a moment I was so stunned by the look of happiness on Bella's features, that I'd forgotten everything else. I returned her smile.

"Hey! Adam let me in. I guess I've been here enough that he no longer requires me to buzz." Her excitement was palpable, and I was blown away. I had never before seen her with such rosy cheeks or excited eyes. With such..._life_. I couldn't help myself—I stretched my arms out and pulled her into tight embrace. As I stood with her in my arms, reality slowly crept back in, and my grip tightened with my agony.

After a moment, Bella pulled away from me slightly with a frown. Her gorgeous eyes held more depth than any others I'd seen as she searched for something in my own. "Are you okay, Edward?"

I nodded. I was overwhelmed with a sudden longing to tell her everything about me. Everything about my past with Tanya, everything about Tanya's visit today. How would Bella react? Would she pull away from me?

"Edward."Her eyes were still probing mine, intent upon finding answers. "Seriously...what's wrong? You look miserable."

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "Bella...can I—can I talk to you?" I was vaguely annoyed at my inability to speak a coherent sentence just then. "I...there's a lot about me...about my past that you don't know...and...God, it came to find me today."

Her adorable frown deepened, and I was surprised when she took my hand in hers; very rarely did she ever reach out to me. It stirred something within my soul. She shut my front door as she entered and pulled me to the couch in my living room. I sat down next to Bella as she turned her body sideways on the couch to face me. "What happened, Edward? Are you in trouble?"

I shook my head in reply. The stark contrast between sitting here with Tanya only an hour before and sitting here now with Bella didn't escape my notice. Tanya made me feel unworthy of anyone—even now, after she had abruptly re-entered my life and deemed me good enough for her. Bella...Bella was my home. She was comfort. All of these weeks I had tried to be her comfort, be her friend, and though she may not have even realized it, she had become those things to me as well. Bella had become something I hadn't been aware that I needed; she had become a part of me. She was what I needed. How could I have ever compared the two relationships, which were as different as night and day? How could I compare my love for Bella with anything I felt towards Tanya, as I had just moments ago?

I realized I still hadn't answered Bella yet, and she was waiting expectantly. "No, Bella. I..." I looked into her eyes and felt myself drowning in them. I couldn't help but smile at her and raise an eyebrow at my own lack of suave pertaining to this conversation. "I'll start at the beginning."

She grinned. "Always a good place to start." I'd never seen so large a smile on her face before. Perhaps she didn't think I was a blubbering idiot—or perhaps that was the reason for the smile. She squeezed my hand, which was still firmly inside of her own.

I took in a deep breath and released it. "I haven't had many romantic relationships in my life, and even fewer that really meant anything. But, I did have one very long-term relationship."

I paused for her reaction. If she was surprised, it didn't show. Bella's expression was one of patience and attentiveness, so I continued.

"Tanya and I started dating when we were in high school—our senior year, actually. We both attended college at Northwestern. I, of course, studied music; she studied pre-law. My parents paid for my tuition, as they had with Emmett before me and Alice after me, but with the three of us, they required that we keep jobs to earn money for any living expenses and play money."

Bella smiled. "Your parents are wise."

I returned her smile with a nod. "They are," I agreed. "I worked in a local piano bar most weeknights and every weekend. I really loved it. Tanya tolerated it, but thought it was a childish job." I paused when Bella frowned. Her reaction brought more joy to my heart than it probably should have.

"By the time we were seniors, she was registered with Northwestern Law for the following year. I had no idea what I wanted to do, but I wasn't too stressed about it. I knew that eventually I would find something I loved, and my job at the lounge was enough for me to live on comfortably until I found it."

I took a deep breath against the pain of the next memory—a memory that I had replayed in my mind several times in the last few hours. "I took Tanya to Hawaii for spring break. It had become a little tradition of ours since our freshman year of college, each year we would spend our spring break there. I proposed to her."

Bella's eyes widened, and she squeezed my hand again. I wondered if the pain that I felt showed on my face. Could it look as bad as it felt?

"Wow...I...I had no idea you'd been engaged, Edward." Her voice was hushed.

I shook my head. "I haven't ever been. She.." I looked down at Bella's small hand holding mine tightly, and I studied the smoothness of her pale milky skin.

"What happened?" Her voice was just a whisper now. I couldn't look into the chocolat depth of her eyes again, so I kept my gaze fixed on our hands.

"I wasn't good enough for her. I...she thought that I was content to be a lounge entertainer for life, and it wasn't good enough for her. It embarrassed Tanya. She left me for a doctor."

"Oh, Edward. I'm so sorry. That's so awful. How could she?" There was a pause as her brows furrowed pensively. "What happened today, Edward?"

I took another deep, shaky breath. "She came to see me."

Bella gasped. "What?! Where is she?" Her voice was almost a roar as she jumped from the couch, eyes on fire. I couldn't hide my surprise as I looked up at her; her angel eyes had darkened in rage.

"She's not here, Bella. She left."

"Edward, so help me...if I ever see her...how could she do that to you, of all people?" She growled. She actually growled! If I hadn't been so upset from Tanya and so confused by Bella's reaction, I probably would have been amused by it.

"Bella?" Maybe she would explain what she was thinking? I didn't understand her actions.

She huffed and paced a few steps over, then paced back again. "Edward! How could she? You..." She sighed and sat down next to me on the couch again, resuming her original position. She took both of my hands in hers, and the contact of my skin on Bella's immediately calmed me. Her eyes still held mine, piercing through to my soul, and my stomach dropped as the fire in her eyes softened into the chocolate pools they were made to be. Her voice was soft when she spoke again. "You are amazing, Edward. God, I have never met a man—hell, I've never met a _person_ like you. You are incredibly talented, and you have such a big heart." Her eyes hardened again slightly. "She was an idiot to let you go."

I was still having difficulty processing this unexpected reaction, this outburst that was so unlike the Bella that I knew. This Bella had spark. She had fire and passion. I saw the old Bella come to life before my very eyes; it was like watching a butterfly emerge from its cocoon.

It toyed with my senses, and before I thought about what I was saying, the words flew out of my mouth. "She wants to come back."

Bella's face fell. My heart soared at that, and I was filled with a hope that I couldn't douse. Perhaps she did want me. "What'd you tell her?" Her voice was so quiet again, the passion subdued.

"I asked her to leave." My throat was choked with emotion again. Emotions danced around me in the strangest combination I'd ever felt in my life. I felt pain—pain from Tanya's rejection years ago and pain for the mourning of the life I had planned to have with her. I felt hope—hope for the girl in front of me now—and with it the longing and desire my heart held for her alone. And I felt love—a love I had never felt before, a love meant only for this amazing woman before me. The feelings were so strong, I had difficulty sitting up straight.

Bella's penetrating eyes studied mine for a few long moments. "Edward...do you still want her? I—I don't understand that look I'm seeing in your eyes."

I squeezed her hands, suppressing the need to declare my love for Bella and Bella alone. "I always secretly held onto the hope that she'd come back to me. She was my first love. I had dreams of marrying her...having a life with her. I never really got closure from any of that. I never let her go, Bella. But I have to now. You wanted to know if I still want her? No. How could I want someone that I can't trust? Someone who continually judges, someone I have to change beyond the essence of what I am just to be with her? No...her soul and her heart are wrapped around material things—not around love, not around passion—not about the important things."

She nodded, a soft smile playing at her lips. "Are you sure about that?" Her eyes were searching mine again.

I nodded, and she leaned in towards me and kissed my cheek. It was a slow, lingering kiss that was filled with gentleness, sweetness, and all things Bella. It warmed me throughout, and in that moment I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had found who I was meant to be with—the woman who I was made for.

"Then get your closure, Edward," she said softly, lips close to my ear as her arms wrapped around me in a hug. "I'm going to Forks in a few days for Christmas. I'll be gone for a week. I'm..." she inhaled slowly and pulled back from our embrace to reestablished eye contact. "I'm going to say goodbye." She was going home for closure, too. My heart beat faster, and it was my turn to study her eyes, craving her assuredness, her desire to move on.

"Are you sure?" My voice was hoarse again.

Silent tears fell from her eyes. "It's time, Edward...I...I still have a long way to go. I have so much baggage, so much fear. If you don't want to deal with it all, I will understand."

She was giving me an out. I didn't want it; I wanted her. I needed her. "Bella," I allowed my hand to cup her cheek and was so relieved when she leaned into my touch. "I meant what I said to you before. You are worth the wait. I—I love you, and I want you. I know this is not an appropriate time in your life for me to declare these feelings, but...God, Bella, I can't live without you. You've become too essential to me." There. It was all out in the open now. _Please don't break my heart, Bella._

Tears spilled from her eyes again, cascading down my fingers, which still cupped her beautifully flushed cheek. Tears fell from my own eyes and down onto our two hands clasped between our laps. Neither of us moved to wipe them away.

"Thank you." Bella's voice was just a whisper, filled with emotion. "Edward, I have such deep and strong feelings for you, too. I'm so scared of that, but I know with time, that fear will subside. If you can be patient with me a little longer...I want to be with you, Edward. God help us both." She laughed through her tears, and I joined her, my own tears still falling. I stroked her cheek with my thumb and nodded.

"Sweetheart, I will wait—as long as you need. We can go as slow as you need to go. I just...I just needed to know that you truly wanted to be with me someday—even if not right now. You're all I want."

She sniffled. "Edward, you're all I want, too."

Bella's statement was so sincere, and I knew the monumental meaning behind it. She was ready to move on and to say goodbye to Jacob.

***

BPOV

I left Dr. Weber's office feeling so confused. Mostly though, I was simply full of dread—dread of finally letting go of Jacob, dread of my love for Edward. Yes. I loved Edward. Claiming otherwise, as I had done only minutes before with Dr. Weber, was a lie—a futile attempt at self-preservation. Coupled with my dread of loving him was my dread that something would take Edward away from me. On some masochistic level, I even dreaded being happy, and I already knew without a doubt that Edward would _make_ me happy.

I stepped out of the large office building; it was a dreary day, and light snowflakes, small and delicate, were falling from the gray, ominous sky above. I smiled. I wasn't fond of the cold, but I did like snow more than the rain. I'd always hated the rain. I held a quick and steady pace as I walked to the transit station. I had promised Edward that I would stop by his apartment after my appointment to let him know how it had gone.

I was so wrapped up in thoughts of Edward and my changing, ever pain-ridden heart that I had entered the train and sat down while on auto-pilot. My phone beeped with the alert of a new text message, bringing me back into a state of awareness for my surroundings. I pulled it out of my bag.

_'How'd it go? I work until 6. Meet me at Cheesecake Factory at 6:30? Bring Ed!'_

I smiled. Alice.

_'Went ok-will tell u about it later. 6:30 CF w/Edward. Got it. Jasper?'_

Only seconds later I received a reply.

_'Of course. Em and Rose too. See you soon. Love you.'_

I grinned and typed the phrase back to her.

I put my phone away and rested my head against the window, watching the city whiz by me.

"It will be okay, you know."

Startled by the soft voice, my head darted from the window to the elderly woman sitting in the seat across from mine. I smiled at her. "Pardon?"

Her wise old blue eyes sparkled, and her lips turned upwards, causing her wrinkled face to light with joy. "You're lost and confused—in pain and in love. But it will be okay. I've lived a lot of years on this cold earth, but take it from an old woman who has had her fair share of hard knocks in this life: love conquers all."

Puzzled, I couldn't help but smile at her again. Was I that much of an open book that she could see these things? _'Love conquers all.' _I repeated the mantra in my head. I had told Dr. Weber that I wouldn't love Edward. That I couldn't. All lies, for I did love Edward. And...love—love conquers all.

"Thank you," I whispered to her, tears burning in my eyes. It was a strange feeling that came over me with her words. My nameless friend grinned and stood.

"Listen to your heart, dear. It won't steer you wrong. Logic can steer you wrong; rules can steer you wrong, but your heart never will." She spoke with conviction, and then she was gone. With her, my mysterious mentor of the heart took with her the heaviness of my pain that I had been carrying for so long.

Clarity hit me with the weight a truck. She was right—of course she was right. I loved Edward. I wanted to be with him—fear be damned. With this epiphany came a joy that I never thought I would feel again. In that moment, I knew what I had to do; I had to go to Forks for Christmas. I had to say goodbye to my former home, and I had to say goodbye to the pain—I had to say goodbye to Jacob. My Jacob.

I sat impatiently, bouncing my knee as I waited for the train to stop. Once it finally did, I rushed from the car towards Edward's apartment. I arrived, thankful he was only a couple of blocks from the station, and nearly plowed into his doorman.

He smiled down at me, his blue eyes sparkling. "Bella! How are you today, you beautiful young thing, you?" If he hadn't been about fifty years old and happily married, the flirting may have made me feel uneasy; instead, he was just friendly and adorable.

I grinned at him; I realized that I hadn't smiled so much in one day for...well...too many months—over a year. "I'm doing well today, Adam. How are you?"

Adam's boyish smile was a contradiction on his handsome, aging face. "Can't complain, sweetheart. Here to see Mr. Cullen?"

I nodded.

"Go on up," he replied, opening the door for me.

I smiled again. "Thanks, Adam."

"My pleasure," he said with a bright smile as I walked passed.

I didn't have the patience to wait for the elevator, too eager to see Edward after my new revelations, so I raced up the stairs, taking them two at a time to the third floor. I had a fleeting thought as I climbed that I should be investing in a gym membership soon.

I finally reached Edward's door and knocked. "Edward?" After a few moments, I wondered if he was home. Surely Adam wouldn't have allowed me up if he was out? And, of course, Edward would be expecting me around this time; we had discussed it earlier that morning. Just as I was about to knock again, the door finally opened, and I couldn't contain my excitement in seeing him. My mouth almost hurt from the smile splayed across it. As odd as the new and unfamiliar feelings were, my joy was too great to be subdued by discomfort.

"Hey!" I greeted him. "Adam let me in. I guess I've been here enough that he no longer requires me to buzz."

Edward smiled, but didn't answer; I barely had time to register that strange, pained look that replaced the smile on his face before his arms were around me. He held me so tightly that I struggled to breathe, but wrapped my arms around him anyway. When he hadn't let go after several moments, I was nervous. Something was wrong. I pulled back to get a look at his face. What had happened to him today? His eyes were sad, and his beautiful face was etched in a frown. I hated that. His face wasn't meant for sadness. He was Edward—his face should only have light and smiles and laughter.

"Are you okay, Edward?" I asked, knowing full well that he wasn't.

He nodded, but said nothing as his sad eyes stared into mine.

"Edward. Seriously...what's wrong?" I was scared now. "You look miserable."

His hand flew through his messy hair; he was frustrated. Why? Finally he spoke for the first time since I arrived.

"Bella...can I—can I talk to you? I...there's a lot about me...about my past that you don't know...and..." Edward let out a sharp breath, hand in his hair again. "God, it came to find me today."

My heart skipped a beat. What from his past could possibly torment him so? Of course my mind raced through a thousand possibilities. I grabbed his hand, needing him to feel me—needing him to know that whatever it was, he could tell me. I quickly shut the door and locked the deadbolt out of habit before turning and leading him to his couch. I sat, pulling him down next to me and turning sideways to face him. "What happened, Edward? Are you in trouble?"

He shook his head, but it brought me no relief. What had happened to him? As the silence lingered thick in the air between us, I tried to be patient, but my nerves were tight. I was reaching a breaking point when Edward's voice finally sounded throughout the quiet room.

"No, Bella. I..." His eyes found mine again, making my heart stutter slightly. He smiled, and though it was a sad smile, it eased my fears a bit. With an adorable raised eyebrow, he said, "I'll start at the beginning."

I grinned at the beautiful man before me. He didn't know how charming he was, even when distressed. "Always a good place to start," I assured him and squeezed his hand, which I hadn't released when we had sat down.

Edward took in a deep breath. "I haven't had many romantic relationships in my life." Wow. Relationships? All of my theories went out the window with that statement leaving me truly baffled. "And even fewer that really meant anything. But, I did have one, very long-term relationship."

I kept my reaction neutral, eyes not wavering from his own. The last thing that I wanted was to make him feel more uncomfortable than he already was. I honestly wasn't sure what to think yet. He had paused; I guessed it was to gage my reaction. Satisfied, he continued.

"Tanya and I started dating in high school—senior year, actually. We both attended college at Northwestern. I, of course, studied music; she studied pre-law. My parents paid for my tuition, as they had with Emmett before me and Alice after me, but with the three of us, they had required that we keep jobs to earn money for any and all living expenses and play money."

I smiled and realized that Carlisle and Esme's children did not act like spoiled, rich, trust-fund brats because they weren't. Edward's parents had made him and his siblings work for what they wanted; that fact automatically gave me a new level of respect for two people I'd already thought the world of. "Your parents are wise."

He smiled at me with a nod. Oh, how I loved Edward's smile; it warmed my heart. "They are," he agreed, and his love for them sparkled in those beautiful emerald eyes, causing another wave of my love for him to crash through my senses.

"I worked in a local piano bar most weeknights and every weekend. I really loved it." I smiled at him again. I could easily picture him completely comfortable and at home behind a piano entertaining with a carefree smile—whether in a bar or with his symphony. "Tanya tolerated it, but thought it was a childish job."

I didn't quite understand my own reaction to this statement. I felt anger slowly building—resentment, even, on behalf of this wonderful man before me. I already disliked his ex, but I bit my tongue to keep from making an inappropriate comment while he continued.

"By the time we were seniors, she was registered with Northwestern Law for the following year. I had no idea what I wanted to do, but I wasn't too stressed about it. I knew that eventually I would find something I loved, and my job at the lounge was enough for me to live on comfortably until I found it."

Edward paused slightly, and his expression changed. His pain was almost palpable as he winced. "I took Tanya to Hawaii for spring break. It had become a little tradition of ours since our freshman year of college, and each year we would spend our spring break there. I proposed to her."

So many thoughts ran through my mind in that moment. I couldn't hide my surprise, but squeezed his hand again, hoping to reassure him. His face was twisted in pain—a pain that I recognized. It was the pain of a love lost. What had happened between them?

Finally, I found my voice, though it was barely above a whisper. "Wow...I...I had no idea you'd been engaged, Edward."

He shook his head slightly. "I haven't ever been. She..." Edward broke eye contact then, focusing his gaze on our entwined hands. I wanted to cry for him; his pain was still so raw, and it broke my heart. I wanted to take it all away for him—to erase the lines of stress that looked so out of place on his chisled face.

"What happened?" I managed to whisper the question to him. He didn't look up as his brows furrowed and his eyes burned a hole into our hands. Edward's hand was tightly squeezing my own, making my heart break for him again.

"I wasn't good enough for her. I...she thought that I was content to be a lounge entertainer for life, and it wasn't good enough for her. It embarrassed Tanya. She left me for a doctor."

I felt my anger slowly morphing into something else. Rage? Was that what rage felt like? Edward not good enough? He was more than any female could ask for, regardless of his career choice. His pained expression seared my heart, and for him, I struggled to keep my emotions in check.

"Oh, Edward. I'm so sorry. That's so awful. How could she?" Really, how could she? I wondered what brought this front and center today. An anniversary? "What happened today, Edward?"

He took in another long, shaky breath. "She came here today."

I couldn't suppress my gasp. Whether it was caused by my surprise, my anger at her tenacity, or poor Edward's feelings about the whole thing, I didn't know. Perhaps it was an ugly combination of the three, but my rage finally spilled over. "What?! Where is she?" My voice was louder than I'd meant for it to be, but I jumped up from the couch, ready to hunt her down and beat her to a pulp. I looked into Edward's eyes, willing him to answer me.

"She's not here, Bella. She left." He sounded so dejected, and that just fueled my fire.

I was already well aware that she wasn't still here. "Edward, so help me...if I ever see her..." What? How was I going to complete that sentence? Could I admit to him that I was having serious thoughts of murdering his ex-girlfriend? "How could she do that to you, of all people?" I asked again, anger oozing from my throat and into my words.

"Bella?" Was he surprised that I wanted to rip her face off?

I released a gust of air from my lungs and paced a few steps away before coming back towards him again. I tried to calm myself. "Edward! How couldshe?" I was well aware that I was beginning to sound like an idiotic broken record. "You..." I sighed, throwing myself back onto the couch, resuming my previous position next to him. I took his hands in mine, and in that moment our skin connected, my rage quieted as my love for him took center stage again. His eyes were full of unvoiced questions and surprise, and my heart melted for him. It was time—time to tell him. "You are amazing_, _Edward. God, I have never met a man—hell, I've never met a _person_ like you. You are incredibly talented, and you have such a big heart." Who could have let a man like this go? "She was an idiot to let you go."

"She wants to come back," he whispered.

My heart raced before my brain could comprehend the words. Through reflex alone, I asked, "What'd you tell her?"

"I asked her to leave," he said quietly.

The reality of the situation sunk in, and my heart crashed into my stomach. I probed his eyes, desperately looking for a clue as to how he was really feeling about it all...about her_._ There was the pain in them that had been present from my first glance of him today. What else was it swimming in his perfect eyes? Hope? Love? My anger was completely gone now, and I felt almost numb as I contemplated the idea that he very well may still want her. Hope_._ I saw hope in his eyes. Was it a hope to reconcile to her? To love her?

Pain crashed into me. I knew my next question would just be asking for heart break, but I asked it regardless. I could only manage to force it out as a whisper. "Edward...do you still want her? I...I don't understand that look I'm seeing in your eyes," I admitted. In the back of my mind I was somewhat amazed at how openly I could admit that while feeling so incredibly vulnerable.

He squeezed my hands, his eyes never leaving mine. This was it; this was where he'd let me down in the gentlest, most Edward kind of way.

"I always secretly held onto the hope that she'd come back to me." Of course he did. She was his first love. "She was my first love," he echoed my thoughts. And there it was. How could someone as broken as I compete with that? But he was still talking, and I willed myself to listen.

"I had dreams of marrying her...having a life with her. I never really got closure from any of that. I never let her go, Bella." My broken heart screamed in an all too familiar way.

I was shocked by the new resolve in his voice when he continued on. "But I have to now. You wanted to know if I still want her? No. How could I want someone that I can't trust? Someone who continually judges, someone that I have to change myself for beyond the essence of who I am just so I can be with her? No...her soul and her heart are wrapped around material things—not around love, not around passion—not about the important things."

I was floored again. He didn't want her. I nodded, and couldn't stop myself from smiling at him. "Are you sure about that?"

Edward nodded, and I couldn't help myself. I pushed through my fear and leaned towards him, brushing my lips against his cheek and letting them linger there for a moment.

I spoke quietly against his ear. "Then get your closure, Edward." And I hugged him. It felt so right, being here in his arms.

"I'm going to Forks in a few days for Christmas," I told him. "I'll be gone for a week. I'm..." I took a deep breath, trying to settle my emotions as I pulled back from our embrace to look into his eyes. "I'm going to say goodbye."

He was looking for something as his emerald eyes darted between mine. "Are you sure?" he asked, his voice rough with emotion.

I couldn't stop the tears now, as the exhaustion from many emotions of the past and present crashed down on me. "It's time, Edward...I...I still have a long way to go. I have so much baggage, so much fear. If you don't want to deal with it all, I will understand." For the first time ever with Edward, I prayed for another pledge of allegiance. This time, I needed it, and I was terrified that he would take my offer of a viable out and run as far from me as he could.

His eyes were as soft as his velvet voice. "Bella." His warm hand held my cheek, and as relief flooded through me with that touch, I leaned into it as if it were my lifeline. "I meant what I said to you before. You are worth the wait. I—I love you, and I want you. I know this is not an appropriate time in your life for me to declare these feelings, but...God, Bella, I can't live without you. You've become too essential to me." My heart leaped at his words—words that the core of my being had so desperately needed to hear. Tears fell from the both of us, and in that moment, I knew. This man completed me.

"Thank you," I whispered to him. I couldn't say 'I love you' yet; I wasn't quite in the emotional place I needed to be to say so without reservation, but I hoped my words would tell him that anyway. "Edward, I have such deep and strong feelings for you, too. I'm so scared of that, but I know with time, that fear will subside. If you can be patient with me for just a little longer...I want to be with you, Edward. God help us both." I laughed, and Edward's melodic, tear-filled chuckle mingled delightfully with my own. His thumb stroked my cheek and sent sparks through my skin, warming me throughout.

"Sweetheart, I will wait—as long as you need. We can go as slow as you need to go. I just...I just needed to know that you truly wanted to be with me someday—even if not right now. You're all I want."

I sniffled through the remnant of my tears. He was my soul mate. "Edward, you're all I want, too." I repeated the sentiment with full sincerity and truth.

His eyes softened as he leaned in to kiss me. His warm, full lips ever so softly brushed mine once, twice, three times, and then I was enveloped in his warm embrace. We sat like that for unmeasured moments, words no longer needed as our bodies pressed together like pieces of a puzzle that had been apart for far too long. In that moment, all fear and pain was eclipsed by only one very powerful emotion: love.

Edward's cell phone buzzed in his pocket between us, interrupting our reverie. He groaned, and I couldn't help but giggle as he pulled back from our embrace to retrieve it.

"I'll bet you it's Alice," I said.

He smirked at me, glancing at his phone. "Good guess, Swan." He winked as he pushed the speaker phone button, and my heart tripped from its regular rhythm. "Alice. To what do we owe this pleasure, little sister?"

"Where are you guys? Rose is about to tackle every waiter that walks by just for a bite of food."

Edward glanced at me with a raised eyebrow, and I winced, realizing I'd forgotten to tell him about our dinner plans in light of the afternoon's events.

"Sorry, Alice. That's my fault," I said. "We're on our way!"

"Hurry up," her soprano voice growled, and she ended the call. I giggled again. Edward looked at me questioningly.

"You distracted me," I defended myself. "We're having dinner at the Cheesecake Factory," I looked at my watch and winced, "ten minutes ago."

Edward's face lit with a breath-taking smile. "I guess we'd better get going then before Rosalie accidentally eats one of the waiters."

I smiled and playfully hit his arm. "That is not what Alice meant."

He chuckled, grabbing onto my hand and pulling me up. "Well, any casualties at Rose's hand will be forever your burden, Miss Swan." Another wink. My heart melted, and I nearly swooned as we left the apartment hand in hand.

A/N: Thanks again to my wonderful beta readers, JadeMoon and Hazel-Buttafly!


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N: A chapter of pure fluff before we travel to Forks...**

**Alice's Tiramisu scene is all for ReddTwilight—thanks so much for your support ;-)**

**Chapter 10**

EPOV

It was an odd feeling walking up to our groups' large and round cloth-covered table while holding Bella's hand. It escaped no one's notice, and I wondered if Bella felt as nervous as I did while I pulled out the empty chair next to Alice for her to sit in. If Bella was nervous, her face didn't give her away. She looked as happy and content as she had when we left my apartment, and I delighted in that fact.

Bella was beautiful, as always, but there was a change in her. It was the first thing I had noticed when I saw her today, though I hadn't been in the state of mind to fully appreciate it then. I made a mental note to ask Bella about how her appointment had gone earlier in the afternoon. I had assumed that it was the appointment which had convinced her to go to Forks for the holidays.

Her brown eyes sparkled in the dimly lit restaurant as they swept over the others at our table, who were all as amazed as I at the difference in her; her eyes finally fell to me as I moved to sit in the last empty chair between her and Rosalie, not allowing my eyes to shift from Bella.

"Thank you, Edward." She smiled her gorgeous smile.

I returned it, basking in the warmth of her current happiness and absorbing it as my own. "My pleasure."

I couldn't ignore Alice's laser eyes, which were burning into Bella and myself in turn, calculating the unknown cause for this very new development. Her eyes finally fell on me and remained idle as she asked, "Where have you two been?"

My nerves tightened to a whole new level of tension at her on-edge tone; all eyes fell on Bella and me again. Everyone silent and awaiting an answer, an explanation.

Was Bella ready to tell them about us—what little of there was at this point? Should I tell them about Tanya's visit? I looked at Bella to measure her reaction. Again, her features reflected no discomfort. She turned to me and smiled brightly before turning her gaze to each of the others at the table.

"I'm sorry Edward and I are late. We got caught up in conversation."

Alice looked at her curiously, her tiny black eyebrow arched suspiciously. Bella's melodic laugh rang out at Alice's expression. I swear, the girl's laugh could rival any piece of music ever written. Alice finally thawed with a smile and took one of Bella's hands into both of her own, looking to her eyes.

"How did your appointment go?"

Bella nodded as she gathered her thoughts; I was as anxious as my siblings were to hear her answer.

"Well...it went very well, I think. Your dad was right, Dr. Weber is wonderful—made me feel completely comfortable. I basically spent the hour telling her about myself, my past and present. I'll be going to see her twice a week from now on."

I was so proud of her for that; I wanted to tell her so, but felt unsure about it in the presence of my family. I didn't want to embarrass her.

Alice nodded at Bella with a smile. "I'm so glad it went well, sweetie."

Bella's face was glowing, and the sight made my heart swell so much that I thought it would burst in my chest.

"I'm going to visit my dad for Christmas," she announced.

My eyes traveled over them to gauge their reactions. Alice's ice blue eyes were wide as her face transformed with her grin—she knew just how monumental that step was for Bella. Jasper's hazel orbs softened as he gazed at Bella, his smile gentle and...proud? Of course, he would know better than any of the rest of us how difficult this would be for her. I realized then that he must have shared his past with her, and I was grateful to him for showing her she wasn't alone.

It was my guess that the significance of Bella's statement was lost on Emmett and Rosalie, as they both simply smiled politely. I squeezed Bella's hand, and her captivating goddess eyes fell upon me. I delighted in them, love spilling over the brim of my heart; it had never been so full as it was today.

Jasper was first to speak. "That's wonderful, Bella. It will be difficult for you, darlin'," he drawled, "but it's plain to see you're ready for that now. You'll feel so free after you're able to accept the past and say goodbye." His voice was compassionate and full of understanding.

Bella's smile to him was grateful as tears filled here eyes. "Thank you, Jazz."

His response was a silent, gentle grin.

Alice then wrapped Bella in a hug, and whispered, "I'm so proud of you, Bella."

I could no longer see Bella's face as she embraced my sister; she didn't give Alice an audible answer, but Alice and Bella often spoke a strange, non-verbal language—they had from nearly the beginning. It stirred something within me to know that the two most important women in my life were so incredibly close.

"So, Bella," Emmett's booming voice broke into the conversation, immediately lightening the mood. "Going back to rainy W.A., huh?"

Bella pulled back from Alice and grinned at him. "Yep."

He smiled at her as Rosalie growled. "Where is the idiot waiter?!"

Emmett grimaced, and I was intrigued and amused as he wrapped an arm around her and used his other to signal a nearby waiter.

"Good sir," Emmett said as the teenage boy approached our table; my brother's face was a mask, completely stoic and serious. It took nearly all of my self-control not to laugh out loud at him. "I'm not sure which lucky bastard is assigned to our table tonight, but my beautiful wife, here, is eating for two and finally able to keep from upchucking after doing so. See, mama bear is hungry, baby Cullen is hungry, and sir, I fear for what will happen if our order is not taken soon."

I couldn't keep the grin from spreading across my face at the dumbstruck expression on our server's face as he glanced from Emmett to Rosalie and back again.

"I can take your order right now, sir," the boy said, glancing nervously at Rosalie again.

Rosalie hit Emmett in the arm, her face red with anger. I glanced at Bella, who looked as if she were watching a movie, elbow on table and chin in hand, biting back a laugh. Her bottom lip was captured between her two two rows of teeth, and she was so beautiful.

Looking at Bella, I could not keep my mind from wandering to a vision of her carrying a baby Cullen of her own, craving strange combinations of foods and growing beautifully round with my child. I was getting slightly ahead of myself, though, and I realized that Bella's eyes were no longer on Emmett and Rosalie but on me, watching with anticipative eyes.

"What?" I croaked out, embarrassed.

She simply smiled that exquisite smile as our waiter nervously cleared his throat. My eyes traveled to him, and he was now behind Bella's chair, also looking at me expectantly.

"Your order, sir?"

"Oh." Again, embarrassment coursed through me, and I mumbled my order to him. I looked back at Bella, my cheeks tingling with unease at the fact that she had caught me completely wrapped up in her.

She just laughed lightly, and my heart oozed love at the sound, making me forget that there was any wrong in the world, least of all at our table.

"Geez, Edward." Rose said as the waiter left our table. "You could have the courtesy to not ogle Bella at the freaking dinner table."

Whatever heat had dissipated from my cheeks with Bella's laugh returned full force at Rosalie's comment. I knew there was nothing I could say to make the situation less embarrassing for myself and for Bella, so I shot Bella an apologetic smile, hoping I hadn't disconcerted her too much. Her returning grin held no displeasure and granted forgiveness as she took my hand in hers and squeezed it.

Emmett cleared his throat. "Um...would you like us to leave the table? Give you two some privacy?"

I groaned, knowing that I should have been expecting this. If there was one thing my family excelled in, it was mastery of embarrassment. Bella blushed at Emmett's comment, and I glared at him. He grinned and wiggled his eyebrows, earning another whack from Rose. Emmett looked over at her, feigning injury as he rubbed it, pouting. She glared at him.

"Okay, okay. I'll behave," he surrendered with a grin.

Bella and Alice had, in the commotion, become wrapped up in their own quiet conversation as we waited for our food to arrive. I couldn't help but touch her. So much had changed in the course of the day—granted it had been an ever-building development from the moment we met, but now that Bella was here next to me after our discussion, my heart felt whole, completed. I wanted nothing more than to hold her for always.

I knew that our physical boundaries would have to be stretched very slowly for Bella; I didn't want to do anything to make her uncomfortable or push her away, and I knew that it wouldn't be an easy process for her. I did, however, risk resting a hand on her jean-clad knee; she turned her head from Alice toward me, and her smile was small and shy, unsure. The innocence of her face made butterflies whirl in my stomach. The forlorn feeling took me by surprise, and I took great pleasure in welcoming it with metaphorical open arms.

The wall that had been between Bella and me from day one had fallen today, and something bigger than the both of us was blossoming. I had no words for what it was, but notes were again dancing through my mind's eye, ready to express what my words could not. I was sure of the fact that the blossoming flower between us was already magnificent, with beauty beyond measure and so powerful that it was rapidly becoming my sun, the bright and brilliant star in the center of my universe.

I hadn't noticed when our dinner plates were served, so as I turned from watching the art of Bella eating to my own plate, I wondered how long it had gone untouched. I barely tasted my food, my mind full of glorious refrains—refrains that told of a wordless story of love. I had imagined in the past what it would sound like, our love, but I had been so far off. None of the melodies that I had toyed with in my many weeks of longing for Bella could have come close to what they should have sounded like. With that realization, I had come to the epiphany that all creation of music was for Bella. Bella, my soul mate and sweet angel, along with the feelings that she created in me, were inspiration incarnate. She was the ultimate muse—the best that had ever existed, and I would do everything in my power for all of my life to keep her safe and happy. I was determined; not a day would pass that she had to question my love, my intentions, my devotion.

"Wow, seriously Edward. Are you going to be joining us at all this evening?" I was again snapped from my reverie, and my pixie of a sister smirked at me. I blushed like a little girl again, rubbing the back of my neck in my uncomfortable embarrassment.

All mortification faded when Bella laughed. My eyes fell to hers again, and her waiting smile was the tractor beam to my heart's happiness. I grinned back.

"What kind of cheesecake will you be eating tonight?" Bella asked, pushing the menu closer to me.

"Strawberry," I said quickly, without looking at the menu.

She grinned at me. "Me, too. It's my favorite."

"Mine, too." I felt like an eight-year-old with a crush on the pretty girl in class; my heart thrilled at the small similarity of our favorite cheesecake. I knew it was silly, but it elated me nonetheless.

"Great," Rosalie muttered, smirking. "Maybe that could be the alternative to a cake at your wedding."

I heard Bella's sharp intake of air and turned to reassure her just in time to see her stand from the table.

"Excuse me," she choked out. Her voice was hushed, almost pained.

I glared at my sister-in-law, but before I could vocalize my displeasure at her highly inappropriate comment, Alice's voice pierced the air surrounding our table. She was as angry as I was.

"What the hell was that, Rosalie? Look, I know you've got the weird hormonal mood swings going on, but seriously? That was an extremely insensitive thing to say to her."

Rosalie looked from Alice to me, and she had the decency to look ashamed of herself. "I'm sorry, Edward. I was out of line," she said quietly.

"Don't apologize to me, Rose. Just because Bella has taken such a huge step today doesn't mean that she is over his death. It doesn't mean that it's okay to start making cracks about marriage or babies or even sex," I said, pointedly turning my glare to my brother for the last comment, then back to Rose. "It's going to be slow, and she's going to need time. Please just lay off with the relationship innuendos," I said, my voice at a volume higher than I intended.

Both Rose and Emmett looked at me in shock from my outburst, and I saw something I would never have thought I'd ever see—Rosalie was crying. I instantly felt bad. Emmett rushed to envelop her, glaring at me. Before I could say anything, she was speaking again.

"No, you're right, Edward. I'm so sorry. I sometimes forget about her past. I'm not around her as much. I..."

"Rose," I interrupted, voice much softer now, "I know you didn't mean anything by it. I'm sorry that I overreacted," I finished, hoping that would calm her tears. Rosalie crying was an unnatural phenomenon, and it made me uneasy.

She smiled a weak smile at me, and her eyes raised up to focus somewhere behind me.

"Bella," she said, "I am so sorry for being so insensitive. I didn't think before I spoke. Em and I always joke around, and I just didn't think. I'm sorry."

I turned around to see Bella behind me, her eyes red andher cheeks slightly puffy, but she smiled as she put her small hand on my shoulder. "Please don't apologize, Rosalie. It was harmless fun. I'm just...it's just taking me some time."

I never thought a squeeze on my shoulder would reassure me the way that Bella's did at that moment. I was so relieved to know that she was okay.

"I'm sorry for overreacting," Bella smiled and reached across the table to hug Rosalie, who in turn, grinned at Bella.

Bella reclaimed her chair next to me, and this time, it was she who slid a hand onto my knee, making eye contact and smiling. It was another unspoken reassurance that the comment hadn't unglued her. I was amazed that she could sense my need for that reassurance; if possible, my heart swelled even further.

"So I'm getting the Tiramisu cheesecake," Alice blurted out with a playful grin.

We all laughed at her the obnoxious tone of her declaration, which was obviously intended to lighten the mood—all but Rosalie, who groaned. "Yuck, Alice."

Alice stuck her tongue out at Rose. "Just because you have aversions to nearly everything doesn't mean it's gross. Tiramisu is a gift from the gods."

I chuckled as Jasper enveloped my sister in his arms and said, "And just because you have an insatiable sweet tooth doesn't mean that Tiramisu is a gift from the gods." He lovingly kissed her forehead.

"Just wait until she has a bun in the oven, Jasper. Ugh, Alice will be worse than Rosie," Emmett piped in, earning another slap on the back of the head from his wife.

Alice buried her head in Jasper's chest, and mumbled out, "It's a little early to start baby talk, isn't it?" Then her blue eyes sparkled in a way that I'd come to know well—it was mischief that made them sparkle in that way. She grinned. "Not all of us will put a 'bun in the oven,' as you so crudely put it, after a mere five months of marital bliss."

Amused at the escalating banter, I glanced at Bella, gauging her reaction to it all. Her face was lit with a grin at my siblings. Bella fit in so well with our little group, and my heart again surged with love for her.

Emmett, not one to ever lose at anything, retorted right back to our little sister. "What can I say? My boys are just eager." He winked at Rosalie, who rolled her eyes.

"Alight, enough," Rose said, sounding very maternal in her tone, but then growled again. "Where is the damn waiter?"

I smirked, and Emmett waved our poor server down once again.

Upon finishing our deserts, we gathered our belongings and hugged our goodbyes to one another.

"You staying with Jasper tonight?" Bella asked Alice as we reached the door of the restaurant and walked outside. Alice's eyes were twinkling, and I couldn't help but wonder what she had up her sleeve.

"No, he has to work early tomorrow." She turned to me then. "Can I catch a ride home with you and Bella?"

"Of course," I responded, turning from her as she turned to say her goodbyes to her fiancé.

I wrapped my arm around Bella's shoulder and was rewarded with a breathtaking smile. "Oh, the interesting Cullen, Hale, Swan dinners," I winked.

She giggled, snuggling against me due to the cold. "I'll admit, it's very different than anything I've been used to—sometimes the teasing is overwhelming to me—especially when it turns into a strange war-like game like it did tonight."

I laughed, pulling her closer. "You'll get used to it. Poor Jasper thought we were loony when he first met us."

"And Rose?"

I grinned. "Rosalie is just as competitive as Emmett; she just spurs us all on—as you noticed tonight. It's always been like that."

I glanced toward my sister and my best friend, who were still wrapped in their bubble. I didn't mind; it wasn't too cold of a night, and I loved the extra time with Bella, my angel.

"So, Jasper and Alice met in college?" Bella asked, following my gaze to the lovebirds.

I nodded.

"How long have Emmett and Rosalie been together?"

Another smile played at my lips as I anticipated her response to the answer. "They met five months before they were married." My grin widened as surprise captured her face—it was an adorable expression on her beautiful features. It was quickly becoming one of my favorite of her expressions, which were gradually becoming more and more animated. I thrilled in them all as her defenses fell and her personality revealed itself.

"They—they haven't even known each other for a year?" Bella was incredulous.

I smiled down at her and shook my head. "Nope. But, as Emmett says, 'sometimes you just know.'"

Her magnificent brown eyes twinkled at me. "I met a woman on the train today. She told me, 'love conquers all.' I guess that includes time and space, huh?"

I grinned, curiosity piqued regarding Bella's interaction with the stranger and what Bella had told her to cause such a statement. As if reading my mind, she smiled and explained.

"She told me she could tell I was in pain, but that I was also in love; she said not to listen to logic or the rules, but to my heart—and that love conquers all."

I couldn't find my voice for a few moments, stunned as I absorbed the story. "Really?"

Bella nodded, eyes glistening. "Lets just say she helped me to see the light." She winked.

I squeezed Bella's shoulder, unable to say anything, but silently sending a thankful prayer to whoever had sent the subway saint Bella's way.

"Ready?" Alice skipped up to us.

Bella nodded our response, and the three of us walked to my car. I opened first the passenger door for Bella, and then the door directly behind it for Alice. Once we were on our way to their apartment, Alice leaned forward to stick her head between mine and Bella's.

"Okay, you two. What the hell happened today?"

I glanced sideways at Bella as she turned to me and she grinned.

"Well..." With that evil look playing in her beautiful brown eyes, I guessed she was about to out me. She didn't disappoint. "Edward had a..." Bella paused to glance at me again, then continued, "colorful visitor today."

I felt Alice's eyes burning a hole into the side of my head and sighed. "Tanya," was all I needed to say. She had never liked Tanya, and she knew our entire history; she would not be pleased.

Alice gasped. "No! What the hell?!"

I nodded. "She, uh, wanted to get back together."

"Shut up!" Alice's voice was shrill at that point. "What?!" She growled, and it sounded frighteningly similar to Bella's.

Bella laughed. "Poor Edward. I reacted the same way."

"He told you everything?" Alice sounded incredulous.

"I did," I answered.

"What'd you say to Tanya?" Alice demanded.

I shrugged. "I told her to leave."

Alice stared at me, mouth hanging open; after a few moments, she turned to Bella, voice eerily calm. "What happened at your appointment?" The shift in the conversation threw me off balance.

It was Bella's turn to shrug. "What I told you at dinner was mostly the gist of it, Alice. I told her everything about me. She asked me to consider going to Forks for Christmas. I was still undecided about that until I was on the train to Edward's." Bella explained her exchange with the woman on the El to us in detail.

Bella hadn't said the words 'I love you' to me, but that didn't matter. I knew she wasn't ready, and I had seen the love in Bella's eyes all afternoon and evening when she looked at me, as if she had opened the lock, and it suddenly pierced through her.

"Wow," was all Alice could say in response. Then abruptly, she said, "Bella, please forgive me."

Bella frowned. "For what?"

"For what I'm about to say..."

"Alice?"

"Please don't get married before me! I'm sorry for saying the 'm' word, but with how fast some people move, I have to beg you now before it's too late and you elope or something crazy like that," she said in one breath so quickly that I had difficulty following it.

I tensed, nervous for Bella's reaction, but was surprised when her heavenly laugh filled the air. "I promise, Alice. Besides, eloping isn't my style." She winked at me.

_Oh, sweet lord. Did she just elude to the fact that she wanted to marry me someday?_ My mind swirled, wrapping around the glorious idea.

I smiled at Bella dumbly as I pulled to the curb in front of the girls' apartment building, opening each of their doors in turn and walking them in. I kissed Alice's cheek, and as she unlocked the door, I smiled down at Bella.

"Sweet dreams, beautiful Bella." I cupped her right cheek in my hand and kissed her left cheek with my lips—a slow and lingering kiss like the one that she'd given me earlier that afternoon. Until today, I never would have dreamed that a simple kiss on the cheek could be so completely sensual.

"Goodnight," she whispered, my eyes drowning in hers.

"Goodnight," I responded, equally hushed.

I wrote a song for Bella that night. It was a short piece, one of the shortest I'd ever written—a prelude. It was timid and sweet, delicate and precious, and in every way it reflected today—the first day of Bella and Edward.

***

BPOV

Alice and I had stayed up late talking again; it had become a ritual for us during the last few nights post-Cheesecake Factory family date. I was wishing this morning, however, that I would have opted out of the bonding time the previous night. I yawned, walking groggily into the kitchen.

"Good morning, Sunshine!" Alice chirped, startling me.

"Alice," I groaned. "It's five-thirty. We went to bed three hours ago. What in God's name are you doing up at this hour?"

Her face fell. "I just wanted to spend a few minutes with you before Edward picks you up; I won't see you for a whole week, Bella," she whined. "I made coffee!" She handed me a mug, for which I was eternally grateful. I briefly pondered if she'd had any coffee herself—she was horribly and unnaturally chipper for less than three hours of sleep.

I smiled at her. "Thanks, Ali. I didn't expect you to get up, though—no reason for both of us to be tortured."

She giggled. "Morning is only torture to _you_, Bella."

"Right," I said shortly, annoyed again by the faulty 'I-love-mornings' gene in the Cullen family.

Alice hugged me. "I'll miss you, Bella. I know you need to go, but I can't wait for you to come back."

"I'll miss you too—so much! Thank you, Alice. Thank you for being my friend. It means more to me than I could ever tell you."

Tears welled in her baby blues as they did in my own eyes; we embraced again, and the buzzer sounded in the otherwise quiet apartment. Alice danced to the door.

"Good morning, Edward," her voice sang. "Come on up."

I rinsed my mug out, placed it in the sink, and darted to my room to pick up my bag as Alice let Edward inside.

I hadn't spent a lot of time with Edward in the last few days. Our schedules had prevented us from spending more than a few minutes together here and there, so I had been thankful when he offered to drive me to the airport, even though I easily could have taken the train. I was looking forward to some time with him.

"Hi." I greeted, trying to be cheerful, but between the horribly early morning hour and my building nerves about the trip, not much cheer found its way to my voice.

Edward unleashed the power of his smile on me, and magically, the cheer appeared in every part of me. "Good morning, beautiful," his velvet voice caressed my ears and my heart.

I blushed, and he reached forward to hug me; as he pulled back from the embrace, he took the strap of my bag and transferred it to his shoulder.

I smiled gratefully. "Thanks."

He held out his hand. "Shall we?"

I nodded, placing my hand inside of his warm one. I hugged Alice again with my free arm. "I'll call you when I get there," I assured her.

Before long, Edward and I were in his car, _Clair de Lune_ dancing melodically in the air between us.

"Thank you for letting me drive you," Edward took my hand, and I thrilled at the contact.

Glancing at him, I couldn't help but smile. He was grinning, his green eyes sparkling, his hair the same messy disarray as always. He was perfect. "Thanks for driving me," I retorted.

We arrived at the airport in record time, and Edward parked in the short-term parking lot. I'm not sure why this surprised me. He, being ever the gentleman, would not have dropped me at the curb.

After I checked in, we walked to the security checkpoint, and I turned toward him. I was slightly baffled at my sudden urge to cry.

"Bella." My name came off of his lips like a prayer, making my stomach drop and my heart hammer against the walls of my chest. He took both of my hands in his large ones. "When you get back, I'd like to take you on our first date."

My heart lost its rhythm as the idea echoed in my head. Our first date. I grinned. "I'd like that, Edward."

"Yeah?" He smiled, dazzling me; my knees shook as I nodded.

"Good." He paused for just a moment, and then said, "I have something for you."

I raised an eyebrow at him in surprise; Edward simply grinned wider as he pulled out a box from his coat pocket. It was small and wrapped in silver paper. I looked at him curiously.

He shook his head as he handed it to me. "Open it on the plane, and please call me when you land."

"I will," I nodded, taking in a long, shaky breath as my fingers held the gift.

"Be safe, beautiful. I'll miss you; I'll be waiting right here for you when you get back," he promised.

A traitorous tear slipped from my eyes, and Edward, not once breaking eye contact with me, reached up to brush it away with his thumb. He slowly leaned in, and I instinctively wetted my lips right before they were crushed by his soft, warm, glorious ones.

Our mouths moved together in harmony, fitting together in a gloriously perfect composition. After a few wonderful moments, his lips broke away from mine, and his nose brushed from my nose across my cheek and to my ear, brining to life familiar tingling longings that I thought I'd never feel again.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered huskily in my ear, increasing the hazy want that my body generated for him.

My arms flew around him, squeezing him tightly. Edward pulled away after a few moments, and my body immediately missed his warmth.

He offered a sexy crooked smile, and I couldn't help but smile back, though tears fell from my eyes; I turned to join the line to go through security, turning once to get one final glimpse of his emerald green eyes shining with emotion. He blew me a kiss, and I giggled, bringing my hand to my lips to send him one in return.

Edward's hand shot up and grasped at the air before he pressed it against his heart. My own filled with joy, and I could physically feel its pieces melding back together, with his love as its healer.

I took a deep breath and stepped forward, knowing that whatever the coming week held, I had Edward, and somehow, everything would be okay.

**A/N: Many thanks to JadeMoon for beta-reading this chapter. :) You're wonderful!**


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

BPOV

_Dear Jake,_

_I'm on my way to see you, believe it or not. Your memories, anyway—our old haunts. I'm nervous, Jake, but I'm ready. I believe with all of my heart that you helped me get to this point and, naive or not, I believe that you want me to be happy._

_I'm turning a page with this visit to our hometown, Jake. I'm scared out of my mind right now, but I'm taking a leap of faith in the name of love. I never before thought it was possible to love two people so deeply, but I believe so now. I'll always love you. You'll always be my Jake, my first love—well my first for a good many things in my life. You'll always have that place, and I know you know that. Leave it to you to be waiting all this time for me to make such a paramount epiphany, right?_

_I'm on the plane right now and will be seeing my father in less than two hours. I'm so nervous for that, Jake. I feel so regretful for having pushed him away like I have. I have so much to atone for with him and with our friends._

_There's so much I want to say to you, but for now, it will all have to wait. I promise it won't be long._

_I miss you._

_~Bella_

* * *

I sighed, placing the small journal back into my backpack; there wasn't anything left to write to him. Soon I would be there in person to say the remaining words that I had left for Jake. While having access to my open bag, I retrieved the small silver box that Edward had given me in the airport. I gingerly shuffled it from one hand to the other and back again. I wasn't sure why I was feeling so incredibly nervous about seeing its contents, but I was. I had ignored its gravitational pull for most of my four-hour flight, and upon the captain's announcement that we had a mere half-hour remaining in the air, I knew that my time of procrastination was up.

I inhaled deeply, and my fingers worked to remove the wrapping from the box. My shaking digits pulled the lid from the top, and the inside revealed a smaller item: a black velvet jewelry box. Heat pounding from my chest, sending dramatic throbs through my entire being, I pulled the soft box from its larger container and opened the hinged lid. A piece of paper rested at the top, folded twice to fit in the tiny space. I opened the plain white paper flat to reveal Edward's perfect script.

_Bella-_

_Just a little something to convey the enormous amount of pride and respect that I have for you. This bracelet is a symbol of you, my love. The charm in the center is an oak tree, and it symbolizes strength and bravery. The flower charms on either side of the tree are symbols for hope and joy, respectively. The chain is soft and delicate, like you are, sweet Bella, but it holds the power of strength, bravery, hope, and joy—just like you._

_You're the strongest and bravest person that I have ever known. Your hope is alive, sweetheart, and you deserve every joy in this life. I love you. I miss you already. Be safe._

_Merry Christmas,_

_~Edward_

Through the hot tears clouding my eyes, I traced his words, letting them wrap themselves around my heart and soul, warm and full of love. I peeked at the bracelet and gently removed it, letting my fingers caress the two silver flowers and the tree before clasping it onto my left wrist as a tear fell silently down my cheek.

It was everything that I needed to give me strength for the undoubtedly difficult week ahead. Edward's gift was not only a gift of the tangible delicacy now gracing my arm, but a gift of the intangible: his love, his support, and his faith in me. My heart ached to be near him as my soul drowned in the comfort of all things Edward.

The flight ended shortly thereafter, and before I stood from my seat to collect my bag and meet my father, I pulled out my phone, turning it back on and hitting my second speed dial button.

"Bella." My body reacted immediately to his voice; love curled my stomach into intricate knots.

"It's beautiful, Edward. I'm so touched," I whispered abruptly, unable to say anything else before telling him so.

"It's you, Bella. It symbolizes everything that you are," Edward's voice was soft and compassionate, and I fell in love with him even more.

"Thank you." My voice was a choked whisper. I vaguely noted the people filing down the aisle one by one, and I was grateful for my window seat.

"I love you, Bella. I'm just a call away if you need me, sweetheart."

"Thank you," I said again, voice still clogged with emotion. "I'll call you soon," I promised.

"Okay. Be safe."

"I will. Bye, Edward."

"Goodbye, love."

I hit the 'end' button and cradled my phone close to my chest for a moment, closing my eyes and inhaling deeply through my nose, trying to calm my shaky nerves and emotions.

I sent a quick text message to Alice, as I had promised, to assure her that I had arrived safely. I then gathered my bag and slipped into the stream of passengers disembarking from the plane.

It was just past the security line in the small airport that I got a glimpse of my father. He was standing awkwardly in his uniform, brown eyes searching the crowds for me. Our eyes locked, and tears claimed me once again. I ran to him and, upon reaching him, grabbed on tightly. Surprise flooded me as my father, a man who had the physical affection capability of a lion, held me tightly to him.

"I missed you, Dad."

"I missed you, too, Bella. I'm so glad you're here."

I sniffled as I pulled back and smiled a wavering smile. "Me too."

"Well." He cleared his throat of any lingering emotion as he straightened. "Lets get you home, huh?"

I smiled slightly and nodded as he took my bag from me, and we walked side by side out of the building and toward the parking lot. When I saw it in front of me, I shot a side glance at my dad and grinned.

"I can't believe you brought her!" I felt only slightly silly at my excitement.

He grinned with a deep chuckle. "Well, I figured you might miss the old beast."

I felt one of the sides of my mouth quirk upward, though I was trying to frown. "She's not a beast. You know as well as I do that I was not once stranded in the middle of nowhere," I said smugly as I looked to my baby, my old, red Chevy truck, rusty and, yes, quite beastly, but mine all the same.

"Yeah," Charlie agreed with another laugh, hitting the worn hood with a smirk. "Well, at any rate, thought you'd like to drive her home."

I grinned. I hadn't been behind the wheel of a car in several months, so I eagerly took the keys from him and yanked the driver's door roughly to get it to open—the door's tendency to stick was one of the truck's many quirks.

Our drive back to my dad's house was quiet, and I was thankful for the time to gather my thoughts and prepare myself for the onslaught of memories and pain that I was about to encounter. As we drove through town, the roads and familiar buildings assaulted my strength, and I willed myself to not break down in tears as I pulled the truck into Charlie's driveway and behind his police car. The small white house stood as quaintly as ever, simple and plain and with no added frill or fluff—just like Charlie. I smiled at the thought.

My dad took my bag to my old room while I went to the kitchen to make us sandwiches for lunch. Being back within the walls of this house wasn't as awful as I had imagined it would be. Small, sporadic moments found me hearing Jake's laugh echoing through time and space or watching him and my father bent over their plates inhaling the dinner I had made them, but all-in-all, it wasn't as painful as I had expected, and for that I was both relieved and thankful.

Charlie and I sat at the table in silence for the first few minutes of our small meal, but as my nerves grew, I knew it was time to apologize to him.

"Dad, I owe you an apology," I said quietly and watched as his eyes widened slightly at my words.

"For what?" he asked after swallowing a large bite of sandwich.

I sighed, looking at my hands. "For not calling as much as I should have, for not truly carrying on a conversation when we did talk...for missing Thanksgiving..." My voice trailed off quietly into the otherwise silent room.

"Bella...I..." he sighed, but then continued. "I won't lie and say it wasn't a big deal. I've missed you so much, but I understand. I know the pain of losing the one you love, and I could tell with my first look at you today that the move has been good for you."

I nodded. "It has. I—I've met some friends who have really helped me cope." There was a pause, and I added, "I'm going to therapy now, as well."

His eyes widened again. "Good. Bella, I am just so happy to see some life back in your eyes—that spark of my little girl who loves to live."

I managed a weak smile, looking at my hands again. "I'm sorry I've put you through so much, Dad. I know he was like a son to you—it wasn't just my loss, it was yours, too, and I did nothing but add to your pain," I said quietly; the regret and anguish that I felt laced through my every word.

I was surprised when I felt his rough, calloused hand close over mine. "Bella, look at me."

I obeyed, startled at the intensity I found in his gaze. "There's nothing to forgive. I know it tore you apart inside to lose him. I will never hold your grief against you. We're okay."

I groaned internally at the tears that wouldn't abate. I wrapped my arms around him again, crying into his shoulder like I had done as a little girl who fell from her bike or tripped and skinned her knee. He held me close, whispering reassurances and kissing the top of my head.

The entire scene was wholly uncharacteristic for the both of us together, and under normal circumstances, we'd both be embarrassed at our expressions of emotion and affection. However, then and there it didn't matter. It was comfortable, it was right—it was something we should have done a long time before then. We grieved together, and we showed our support and love to the other as best as we knew how.

"I love you, Dad." I finally managed to say, wiping the wet streams from my face.

"I love you, Bells. I always will."

I squeezed him in our embrace and pulled back, offering a sheepish smile.

"How is Billy, Dad?" I was immediately swallowed by my guilt and sorrow for the fact that I hadn't spoken to the man who would have been my father-in-law since the day of Jake's funeral.

"He's holding up. Rachel moved in with him to help him out...but he..." Dad hesitated. "He really lost part of himself when he lost Jake."

I nodded, tears stringing my eyelids again. "I know the feeling." I smiled sadly.

"I know." He squeezed my hand again. "I feel a little sorry for Rachel. After losing Mary in that awful accident, then Jake...Rachel is all Billy has left—and he's desperate to keep her close."

I nodded again. Rachel was older than Jake by five years and had been living in Seattle, working in a top public relations company. I'd always admired her ambition and drive and felt a twinge of pity for her having to surrender that career, but my admiration for the choice she made overpowered the pity.

"I'm going to see them tomorrow," I said quietly.

Charlie's eyes again went wide with surprise. This time I had difficulty not laughing at the reaction; it had been the only one he had to anything I'd said in the conversation. "Really?"

"Yeah. It's time."

"Do you need me to come with you? I can take some time from work—"

"No, Dad," I interrupted. "I need to go alone. I need to say goodbye, to let go."

* * *

Fear and doubt paralyzed my every cell as I pulled my truck to a stop in front of the tiny red house. It still looked exactly the same, though why I was expecting anything different, I didn't know. The rain fell heavily, turning the streets of La Push into muddy rivers surrounding the modest houses and yards.

I inhaled deeply, closing my eyes. Images of Jake and me climbing the large willow tree in the Blacks' front yard played like a movie behind my eyelids. I saw Jake and me sitting in companionable silence on the old porch swing more times that I could count, cuddled to one another and so completely wrapped up in our own little bubble. We had built our motorcycles in his garage; he taught me how to ride mine on this very street. Charlie had yelled at Jacob on those porch steps for said motorcycle and all things related to it.

The deluge of memories flooded my senses as tears fell freely from my eyes. So much of who I was had been created here—in this very yard, in this house, in the areas of nature surrounding the two.

I fingered my bracelet softly, Edward's words echoing through my mind and his love reaffirming itself to my frightened heart. I took in another deep breath and stepped away from my truck, slowly making my way towards the house. I forced my hand up to give a tentative knock on the door and willed my stomach to stay calm.

The door opened to large, familiar brown orbs. I smiled gently—they were exactly like Jake's, and the sight made the dull ache in my chest roar to life.

"Bella?" Her voice was incredulous, stunned and sad.

"Hi, Rachel," I greeted her, my voice shaky.

"Oh my God!" She shoved the screen door open for me, and I was wrapped in a tight embrace. I felt her frame shake before I heard the sobs for which it shook. They were deep and remorseful, and I felt my heart break at the sound.

I didn't know how long we stood in that embrace. The concept of time evaded me as I stood with her, hit by the familiar sounds and smells of the house—of the memories.

"Rachel, who was at the—"

Rachel and I broke from our hug, and I turned to see Billy, his face etched in shock.

"B-Bella," he whispered.

"Hi, Billy," I replied, my tone equally hushed.

"Bella," he repeated.

I trekked the few short paces required to reach him and leaned down to his wheelchair to wrap him in a hug. I was again hit with the enormity of my guilt and remorse. I should not have avoided him so- it only caused further pain. I could see that now.

"What are you doing here, love?" Billy asked.

I smiled at the endearment. "I needed to see you—see how you were." I paused. "And I needed to apologize to you."

He frowned up at me. "For what?"

"For not calling you, Billy—not visiting before I moved. I avoided you, and it was neither right nor fair."

He shook his head. "It was too painful, Bella, and you weren't ready for it yet. I am so very glad to see you now," he replied, smiling softly. Jake had inherited his smile from his father, and it was a gentle and masculine expression.

The three of us sat in the small, worn living room for hours. We shared our remembered stories of Jake and treasured our memories of him together.

"Bella," Rachel said when our conversation had quieted, "Dad and I decided that we wanted you to have this. It was Jake's." She stood from the chair and crossed the room with a box in her hands, sitting next to me on the couch and handing it to me with a smile.

I frowned at her, silently inquiring as to its contents.

She simply smiled with a single nod of encouragement. "Open it."

I did so to find a small photo album inside. I gave her another questioning gaze but didn't wait for her to answer my unspoken inquiries as I slowly pulled the book from the box. With gentle fingers, I lifted the cover of the album and gasped as my stomach lurched. The first picture was of my mom and Jake's, sitting on the Blacks' porch swing. I was a little over a year old, sitting on my mother's lap, and next to us sat Mary, who was holding a small blanketed bundle in her arms. My small, toddler eyes were wide, peeking over at the bundle, curiosity painted across my face.

Tears immediately streamed unbidden as I laughed at the picture of this moment, which my mind had absolutely no memory of. My fingers traced both women, pain twisting tightly in my chest.

On the page next to it was a picture of Jake and me. I guessed that I was probably around three in this picture, Jake two. We were both covered from head to toe in mud, looking at the camera with mischievous grins. It evoked another laugh from me.

I continued through the chronological story of Jake and Bella: age six, riding our bikes; age eight, fishing with our fathers; age twelve, Jake and me on the beach during my annual summer visit—he was teasing me with some slimy lizard. There were photos of camping trips, proms, graduations, kisses and hugs, and my breath caught on the last page—the last photo in the book. It was our engagement photo. His tall, muscular frame stood behind my smaller one, his hands resting on my hips, mine interlocked with his. Jake's chin was resting on my shoulder, and my head rested against his cheek. We were smiling; we were happy, and our love radiated off of us in waves—even in the picture.

I traced his outline, drops of moisture falling from my eyes once again and splashing against the plastic covering of the photo.

"I never knew he had this..." I whispered with an all too familiar emptiness filling my soul once again. "Thank you."

Rachel was crying as I stood to hug her goodbye.

"Don't be a stranger," she said, exhaustion tainting her tone.

I shook my head. "I won't. Next time I'm in town, I promise I'll come visit."

We said our goodbyes. I walked out to my truck, relieved that the rain had subsided. Instead of driving back toward Forks, I found myself parking at another old haunt that I needed to visit: our beach.

My feet, of their own accord, pulled the rest of my hesitant self through the wet sandy beach and toward the large, jagged log. I didn't know how long the piece of wood had been resting in that spot, but it had been there for as long as I could remember. I sat, or rather fell, into the drenched sand next to the log, thinking little of the consequences to my clothing. This was our spot. So many wonderful memories were forever burned into the essence of this special place. Tears fell as the memories swarmed my mind once again, my heart missing him with so much intensity that I wondered if it would break all over again. I could feel him here.

"Oh, Jake," I whispered aloud with a sigh, staring out at the gray ocean waves.

"He really is all around this beach, isn't he?"

I gasped, startled, as I pulled my eyes from the water to find a tall, built form that had taken residence beside me on my left. My heart leapt from my body as a wave of love and joy overtook my surprise.

"Sam." I hugged him viciously.

He didn't answer but wrapped two strong arms around me and held on tightly.

"I can't believe it's you!" I said to Jake's best friend—the man who, in all ways but blood, was Jake's brother. My brother.

"I can't believe you're here," he said, pulling back from me, a small smile playing on his lips. "I was headed home from work when I caught a glimpse of you down here. I didn't believe it could really be you—but here you are."

I nodded with a smile. "I'm so glad to see you."

His expression turned sad as his dark eyes searched mine. "Me too, Bella. I've missed you; Emily has missed you."

I nodded again, my throat choked with emotion at his words and the mention of his wife who, aside from Jake, had been my closest friend; she would have been the maid of honor at our wedding. The tears had been falling for most of the forty-eight hours that I'd been back in Washington, but my body hadn't seemed to run low, for they were falling again.

"Does she hate me?" I managed to croak out of my tightening throat.

His face contorted with his surprise at my question. "Of course not, Bella. She misses you. We got your new phone number from Charlie, and she's gone back and forth trying to decide on calling you, but she didn't want to make it worse for you."

I shook my head, not even bothering with wiping the tears away anymore. "I was so wrong, Sam—so wrong to withdraw from everyone, especially you and Emily. I—I shouldn't have ignored your calls, your visits." I was all-out sobbing now.

Sam wrapped a massive arm around my shoulder. "Bella, I in no way blame you for doing it. Neither does Emily. I feel so guilty about the whole thing. The damn ride was my idea—I was the cause of all of this. I'm surprised you don't hate me for it."

"No, Sam. It's not your fault." My voice was stronger with that statement than it had been all day. I did not want him thinking Jake's accident was his fault. "And of course I don't hate you," I added sadly.

I turned my head to look at him and was surprised to see that silent tears were falling down his flawless copper cheeks.

"Bella, I'm so sorry." Sam's voice cracked through his sobs.

I shook my head again frantically. "Sam, don't. You weren't recklessly driving a truck around a corner on the wrong side of the road. It wasn't your fault; it wasn't Quil or Jared's fault. The fault belongs to no one except the driver of that truck."

We cried together, silent and lost in our own thoughts, until drops began falling from the ominous, purple sky once again. It was a cold, biting, December rain.

"Bella—would you...would you like to come over for dinner? See Emily?"

I smiled. "Yes, Sam. I would love to." I meant it sincerely. It was time to visit my once best friend and make amends.

* * *

I awoke Christmas morning to my phone dinging with a text message alert. I smiled. Each morning I had been away, Edward had sent me a "good morning" text. I grabbed my phone from the table beside my bed.

_Thinking of you. Missing you so much. Chicago has no light without your presence. Merry Christmas. Love, Edward._

I smiled at the words on the screen. I'd spent the rest of the previous day on the reservation with Sam and Emily. By the time I had left very late in the evening, their house was full of old friends. My heart delighted in their company, and I found myself grateful for the roles that they had each played in my life. I had arrived at their home with a heavy, sad heart, and I left many hours later feeling light and joyful—hopeful.

Christmas Day came and went. Charlie and I decorated his tiny tree and exchanged small gifts. I cooked a small ham for us to share, and our day was spent in a comfortable, peaceful companionship. Once Charlie had gone to bed that evening, I cleaned up our mess from the day and settled on the warm and faded blue sofa with my phone.

"Bella!" Edward's voice answered on the first ring. My body immediately relaxed at the sound, and I nestled into the couch cushions. I hadn't spoken to him since I had first arrived in Washington.

"Merry Christmas," I greeted.

"Merry Christmas to you!" His joy was almost tangible through the airwaves, and it made me smile.

"What are you guys up to?" I asked, knowing that he'd be at his parents' house with his siblings; I felt a pang of longing for home.

Home. The word in my thoughts surprised me, but it was true. This was no longer my home. My home was hundreds of miles away from here, as was half of my heart—with Edward, with his family.

"Hang on, I'll put you on speaker." His voice was borderline giddy, and my lips turned up again as I pictured the smile on his gorgeous face.

"Okay, Bella. Everyone is here," his voice was no longer crisp in my ear, but now muddled by his distance from the phone.

"Hi guys," I greeted.

"Bella!" Alice. I smiled. "How are you doing, sweetie?"

"Really well," I responded. "I'm so ready to come home, though." My voice cracked at the word 'home.'

"Bella, when you're back and have had a chance to settle in, I'd love to take you and the girls out to lunch."

I smiled at Esme's invitation. "I'd like that very much, Esme."

"Okay, I'm going to be selfish now and take you off of the speaker, Bella," Edward said playfully.

"Alright. Merry Christmas everyone!"

"Merry Christmas, Bella!" was the resounding symphonic reply of Emmett's bass voice, Carlisle and Jasper's baritone, Rose and Esme's melodic altos, and Alice's chirpy soprano. My heart longed to be with them again.

"I can't wait to see you," Edward's voice was now crisp and close to my ear again.

I sighed. "Me too, Edward. I miss you."

"I miss you too, Bella—more than you'll ever know. You're back on the twenty-seventh, right?"

"Right," I confirmed.

"Alright. Well, I have been thinking about that date of ours, and I wanted to run something by you."

"Sure," I said, excitement filling me, and I again pondered the idea of our first date and all that it would entail.

"Well, as you know, I'm going to be playing every night for the next few weeks, but I want you to be there New Year's Eve when I play the opening concert. I thought maybe you could come to that if you wanted to? Then afterwards we could have dinner and watch the fireworks at midnight? Ring in the New Year together?"

I smiled, feeling the familiar butterflies taking flight in my stomach. "That sounds perfect, Edward."

I could hear the smile in his voice. "I'm glad you think so, sweetheart. I thought it sounded near heaven, myself, though any evening with you is—regardless of what we're doing."

My heart melted drops of gold for him, and in that moment, I desperately wanted to tell him how I felt. However, I refrained, not wanting my declaration of love to be done over the phone. I cringed at the idea.

"I'll let you get back to your family," I said after a moment.

"Okay, Bella. I love you, and I'll be at the airport to pick you up in two days."

It hadn't escaped my notice that every time Edward said he loved me, he immediately followed with another statement so I didn't feel the pressure of returning the sentiment or ever feel guilty for not doing so. I appreciated the gesture; though it seemed small, it was monumentally meaningful to me and was a testament to his incredible character and patience.

"I can't wait. Merry Christmas, Edward."

"Merry Christmas, love. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," I whispered and ended the call.

I climbed the stairs to my old room and crawled into bed. I faced one more day and one more challenge before I could go home. Tomorrow would be the hardest day of all. Tomorrow I'd be going to see Jacob; it was the day I would say goodbye—the day I would start a new beginning.

* * *

I awoke surprised to see the sun's rays shining through my window. A glance out to the driveway below confirmed that Charlie had left for work for the day. I showered quickly and ate a slice of toast with my coffee. I left the house early and drove to the very place that had caused me to dread this trip.

I slowed the truck to a crawl when I reached the top of the grassy hill overlooking town. I took in a deep breath, grabbed my leather bound journal, and exited the vehicle, making my way to the very end of the row of cold, prominent stones. I fell to my knees in front of the last one, gray and simple granite, and traced Jacob's name, hot tears trailing down my cheeks and falling into the grass below.

"Hi, Jake," I whispered.

Silence surrounded me for an incomprehensible amount of time; my tears fell unchecked, and I finally sat next to the stone, knees bent toward my chest as I traced the letters of his name over and over.

"I'm so sorry, Jake. I'm sorry that it's taken me this long to come here," I whispered brokenly through my tears. I smiled. "I brought you something."

I pulled out my journal—full of my words to him, my longings for him, my love. "It's just a bunch of letters that I wrote to you," I clarified lamely. "I just..." I sniffled. "I just wanted to say I miss you, and I love you. You'll always be a part of me, Jake. Thank you so much for Edward. I really believe that you guided me to him; you knew that he would be everything I needed after losing you. And you were right. I love him, Jake, and I want to make him happy like he makes me happy. He has truly healed me."

I sniffled again and leaned down to kiss the tombstone. "I'm going to be okay now," I whispered. "I love you."

My hand grazed the cold rock one final time, and I stood. "Goodbye, Jacob." I brought my hand to my lips, kissing my fingers and pressing them against the leather of the journal before resting it at the base of the stone. I knew that it wouldn't last there in this climate with the rain and humidity, but it didn't matter, because it was time for me to let it go- just as it was time for me to let my Jacob go.

"Bye," I whispered again softly. I turned away, walking back to my truck, back to my father, back to the airplane that would take me back to my love. I was going home.

**A/N: I don't know if I'm the only one, but I'm constantly looking for new stories to read. I started a community site with stories I really loved reading—and I thought I'd share them with you. Would love for you to subscribe if you like them! :) I'm also up for suggestions for additions as well. :)**

**www [dot] fanficton [dot] net/community/exemplary_twilight_delights/72335/**

**Another big thank you to JadeMoon. :)**


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**EPOV**

She threw a kiss at me, which I caught and held to my heart, and with that touch came a thousand butterflies dancing to life in my stomach. I watched the woman that I loved make her way through the airport security line and out of my sight. Bella turned just once more, smiled, and was gone.

I ached already. My body missed the warmth of her embrace; her kiss still burned on my lips, and my heart missed those endless chocolate eyes and adorable smile. My soul missed its other half. I inhaled a deep breath and held it, still standing in the same place where I had said goodbye to Bella—probably directly in the way of many, but I found difficulty in pulling myself from the Bella-induced haze.

The ring of my phone brought me back to reality. As I reached into my pocket to retrieve the offending device, I paced closer to the wall to vacate the major thoroughfare. I sighed at the caller ID before answering.

"Hey Alice."

"Edward. Are you done pining?"

I laughed, a small, somewhat humorless sound. "Does it sound like I'm done pining?"

She huffed. Typical Alice. "Listen, Romeo, we're going out tonight. Would you care to join us?"

I sighed. The idea of going anywhere as the third or fifth wheel of the group didn't sound wholly appealing to me at that time. That situation had never bothered me before, but now that my heart was fully set on Isabella Swan, I knew that being in the company of one or both of my ideally paired siblings and their significant others would make the intense longing for Bella all the more acute.

"I don't know, Alice. What's your plan?" I stalled.

"Well, I wanted all of us to go hang out downtown—maybe shoot some pool or something, but Emmett and Rose are out, so that leaves Jasper and me and, of course, you." I cringed.

"Why don't you and Jasper go have a nice evening out? I actually have some things that I need to get done at home before we head to Mom and Dad's tomorrow."

She hesitated but finally relented. I had an inkling that the idea of a night out alone with Jasper impeded her from arguing with me about it.

I said goodbye to Alice and wandered back out to the short-term parking lot, feeling a trifle ridiculous at how much I felt like a lost puppy in that moment. It wasn't long before I found my way home, however, and though, for whatever reason, I tried to ignore my piano, it was all in vain. It beckoned me to play with callings that almost frightened me in their intensity.

Bella inspired so much in me. The love that I could see in her eyes when she looked at me, love that I wouldn't have thought I'd ever be blessed to have, was miraculous and left me unbelievably humbled.

Notes spilled into my apartment, one on top of another, all fighting for their own place in a complicated and intricate chain of love and rapture, enchantment and devotion. So caught up in my dulcet universe was I that I hadn't realized it had already been several hours since Bella's departure- not until my phone rang with her specially-programmed tone. The melody sounded throughout the air; it was a short snippet that I had generated on my computer and transferred to my phone, delicate notes I had composed that were just...Bella.

"Bella," I greeted her, attempting desperately to contain at least a small portion of my vivacious enthusiasm.

Her tone took me by surprise, effectively clutching onto my heart. "It's beautiful, Edward. I'm so touched."

The bracelet. She had opened it; she had liked it. My heart soared, and I desperately wanted her to understand how seriously I meant the gesture.

"It's you, Bella. It symbolizes everything that you are." _Everything good_, I added mentally. _Everything wonderful. Everything that is anything._

"Thank you." Bella's voice was quiet, and I wondered if she was crying.

"I love you, Bella. I'm just a call away if you need me, sweetheart," I reminded her.

"Thank you," she repeated softly, voice still shaking. "I'll call you soon."

I thrilled in her promise. "Okay. Be safe."

"I will. Bye, Edward."

"Goodbye, love."

And she ended the call. I was euphoric simply from the sound of her beautiful voice. The woman was, without a doubt, like a drug to my very soul. The more of Bella that my soul had, the more it wanted, and now, with every change, every touch, every shared glance, smile, and kiss, the very depths of my being acutely suffered from her absence and the distance of the hundreds of miles that were between us.

In the early morning hours I willed myself to bed. I drifted to sleep with thoughts of Bella dancing through my mind, thoughts that slipped into my subconscious and morphed into dreams. My dream was nothing and everything at once. It had no specific point or plot; it was simply Bella: her face, the way her lips curled delicately when she smiled, the pure exhilarating wonder of that glorious, unfiltered grin. I dreamed of our kisses and the way our skin connected with that odd and delightful, initial electrical current. Would that current always exist, or would it fade in time? Regardless, we were two pieces of a puzzle, Bella and I, and my subconscious was well aware of that fact as it played images of its match time and time again in the hours that I slept.

I woke early with an overwhelming desire to hear her voice but stifled the longing and refrained from dialing her number. She would need every bit of her time in Washington, and I didn't want to interrupt her, so I settled on waiting for Bella to call me whenever she would. It didn't, however, prevent me from sending her a text. I'd been serious in the vow that I had made myself: not a day would pass that Bella didn't know that I loved her.

_Good morning, Beautiful. May your smile brighten the gray skies of Forks today. I love you and miss you, Edward._

I hit send, hoping she wouldn't find it too cheesy. I had never behaved this way in the past, but Bella brought out the sentimental schmuck in me, and I didn't mind it in the slightest. I'd gladly play the fool for her for the rest of my life.

I quickly showered and stepped back into my room, towel hanging from my waist, and glanced at my phone, delighted to find a text from Bella.

_My smile is inspired by thoughts of you. A piece of you is here with me, though I can't wait to see you again. I miss you, too. Have a wonderful day, Bella._

I grinned and quickly dressed in a pair of khaki pants and a long-sleeved, forest green button-down. I rushed to pack a duffel bag for the next couple of days, as the lot of us would be staying with my parents for the holiday festivities and traditions that we always shared together. A part of me that I refused to give much attention to hoped with every fiber that Bella would join us next year. She was, for all intents and purposes, already a member of our crazy family. Everyone was taken with her; she fit in so well with us, and I did allow myself a few brief seconds to ponder the concept of making her an official member of the family one day.

The knock on my door startled me. Given the lack of the buzzer sounding, I assumed it was Alice- she and Bella were the only people who came to see me that Adam allowed into the building without buzzing in beforehand. I opened the door to find her infectious grin, Jasper standing behind her looking less than thrilled to be up and awake as early as we all were.

"Good morning, dear brother! Ready to go?" Alice sang. I smiled lopsidedly at her.

"Sure," I agreed.

Alice's eyes appraised me for a few long moments before a grin spread across her face. "So," she sang as I locked my door and the three of us walked down the hall, "love looks good on you."

I raised an eyebrow at her in amusement. "Huh. Thanks?"

She laughed, linking her arm through mine. "Or I guess I should say, non-tortured, returned love looks good on you."

I chuckled at her. "Yeah, well...what can I say?"

"Did she like the bracelet?" Alice's eyes danced in delight, already knowing the answer to her question.

I had told Alice about the gift when I custom ordered it, needing her encouragement to give me the bravery that I needed to follow through with buying it.

"Yeah," I replied simply with a smile.

Her return grin was smug. "Of course she did. She loves you."

I couldn't keep the smile from my lips as I nodded. "I know."

"She'll tell you soon." Always so confident.

"How do you know?" I exchanged a glance with Jasper, and he shrugged with an amused grin.

Alice smiled. "Just a feeling."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes at her. I didn't like admitting it, but Alice's 'feelings' were nearly always spot-on. I doubted that I'd admit it out loud, especially in her presence, but I'd never bet against the freakishly accurate pixie.

After our previous ride to Mom and Dad's house for Thanksgiving, this trip felt curiously strange with Bella's absence. I drove, Jasper sitting in the passenger seat, while Alice chattered at us from the back seat. She paused mid-sentence in a story that I hadn't been listening to and said, "Next time we come, she'll be with us, Edward."

I glanced at her in the mirror, surprised. Alice simply smiled, blue eyes gleaming with her bizarre secret knowledge. I glanced again at Jasper, whose face was shining with a grin; I shook my head at the both of them.

That evening, after Emmett and Rosalie arrived, we commenced with our many Christmas Eve rituals. We weren't a particularly religious family, but my grandfather, a clergyman, instilled many traditions that my father honored to this day, years after Grandpa Cullen's death. Whether it was for that connection to his father or because the traditions were important to him I wasn't sure of, but knowing Dad, it was probably a bit of both.

We decorated our large, fresh pine tree, though large was an understatement, really. My mother, extravagant in all things celebratory, had secured a tree that was a monstrous ten feet tall. The decorating of the tree in the Cullen household was an intricate art, done in the same manner each year, as dictated by tradition. It had been done the same way for every Christmas that my memory recalled.

Dad and Mom first looped string after string of white twinkle lights until they encompassed the expansive tree from the bottom branches to the highest point. Emmett then covered the entire tree in tinsel, leaving a mess in his wake, as always. We all shared a smile at his typical Emmett antics.

Alice and I, joined over the years first by Jasper and now by Rosalie, placed all of the delicate ornaments in and amongst the branches until the final step was all that remained; Dad gingerly balanced on the step stool to place the golden star atop. Mom hit the overhead lights, and we were in the dark, softly immersed in the white glow of our masterpiece.

"So, what will we have Bella be doing next year?" Emmett's eyes, a shade of blue-green that fell somewhere between Alice's color and my own, danced as they fell on me.

Mom smiled gently, and I wondered at that strange twinkle in her eye. It was all-knowing and confident, just like Alice's. "Yes, perhaps we'll need to rearrange a bit next year."

The exchange baffled me, fanning a flame of argument between my head, which was positive that they were all jumping the gun with their assumptions of Bella and me, and my heart, which was sure that they weren't wrong. The internal conflict was dizzying to me.

Mom's voice broke into my hectic thoughts, and I was grateful for the interruption as we all joined her in the usual tradition of singing Christmas carols. The words of the chorus to _Silent Night_ rang in the air, and I slipped behind the piano, easily joining the melody with accompanying music for my family. My fingers danced across the keys with very little effort, and I took the opportunity to absorb the scene.

The room was dim and glowing in the soft light of the tree; the tree was only feet from the piano, set charmingly against the full glass wall. The moon, nearly full, illuminated the partially frozen lake and the snow-covered woods surrounding the house. My mother stood with my father next to the piano. They were lost in one another's eyes—his arm draped over her shoulder, hers around his waist. After all of their years full of careers and children and life, they still looked at each other the way that they did in their wedding photos. My heart longed for that, strove for the kind of love that was exemplified by the two of them.

Emmett and Rosalie sat on the love seat in front of the tree. She was tucked into the crook of his arm, her legs curled up underneath her. One of his gigantic hands caressed her arm softly, and the other rested on her still-flat stomach as they stared at the tree.

Alice and Jasper sat on the floor. My sister was sitting on her fiancé's lap, her arms around his neck, head on his shoulder. Both of them looked completely serene, focusing on nothing in particular.

It was perfect, really; there was only one missing piece to complete this family, and my heart ached for her keenly in the midst of the love-filled room. As that thought ran through my mind, my mother's eyes locked onto my own, and she smiled a warm, discerning smile that filled me with hope.

After several carols, we ended the evening with our final Christmas Eve tradition. Dad read the Christmas story in the same way that he had when we were young. We all sipped our hot cocoa and ate the traditional, decorated sugar cookies that we'd each participated in making earlier that day.

As Dad shut the book, he looked at his watch and smiled. "Merry Christmas, everyone." A round of similar statements ensued, filling the air with even more love and joy before we retired for the evening.

I went to bed, again thinking of Bella. I wondered if she were asleep at that moment; I wondered how her day had gone—what difficulties she had faced. I missed her so much that it ached within me, and I hoped beyond reason that I'd get to talk to her the next day.

"Merry Christmas, Bella," I whispered into my silent room before sleep and dreams of love claimed me.

* * *

I awakened to the smells of breakfast and the promise of coffee assaulting my senses, and I grabbed my phone to punch out a quick message to Bella.

_Thinking of you. Missing you so much. Chicago has no light without your presence. Merry Christmas. Love, Edward._

I glanced at the clock. It was six in Washington, and I smiled at the image of pre-caffeinated, morning Bella, all grumps and mumbles. I doubted that she'd be awake yet.

I jumped from my bed, remade it immediately (a force of habit) and slid a tee shirt over my bare chest to add to the flannel pajama pants that I had slept in. I padded, barefoot, down the stairs, and as I descended, the breakfast aromas became more potent, causing my stomach to make its hunger known.

Sounds of laughter and teasing drifted from the kitchen, and I smiled as I rounded the corner and took in the sight of my family. Em, Rose, Jasper and Alice were all sitting at the bar that separated the kitchen from the dining room. My parents worked together in the kitchen. Mom was flipping her famous banana pancakes on the grill, and Dad was scrambling eggs and frying bacon over the stove.

"Good morning, sleepy head." Mom smiled when she caught my eye.

I returned the grin. "Morning."

I took a seat on the stool at the end of the bar, next to Jasper, as Mom brought me a mug of coffee.

"Thanks, I could have gotten that."

She smiled again. "I know. Merry Christmas," she said softly, wrapping her arms around me in a soft embrace.

"Merry Christmas." I hugged her in return.

We all filled our plates and ate our very non-formal Christmas breakfast. The chatter was lively and animated, as it always was when we were all together. It was hard for me to believe that this was Rosalie's first Christmas with our family- it felt as though she'd been here for years, just as Jasper had. I couldn't help but ponder what next year would be like. Emmett and Rosalie's baby would be six months old by Christmas; hopefully Bella would be here with me, but I had no way of knowing how things would develop between us and in what aspect she would be present. I would marry the girl tomorrow if she'd have me, but I knew that it'd take time for her with each new step. I could definitely be patient for that.

We resumed the rest of our Christmas Day traditions. First we opened gifts, and much like all of our other traditions, we morphed into five-year-old children again. We spent the rest of the morning in pajamas, playing with our new gifts.

Mom immediately made use of the Nikon camera that Dad had given her, and Dad delved into one of the books that Jasper had given _him_—some Civil War book that was claimed by experts to be the newest and best on the subject. I'd honestly never understood the shared fascination that the two of them had with that era but admired their passion for it.

The rest of us alternated between playing video games and spending time with our own individual gifts. After Rosalie had, once again, bested me at the game we'd been playing, I excused myself and made my way back up to my room for a shower. A glance at the alarm clock by my bed told me that Bella would more than likely be awake by now. I went to my phone, hoping for a reply message, and smiled at the joy I felt when I saw that that was indeed the case.

_Merry Christmas, Edward. Give my love to everyone. I'll call you tonight. Bella._

I was practically giddy at the reality of getting to talk to her again. I couldn't help myself; I quickly sent her another message.

_Can't wait. Have a wonderful day with Charlie._

I hurried through a shower, and when I returned downstairs, everyone was engrossed in their own activities.

"Edward?" I followed my mother's voice drifting from the kitchen, and she smiled when I entered.

"Would you mind helping me with lunch, sweetheart?"

"Of course not." I grinned.

"The ham is nearly finished, but I need the lettuce and spinach chopped and then tossed with tomatoes and cucumbers."

I nodded my response, immediately going to work on the salad.

"So, Edward, how are things going with Bella?"

Oh, maternal ulterior motives. I grinned.

"I think they're going as well as I could hope for, Mom. She wants to be with me. That's something."

Mom smiled softly. "I'm very proud of you, Edward. It takes someone completely amazing to inspire another with the kind of loss that Bella has experienced to love again—to _trust _again. She couldn't have found anyone better for it, and I'm not just saying that because I'm your mother."

My lips turned up slightly, and I was touched that she felt so sincerely proud of me. "Thanks, Mom."

Her gentle smile altered to a mischievous grin. "Your siblings are taking bets on how long it takes you to propose."

I groaned. "And?"

She laughed amusedly, eyes dancing. "Emmett says four months." I rolled my eyes without comment, though on a level that I'd never admit, even to myself, I loved that idea.

"Rose said a year; Jasper said eight months."

She hesitated, and I raised an eyebrow at her. "Alice?"

More hesitation. "Your sister predicted that you'd propose six months from your first date with Bella—to the day."

I smiled, amused. "Hm. Well, if our first date goes as I'd like it to, that'd be June thirtieth."

My mother's eyes danced wildly with delight. "Alice chose that date for their wedding!"

I laughed. "That's ridiculous. I haven't even taken her out for a date yet! I will in no way plan to propose to her right now, and I definitely won't pinpoint a day on which to do it. Not at this point in the game."

That knowing look was back as her eyes studied me again. I quirked an eyebrow towards her. "What would you put your money on, Mom?"

She grinned. "I learned years ago to never bet against Alice."

I shook my head, refusing my imagination the free reign with thoughts that it wanted to explore. I absolutely refused it. I hadn't told Bella of my plans for our date yet, but I had known what I wanted to do since the day that Tanya came to my apartment. I'd wanted to spend New Year's Eve with Bella, wanting the beginning of the year to be our beginning as well, though technically our beginning was the day we declared our intentions.

I found it odd that Alice had settled on June thirtieth for her wedding date when she hadn't even considered that date previously; I hadn't mentioned my plans for my first date with Bella to anyone yet—not even Bella. How would Alice know? I found the whole situation ( mostly my sister) slightly creepy.

My and my mother's conversation ended there, but it left my brain on overdrive as I processed the concept. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that Bella was who I wanted for all of my life, but the idea of the situation becoming a reality was beyond my comprehension.

Our afternoon passed much the same as our morning had; it was fun and relaxed, and in the evening, Mom and Rosalie brought out plates of Christmas delectables and glasses of homemade eggnog. It was around that time that my phone rang, Bella's ring tone filling the air.

"Bella!" I greeted, overwhelmed by the joy that I felt at the fact that she was on the other end of the line.

"Merry Christmas." She sounded happy, and I was relieved and overjoyed at that.

"Merry Christmas to you!" I could not keep my enthusiasm in check, but neither could I make myself care about how ridiculous I must look and sound with my foolish grin and overeager voice.

"What are you guys up to?"

"Hang on," I told her. "I'll put you on speaker."

I pushed the button that allowed the rest of the room to hear her, and Jasper hit mute on the TV. I placed the phone in the center of the coffee table.

"Okay, Bella. Everyone is here."

"Hi guys."

"Bella!" Alice chirped. At least I wasn't the only enthusiastic one. "How are you doing, sweetie?"

"Really well," my love responded. "I'm so ready to come home, though."

My pulse raced at her words, my grin stupidly wide and my heart impossibly full. I realized that on some level, I had been fearing that she would decide to stay in Washington. Relief flooded my every pore.

My mother was talking to Bella now, but I couldn't focus on the words. I just wanted to have her to myself again, so I waited as patiently as I could force myself to until Bella finished her response to my mom, then said, "Okay, I'm going to be selfish now and take you off speaker, Bella."

"Alight. Merry Christmas, everyone!"

My family responded joyfully with their own Christmas wishes for Bella, and I grabbed the phone from the table, hitting the speaker button and wandering into the library, away from the ears of the others.

"I can't wait to see you," I told her.

Bella's sigh was beautiful. "Me too, Edward. I miss you."

The phrase echoed in my head, giving me a strange, euphoric high.

"I miss you, too, Bella—more than you'll ever know. You're back on the twenty-seventh, right?"

"Right."

"Alright," I said, excited to share my date idea with her and gauge her opinion. "Well, I have been thinking about that date of ours, and I wanted to run something by you."

"Sure." She sounded excited, and that fact simply fueled my eagerness.

"Well, as you know, I'm going to be playing every night for the next few weeks, and I want you to be there New Year's Even when I play the opening concert. I thought maybe you could come to that if you wanted to? Then afterwards we could have dinner and watch the fireworks at midnight? Ring in the New Year together?"

Her voice was soft in her reply. "That sounds perfect, Edward."

I had to agree, and smiled in relief that she liked the idea. "I'm glad you think so, sweetheart. I thought it sounded near heaven, myself, though any evening with you is—regardless of what we're doing." How true those words were. Every moment with her _was_ heavenly.

"I'll let you get back to your family," she said quietly, and I wondered if I had said too much. I did my best to shake off my disappointment.

"Okay, Bella. I love you, and I'll be at the airport to pick you up in two days." Two days. Two days too many.

"I can't wait. Merry Christmas, Edward."

"Merry Christmas, love. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," she whispered. I waited until I heard the call disconnect before hitting 'end' on my phone.

I took in a deep breath and sighed loudly. I still had an ugly skeleton of the past to deal with before my Bella returned to me. It wasn't something I was looking forward to—in fact, I dreaded it. However, I knew that if I wanted to move on and build an honest, loving relationship with the woman of my dreams, it had to be done. Tomorrow I would have to see Tanya.

* * *

I was elated the next morning when I awoke. One more day was all that I had to wait until I could see Bella again. As per usual, I reached for my phone, typing her a morning greeting.

_I can't wait to see you. One more day. Be strong today, sweetheart. I will see you soon. Love you, Edward._

I knew that today, she'd be visiting Jacob's grave site for the first time since his funeral. My heart ached for her this morning, and I wished that I could go with her, hold her, support her; I knew, though, that she had to do this on her own. She had to do it for herself- she had to let go of him on her own terms, in her own way. In my heart, I knew she would be okay today, but the fact that she would be in pain hurt my heart.

Alice, Jasper and I sat on the couch after breakfast; I had explained to them what I needed to do, why I had to leave a day early. Alice's anger was no surprise me to me.

"Why, Edward? Why can't you just let it go and move on? Bella is a thousand times the woman that Tanya could ever dream of being."

The statement made me angry. Did she assume that I was trying to hang on to Tanya for some masochistic reason? "That's exactly the point, Alice, the purpose of me seeing her—to let go. I can't move forward with Bella without some sort of feeling of closure with Tanya. It has nothing to do with any past feelings. Whatever I once felt for Tanya is gone... but I need the closure." My tone was nearly pleading for her to understand.

"Alice," Jasper interceded, "Edward is right. He and Bella have discussed the past, and I'm sure they've discussed this particular instance as well. You need to let Edward do what is best for them."

For the first time in my life, I saw my sister speechless. She stared at Jasper, dumbstruck, and then she turned to me, her eyes fading from their previous, passionate glow. "Okay, Edward, but I don't trust her. Watch yourself."

I grinned. "I don't trust her either, and believe me, I will be on my guard. Emmett said he didn't mind driving the two of you back tomorrow, as originally planned."

Alice nodded. "You keep my future sister-in-law in your mind the entire time you're talking to Tanya, got it?"

I grinned in spite of myself. "Got it," I agreed.

My mother was disappointed to see me depart a day earlier than originally intended, but I assured her as I said my goodbyes that I'd be back out to visit very soon. As I pulled from my parents' private drive and onto the highway, I dialed the number from the card Tanya had left me. She picked up on the first ring.

"Hello?"

"Hi—Tanya?"

"Edward! You called!" She sounded much too excited at that fact for my liking.

"Yeah, listen Tanya, do you think we could get together sometime today?"

"Of course, Eddie. Dinner? Our old favorite?"

I cringed. "I'd rather not go there, Tanya. Maybe we could meet at Louie's Pizza?"

"Oh. Really?" There was a long pause, and when I didn't answer, she said, "Okay, Edward. What time should I meet you?" Was I only hoping that her voice sounded dejected?

"Six, I am driving back into the city from my parents' house, and I have a few things to do beforehand."

Another long pause. What was she waiting for?

"Okay, well, I'll see you then," I said shortly.

Her voice was slightly detached now. Maybe she got the hint. "Okay, Edward."

The line went dead. I sighed, tossing my phone onto the passenger seat and working my way through the post-holiday traffic, remembering why my siblings and I had decided to stay the extra day with our parents. The traffic going back into the city was nightmarish.

After the drive that took double the amount of time it would have had traffic not been horrendous, I reached my apartment, throwing my bag in the corner of my room. I promised myself that I'd deal with its contents later and headed for the shower. I turned the water to a temperature as hot as my skin would allow and stood beneath its pulses, willing my muscles to relax and my nerves to abate. I dreaded this evening; I dreaded Tanya, and I dreaded the words she would say.

I used all of the strength within me to focus every thought on Bella. She was the strongest woman I knew; I hadn't been exaggerating when I told her so. If she could do something so hard as to say goodbye to the man she had loved unconditionally and was ready to spend her life with, then I certainly could say goodbye to a woman who meant little more to me than a past mistake—there was no love, no commitment, no affection to have to let go of. It was simply for my mind to let go of the idea of Tanya and the many ideas I'd once had for our future together.

I dressed casually—maybe even slightly less than casual. I gathered my phone but paused in my preparations to leave when I noticed another message from Bella.

_I'm so ready to come home now, Edward. I can't wait to see you. Thank you for your words—they've been more strength to me than you'll know. You be strong today, too, and we'll be together in less than 24 hours now. Always, Bella._

My heart skipped a beat, and I soared at her words. How had she known that I would need them in that moment almost as much as I needed her?

_Thank you, love. Just what I needed at just the right time. I'll be ready for you tomorrow. I love you and miss you and am so glad you're coming home. Edward._

I took a moment to smile at our messages to one another. We were, quite possibly, two of the wordiest creatures on the planet. Who sent messages this wordy as frequently as the two of us? I chuckled to myself, shaking my head. With one more deep breath, I grabbed my coat and left my building.

The pizza joint was fairly low-key. It was just a block from the university and inherently held the collegiate lounge atmosphere. I found street parking around the corner from the place and wasn't entirely surprised when I saw Tanya in the window. I took a deep, steadying breath and walked in.

I nearly cringed at the way her eyes lit up when she spotted me. I allowed a small wave and walked to the table she occupied. I was thankful that it was in a quiet corner—one that would allow me to say what I had to say without many distractions.

She smiled the classic, albeit fake, Tanya smile. "Eddie. I'm so glad you called me."

I sat across from her, unable to return her smile. "Well, since your visit to my place a few days ago, I've been doing a lot of thinking—and I needed to see you, needed to talk to you."

Her grin widened as she nodded. "Good. I knew you'd come to your senses if I gave you some time." She winked.

I nearly growled at the condescension dripping from her words. The waitress came by to take our order. I ordered a slice of pepperoni; Tanya ordered a slice of vegetable. I cleared my throat. "I have some things to say, and...I'd like it if you'd just listen for awhile and not say anything."

Her eyes narrowed slightly as her smile fell. "Okay..."

I sighed. "When you left, Tanya, I was broken. Regardless of your reasons or how justified you felt you were, I had given so much of myself to you that when you left me, I was completely devastated."

"Eddie, I already told you—"

"No," I interrupted. "You will listen until I'm finished." My voice was harsher than I'd ever heard it before, and in that moment I was glad. Her shocked, wide eyes told me that the tone had gotten my point across to her.

"I waited for years, thinking you'd come back, Tanya. I had loved you, and even after you left, I thought you had loved me." I laughed humorlessly. "It took an amazing woman and one visit from you in comparison to show me that you never really did love me. I was a toy in the game of 'what looks best for Tanya', and that's okay, because I've learned a lot. I've learned a lot about who I am and who I want to be, about the kind of woman I want to love, the kind of love I want bestowed upon me. So thank you for your part in that revelation, but your role in my life has ended."

She stared at me, wide-eyed, as our pizza was plopped down in front of the both of us. Her tanned skin, as fake as the rest of her and completely unnatural with her hair and eyes, almost paled as I returned her stare, unafraid.

"But Edward, you do love me, and I have always loved you. You're my Eddie."

I shook my head with a smile, all nerves and apprehension long since departed. "No. I don't love you, and no, you don't love me either. I'm not your Eddie...and God, I've always hated being called that."

She recoiled as if I'd slapped her, tears forming in her perfect blue eyes. "You don't mean that," she whispered.

On a very minuscule level, I did feel bad for her—she was lost in a world of shallow demands and expectations. "I'm sorry, Tanya," I told her sincerely. "You haven't changed a bit, you know that? And that's okay. You have your priorities, and I never have been, never would have been one of them, but I need that. Can you understand? I'm looking for a deeper level than flashy rings and cars and houses and parties. I just need someone to love me for who I am. Does that make sense?"

Tanya didn't respond, eyes cast down toward her plate, tears sliding down the flawlessness of her perfectly pampered cheeks. "I can change, Eddie—Edward." She paused. "I can. I need you."

I smiled, awed by the gentleness I felt toward her. I raised a hand to wipe her cheek free from the moisture. "But you don't, Tanya—you don't need me. I have moved on now. I'm okay. You'll be okay, too. I promise. There are plenty of single, rich, young doctors in this city." I winked.

She frowned at me. "Edward—"

I shook my head. "No, I'm sorry. That was out of line. Good luck, Tanya. You'll find what you're looking for, I'm sure." I stood, feeling more at peace than I had in so long, and dropped down a bill that would cover our dinner, tip and probably more. "Bye," I said softly, turning my back to the table and walking out the door.

**A/N: Great big thanks to JadeMoon for beta reading this chapter! :-) **

**Is it unethical to trade chocolate for reviews??? ;-)**


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**BPOV**

I was fidgeting and couldn't stop the incessant bounce of my knee as the plane taxied from the runway back to O'Hare. My every nerve alive and tingling with anticipation, I clutched my backpack close to my chest, willing the airplane to arrive at the gate faster than its tortoise pace.

I was thankful for a seat near the front, and once the doors opened, I walked quickly, passing others once there was enough space for me to do so. I dashed to baggage claim, nervous and excited, scared and ecstatic beyond all comprehension. I looked around the crowded area, searching for just one set of eyes that I couldn't seem to locate.

"Bella." I heard the silky, velvet voice at the same time that I felt a soft, warm hand encircle my elbow.

I spun around, and everything around me blurred into a hazy fog when my eyes met his and became trapped in an intense gaze. I wanted to say something, to say anything to the beautiful man before me, but my voice seemed lodged somewhere deep in my throat and lost in the bottomless bog that was the whirlwind of my emotions.

"Bella," Edward said again, softer this time. He stood with me in the crowded baggage claim, his musician's hand on my arm, his eyes probing my soul, and his face intense and unsmiling. The busyness and rush of people around us became non-existent as the world sharpened into a frighteningly clear focus; it was just Edward and me. It was just us.

Without a word, without another thought in my mind, I wrapped my arms tightly around his waist and buried my face in his chest. In that moment there were no thoughts of the past—mine or his—and there were no doubts or second guesses. My heart immediately recognized its place with its other half, and the recognition was beyond anything I'd ever experienced before.

I took in a deep breath, inhaling the wonderfully masculine scent that was purely Edward. My arms tightened as his wrapped around me, pulling me closer to him.

"I missed you." His voice was husky; his breath, warm and wonderful, caressed my hair.

"I missed _you_." I repeated his sentiment in a whisper that bounced off of his chest, and I was unwilling to loosen my grip on him enough to pull away and look into his eyes.

I was unaware of how long we stood there like that, but eventually, I eased away from him, not releasing my grip but separating our bodies with enough distance so I could make eye contact with him. I was rewarded with an amazingly beautiful smile that lit his green eyes on fire.

"Bella," Edward said yet again, a magical whisper as he slid one hand up my back and to my face, cupping my cheek. His touch was as soft and gentle as the caress of a butterfly's wings. His eyes captivated mine, and I stood lost in him.

"Edward," I finally found my voice. "I...I love you, Edward." I couldn't contain it any longer, and I didn't stop for one moment to think about the appropriate place or circumstance to make that declaration for the first time. It didn't matter. I just needed him to know right then—needed him to know always.

Edward's face softened, and his eyes melted as they continued their voyage in my own. His hand slid from my cheek to the back of my neck, his long and gorgeous pianist fingers delicate against my heated skin. His thumb stroked my jaw, leaving a trail of fire in its wake.

"Oh, Bella. I love you—I love you so much." And then his lips were on mine, coaxing them to life and setting them ablaze in all their soft glory. I melted into him, my arms moving of their own accord up his back until my fingers found the hairs on the back of his neck. They twisted into the bronze mess atop his beautiful head and pushed him forward, pressing his lips even further into my own.

When Edward's tongue swept across my bottom lip, it broke the haze of wanton passion and replaced it with an awakening nervousness—butterflies came to life in my stomach and heart and head. I allowed him entrance, though now consumed with a nervousness beyond belief. It felt as if this was the first kiss of this nature that I had ever had.. My apprehension soon dissolved, however, when his tongue grazed mine in a sweet, delicate dance; he explored every inch of my mouth, and his taste was pure heaven. I never wanted to let go, but he eased the intensity of our kiss, ending that amazing connection with light peppery punctuating ones, his thumb still working a slow and gentle path against my jaw. His forehead fell to mine, and we stood slowing our ragged breaths as the world around us slowly crept back into focus. No one seemed to pay us much more attention than a passing glance; it was as if earth-shattering love made itself known amidst the airport scene and its strange travelers every day.

Edward pulled back from me, his eyes dancing with an ignited fire as he smiled. "Welcome home, sweetheart."

Whether it was the words or their implications, his smile or that burning passion in those beautiful green orbs, I was rendered speechless again by the racing beat of my heart and a love so overwhelming that I nearly buckled at the knees.

Edward simply smiled, an amused twinkle falling into his eyes. "Let's get your bag and get out of here."

I nodded dumbly as he took my hand, and we walked to the correct carousel. I was only mildly surprised that there was only one small duffel bag making its way around the circle for what must be the nth time.

I threw a sheepish glance at Edward, who grinned in turn. "Huh," he said, humor lacing his tone. "I guess our greeting took a little longer than I thought..."

I giggled at him as he easily swept the bag up and slipped the strap over his shoulder. He grabbed my hand, and we walked to the short-term parking garage in blissful silence. My mind was reeling, replaying our kiss—that look in his eyes when they first met mine. My heart felt as if it would explode with the new sensations assaulting my very soul. I'd never felt anything so powerful in all my life.

When we were in Edward's car and on the freeway, I turned my body towards him and studied his chiseled face for a moment, memorizing its contours and every perfect line as if seeing them all for the first time. He was grinning, which made my own smile reappear; his eyes still danced in a joyfully complicated choreography. There was a strange glow emanating from him, and I soaked in its glorious sunshine and warmth.

Edward caught sight of me watching him in his peripheral vision, and his eyes darted from the road to me and made that journey twice more before he spoke. "What?"

My grin widened. "You are happy," I said simply, almost cringing at how ridiculous the statement sounded.

He laughed and captured my left hand in his right one. "Of course I am happy. Today you gave me the biggest, most amazing gift in the world."

I felt my smile soften as my heart melted at his words. How difficult had this process been for him? With my newly cleared mind, I was able to focus on how sensitive a person this man was. I'd known from the moment we met that Edward was gentle and caring, but it was finally in his car on that ride home from the airport that I truly grasped just how sensitive and full of love he really was.

When we arrived at my apartment, I turned to him before he could exit the vehicle, tightening my grip on his hand.

"I'd like to run my stuff upstairs, but do you think we could maybe go for a walk afterward?"

His face brightened even more, if possible, as he brought our entwined hands to his mouth and kissed our joined fingers.

"I'd love that, Bella."

He walked me upstairs, I threw my bags into the quiet, empty apartment, and we were outside and walking downtown within minutes. Our breaths danced in foggy spurts across the freezing air, our gloved hands linked together.

I couldn't keep myself from staring at him. Edward was amazing in every way—the dream man—and he chose _me_. He loved _me_. That thought overwhelmed my ability to reason, to think logically.

"You look pretty cute all bundled up, you know," I complimented with a strangely girlish giggle.

He raised both eyebrows at me and grinned. "Yeah?"

I nodded, feeling silly at my sad attempts to flirt with him.

"It must be the hat," he winked.

I giggled again as I studied his black beanie. I decided I wasn't laughing so much at the hat itself, but at the wild and adorable spurts of red-brown hair poking out from beneath it. "Yes," I agreed. "Definitely the hat. I'm anxious to see the effects that that hat has on your hair when you take it off."

He chuckled, and the sound filled my very being with love. "I'm afraid it may scare you away, Bella."

I smiled at him. "Never."

Edward pulled me to the edge of the sidewalk and leaned the front of his body against the railing over the river. I mirrored his actions and watched the water for a moment with him in comfortable silence.

"How was your time at home, Bella?"

All playfulness was gone, his voice quiet and serious. Our hands were still linked together, but I took a small side step closer to him to eliminate the distance between us, and our shoulders brushed together.

"Well," I responded after a deep breath. "First off, I realized that Forks is no longer home to me. My home town? Sure. My beginning? Definitely. But it's not home anymore. Home is here." I squeezed his hand and looked over at him to find his eyes already watching me. With a lower voice, full of emotion, I added, "Home is with you, Edward."

His breathing hitched, and then I was pulled away from the railing and into his arms. No other words were needed in that moment. Edward held me tightly to him, one arm braced securely around my waist and the other hand gently cradling the back of my head. I clung to him just as desperately, and I knew without a doubt in my mind that things had irrevocably altered between the two of us. It wasn't a simple crush or intoxication. I was in love with him. He was in love with me. It was deep, and it was forever.

We stood for an endless moment like that. The cold air nipped at us, but it was nothing so harsh as to distract us from one another. Eventually, though, we eased our holds on one another and faced back toward the river with a shared smile.

"And secondly?" Edward prompted me to finish my recount.

I chuckled lightly. "Yeah." I took another deep breath. "Well...I had a great talk with my dad. We talked about things that should have been said a year ago."

Edward nodded and squeezed my hand, urging me to continue.

"And I went to see Jake's dad. His sister was there, and we had a much needed talk as well. I...I don't know. I feel like I made things so much worse by disappearing. I was a daughter to him, too, you know? So not only did he lose his son after losing his wife just two years before, but then I skipped out on him, and he lost a daughter."

"Bella, I'm sure he understands the pain you were going through," Edward said softly.

I nodded. "He did understand...but it still doesn't make it right that I was so self-involved—so caught up in my own grief that I would add to his, to my dad's, to our friends'."

He pulled his hand from mine and wrapped it around my shoulders, resting his cheek against the top of my head. "Well, maybe it doesn't make it right, but it makes it understandable. Plus, you spoke to them about it, right?"

I nodded again and smiled. "I found one of our friends—well, he actually found me. He was our best man; his wife was my best friend—she was my maid-of-honor. I had dinner with them, and true to form, the whole lot of our old group showed up."

Edward smiled. "Did you enjoy that?"

"Yes. It was nice."

"I'm so glad, Bella."

"And yesterday...I went to see Jake." I'd done so will with this conversation, but apparently I wouldn't escape it without tears. I smiled through them.

"I told him about you."

Edward smiled gently and raised his eyebrow, silently welcoming me to continue.

I nodded with a small smile of my own. "You want to know something, Edward?"

"What's that?" His voice was soft and quiet, barely above a whisper as he turned slightly to look in my eyes.

"This will probably sound completely nutty, but...I honestly believe that Jake led me to Alice...led me to you."

Edward's eyes softened and became gentle beyond description. His expression told me that he thought my statement was anything but nutty. "Why is that?"

"Well..." I looked down at my hands and then back up at him, meeting those beautiful pools of green yet again. "I haven't told anyone about this, not even Alice, but when I arrived in town, I was staying in a little dive motel. I was desperately searching for a roommate in a decent area."

Edward nodded, his expression intrigued.

"Alice had an ad in that neighborhood's magazine, and I liked the sound of it but passed it by, thinking that that particular neighborhood would be beyond what I could afford, even with a roommate. I threw the magazine away and kept searching, but two days later, the magazine— the same one that I had circled things in— was on the bed in my room."

Edward smiled. "A sign."

I nodded, biting my lower lip. "I honestly think that it was. So I called the number and met with Alice, only to find that the rent was so much cheaper than most of the less-desirable places in town."

He grinned again. "Yeah...our uncle owns that building. Alice has the cheapest rent in the city, I think."

I gaped at him, unable to hide my surprise. I simply thought she'd been undercharging me—it would have been typically Alice for her to do so. "She can more than afford her own place. Why does she need a roommate?"

Edward shrugged. "She doesn't, I guess, but she hates being alone. Plus, she has this weird passion for helping people out," he winked.

I smiled at him. "Yeah, she does. She gets that from your mom."

He glanced at me, his surprise showing in his eyes. "She does."

I sighed. "I'll be lost without her when she moves in with Jasper." The idea almost depressed me.

"She'll miss you, too, Bella. But things will work out, and it's certainly not as if you'll never spend time with her again. I don't know how you did it, Bella, but in a very short period of time you've become very important to our family—Alice and myself, in particular."

I felt my tears building again. "Edward, I never thought I'd ever feel like a part of a family again when I distanced myself from my own. I didn't want to, but amazingly enough, you all just wormed your way in and made yourselves at home."

Edward's eyes twinkled as he laughed, but then his face grew serious, and he again turned from the water to face me; I did the same. "Thank you, Bella."

My confusion must have shown on my face.

"Thank you for letting us in. Thank you for letting _me_ in," he said softly.

A tear fell. "Thank you, Edward. Thank you for somehow finding a way in. Trust me," I laughed humorlessly, "I had no intentions of letting you anywhere near my heart."

His smile came easily, but it was so gentle, barely there; his tone matched it. "I know. It makes it mean that much more that you finally did, love."

The endearment caused a swell of emotion in my chest as we embraced again, and again, I was amazed at how utterly whole and complete I felt when I was with Edward, when I was wrapped safe and secure in his arms.

We walked hand-in-hand back to my apartment. Edward kissed me goodbye at the door, and I trudged up the stairs. The intense excitement that I'd had from finally being with Edward again was waning, and I felt the weight of the past week and my trip and all of the emotions that had flowed through me over the last several days. Exhaustion claimed me, and I was relieved that Alice was still at work. I was excited to see her but had no energy left to rehash my trip.

I forced my slack limbs out of my clothing and into a set of soft and inviting flannel pajamas before crawling beneath my quilt; my head hit the pillow and a deep, dreamless slumber claimed my consciousness.

* * *

"Alice, really...is this at all necessary?" I stood in my room four days later, clad only in my knee-length, white terry robe and staring doubtfully at a rather frightening set of matching undergarments.

Alice's answering grin was evil, borderline malicious, even. I groaned.

"He's not going to be seeing my underwear, Alice," I hissed. "Why in God's name can't I wear my own? You know...normal underwear."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Bella." And suddenly, I became the five-year-old who needed everything laid out. For all of her condescension, I might as well have been. "Regardless of whether or not Edward gets a sneak peak," she paused for effect with an arch to her perfectly etched eyebrow, "they will make you feel sexy...you know, give you confidence and sexual energy."

Oh my God. "I'm uh..." I knew that my face probably resembled a tomato in that moment. "Alice..." I knew that any argument I fronted would be swiftly and gracefully shut down, so I finally gave in to her with a huff. "Fine. Give me the damn things," I growled at her.

My growl wasn't as menacing as I had hoped it would be, for Alice, not fazed in the slightest, squealed in the way that only she could and shoved the offending pieces into my hand. They were a black lace set; the thong I could deal with. I loathed wearing them, but I could handle it probably better than I could handle an argument with Alice about not wearing it. The top piece could only be described as a corset. The very idea made me nauseated. We stood in front of my full-length mirror as Alice tied the back of the corset-like device.

"I can hardly breathe, Alice," I choked out as she jerked me backward.

"Good." Her tinkling voice was almost sinister. "That means it's on right."

I groaned again.

"Oh stop, Bella. Just look at yourself."

I obeyed, slightly shocked at my own reflection. My breasts were peeking just teasingly enough above the strange lace contraption that imprisoned them. It held me upright in a flattering posture, but the lace certainly left little to the imagination, and I flushed in embarrassment.

She smiled. "Arms up, girl."

I followed her instructions like the dress-up doll that I was, and she shoved a silky, soft material over my head and onto my body. It was floor length, black, flowing and really very stunning. It was strapless, and the corset underneath, I had to admit, shaped my body perfectly for the delicate dress. I looked at Alice, slightly amazed at the end result.

She grinned at me. "I'm almost hurt at how you underestimate me, Bella."

I giggled as she pulled me into the bathroom to finish my hair; Alice sprayed several different products in my hair and on my body before handing me a pair of black stiletto heels.

I inhaled deeply as I eyed them and smiled. "Well, here goes nothing. Some first date—I feel like Cinderella."

Alice laughed. "Well, first off, I'm no fairy godmother. Secondly, the dress is not a magical gift—it's yours. Thirdly, no pumpkins at midnight." She winked, and after a thoughtful moment, added, "However, blinding love? Check. Gorgeous chick? Check. Prince Charming? Eh..." She grinned, scrunching her nose. "Check, I guess. You're all set, princess." She helped me shrug into a wrap and a floor-length dress coat. "Your ride is waiting downstairs."

I glanced at her quizzically. Edward had kept all of the details of our date rather secretive, and though I wasn't surprised that he wasn't picking me up because he'd be playing in less than an hour, I'd had no idea what to expect.

"Here," Alice said, sliding a tiny bag onto my wrist and then kissing my cheek. "Have a wonderful time."

I smiled and glided down the stairs as carefully as possible, keenly aware of the possible damage that the weapons on my feet could cause not only myself, but some innocent passersby.

It was when I walked out the door that I noticed it with a startled and somewhat unsettled gasp: a sleek, black stretch limo waited at the curb. A man dressed in a black suit that matched the car held out a gloved hand to me while opening the back door with his other. "Miss Swan," he said in a rather sophisticated drawl. I smiled at him; he reminded me a little bit of Jasper.

I took in a deep, steadying breath and attempted to gracefully slide into the low backseat of the limousine. My nerves had crescendoed to an almost unbearable point by the time the car stopped in front of the familiar building that I had watched Edward play in weeks before.

The driver opened my door and, again, offered his white, polyester-covered hand to me. I accepted it with a quiet "Thank you," and was embarrassed when my voice came out as a strange squeak.

He simply smiled and ducked his head slightly in a nod before returning to the driver's door.

"Miss Swan?" I was met immediately by another man; I guessed that he was probably in his late fifties. His gray hair was slicked back and teamed with a tuxedo and bright, debonair grin, he gave off a very formal feel.

I nodded my confirmation at him, unable to find my voice for being so completely overwhelmed and awed.

"Mr. Cullen has requested that I help you to your seat for the evening, if you'll allow?" He offered his elbow to me.

I couldn't suppress my grin as I accepted his arm. "Of course."

We walked up the steps, passed the waiting line and the ticket collectors, and walked into the grand foyer, where he removed my coat and wrap and led me into the large and impressive music hall. We walked passed row after row of seats until he finally turned, and I was again surprised when, after we'd nearly reached the stage, he led me up several red velvet steps to a gated booth. He opened the gate and gestured me into the welcoming space off to the side of the general audience seating.

It was small—about the size of an average household bathroom. A red velvet couch framed by carved oak tables on either side rested in the center of the booth with a phenomenal view of the stage. I noticed that on one of the tables was a bottle of water and a folded piece of paper with a splash of red on it.

"Will you be needing anything else, ma'am?"

I smiled, my heart pounding wildly as I wondered what strings Edward had pulled to make this happen. I shook my head at the kind gentleman who'd brought me in. "No, thank you so much."

He smiled. "There's a buzzer right here by the table should you need anything throughout the performance."

"Thank you."

And he was gone. I sat carefully, as Alice had taught me, careful not to wrinkle my gown. Once seated, I picked up the thick, white folded paper from the table and smiled when I saw that the splash was actually red wax , which he had used to seal the fold and stamp with a heart. It was so very Jane Austen—so very Edward.

I gently lifted the wax, careful not to break it in half, and unfolded the paper.

_My Dearest Bella,_

_I trust that your journey here was comfortable. I wish that I could have picked you up for our first official date myself, but I promise that I will make it up to you._

_Tonight, love, I play for you, and you alone—the beginning of our love story. I have added more of our tale to the music, but that addition I will play for only you later this evening in a private concert._

_Relax and enjoy, my sweet Bella. I'll see you very soon._

_All My Love,_

_~Edward_

I was sure that the grin on my face looked completely ridiculous, and I was thankful that I had private seating in that moment. My heart swelled with love and surprise at the unfolding of the date and the painful anxiety to see Edward again.

I wasn't kept waiting long, as the lights dimmed only minutes later and the musicians were introduced. Announced very last, like the time before, Edward bowed center stage, caught my eye, smiled and blew a kiss to me before he assumed his position on the polished bench of his piano. I smiled and sent him an inconspicuous kiss in return.

My heart fluttered at his attention in this massive auditorium full of hundreds of people; I could feel the heat in my cheeks and the pain in my jaw from the goofy smile that I couldn't seem to get rid of.

This concert was shorter than the last I had been to, as it was solely comprised of Edward's two compositions. The first, _My Dreary Night_, began with its sad and twisted melody, and it affected me much the same as it had the first time that I'd heard it. I remembered how hauntingly appropriate the notes depicted my dark grief and pain, unknowing that that was exactly what he had translated into music—my pain, the pain that he took on as his own.

My eyes closed as I listened to the purity of both of his creations, and I was awed beyond comprehension. It was in that moment of complete love and admiration for him that I realized that Edward was quite literally an artistic genius. He had the ability to transpose any and every human emotion, circumstance and relationship into sound—glorious, intelligent and perspicacious sounds and silences, strings and choruses. His work was beyond beautiful and could easily rival that of the great classical composers, both past and present.

The euphonious waltz of his wordless story drifted to a finale, and the entire hall was awe-struck at its beauty. Applause and shouts of approval roared around me as every patron rose to their feet in fervid appreciation of his efforts.

Edward's face was red from his exertion; his eyes once again found mine, and he smiled the smile that left me breathless. He was last to leave the stage, and as the audience behind me departed, I gathered my note from Edward and managed to fit it into the small bag that Alice had given to me before the usher returned and opened the gate to my small piece of heaven. I grinned at him.

"May I escort you to Mr. Cullen, Miss Swan?"

His formality made my smile widen, and my heart naturally quickened at the thought of seeing Edward again. "Yes," I said as I took his offered arm. "Thank you."

He led me through the noisy, excited crowd and down a long hallway. We stopped just outside of an unlabeled door, and he rapped twice upon it. The door flew open, and everything in the world again faded when I saw his stunning emerald eyes.

"Bella." His voice was a gentle caress, and I basked in the way my name sounded as it rolled off of his beautiful lips; it was almost like a prayer and made me feel utterly central in his universe.

"Edward, you were amazing! Amazing isn't even the right word. Completely genius!" I grinned.

He smiled modestly at my rambling praise, his eyes dancing again as they moved from mine to focus behind me. I immediately missed their depths.

"Thank you so much, Gavin. I really appreciate it."

"Of course, Edward; I owed you one. You did great tonight, by the way."

"Thanks, man." Edward said, clapping him on the shoulder while he shook his hand, and Gavin left us.

"He owed you one?" I asked with a quirked eyebrow, curiosity ignited.

Edward smiled. "Nah, not really. I introduced him to his wife—that's all. I certainly wasn't keeping scores of indebtedness or anything."

I grinned at him. "You're pretty adorable when you're trying to feign modesty, Mr. Cullen."

He laughed loudly and grabbed my hand, kissing it and then pulling me into the room and shutting the door behind us. He wrapped his strong arms around me for a moment before pulling back and sweeping his gaze along my form.

"Bella, you look absolutely gorgeous," Edward's husky voice was back, and it nearly brought me to my knees. Before I could analyze the situation further, however, his face transformed with a carefree grin.

"I'm almost finished, just let me grab a couple of things and we'll be ready to go."

I nodded, and he darted to a locker, grabbing two backpacks.

"You have two packs?" I asked, confused.

Edward grinned with a mischievously conspicuous twinkle in his eyes. "One of them is yours."

"It is?" I was quite certain neither were mine.

He shrugged, eyeing the bag. "Alice's maybe? At any rate, it's for you," he said with a smile, then punctuated it by saying, "For later."

"Oh," was all I could manage, baffled by the situation. Edward grabbed my hand, and as soon as he opened the door, we were greeted yet again by Gavin. He handed my coat and wrap to Edward, who gave him another thank you, and left once more with a grin.

Edward gently draped the wrap around my shoulders before helping me into my coat and offering me his arm with an adorable crooked smile. I bit my bottom lip with a shy grin as I looped my arm through his and rested my hand in the crook of his elbow. We were greeted outside the building at the bottom of the steps by the same car and driver that had brought me here, and I looked incredulously at Edward. He smiled.

"You do realize, don't you," I began when we were both seated in the warm vehicle, "that you are setting the bar awfully high for future dates."

He chuckled, wrapping one arm around me, nuzzling his face into my neck. His other hand grabbed mine and rubbed deliciously slow circles on the back of it. "I can't promise that most of our dates won't be your average dinner and a movie sort of thing, but for the special landmarks, my beautiful Bella," he smiled a completely endearing smile that made my insides flutter, "expect nothing but ostentatious pampering and ridiculously impractical methods."

I couldn't contain my giggle at his choice of words. "Well...at least you're owning up to it."

He grinned with another trademark quirked brow and said, "At least there's that."

I snuggled into him and let out a long sigh of contentment. "This is really amazing. I've never been in a limo before."

"Really? Well, I'm glad I could provide you with your first limo ride experience." Edward winked with a grin. "And as far as amazing goes, our night has just begun, Bella."

**A/N: The best, as they say, is yet to come. :-) Up next: Bella and Edward's first date. :-) Wanted to get it all in one chapter...but decided to split it into two.**

**Thanks to you super-sweet reviewers (as well as those who have added Rescue Me to Story Alert and Favorites). I appreciate that you guys take the time to send some love! :-) Chocolate up for grabs again this chapter. ;-)**

**And as always, special thanks to JadeMoon, my super wonderful beta. :-)**


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**EPOV**

When I first stepped on-stage from behind the side curtains, my eyes immediately zeroed in on Bella—my beautiful Bella. She was close to the stage in one of the private booths that were usually reserved for guests of honor: political figures, wealthy symphony benefactors, even some actors, actresses and other musicians and composers. But tonight, it was Bella's.

I could see her eyes shining from where I stood, and her alabaster skin was beautifully contrasted by the flowing black dress that adorned her body, flowing over her curves in the most delicate and sensual of ways, neckline cut teasingly around her chest, exposing a tiny, delicious swell of her breasts. She was beauty incarnate. I couldn't stop myself; I blew her a kiss, like the lovesick fool that I was, as the rest of the room and those in it disappeared. It was just Bella and me.

I was glad when the concert was finally over, eager to begin the real part of our first date. I struggled against not admitting to myself just how nervous I really felt. I worried about Bella's reaction to what I had planned—if it would be as special to her as I so hoped that I could make it be. It was going to be cold, but luckily my reliable, albeit nosy, sister was able to help me prepare for everything; with the preparations, I hoped that the cold wouldn't be an issue at all. And luckily it was a beautifully clear evening. That would help as well.

Bella's beautiful, sparkling brown eyes held my own as we sat close—very close—in the backseat of our limousine. Our thighs were pressed together, and it took every ounce of self-control that I possessed to keep my hand from wandering to her knee and up her perfect leg. I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath and willing my thoughts under control.

"So, do I get to know where we're going yet?"

I glanced at her. Bella's face was so close to my own; the proximity of her nearly made me dizzy with want. I smiled.

"No. It would hardly be a surprise if I were to tell you now, Bella. I've struggled all week to keep it a secret...and I'm not about to let all that hard work go down the drain by telling you twenty minutes before the big revelation."

Bella giggled at my melodrama, and my heart soared at the sound, at the way that her full pink lips curled upward, at the way her endless eyes sparkled in the dimly lit car.

My arm was draped around her shoulders, but it wasn't enough contact for me; I needed more of her. With my free hand, I reached out to Bella, brushing the back of my fingers against her beautifully flushed, silky smooth cheek. I leaned into the side of her face, my lips close to her ear, and whispered, "Soon, my love. We'll be there very shortly."

She shivered, and I couldn't help but feel slightly satisfied that I'd gotten my desired effect. I brushed my lips against the tender flesh behind Bella's ear, and her breath hitched. I lingered there for a moment, smiling against her skin, before forcing myself to give her some space.

The car finally made its last turn; we'd both been watching out the window, and when recognition hit, Bella gasped and threw me a surprised glance. "Your parents' house?"

I grinned, shaking my head. "No. We'll drive past it, though."

Bella's beautiful face scrunched adorably with confusion as her eyebrows furrowed. The limo continued down the drive past the house that I grew up in and down a few hundred yards toward the lake. I glanced out the window again, satisfied with what I saw. The lights to the guest cottage were on, as were the lights on the dock. And just beyond the dock was the yacht that I had rented and arranged to be delivered about an hour prior.

The girl in my arms gasped again, mouth gaping as she turned to me. "Edward, what..?" Her voice was the smallest of whispers, caressing the air between us.

I couldn't contain my grin, squeezing her with the arm that I still had draped across her shoulders.

"The cottage is open so we can change," I explained, "which is almost sad because you look so amazing in that dress, Bella." I forced my eyes to stay connected with hers, though I was horribly tempted to sweep my glance down her body one more time before she abandoned the dress for warmer, more practical attire.

Bella smiled, with an incredibly enticing blush. "Thank you, Edward. You look wonderful tonight, as well." Her cheeks flushed, and I couldn't resist touching them again. I leaned toward her and kissed her—a gentle, chaste kiss.

"Shall we?"

She grinned and nodded, and I helped her out of the car and carried both of our bags into the small stone cottage.

"Wow," Bella breathed as we stepped inside.

"My mom designed this," I explained as we looked around the small living room, complete with a stone fireplace, "from the blueprints to the siding and paint to the furniture and décor."

Bella's eyes twinkled. "Really?"

I nodded with a smile. "It's our guest house. Would you like a tour?"

"Definitely," she grinned, and I clasped my hand around hers; my wrist brushed against the bracelet that I had given her, and I reached my free hand toward it, wisping my fingertips across the chain. I realized that I hadn't seen Bella without the bracelet since the day that I had given it to her in the airport. That fact sent a small thrill directly to my heart.

She smiled at me, her free hand reaching for the small accessory as well, ghosting ever so lightly against my fingers lingering there. "This gave me courage in Washington when I couldn't find my own," she whispered, eyes focused on the silver adorning her wrist.

My heart stopped for a moment as my eyes traveled from the item and our fingers that danced together there to her soft and innocent face. I longed to lose myself in her bottomless orbs of melted chocolate and grazed my fingertips lightly from hers and up her arm, shoulder, and gracefully long neck. I cupped her jaw to coax her chin upward so my eyes could drown in hers.

"Bella," was all that I could say, overwhelmed yet again by the colossal love that threatened to explode out of my chest for inability to contain it all within.

"Edward, I love you. Thank you for..." Bella paused, searching for words and smiling the gentlest of smiles, her face aglow. She was absolutely radiant. "Thank you for everything," she whispered.

I could no longer resist the urge to kiss her; I slid my hand from her chin and around to the back of her neck, her skin fiery beneath mine. I pulled her to me while leaning in to meet her, the short distance between us closing immediately as my lips crashed onto her soft, glorious and waiting mouth. Our lips melded together as if belonging there always, never meant to part. I was acutely aware of her hand pulling from mine and joining her other to snake up my arms and the back of my head, fisting my hair in both of her hands and tugging.

A spark of fire shot through me, and I was unable to suppress the moan that the sensation triggered; it echoed in her mouth as she opened it to me. Bella's fingers responded, gripping their hold tighter, pulling the both of us closer together. I was slightly surprised to feel her tongue dancing across mine, as I always was when she initiated closer contact, and her tongue slipped further into my mouth for a more thorough exploration.

She pulled back after a few glorious moments, flushed and breathing heavily, biting her lip as her gorgeous eyes captured mine once again. I decided in that moment that I would willingly be held captive by her all day, every day.

"Bella, I love you, too. For always," I said, my voice strained and ragged.

She smiled her beautiful smile, a flash of mischief in her eyes. "Uhm...tour?"

I grinned at our distraction and took her hand in mine again. "This is the living room," I began. I guided her through an archway to the left. "Dining room."

Bella gasped, causing me to smile again. The room was small but had a large, Victorian-style bay window that overlooked the lake. The room housed a small, circular oak table with four matching chairs. Plants, flowering and cascading vines, fell from the ceiling, along the neutral walls and down the window—some of them falling the distance to the hardwood floors.

I pulled Bella through the only other door in the room, which led to the kitchenette. It was simple, with oak cabinets and matching counter tops, pale yellow walls and newer appliances, all in white.

"Gorgeous," she said.

I smiled my response and pointed across the hall to the small, but full, bath. "Bathroom, and stairs." We had made a circle to the back of the living room, where the spiral oak stairs led to the second floor.

"There are two bedrooms up here—both have their own bathrooms," I said once we reached the top of the stairs and into the short hallway. I pointed to the left. "I think that Alice set this one up for you for tonight—and I'll be across the hall."

Bella rewarded me with a smile, and I kissed her, a quick peck on the lips. I was tempted to linger, to deepen the kiss, but instead, I handed her the pink backpack that I'd carried in. "Alice has clothes for you to change into in here. She said to tell you that she left you a note on the vanity and a garment bag in the closet for your dress."

She took in a deep breath and gave me a wavering smile. "Okay, well...I'll go change."

I watched her enter the room and softly close the door behind her before I walked into my own. I quickly changed from my tuxedo and into a pair of faded jeans, layering a black tee shirt underneath a navy blue hoodie and completing the combination with a pair of tennis shoes that Alice had packed for me.

Bella's door was still closed, so I waited for her downstairs. I noticed that by the door, Alice had placed casual, warm winter coats on the coat rack for both Bella and me.

Bella joined me a few moments later and looked just as beautiful in her dark wash jeans and ice blue sweater as she had in her formal gown. Her eyes sparkled just as brightly, and I couldn't contain my own in seeing her smile at me.

We both slipped into our coats, hats and gloves. "Ready?" I asked her, offering my hand.

She nodded, a small smile playing at the corners of her luscious mouth. We walked hand in hand out to the dock; the deck of the yacht was now glowing with white twinkle lights, and I helped Bella aboard before following her up.

"Mr. Cullen. Miss Swan, welcome." We were greeted by the captain that I had spoken to a little more than a week ago when making arrangements for tonight. I shook his hand and offered a grateful smile.

"Thanks, Maurice."

"Everything is set up below as you requested, sir." His knowing eyes glimmered as he winked at Bella and disappeared.

I turned to the beautiful creature beside me and led her down the stairs and into a dark room that glowed dimly with the tame light of dozens of candles. The room was peppered with red, white, and pink roses, just as I'd requested. Two sides of the room, opposite from one another, were full picture windows that looked out onto the water as we pulled away from the dock and onto the expansive lake.

"Edward," Bella whispered, "wow."

My name, caressed with her beautiful voice and coming from her wondrous lips, made my heart twitch. I brushed my lips against her temple and pulled off her hat, followed by her gloves, and finally her coat. "You like it?" I whispered just as quietly into her hair.

"Of course. It's beautiful." I turned her so I could see her face; unshed tears were glistening in her eyes.

"What is it, love?" I was suddenly frightened that I'd done something to maybe trigger a memory or cause her pain in some way.

Bella shook her head, eyes dancing across the room, sparkling in the candlelight. "No one—" She sniffed as a tear fell down her cheek. I immediately wiped it away with my thumb. "No one has ever done anything like this for me before," she whispered.

I pulled her into me, kissing her head again, overwhelmed once more with the powerful crashing waves of emotion that I felt for her. "I want you to know how much I love you, Bella. Words aren't enough, actions like this aren't enough...but Bella, I promise that I will spend everyday trying to show you my love for you."

Bella's fist clenched into the back of my shirt. "I don't deserve that, Edward."

"You do," I argued firmly.

"I love you," she whispered into my chest.

"I love _you_," I said again, then cleared my throat. "Are you hungry?" My voice was muffled into her hair, but I wasn't ready to move away from her just yet.

Bella nodded and I reluctantly pulled back from our embrace, leading her toward the table where our heated and covered plates awaited. I held her chair out for her before taking my own. I had arranged for a caterer to bring dinner, dessert and champagne for us just prior to our arrival. I pulled the champagne bottle from the ice bucket next to our table. "Would you like some?" I asked the gorgeous woman across from me.

She smiled softly. I could look at that smile forever. "Please."

I filled her glass and then my own with the pink, bubbling liquid before holding it up. Bella followed suit.

"To new beginnings," I smiled.

"To new beginnings," Bella repeated softly, clinking her glass to mine. We both took our first sips, and I removed the lids from our plates.

"Chicken Alfredo?" she asked with a grin.

I nodded.

"It's my favorite."

I smiled at the glint in her eyes. "I remember."

Bella's brown pools of chocolate melted softly. "Thank you."

Our dinner was mostly filled with a companionable silence. Once we'd both finished, I removed our plates and grabbed dessert from the tiny fridge against the far wall of the room.

"Edward!" Her voice was gleeful as I opened the containers, and I couldn't help but smile amusedly at her excitement.

I placed the plate of strawberry cheesecake in front of her. "Too cheesy?" I almost groaned at my unintended and lame, might I add, pun.

Bella chuckled lightly, eyes dancing in the candlelight. "Not at all. It's perfect."

Another comfortable silence blanketed the two of us as we enjoyed the fruity concoctions before us.

"Wow, I haven't eaten so much in..." she paused and giggled, "well, a very long time."

"We should head up so we don't miss what's next." I looked from my watch to my Bella with a grin.

She frowned. "Miss what?"

"You'll see. Come on."

With that, we bundled ourselves up again, and I pulled her up to the deck. As I'd requested, there was an outdoor heater close to the bow of the boat, as well as a wide and cushioned lounge chair and a stack of fleece blankets.

We were in the middle of the lake now, closer to the shores of downtown Chicago. The city lights twinkled faithfully and their reflections danced in the water around us. The near-midnight air had a bite to it, and our warm breaths danced across it in puffs of life.

"Would you like to sit?" I motioned for her to sit down in the chair.

Bella grinned and wordlessly sat in the lounge chair; I sat next to her, covered us with both large blankets and wrapped my arm around her, occasionally glancing at my watch.

"Twenty seconds," I whispered in her ear. I kissed the tender spot behind her it and then counted down against her silken skin.

"Ten," I whispered with a kiss to her jaw; my lips blazed a feather-light trail across her skin until they reached their next destination.

"Nine." A kiss to her chin.

"Eight." A kiss to her jaw on the opposite side as the first. My heart skipped a beat as her breathing accelerated slightly.

"Seven." A kiss on her left cheek.

"Six." And to the right.

"Five." A kiss to her forehead.

"Four." A kiss to her nose.

"Three." A kiss to the left corner of her mouth.

"Two." A kiss to the right corner.

"One." I placed the tiniest of kisses to the center of her soft, inviting lips as she sighed against my own.

"Happy New Year, sweetheart," I whispered against her full, warm mouth, my lips brushing ever so slightly against hers as I spoke. I didn't wait for a response. As the first fireworks exploded above us in the night sky, I wrapped my hand behind Bella's neck to keep her close to me as I slammed my lips against hers in an overwhelming passion. We battled for dominance as she responded to me with fervor, her fingers tugging at my hair as mine lost themselves in hers.

My senses were on overload as my body, of its own accord, reacted eagerly to hers. Bella enveloped me: her scent, strawberries and freesia and just...Bella, her feathery, inviting skin, her luscious, full lips and her magical fingers brought my every nerve to life. We fell backward, our lips locked and our tongues dancing. Our bodies molded together, and Bella surrendered, allowing me full access to explore the mouth that I would never, _could_ never, have enough of.

My hands moved without my permission. One held onto the back of her neck, supporting her head while I ravaged her mouth; the other traveled down her arm, my fingertips ghosting over the skin there until I reached her fingertips, then traveled back up to her shoulder and down her side. I slipped my fingers beneath her coat and sweater and let my hand rest on the skin of her hip, thumb caressing the smooth, ivory flesh of her stomach just above the waistband of her jeans.

A soft, whimper-like moan escaped from Bella's throat and into my waiting mouth; the delicious sound sent a shock wave through my body, and heat burst to life low in my stomach. Bella's fingers massaged my scalp, causing me to purr into our kiss, and I was nearly overcome with my desire for her. Somehow the logical part of me broke through, and I knew that if I didn't stop this now, I'd never be able to.

Slowly, I decreased our intensity and broke our impassioned kiss with a few light kisses to her swollen lips, each of her fiery red cheeks, and, finally, her nose. Bella's eyes opened and I drowned in their intricate depths. She smiled a soft, peaceful smile that went beautifully with her wistful expression. Her face reflected my own airy feelings of the moment.

We were surrounded by the night; all that could be heard in those few moments were the boom of the lights above us and our ragged breathing as we recovered from what had easily been the best kiss of my life. I held Bella's hand, and she rested her head against my chest as I pulled the blankets up to our chins with my free hand. Neither of us spoke as we looked up into the night sky and the lights painted across it for fear of breaking the magic of the occasion, the pure bliss that blanketed us in love and adoration.

* * *

**BPOV**

As Edward and I cuddled underneath the brilliant fireworks display that was being set off from somewhere on the shore beyond and our breathing calmed and settled into a comfortable, matching rhythm, I was overwhelmed. I felt an underlying sense of guilt. I knew without a doubt that I loved Edward, and God, how I loved him to kiss and touch me as he had tonight. His love seeped from him in every touch, every look, every word, making me feel as though I were the most important and special person in the world. Not even with Jake had I felt as cherished as I had in that evening with Edward.

And it was thoughts like these which triggered the guilt—the inevitable comparisons, though I struggled against allowing myself to make them, the feel of my heart healing under Edward's capable touch, the love that surfaced for him... love that I had never felt so strongly in my life. I buried the internal struggle, determined not to ruin the evening for myself, but especially for Edward. He'd done so much for me, worked so hard to make this date special. He deserved my every attention, my every thought and focus.

The fireworks burst into the blackness of the night around us one after another in a grand finale. Edward squeezed my hand, and I turned my head to the side and up a bit to meet the gaze of his amazing green eyes. He smiled. "Would you like to go back beneath the deck and warm up a bit?"

I shook my head. "I don't mind the cold. I have you to keep me warm."

He grinned and kissed my forehead. "I love you, Bella."

I smiled, nuzzling my nose into his neck. "I love you, too." His smell was delicious. His aftershave was musky, and it mixed delightfully with the smell of his skin, which was almost woodsy in flavor. It was Edward; it was heaven.

After a few minutes, the boat began to move again. I noticed that we were heading back toward the Cullens' estate. I scooted back from Edward slightly, enabling myself a better view of his gorgeous face. His eyes danced, and his smile held mysteries that I couldn't wait to discover. I leaned in, unable to resist the gentle warmth of his amazing lips.

"Thank you, Edward. Tonight was so beautiful," I whispered against his mouth.

His smile reappeared as he embraced me. "I'm so happy you liked it. I knew regardless of what we did that this date would be special and magical, but I wanted it to be the best date either of us had ever had."

I grinned. "You succeeded on my end."

His face softened, eyes searching mine. "Did I?"

The look in his eyes coaxed butterflies to life in my stomach. "Yes," was all I could reply.

"It did for my end as well, though it had nothing to do with any of this." He swept his hand around us, toward the yacht and the lake. "It had everything to do with this." Edward put his hand against my coat, right above my heart. "With you, with us."

I nodded. "I feel that way, too."

Edward grinned his happy, boyish and lopsided smile. "So, our evening isn't quite finished yet. When we get back, I have something that I want to show you."

I studied him for a moment. "But you won't tell me what it is?" I asked, trying to feign a frustration that I didn't feel.

He chuckled. "No. But look." He pointed to the opposite side of the deck, where his parents' house and the guest cottage shone against the blackness of the night and the water. "There's not that much of a wait now, and you've already done so well with all of the suspense and surprises. One final one for the evening certainly won't hurt you."

I laughed at him. "Alright, fine." I acquiesced.

The yacht was docked by the shore very shortly after that, and I waited as Edward thanked the captain. He climbed down to the wooden planks of the deck first and then held his hand out for me as I followed. "Come on," Edward grinned, grabbing my hand and pulling me across the deck, up the beach, and over the stone path that began where the sand of the beach ended and ended at the back door of the quaint cottage.

The warmth of the house saturated my being, and I inhaled deeply. My skin tingled from the remnants of the cold. Edward and I shrugged out of our coats, gloves and hats, and his ice cold hand grabbed onto mine, which was just as frozen. He pulled me toward the kitchen.

"Ever had hot chocolate made from scratch?"

I grinned at him and shook my head. "No, I haven't."

His smile beamed across the room at me. "Well, my dear, watch and learn."

I giggled at him but sat on the stool by the counter where he worked. Edward poured milk into a saucepan and turned the burner on the stove to medium heat. I watched as he pulled ingredients from the cabinets above him, his movements graceful and confident. His loose-fitting jeans were hanging just above his hips, and I couldn't stop myself from staring at his backside. I'd never understood when my fellow females would comment on hot asses—honestly, I'd never seen the appeal. But with Edward...I swooned. I finally understood the sentiment; every single bit of him was perfection.

He glanced over at me from the stove and grinned; I blushed, realizing he'd caught me staring. He bit his bottom lip and raised an eyebrow at me, and in that moment I was given a new definition of sex appeal. Edward's smile danced for a moment before he turned his eyes back to the stove as he whisked the milk, gradually adding some brown mixture he'd put together while I was fantasizing about him.

I groaned internally at myself. I had never in my life been so acutely aware of another person's body. Jake and I had, of course, been physical with one another. I would have gone as far as to say that we were passionate in our own way, but the comfortable, best-friend factor made me wonder if that prevented me from feeling an overwhelming and passionate attraction to him. We had made love, and it was a beautiful expression between the two of us, but not once had I had a desperate "I have to have you" moment with Jake.

As I contemplated these differences, my panic set in at the realization that already there were monumental differences in this relationship. I feared the unknown waiting for Edward and me around the corner but found myself thrilling at the possibilities.

Edward was pouring the hot chocolate into mugs for the two of us and smiled his warm, beautiful smile at me. I took a tentative sip, cautious of burning myself. The smooth, chocolatey liquid was the perfect temperature as it slipped through my lips and onto my tongue.

I couldn't help the moan of delight; I'd never tasted anything like it. "Wow. Edward, this is wonderful."

He grinned with a nod. "Mom's recipe. She always made it for us in the winter after we'd been out playing in the cold."

I smiled. "It's delicious." Heat seeped through the fingers that I had gripped tightly against the ceramic mug. My very being filled with a contented happiness.

"Ready for the final surprise?"

Edward's eyes sparkled with a hidden secret, and my heart leapt as love overpowered my senses. I was unable to find my voice, so I simply nodded my response; he grinned again, his joyful, beautiful smile melting my stomach into my toes.

He grabbed one of my hands, the other left securely around my mug of the world's best hot chocolate. We walked into the living room, and I was surprised to notice what I had not seen before. A piano, much smaller than the piano in the Cullens' house, sat in the corner beside the fireplace. The heat from the fire permeated the room in a warm, comforting blanket as we walked to the instrument. Edward slid onto the bench, coaxing me to sit next to him.

I felt a small thrill tumble through me as I sat beside him. The air morphed into an entrancing canopy above and around us; there was something surreal and wonderful about Edward behind a piano, and it was greatly magnified for me by sitting so close to where his magic originated. He set his mug on top of the piano, and his fingers splayed across the ivory keys.

I took in a deep breath and placed my mug next to his, my undivided attention set on his long, graceful fingers as they swept lightly across the keys. Edward's voice was low, sensual and romantic, as were the notes that spilled from the piano, kissing the air within the room. "I haven't been able to stop writing about you, Bella." His fingers continued their delicate dance. "The night we met was the night I started the first song; I couldn't get you out of my head. Your pain was tangible to me, and I was drawn to you like a magnet."

I could feel my eyes welling with tears. The notes he played now were romantic, soft, sweet—very different than the song he was talking about. His voice continued to match their volume as he continued.

"I never believed in love at first sight, you know—thought it was a ridiculous idea. But that night we met, I found myself wanting to love you, wanting you to love me. It was as if my soul recognized in you its other half. I never believed in fate until I met you. Do you believe in fate, Bella?" His eyes, which had been on his own fingers now looked up at mine, without missing a note in his beautiful song.

I swallowed, my stomach dancing wildly. My emotions were a swarm of delight and wonder, and they clogged my voice. It came out as a raspy whisper. "Yes."

He smiled, and his eyes fell back to the keys. "So do I." He paused and continued with the same sensual tone. "This song is the beginning of our love story, Bella."

Its delicious melody rang in the air around us and was stunningly characteristic of Edward and me—of our story as it was to this point. It was tentative, delicate and fragile; it was beautiful and passionate, slow and achingly tender. I never knew these kinds of feelings existed outside of the world of novels and movies.

His soft smile was bathed in love. "I love you, Bella. I love you with all of my heart and for always."

A tear finally fell from the pools gathered in my eyes as I rested my head on his shoulder. "I love you," I whispered. "For always."

The notes delicately diminished into a silent nothing. Edward stood and swept me into his arms before I realized that I was no longer on the piano bench. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he smiled down at me. His gentle eyes probed mine.

"Bella..." Edward suddenly looked nervous, unsure.

"What is it?" I whispered.

"Will you stay with me tonight? Can I hold you?"

My heart pounded in my ears and my chest, and as I considered the idea, my mind imagined what it would be like to sleep next to the man of my dreams. I knew it would go no further than that tonight—he somehow sensed that I needed more time for that step. But I could not deny him this; I wanted it as badly as he did.

I bit my lip and nodded slowly. His answering smile was gentle, somewhat relieved. He carried me up the stairs and into my room.

"I'll let you change. Come into my room when you're ready, love."

I nodded as Edward shut the door behind him and stripped hurriedly, throwing on my warm flannel pajamas and rushing back to his room. He was already in his bed and pulled back the quilt, patting the space next to him—an invitation for me to join him. I smiled and crawled in, snuggling next to him. His arms wrapped around me and he kissed my temple. His embrace, the comfort of his arms and his body pressed next to mine, were amazingly delightful, reminding me of a thought I often had in connection with him: home.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, Edward," I retorted, equally quiet.

"Sweet dreams, my love." And I knew that as long as he was by my side, my dreams would always be sweet.

***

**A/N: First off-big thanks to my beta, JadeMoon, keeping me straight with grammar and words and all of that important stuff. :-)**

**Also wanted to give a big thanks to coldplaywhore. Thanks so much for the shout outs! You're wonderful! :)**

**Finally, check out my profile page. I added my Twitter account (totally new to it and am trying to get the hang of it, btw), and also I'm featuring a "story of the week" as well—sharing the stories I love!! :-) So check 'em out.**

**Thanks SO much for the sweet reviews and messages and for all of you who added this story to alert and favorites! You guys are so great, and I'm touched. :-)**


	16. Chapter 15

**A/N: Will save my blurbs till the end, just wanted to warn you that this chapter earns the story it's "M" status... You have been cautioned. :-)**

**Chapter 15**

**Bella's POV**

"Bella, today I'd like to talk to you about your degree and the plans that you had for yourself before Jacob died."

It wasn't quite as hard as it had once been to hear the words "Jacob" and "death" put together in one sentence. It was an easier thing for me to talk about after having gone back to Forks to say goodbye a little over a month ago. Of course, the ache was still present; it sliced through me in a  
familiar way, but it was tolerable and did not linger in my chest for long.

I was still unable to control my fidgeting from the discomfort that the topic brought with it, but I forced myself to answer her regardless.

"Two weeks before the accident, I graduated with my Bachelor's Degree in psychology," I began, and was annoyed by the pathetic shakiness of my voice that, despite my desperate attempts, I could not control.

Angela nodded, her brown eyes searching mine for something—I wasn't exactly sure what, but when I didn't continue, she spoke.

"What career goals did you have, Bella?"

"I wanted to go to grad school—was actually enrolled for the following fall semester. I wanted to be a pediatric psychologist."

"What happened?"

I knew that she already knew what had happened, but it was something she wanted me to say—out loud—a skeleton I needed to face. "I couldn't bring myself to go back. Not only had Jake and I lived together in Seattle for three years before that, but we went to the same school that I planned to attend in the fall. Seattle held nearly as many memories as Forks," I admitted quietly.

"Why didn't you transfer to a new school, Bella? Somewhere outside of Washington?"

I shook my head, forcing myself to make eye contact with her. "I didn't have any desire to follow the path I'd set, no desire to study in a field that would no doubt rub my whole situation in my face, mock me at every turn."

She nodded, seeming to understand my former qualms. "And now?"

I breathed in deeply; it was something I'd given much consideration to in the past several weeks. It had haunted and terrified me nearly as much as the prospect of a relationship with Edward had once done.

"I think I'd like to go back to school." My voice was still quiet, and I wasn't sure why this was such a struggle for me. In all reality, the prospect of going back to study in a subject I felt so passionately about excited me—instilled a sense of hope in me and brought to life dreams and ambitions  
I didn't think I would ever have again.

Dr. Weber smiled. "Have you decided what you'll study?"

I nodded. "I'm ready to go back. I want to finish what I started out to do." My tone was stronger now, resolute. I felt confidence stirring in my stomach, provoking a strange adrenaline rush throughout my being.

"What are your plans, Bella?"

My eyes danced across her office. The wall behind her desk was solid glass looking out over Lake Michigan. It was a foggy morning, mist hanging thick in the air above the water and the city below. I smiled lop-lopsidedly.

"I'm not sure. I applied to Northwestern and was accepted into their program. If I do take that route, which I think I will, I won't be able to start now...I'll have to wait until the summer session starts in June. I have an appointment with the head of the psychology department next week to discuss  
my options for the months between then and now."

"Good, Bella. You're doing well." Angela smiled warmly and then glanced at her watch. "Our time is up today, but I wanted to discuss something with you." She set down her yellow legal pad, which was buried with her scribbled notes. Her black pen was placed atop of it, and she removed her glasses. "I feel that you're doing exceptionally well, Bella. You've submerged yourself in a solid support system; you've sought closure regarding Jacob and are handling talking about him and your memories of him with increasing ease. You're definitely achieving a healthy remembrance of him, while allowing yourself to move on with your life. It sounds as if you and Edward are going slow and building a solid foundation with one another—which is good, as well." She paused and smiled again. "All in all, Bella, I think it would be appropriate for us to rearrange our schedule. Would you feel comfortable decreasing your visits to just once a week?"

I smiled. "Yes, I think that'd be fine. And Dr. Weber, I truly appreciate everything," I said softly.

She returned my smile. "I know, Bella, but I simply helped you with things that you already knew deep down. Would you agree that you still have matters in which you'll want or need my help?"

I nodded. I wasn't ready to surrender her services just yet; they'd become invaluable to me. "Absolutely."

"Okay. I'll talk to Amy. Why don't we plan on weekly sessions— Thursday at nine?"  
"Yes, that should work fine."

We made arrangements with her receptionist, and I left. I walked several blocks in the moist, biting air; luckily, the fog was receding, and I was glad for it. I longed to feel the warm bathing of the sun's rays on my skin. Something about the sunshine always seemed to give me a renewed hope and energy.

I darted through the entrance of the corner coffee shop where I was meeting Edward. Though he was busy with daily practices and nightly performances, we had met for lunch or coffee everyday. He called me nightly when he arrived home from his concerts, and I found myself equally loathing and embracing our time apart. I longed to be with Edward every minute of everyday, but I was thankful for the restrictions on the time we could actually spend in one another's presence. I could have easily seen myself relying solely on Edward for everything—for my healing, my wholeness, even my very functionality. It was a situation that needed to be avoided; it would be neither healthy nor productive for either of us.

I could also see, after our date on New Year's Eve, that things could easily escalate too rapidly between the two of us physically. Not only had I felt the need to take it all slowly in that department for my own emotional well-being, but with that slow progress, we had been able to learn more about one another—as Angela had said, build a foundation—strong, fundamental, essential.

Our lack of time together in the last several weeks had made my anticipation of seeing Edward all the greater. I surveyed the artsy interior of the café and spotted a tuft of bronze hair in the corner. Edward's dazzling green eyes met mine, and he smiled his adorable, heart-stopping smile as he held up two paper coffee cups.

I grinned at the gorgeous man before me as I made my way to him; he had chosen a quiet corner and a small, round, table-for-two. Edward, ever the gentleman, stood as I approached, gently cupped my elbow with his soft hand, and kissed my lips with a sweet and welcoming, chaste kiss.

"Hello, beautiful." His voice was warm and soft and everything wonderful.

"Hey yourself," I grinned as I shrugged out of my coat and draped it over the back of my chair. We both sat, and Edward handed a cup to me.

"I ordered you an almond mocha," he said with up-turned lips.

I smiled. I had ordered the same coffee every time that we went out together; it was my favorite, and I wasn't altogether surprised, but pleased nonetheless that he had paid attention.

I reached for it and sipped the warm liquid between my lips. A sigh escaped my mouth at the heaven that was gourmet espresso. "Thanks," I said to him, completely content in the moment.

His smile was warm, and it danced in his eyes. "How was your appointment," Edward asked conversationally. One of his big hands was wrapped around his coffee while the other held one of mine, his thumb stroking the back of my knuckles.

"Good." My eyes couldn't leave his; their very essence filled me with a joy beyond anything I had ever known before. "We reduced my visits to just weekly now," I informed him.

Edward grinned. "That's great, Bella, love."

I nodded. "But there's something I'd like to talk to you about."

His eyes flashed in concern, and I offered a smile, attempting to ease his immediate trepidation; it seemed to work somewhat as his gentle smile returned, and he squeezed my hand.

"Well, I think that I want to go to Northwestern..." I began, studying his eyes. "I want to work on my doctorate."

Edward's face beamed—the reaction delighted me. His support in this goal was fundamentally important to me.

"Bella, I think that's completely wonderful."

I breathed a sigh of relief—air I hadn't been aware of holding in. I was surprised at the utter sense of joy I felt knowing that he thought it was a good choice. "Really?"

"Absolutely." Edward's eyes softened as they gazed into mine—an endless connection between the two of us, our souls communicating wordlessly. "You will make an amazing therapist."

His sincere words touched me on such a deep level that they coaxed tears from my eyes. "Thank you," I whispered, squeezing his hand.

He grinned, a twinkle shining in the emerald orbs adorning his face. "And by choosing Northwestern, you'll be continuing a family legacy."

Family legacy; the words echoed in my head, and my heart thrilled at the phrase. The Cullens had always accepted me as one of them, but I had only recently embraced the warmth of their sentiments and returned their love to each of them whole-heartedly. The incredible feeling of belonging had not abated in the past several weeks—if anything, it had only continued to grow, morphing into an infinite lifeline of love and acceptance.

"You all went there, then?"

His grin was back as he nodded. "Yes. All of us. Rose did as well, though none of us met her until we had all graduated."

I smiled, shaking my head in wonder at the family so tightly knit together.

"My parents attended Northwestern, as well. And my grandfather, great-grandfather..."

I raised my eyebrows and couldn't contain my giggle at his proud expression. "Wow. It really is a legacy."

He grinned. "It really is."

"Well," I sighed, "I'm meeting with the head of the psychology department next week."

Edward's eyes widened in surprise. "Really?"

I nodded with a sheepish smile. "I received my acceptance letter yesterday, but I wanted to tell you in person. I can't start this semester, because my application was received after the deadline, but Dr. Newton told me that he may have a position opening up for a teacher's assistant this semester. It will give me some extra money for tuition and help me meet some requirements for the program. I'll also be able to quit the club." Though I tried to prevent it, my hopes were already swelling. I longed to get the position, quit the club, and focus on my decided path.

Edward's grin so easily and naturally brought out my own. "That's wonderful, Bella!" He raised our joined hands to my mouth and kissed my knuckles. The sensation left a tingling on my skin that brought to life other desires for this man; I pushed back those thoughts for the time being.

He was pensive for a moment before speaking. "You know, I have to work tonight, but it's the last night of my contracted performances. Tomorrow I'm completely free, and I'd like to take you out to celebrate, love."

I nodded with a grin. "I'd really like that. We haven't been on a date in three weeks."

That earned his chuckle. "I know. What would you like to do? We can do anything you want." That twinkle was back in his eyes.

"Honestly?" I asked with raised eyebrows.

"Of course."

I blushed a bit for reasons unbeknownst to myself. "Can we just get take out and hang out at your place? Watch a movie, maybe?

His hand squeezed mine. "That sounds perfect, Bella."

* * *

The next day was tortuously slow for me; I hadn't truly realized just how much I'd missed Edward in the last three weeks until we had finally arranged some time to be alone, away from our schedules, away from others—just us, him and me.

In spite of myself, I was nervous. My heart continually struggled with my mind in a desperate attempt to bolster my confidence. There was nothing to fear; Edward had been the essence of trustworthy, loving, and loyal. I knew that my nerves were wholly unfounded.

"Whatcha doin'?" I was startled out of my contemplations by the brief, but drawn out question. My head jerked up from where I stood before the bathroom mirror, applying a bit of makeup, to Alice, standing in the doorway, her small frame leaning against the door jam. Her smile threatened to give the Cheshire Cat a run for his money.

I grinned in spite of myself. "What does it look like I'm doing, Alice? I'm putting on mascara."

She giggled a tinkling, bell-like, girly and all-out Alice giggle. "Hm," she hummed, rubbing her chin dramatically. "Well, it looks like you're preparing to ditch me tonight, dear Bella."

"I am," I admitted with a rueful smile. "Going to Edward's. We're celebrating my acceptance into Northwestern."

Her grin widened, if that were possible. "Good, because I was going to ditch you, too."

"Oh yeah? What are you and Jasper doing tonight?"

"Going to my parents' house, actually. I told them we'd housesit for them this weekend while they're in Italy."

I raised my eyebrows at her. "Italy? For the weekend?"

Alice grinned. "They go every year for their anniversary, but they could only stay the weekend this year because mom's working on some sort of fund raising benefit."

"Oh. Wow," was all I could say in response. The Cullens were so completely down to earth and normal that I was always caught off-guard when they did things that revealed just how little money was an issue for them. A weekend trip to Italy? Annually? To celebrate each anniversary? Who did that? It was while I was contemplating that very question that I realized that Edward must have taken after his father in grand, romantic gestures. The idea made me smile.

"Bella," Alice's voice dripped with her chagrin, and I couldn't stop my blush from creeping up on my cheeks, lighting a fiery trail as the color spread.

"Sorry, Alice. What?"

She huffed but smiled her forgiveness. "I said, we're leaving now, and I won't be back until Monday after work, if that's okay?"

"Of course, Alice. You don't need to ask my permission or anything." I smirked at her.

My pixie roommate rolled her eyes dramatically. "You'll be alright?"

I sighed, hoping she'd sense my exasperation. "Yes, Alice; I'm a big girl, and I'll be just fine for three nights on my own."

"Okay. Is Edward coming to pick you up tonight?"

I nodded.

"Good." She took three steps into the bathroom, kissed my cheek, and smiled at me in the mirror. "Be good. See you Monday!"

I simply smiled at her in response, and she left, dancing through the apartment and out the door.

Edward arrived only minutes later; I rushed to the door to let him in and couldn't withhold my grin as I gazed at his delicious form before me. His hair, ever the mess of disarray that it was, brought out those gorgeous emerald lakes. His grin held joy and love, and as always, he looked breathtakingly handsome.

"Hi, sweetheart." His velvet voice caressed my very soul in its gentle endearment.

"Hey," I managed the audible reply.

Somehow I managed to snap out of my Edward-induced fog and I returned his smile. "Yes. Ready," I responded, grabbing my coat.

Edward's long fingers snatched it from me and held it open behind me with a smirk. I returned an amused smile as I shrugged into it. "Thanks."

He kissed my head. "You're welcome. Movies?"

I shrugged as I grabbed my bag and we stepped out the door. I locked it, and Edward's hand immediately found my own, our fingers locking together. "No preference, really."

His smile was warm. "I don't have the extensive collection that Jasper does, but I have a fairly decent amount. Or we could rent a new release? Whatever you'd like." Edward raised our interlocked hands and kissed my knuckles, sending a shiver up my spine.

"Why don't we just pick one from your collection when we get there?" I suggested.

He nodded his head. "And food?"

I grinned at him. "I love that Chinese restaurant down the block from your building."  
"Okay, lets do that." Edward led me to his car, which was parked a block down the street, and opened my door for me before getting in himself.

A half-hour later we were in his apartment. He placed our plastic bag of Chinese cartons on his coffee table and went to his shelf of DVDs while I made my way to his kitchen to retrieve bottles of water and napkins.

"How about _Something About Mary_?" Edward asked, his eyes trained on the shelf as I plopped onto his couch.

I nodded my approval with a smile.

We ate together, and I was impressed that Edward used chopsticks as expertly as I. I'd certainly gained a decent amount of expertise living with my undomesticated mother. I caught his eye and grinned, and he held his chopsticks out to me with a chunk of his kung pao chicken wedged between them. I grabbed the piece with my teeth and savored the flavor.

"Oh, wow. That's delicious," I mumbled with my mouth still full.

Edward's eyes sparkled as he smiled and brushed his thumb against the corner of my mouth. "You're messy." His voice was low, quiet, his fierce green eyes intense and making my heart skip a beat.

I had difficulty swallowing the bite but finally did so without choking, and his hands reached out to take my carton of Mala chicken. Before his hand even placed the carton down on the table in front of us, Edward's lips were on mine and we were falling backward.

I was hyper-aware of Edward's toned body on top of mine, of his hands both tangled roughly in my hair, his lips relentlessly crushing my own. Something powerful ignited within me from the center of my being, deep in my lower stomach. It demanded my attention; it demanded more—more of Edward, more of his hands, more of his lips, more of his body. With the desperate need bursting to life within me, all thoughts not pertaining to the gorgeous, godlike man before me faded away.

My hands roamed of their own bidding; they began on his defined back, tracing their journey from his lower back, which sported two adorable dimples, to his shoulders, over and over—each passage increasing with intensity and need. My hands then moved to his hair, desperately pulling his mouth closer to mine, demanding his body to press further against mine.

A primal moan arose from somewhere deep in Edward's chest, and the sound fueled my burning desire. It was then that his hands began their own journey. One slid down the side of my shoulder, my side, and then rested on my hip as his fingers nestled beneath the fabric of my top and kneaded the exposed skin there.

I groaned into his mouth, and his fingers tightened against my skin as he responded with a guttural groan of his own.

Edward was everywhere; he filled my every sense, and I could concentrate on nothing but wanting more of this amazing man.

His lips broke from mine, trailing a blazing path of fire against my jaw and neck and collarbone.

Our erratic breaths mingled in the thick air between us, and I grabbed the hem of his tee shirt, wanting nothing more than to see and feel his beautiful body. As I pulled his shirt over his head, he pulled back, his hands planted on either side of my head, arms fully extended, and eyes penetrating mine. I searched them for a moment.

"Edward?" I breathed heavily, my chest slightly heaving as I wondered why he was so suddenly still.

His eyes softened as they looked for something in my own. "Bella...are you okay with this? If we need to stop, then you need to tell me."

And awareness of the situation crashed back down upon me. I tried to grasp my own feelings of our predicament, tried to comprehend whether or not my heart was ready for what my body was throbbing for and pleading to obtain.

Edward saw my hesitation. "It's okay, love." He kissed my forehead. "I'm so sorry that I let it go so far."

"No," I whispered.

Confusion flashed in his eyes.

"Edward...can we.." I suddenly felt very vulnerable and unsure of myself. "Can we maybe just enjoy one another...without—I mean, not—" How was I supposed to convey to him what I was trying to say when I couldn't speak a coherent sentence?

His eyes searched mine for a moment before understanding lit them, and his magic lips turned up in a slight smile. "Yes, Bella," he whispered and kissed my neck, a delicate brushing of his fine lips against my heated and pulsating skin.

Edward's hands traveled under my shirt, lifting it up and over my head; his breath hitched and his green pools darkened as he gazed upon my exposed upper body.

I took the opportunity to do the same with his. His chest and stomach were pale and mildly toned to perfection. I released air that I hadn't realized that I was holding in as I allowed my hands to travel over the burning flesh of his chest.

Edward leaned on one elbow, and with his free hand, he slowly explored my stomach with his fingertips—the touch light and delicate and nearly unbearable. His head lowered close to mine, his lips a butterfly's wing away from my ear. "God, Bella...do you realize how beautiful you are? How amazing your body is, love?"

The fire in my stomach roared at the husky whispers in my ear, and I moaned, slightly embarrassed at the volume that arose from somewhere deep within me. All of my embarrassment faded, however, when he pulled me into a sitting position, his eyes piercing through me and never leaving my body. He reached toward the table and picked up the black TV remote, and the sound coming from the television immediately disappeared.

Edward stood, extending his hand to me, and I looked at it for a brief moment before placing my hand in his and looking into his eyes questioningly.

"Would you like to go upstairs, Bella? We may be more comfortable on my bed." Edward smiled an unsure, vulnerable smile, and it melted my heart.

I nodded wordlessly and returned his smile, standing from the couch. He very slowly led me to the stairs and up to his loft.

Edward's bedroom was much like him; it was simple and intricate all in one, tasteful and bold, but welcoming. His king-sized bed was covered with a black and blue striped comforter that extended to the white carpeted floor. The room was very dim, the only illumination coming from the downstairs room we'd just abandoned.

Edward stopped at the foot of his bed and encircled my waist with his arms; his lips peppered against my skin from my cheek to my jaw and down my neck, shoulder and collarbone. As they brushed the swell of my breast, just above the cup of my bra, his fingertips grazed enticingly around my back, urging a shiver from the center of my being that rippled outward. His steady hands  
unclasped the white lace from behind, and his long fingers gently curled underneath the straps, sliding them painfully slowly down my arms, his lips following close behind the trail. The offending material fell without consequence to the floor.

Edward's eyes found mine again, and he smiled a smile that I had never seen before; it was full of adoration and love, but tinged with a longing, lust and desire. That grin, combined with his all-consuming green eyes, filled my being with an overwhelming sensation—one I'd never experienced before. My love for him boiled over, unable to be contained within my heart or soul; it was powerful and devoured my senses. In that moment, I wanted him to know what I felt. I wanted to give him my everything: my love, my body, my very soul.

I pulled back from him and unbuttoned my jeans, slowly removing them along with the white lace panties beneath. I found his eyes, and they were studying every inch of me in the pale light. I didn't feel awkward or uncomfortable, and I didn't question any of it.

I wanted to see Edward's eyes—wanted his to look into mine. "Edward," I said softly, in almost a whisper.

My goal was achieved as his gorgeous eyes raised to meet mine, and I smiled. His expression was fully serious and overwhelmingly full of love.

"Edward, I want you to make love to me."

His eyes widened in surprise as they darted back and forth between mine, searching for my assuredness. "Bella..." His husky voice was rough; he cleared his throat. "Bella, love, are you sure? Because if you're not—"

I put my finger to his lips. "Shh." I pushed him gently until his knees hit the bed, the momentum causing him to sit.

I held his gaze with my eyes, willing him to understand my readiness. "Edward...I love you. And I just realized that we need this. We both need it. I love you so much, and I want to be yours—completely and wholly yours. I want to love you in every way possible. I want you to love me in every way possible. I've never been more sure of anything. Ever."

His expression was one of awe, and then his adorable smile graced those magical lips, and he nodded. "I love you, Bella." He pulled me down on top of his lap and scooted us both backward until we were toward the head of his bed and I was laying on top of him, propped up on my elbows so I could look at his gorgeous face. He kissed my nose with a small smile, and said, "I love  
your heart, Bella."

Edward kissed my throat. "I love your soul." His voice was a whispered prayer of reverence now, and the sound brought goosebumps to life on my flesh.

He kissed my shoulder. "I love your eyes and face and body and the way your laugh causes sparks to fly from my heart." He kissed my collarbone. "I love that you love me; I love that you want to be mine, that you want me to be yours."

Edward's hand slid down my back and clasped firmly onto my butt. I gasped, and he flipped us over so quickly that I didn't register the movement until I was on my back and Edward was hovering over me.

His murmurs against my skin faded as his lips took full occupancy, brushing across my skin and leaving fire in their wake. His hands explored every inch of me, and mine followed his example on his own body.

The glorious pianist hands finally arrived at where I wanted them the most in that moment. Edward's fingers lightly traced a wide circumference around my breasts; they grazed underneath and to the side, to the tops of their swells before, finally, his palm, flat and barely making contact with me, brushed against my hardened nipple. He was slow and precise in his homage, taking his time and bringing to life a desire so dire, I thought it may have consumed my entire being.

Edward's lips followed suit, slowly and sensually exploring the rounded flesh before brushing excruciatingly light passages against each nipple in turn. "Bella." The combination of my name on his sexy, husky whisper of a voice and the fact that, when he spoke his hot lips and moist breath deliciously grazed the pink bud of my breast, sent molten lava through my veins. I moaned  
a deep and throaty moan that was full of my desire for him.

My hands roamed down his back, hooking into his jeans and sliding from beneath the waistband in the back to the front. Edward lifted his hips to allow my hands access, and I was just barely aware of my own pride in how gracefully quick I was able to unbutton his pants. I slid them, with his boxers, down to his knees, where he kicked them off the rest of the way. Unspoken communication sparked between the two of us, and we touched, moved, and felt in unison, our bodies recognizing one another without any previous introduction.

My hands wandered down his chest to the intricate trail of hair beginning at the "v" of his stomach. I followed the trail with my fingertips, pleased at Edward's throaty moan. I allowed my fingers to graze his engorged erection before clasping onto it and stroking once down to its base.

Edward gasped. "Oh God, Bella."

His increasingly husky voice caused a pool of wetness between my legs, and I moaned.

And then his mouth and hands were on me again—they were everywhere and anywhere. Our desperate kisses and wandering hands did little to satiate the desire, both conscious and not, that had built from that very first night we had met.

"Edward," I gasped between breathless, wanton kisses. "Please, Edward. I need you."

His eyes locked onto mine and I drowned in the love I found there as he smiled a gentle, adoring smile and reached across me to the beside table. He removed a condom and slid it on, then turned to me, his lidded, endless orbs searching mine.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered, pressing a hand against my knee, gently spreading my legs and nestling himself between them. He pressed the tip of his arousal at my wet and throbbing core.

"I love you, Edward," I whispered, just as quietly, my eyes focused on his. "With all of my heart, I love you."

Edward leaned down to kiss me, and as his lips met mine, he slid himself slowly into me, and we moaned in a beautiful harmony as he fully sheathed himself deep within me. Our bodies danced together in a slow and passionate waltz; every sensation left me in awe as his gentle thrusts were accompanied by soft kisses, hot and sweet against my face, lips, neck—anywhere they could reach. He whispered delicate words of love, of adoration and devotion. I had never in my life felt so deeply and so wholly connected with another being. My body truly had recognized its other half; it fit together with his like a beautiful, intricate puzzle.

As our need escalated, moans escaped us both, and Edward's thrusts sped and intensified, seeking release, and I met them with a vigor of my own. Our hands glided across hot skin while our breaths panted in the quiet air, dancing with the slapping of our skin and the intimate noises from our throats.

"Oh, Edward," I moaned, wholly consumed with him. "I...I am—oh, God, Edward." My mind was beyond its ability to form coherent sentences as heat coiled in the center of my being.

"Yes, baby," he murmured against my ear. "Let it go, love."

And with his intense plea, I did; my body tensed and exploded in pleasure as I felt myself tighten around him in ecstasy, crying out his name.

"Yes, Bella," he cried before grunting through his own release with two more quick, powerful strokes.

Our movements gradually decreased, and Edward's lips were against my skin again, delicate and adoring, slow and completely beautiful.

"I love you, my beautiful, beautiful Bella," he whispered in my ear as my fingers danced lazily in his hair.

"I love you, Edward," I replied, my body limp beneath his in complete satisfaction and contentment.

After a few more gentle kisses, he withdrew from me, disposing of our protection and laying next to me, pulling the heavy comforter above our naked bodies. He pulled my back against his bare chest and kissed my hair.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" Edward sounded almost nervous, and I couldn't help but smile as I snuggled backward, closer into his body.

"Oh, yes. I'm fantastic." I almost giggled at the airy sound of my very pleased voice.

He chuckled, squeezing me to him. After a moment, his lips grazed the back of my ear. "Stay with me tonight," he whispered.

I grinned happily into the darkness, knowing there was no chance that I'd leave if he wanted me to stay. "I don't have extra clothes," was all I said in response, unable to hide the teasing from my voice.

"You don't need any," he mumbled, nibbling at my ear.

I moaned at the sensation, but then said, with less of my fake resolve, "I don't have my toothbrush."

He chuckled again, and my heart sped at the sound. "You can use mine, my love."

I grinned my surrender. "Okay."

"Yeah?" His voice was victoriously triumphant

I turned in his arms and snuggled into his chest. "Yeah."

Edward sighed a contended sigh.

"Edward?"

"Hm?" His fingers danced through my hair like it was the keys on his piano.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"How long had it been for you? Before tonight?"

His movements paused for a moment before he resumed stroking my hair.

"A long time, Bella."

"Really?" I couldn't hide my surprise; he had been so controlled, so concise and expert in his abilities.

"Yes," was all he said, his voice still soft, gentle.

"Was she your last?" I whispered, unwilling to say her name while naked in his arms, in his bed.

"Yes."

"Wow."

"You find that hard to believe." It was a statement, not a question.

I smiled against his skin. "Only because you did that...very well."

He chuckled into my hair. "Well...thank you. I think?"

"Oh, no. Thank you. You found places I never knew I had."

"Really?" It was his turn to be surprised.

I nodded.

"Bella, it's never been like that for me. I've never before felt what I felt with you tonight." His voice was a whisper caressing the dark.

"For me, too." My voice cracked with emotion, with complete love for him.

"Really?" More surprise.

"Yes, Edward," I assured him gently, answering the question he didn't ask with words.

Edward kissed me gently, lovingly. "I love you. I will always love you, Bella. Always," he promised, tucking my head under his chin.

I kissed his chest. "I love you, Edward Cullen. For always," I whispered into the night, and fell to sleep shortly afterwards in his arms.

***

**A/N: Big thanks to JadeMoon my beta queen! And to coldplaywhore (go read her stories!) for the help and encouragement with my first lemon!**

**I apologize for the update delay. I blame it on FF. :-)**

Also, check out my profile-I added a new story of the week, and I'm my twitter link is on there! Still just getting used to it, but I think I need followers? :-)


	17. Chapter 16

**A/N: So we're rewinding a bit. Had to do "the" first night in Edward's POV. :-) Hope you enjoy it ;-)**

**Chapter 16**

**Edward's POV**

The past three weeks had been nearly unbearable for me. Between my hectic work schedule and Bella's, we'd seen very little of each other, and I was nearly desperate for some one-on-one time with her.

I had definitely enjoyed our lunch and coffee dates throughout that time, though. We had been sure that we were able to see one another every day—at least for a few minutes, if that was all that our schedules would allow. The small dates had been quiet and sweet and had enabled us to learn so much more about each other.

If I was honest with myself, I would have to admit that our time apart was truly for the best. We had both needed the extra space to adjust after declaring ourselves. I knew that, for Bella, it was different than it was for me; she was dealing with the past and every emotion that it brought with it. I, on the other hand, was dealing with an entirely separate set of adjustments. I'd been in love with Bella from nearly the beginning. I had dreamed of her, longed for her, and had never truly believed that she would let me in—that I'd ever have a future with her.

Though, after these few weeks, it was still almost surreal that she wanted me, it was a step forward. Before it all began to sink in, the concept of actually being with her had been wholly inconceivable to me. It had felt like a dream when we shared our date those many days ago—when I kissed her and held her so closely to me, her warmth saturating my very being.

I was thrilled that I could finally see her for longer than a few minutes, to be walking up the stairs to her and Alice's apartment. I knew the chances were good that my sister and Jasper had already left; they'd been jumping at opportunities to be alone, and I wondered if Alice still carried her aversion to living with her fiancé out of wedlock or if she simply stayed in the apartment now for Bella's sake. I would wager that it was the latter.

Feeling nearly as euphoric as I had on New Year's Eve, I knocked eagerly against the front door, and it was only a few seconds later that Bella's beautiful face was before me, her grin causing my own to grow.

She gathered her things, and we set out on our journey to find Chinese take-out. It took us very little time to do so, and before long, we were sitting on my couch, eating from the carton with our chopsticks and watching a comedy I hadn't seen in years.

I couldn't keep my eyes from wandering to Bella; her joy practically radiated off of her, and she had me, hook, line, and sinker. She caught my gaze, and I smiled at her, offering her a piece of chicken with my chopsticks.

If her smile wasn't reward enough for my sharing, her mouth itself certainly was. Her full, pink and delicious lips opened and her teeth bit the piece, pulling it from the grasp of my utensils and letting out a small moan, which, of course, had a direct reaction from my body. It was becoming more magnetically drawn to hers by the day.

She mumbled about how good it was, and I watched her chew—the movements of her jaw, the wave of her closed lips. I found it all rather erotic, and it was then that I noticed the sauce from the chicken in the corner of her mouth. I slowly reached forward, eyes connected to hers, and ran the pad of my thumb across her lips, swiping the sauce away and licking it off of my thumb slowly.

"You're messy." My voice came out a little more choked than I was expecting, and her eyes darkened as I spoke.

Without any thought except needing to be closer to the woman that I loved, I grabbed the cardboard carton from her hands and somehow managed to put it on the coffee table before leaning into her, coaxing her backwards as my lips crashed against hers.

Immediately our lips fell into sync with one another, fitting perfectly in a way that I'd never experienced before. Bella's response brought to life a primal need in my being that I fought to suppress as her hands rubbed deliciously up and down the length of my back, each pass making my skin burn a little hotter and my desire rage a little further out of control.

The back of my consciousness chanted at the rest of my being to tread carefully, to not push Bella too far past her comfort zone. Yet when Bella's fingers wrapped themselves into my hair, tugging my mouth harder to hers, arching her body to press more firmly against mine, all my brain could focus on was how much I wanted this beautiful creature, to claim her as mine—mine and no one else's.

I couldn't suppress my moan; it was deep and feral, primal and admittedly male. I allowed my hands to wander from her neck, down her shoulder, waist, and sexy hip as I pushed her shirt up ever so slightly to feel the heated, silken skin of her stomach.

Bella's throat released a needful groan, and my fingers involuntarily squeezed at her hips in response as I echoed her noise with my own.

When I knew we could no longer go without oxygen, I broke our kiss but couldn't bear the loss of her skin on my lips. I allowed my mouth to kiss and nibble at her jaw, her long, beautiful neck and delicately feminine collarbone.

We were panting, she and I, our released air, our touches and our rustles against my leather couch creating some sort of glorious harmony that couldn't be rivaled by any sonnet or symphony or composition.

Before I could fully register what was happening, Bella's fingers were pulling at the hem of my shirt; I pulled back so she could get it free of my arms. Once rid of the offending piece of clothing, my hands fell back to the couch, one on either side of my Bella's beautiful face, and all I could do was stare, breathing and panting wildly. In my peripheral vision, I noted the alluring rise and fall of her chest beneath me.

It was in that moment that reality crashed down upon me. In a sudden panic, I wondered if this was what Bella truly wanted. Was she ready for this step? I tried desperately to find the answers in her eyes, but all I could see was confusion as she searched my own.

"Edward?" Her brows furrowed as her hot, sweet breath hit my face.

"Bella...are you okay with this? If we need to stop, then you need to tell me," I panted.

Something flashed through her endless brown eyes. I watched as reality set into them, followed by hesitation, doubt...fear? I took in a deep breath, trying to bury my disappointment, knowing that we needed to take things at her pace—for her.

"It's okay, love." I hoped I sounded as reassuring as I wanted to. I kissed her forehead and began to pull away. "I'm so sorry that I let it go so far."

"No," Bella whispered so quietly that I almost wasn't sure that she'd spoken at all. No, what? What did she mean? I didn't have the chance to ask her before she spoke again, a little louder this time, but unsteady and unsure.

"Edward...can we..." She paused and frowned before determination fell across her face, setting her jaw. "Can we maybe just enjoy one another...without—I meant, not—"

It took a couple of moments for my mind to wrap around her words, but once it did, I couldn't keep the smile from my lips. "Yes, Bella," I whispered in her ear, letting my lips just barely graze her skin as they traveled to her delicious neck and kissed her there, feeling the blood rush at her pulse point.

I let my hands venture under her top and slowly, carefully, lifted it up and off of her body. My breath caught in my throat as my eyes fell away from hers and down her neck, the beautiful swell of her silky-cream breasts covered with a delicate white lace bra, which honestly left little to my imagination. The dark pink of her hardened nipples strained against the sheer, flowery fabric, and I felt an overwhelming need surge through me—the need to touch them, pinch them, kiss them, worship them...

I felt her eyes on me before her hands, smooth and gentle, brushed against the skin of my chest and stomach. I propped myself up on my elbow and let my free hand explore Bella's stomach. Her skin was so soft and smooth, so pure, and I was overwhelmed with her complete and utter perfection. My head fell close to hers, my lips near her earlobe. "God, Bella... do you realize how beautiful you are?" My voice was lost in desire and passion, and my whisper itself was strained for audible volume. "How amazing your body is, love?"

When Bella moaned, deep and desirous, lovely music to my ears, I couldn't stand the current situation. I needed more, and some instinct told me that my love needed more as well. I sat back, pulling her up with me, and reached for the remote, all without breaking our intense eye contact. I turned the TV off and stood, holding my hand out for her. She gently placed her hand in mine, eyes questioning.

I smiled a gentle smile. Oh, how I loved this woman. "Would you like to go upstairs, Bella?" I was still smiling, but my nerves were very nearly smothering all of my functioning thought. "We may be more comfortable on my bed," I suggested quietly, fearing that she would change her mind.

Much to my relief, however, she nodded and smiled. Bella's smile was nervous, and she bit her bottom lip, creating a greater enchantment than she could possibly be aware of.

I led her up the stairs to my loft; my heart pounding against my chest as the reality of the situation sank in further with each step—the monumental step that Bella was taking by allowing this move toward greater intimacy between the two of us—her trust in me.

We stopped at the foot of my bed, and I couldn't keep my arms from wrapping around her gently, adoringly. The light from behind her, bleeding from the downstairs below, illuminated her soft face, causing a very slight gleam in her beautiful eyes.

I kissed her; my lips carried themselves against her inviting skin—her soft, flushed cheek, her jaw, pulsating neck, bare shoulder, that beautiful collarbone and down further than they'd ever ventured before, down to the gentle swell of her perfectly proportioned breasts.

Suddenly very irritated by the white lace that had not so long ago left me stunned, I let my hands travel to her back, unclasping the offending item and so very slowly slipping the straps down her arms; it fell to the floor, forgotten, as my eyes met hers. I couldn't help but smile at the beauty and the want that I found within them.

Bella stepped back from my embrace, and I could only strand and watch her as her fingers slowly worked to undo the button of her jeans, and she slid them down, discarding them on the floor. Less than a moment later, I realized that she had pulled her panties down along with her pants, and I gasped for air at the sight, letting my eyes soak in each and every small spec of her.

I briefly wondered if my male mind had some malfunction, as I was, in that moment, while wanting her beyond anything I had ever felt and my body crying out for her touch, building an amazing melody in my mind. It was a sound, a song. It epitomized Bella's form, her touch on my skin, her hooded, longing, deep brown eyes. And a love—a love that, from the beginning, was overwhelming and beyond my comprehension but continued to grow to greater heights each and every day.

As my mind and the music in it worshiped Bella silently, her words rang in my ears, my name pure heaven on her swollen lips. "Edward."

My eyes somehow managed to find their way back to her waiting gaze, and I couldn't move for total, overpowering love paralyzing my very being.

"Edward," she said again, her melodic voice just barely above a whisper. "I want you to make love to me."

The words echoed and chimed in my ears and head and soul. Surprise blanketed my thoughts as I stared at her. Was she serious? Was she really ready for that step? "Bella..." My voice was still strangled. God, how I wanted her to be sure of this—to want me the way that I wanted and needed her. "Bella, love, are you sure? Because if you're not—"

I was cut off by her finger silencing my statement. "Shh," she whispered and put enough pressure on my lips to communicate that she wanted me to move backward. I acquiesced and slowly inched my way toward the bed, sitting when the back of my legs hit the edge of the mattress.

My beautiful goddess stood naked before me; her brown pools of melted chocolate reflected her arousal, and the surety of her intentions was dancing within them. That look in those glorious orbs made me harder, if that were at all possible. I allowed my hands to latch onto Bella's hips as she spoke.

"Edward...I love you. And I just realized that we need this. We both need it. I love you so much, and I want to be yours—completely and wholly yours. I want to love you in every way possible. I want you to love me in every way possible. I've never been more sure of anything. Ever."

And, if possible, my love for her grew exponentially in that moment, and oh, how I longed to show her. I smiled at the angel before me.

"I love _you_, Bella." And with that, I pulled her down, laying back with her on top of me. Her eyes captivated my own, and I smiled again and kissed her cute nose.

"I love your heart, Bella," I whispered. My lips worked down to the soft skin on her throat. I kissed it with an open mouth, tasting her before whispering, "I love your soul."

I moved to her bare shoulder, glowing in the soft light. "I love your eyes and face and body and the way your laugh causes sparks to fly from my heart."

My lips moved to her collarbone again, trapping it between both ends of my mouth before whispering, "I love that you love me; I love that you want to be mine, that you want me to be yours."

I needed her. I let my hands slide to her perfect backside and clasped onto it, pulling her tightly against me before flipping Bella onto her back, and I hovered over her.

I had no words as my hands and lips began an erotic dance across every bit of Bella's body. My hand rubbed circles, slow and discovering, down her form, and my lips followed suit. Her heated, pulsating skin felt amazing and soft, hot and slightly moist with sweat against my greedy lips and tongue.

Wanting, needing to see her, I forced my lips away from her skin momentarily, allowing my hands to drift across it, settling on her delectable breasts, outlining their shapes against her body before flattening my palm and brushing against her hardened nipples.

While my body screamed at me to rush and grab and claim her then and there, my heart and soul overrode the primal urge—keeping my hands in check, purposefully and slowly soaking in Bella, in all of her sexy glory.

Once satisfied, at least for the time being, with my hand exploration, I allowed my lips to brush against one tight, pink peak and then the other, savoring her amazing taste and the feel of her against my lips. She was sweet and salty and female. "Bella." The low, rough voice from my throat didn't sound like my own.

A sound, beginning somewhere deep below the surface, arose from her, vibrating against my lips as I kissed the valley between the delicious mounds of her chest. The moan caused my erection to twitch with need, which, in turn, prompted a deep responsive groan of my own.

So caught up in her was I that it took a few moments for me to realize that she was removing my jeans—and boxers—and once she had them to my knees, I kicked them off.

Our bodies were still slightly separated from removing my pants, and Bella's hands came up to my chest, tracing the lines of the muscles there, tortuously and slowly lowering them until her fingers grazed the length of my arousal. Her hand wrapped around its base, and I gasped at the feeling.

"Oh God, Bella."

Once her hand moved against me, I was desperate for her. My desperation consumed me, and I kissed her hard as my hands pressed firmly against her body anywhere and everywhere that I could reach, wildly seeking to satiate my need for more Bella.

"Edward." Her voice was breathless, full of need and desire. "Please, Edward. I need you."

I locked in on her gaze as my love for her nearly exploded my heart. I reached, too slowly, for a condom. I hadn't planned on using them so soon, but I mentally patted myself on the back for the foresight.

"I love you, Bella," I whispered to her, wishing that this moment could last for all of eternity. I gently pressed her knees apart with my hands, easing my body between them and pressing the tip of my erection against her delicious opening. It was throbbing, wet, and very much ready for me. I swallowed my groan at the sensation.

"I love you, Edward," Bella repeated in a whisper just as quiet as mine. "With all of my heart, I love you."

I looked into her endless brown eyes as the words 'all my heart' and 'I love you' echoed beautifully in my brain, meaning everything to me.

I pressed my lips against hers tenderly as I eased myself into her fully, causing our simultaneous moans to dance in the air around us in a wonderful harmony.

Our bodies moved flawlessly together, as if they'd been together for years and knew everything that there was to know about the other. It was love and rapture, and I'd never before felt anything so pure and so right. We moaned together and whispered sweet words of love, of devotion, of commitment and forever.

I sensed her need for release escalate as my own joined hers, and giving into every touch and sound, I thrust quicker, harder and with more purpose as our bodies danced together in the sheets.

"Oh, Edward." Bella's moan was deep, intensifying every sensation within me. "I...I am—oh God, Edward." She was close, very close, and the sound of my name on her lips brought me very near the edge.

"Yes, baby," I whispered to her. "Let it go, love."

And then I was encased by the tight grip of her hot, moist walls as she cried my name against my shoulder, and it was all too much. Everything about Bella crashed into my senses and took me over the edge of ecstasy with her.

"Yes, Bella." My hands, one in her hair and one cradling her arm, tightened their holds as my body exploded in hers.

Our bodies moved together in soft, calming waves as we came down from our high together, and I kissed her—lips, body, every inch of skin that my mouth could reach, worshiping her beauty.

"I love you, my beautiful, beautiful Bella." My mouth was at her ear, and I whispered to her as her fingers massaged my scalp.

She smiled a beautiful and exhausted smile. "I love you, Edward."

I was loathe to leave her; I marveled at the wonder of our connected bodies and truly being one with her, but after a few moments, I withdrew, immediately missing her. I tossed the used condom in the trash by my bed and pulled her into me, covering us as I kissed her hair. "Are you okay, sweetheart?" I whispered, worried that she'd regret her choice after the throes of passion had subsided.

"Oh, yes," she breathed. "I'm fantastic."

I couldn't help but laugh at her airy, satisfied statement. I didn't want to let her go, wanted, in fact, for her to stay with me here every night. I needed her like I needed air. My lips found their way to her ear. "Stay with me tonight," I whispered.

"I don't have any extra clothes," she almost giggled. I smiled into her hair.

"You don't need any," I responded with a nibble on her earlobe.

She moaned, and I smiled again. "I don't have a toothbrush," she argued weakly.

I laughed at that, and I knew that she wanted to stay; it thrilled me. "You can use mine, my love."

Her body pressed against mine. "Okay."

"Yeah?"

She turned around to face me and snuggled close, warming my heart. "Yeah."

Holding her there in my arms, I didn't think there could possibly be anything better in the world. I sighed happily.

"Edward?"

I ran my fingers through her beautiful, shiny hair. "Hm?"

"Can I ask you a question?" Bella asked softly, looking in my eyes and grazing her fingertips along my arm.

"Of course."

"How long had it been for you? Before tonight?" My stomach shifted slightly as what she was asking sunk in. My mind swirled as I wondered why she was asking and tried to push the thoughts of my last time out of my head.

"A long time, Bella," my voice was back to a whisper again.

"Really?" She sounded so surprised...maybe that was a good thing.

"Yes."

"Was she your last?"

"Yes."

"Wow." She was incredulous; I just wasn't sure why.

"You find that hard to believe."

I felt her lips curl against my chest. "Only because you did that..._very _well."

I had to admit it, I was relieved that she thought so. "Well...thank you. I think?"

"Oh, no. Thank you. You found places I never knew I had." Her voice was still in a sexy, post-intercourse haze. Admittedly, I was surprised by her confession. I couldn't stop myself from wondering if her statement had meant that it had been better for her with me than it had been with Jacob, and immediately I felt guilty for wondering such a thing.

"Really?"

She nodded against me.

I took in a deep breath, wanting her to know that it was mutual. "Bella, it's never been like that for me. I've never before felt what I felt with you tonight," I whispered.

"For me, too," she said so quietly, her breath caressing my skin.

My heart skipped a beat. "Really?"

"Yes, Edward," Bella's tone was now a gentle reassurance, and I kissed her for it.

"I love you. I will always love you, Bella. Always."

She kissed my chest, causing me to smile. "I love you, Edward Cullen. For always," she whispered.

She fell asleep not long after that, her head on my chest as I laid back against my bed, staring at the ceiling. Bella's breath was deep and steady, and my heart easily fell into beating in time with hers. Her warmth seeped through my skin and into my soul, and I knew then, more than ever, that I would never be able to let her go.

***

**Bella's POV**

I tried to calm my nerves as I walked across the campus of Northwestern University. I couldn't quite grasp exactly what had me feeling as anxious as I did. Perhaps I'd allowed myself a little too much hope in getting this assistant job; I certainly didn't want to think about five more months of working at the club, of being suspended in more waiting before I could finally move on with my life.

I finally reached the appropriate building and inhaled deeply, grasping for some sort of calm as I reached Professor Newton's office. I knocked on the glass door and heard a deep and muffled, "Come in."

Pushing aside my nerves, I tentatively opened the door and was met by the bright smile of a man who looked much too young to not only hold a doctorate, but to be in charge of a department in one of the country's most prestigious higher education institutions.

"You must be Bella?" He stood, extending his hand.

I couldn't help but return his joyful smile; it was contagious. "Yes, that's right. Thank you for seeing me, Dr. Newton."

His blue eyes gleamed as he reclaimed the tall, black leather office chair behind his desk. He motioned toward the armchair across from the large and neatly organized desk, and I took a seat in it.

"So, Bella," he said, opening a file folder. "You graduated from the University of Washington?"

"Yes," I answered, already relaxing with his friendly tone and demeanor.

"What are your career goals?" He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his desk.

"Well, ultimately I'd like to be a pediatric psychologist."

He smiled. "Your grades at UW were exceptional. Top ten percent of your class, highest GPA of psychology graduates in your class."

I blushed modestly. "Yes."

"I'll tell you, Bella, I usually give my TA positions to students enrolled in the current semester. However, I think you're very promising, and it is my opinion that you'd get more out of the job than any of my other current applicants."

I smiled but allowed him to continue instead of speaking.

"The job would consist of you helping me with research, lectures and grading papers for all of my undergrad courses. For full-time students, it's a twenty-hour work week, but I've received approval, pending your acceptance of the position, to increase that to thirty-two hours. Your schedule would be a nine-to-five, Monday-through-Thursday work week until the final day of the semester, on June sixth. The job is yours if you'd like it."

I was somewhat stunned at how easily the job was offered, and I smiled. "Yes, sir. I'd like it very much."

He chuckled, the sound deep and masculine, as his eyes danced with his laugh. "Mike, please. Professor Newton around the students, but when it is you and me working together, please call me Mike."

"Okay," I agreed with a grin.

"Alright, Bella. I have a small office just through there—it will be yours for the duration of the position. You'll start Monday, and when you come in on Monday morning, you'll need to visit HR for keys, employee information and documentation, as well as a short orientation. I'll have a class schedule printed for you, and you and I can go over it together. I'll let you know which classes I expect you to attend a week in advance."

I nodded. "Thank you."

He smiled and stood. "Thank _you_, Bella. I have a great feeling about this."

I smiled again. "Okay, so, Monday morning then."

He nodded his affirmation. "Go directly to HR, and then come back here whenever you're finished."

We said our goodbyes, and I was practically giddy as I bound down the concrete steps. I yanked my phone from my bag and punched number one on my speed dial.

"Love! How did it go?"

I grinned at the sound of his voice. I hadn't seen him for nearly twenty-four hours and was missing him beyond belief.

"Wonderful, Edward. I got it!" I couldn't bring myself to even be embarrassed about my girlish squeal.

"Bella, that's great! I'm so proud of you."

His words warmed my heart more efficiently than a fire could have.

"I will be over in a few minutes to take you and Ali to Jasper's, okay?"

I smiled. We'd started a new Thursday night ritual of movies and pizza at Jasper's apartment, and I had been looking forward to it all week.

"I should get there probably about the same time that you will," I told him. "Alice is already home."

"Yeah, I just finished talking to her. I will see you very soon, my love."

I smiled. "I love you."

I could hear Edward's own smile in the tone of his voice. "I love you, too, beautiful Bella."

We said our goodbyes, and I practically danced to the El station. I smiled as I took a seat on the train; I'd been smiling almost non-stop since I'd spent the night at Edward's for the first time last week. I had ended up staying the rest of the weekend with him, and we locked ourselves away in his apartment, cuddling, touching, talking, sharing our innermost secrets and making love. It had truly been the most magical weekend of my entire life, and I reveled in the fact that it was only our beginning.

I still couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that he loved me—his complete adoration was written clearly in his eyes, his face, his music, and it left me in complete and utter awe. I had to wonder if it had always been there. Thinking back to when we first met, I realized it more than likely had been, but even my memories of my first weeks in Chicago were fuzzy, tainted with a pain and grief that blurred everything that had actually happened. It was as if I looked on my memories of those days through a thick and wavy piece of glass—I could see what had happened through it, but everything was distorted. Yet when I concentrated with a particular focus, I could remember the intensity of his gaze, the beautiful notes of his music—music he had written for _me_, holding his hand on the beach of the lake, and him holding me the night I was taken to the hospital. He told me that it was love at first sight for him, and I knew that it had been. That fact made me love him all the more. He'd been so very patient with me for so long.

I practically ran to the apartment building and smiled, as I had been correct—Edward was pulling up to an empty space on the curb right in front of the building. He grinned, and I ran to him, throwing myself in his arms. "Edward," I breathed against his neck.

"I missed you," he whispered, and then we were kissing, his lips glorious on mine. I moaned at the touch.

"Come on, you two. You act like newlyweds."

I pulled back to see Alice standing behind Edward. I glanced at him as he rolled his eyes, and I grinned, kissing him on the cheek.

"Sorry, Ali. I did promise to give you your time to shine, future Mrs. Whitlock."

She grinned. "You did."

I pulled away from Edward and hugged Alice.

"How'd it go?" she asked with a bright smile as we walked to Edward's car; he opened the backseat passenger door for her.

I smiled. "I got the job. I start Monday."

"Excellent." She grinned. "I knew you'd get it."

I rolled my eyes with a smile. "I know you did."

Minutes later we were at Jasper's. We ordered pizza, and the four of us piled onto his large suede couch. I snuggled against Edward, his warm, solid body distracting me from our conversation, the movie, the food—everything. My body craved him and couldn't get enough.

Alice and Jasper were lost in each other, and try as I might to focus on the movie, Edward's breath in my hair and hand rubbing my thigh rendered me incapable of thinking of anything but how we could make a graceful exit to be alone.

"Bella." Alice's voice penetrated my lusty thoughts for her brother.

"Huh?" I shook off the fog in my brain.

Jasper chuckled, kissing Alice's head.

She rolled her eyes with a giggle. "I'm gonna stay here tonight, okay? I took tomorrow off from work. Jazz and I are taking a ferry to Canada."

I laughed at that random plan. "Okay."

She grinned. "But Saturday I need you. We're going dress shopping."

I smiled. I still hated shopping, but I was excited for Alice and her wedding to her Prince Charming. I was actually very much looking forward to the dress shopping, cake testing, invitation addressing, wedding madness. And the fact that I was looking forward to it refreshed my very being. I was making progress.

"I think that's our cue to exit, my love," Edward mumbled into my hair, hand squeezing around my thigh. His tone and touch immediately caused a wetness to gather in my core. I let out a shaky breath and nodded.

"You don't have to leave," Jasper spoke up, though his voice betrayed him. He was trying to be polite, but it was vividly clear that there was nothing more that the four of us wanted in that moment than to be alone with our significant other.

Edward chuckled, and I stood up. "No, man, we'll get out of your hair. Enjoy your night," he winked at Jasper.

We hugged, said our quick goodbyes and walked downstairs toward Edward's car. "So, would you like to come to my place tonight? Or should we go to yours?"

I smiled, my hand squeezing his. "Lets go to yours; it has the piano. Will you play for me tonight?"

He grinned and kissed the top of my head. "I'll play for you every night for the rest of our lives, sweetheart."

***

**A/N: A few things! First of all, thank you to my beta JadeMoon—the girl rocks. :-)**

**Also, I started a new story, A Fate Greater Than Life! I'm excited about it, so check it out! Hoping to implement an update schedule. Updates for AFGTL will hopefully be each Thursday. Updates for Rescue Me will hopefully be each Saturday. :-)**

**I added a new story recommend, so check out my profile as well! And as always, love love love your reviews, would love to hear from you! :-) **


	18. Chapter 17

**A/N: Quick story recommend. :) Check out The Dartmouth Diaries by Clurrabella. :-)**

**Chapter 17**

**Bella's POV**

I eyed my watch impatiently, knowing that at any moment, I would get an exasperated text message from Alice. I'd spent the previous night at Edward's, and now I was late in meeting my roommate for our dress shopping date. And sure enough, as the train slowed at my stop, my phone buzzed from its place in my bag; I smiled, pulling it out as I vacated my seat and grabbed one of the overhead rails for support as the car lurched to a stop.

_Where are you, B? UR 20 min late!_

_Almost home,_ I typed back to her. _Sorry. Edward's alarm didn't go off._

That was sort of true. I almost giggled. His alarm hadn't gone off because he turned it off before it could, waking me with a much more pleasant approach.

My phone buzzed in my hand as I practically danced down the stairs from the platform and onto the sidewalk below.

_Right. Hurry up._

I smiled at the words as the phrase 'all bark and no bite' rolled through my head. That was Alice, indeed.

_Two min. _ I typed back to her and established a quick pace back to our apartment; she was waiting for me outside.

"Thank God! We have _got_ to hurry!" Alice grabbed my elbow and pushed me toward the curb. I shot her a look, completely confused as to what she was doing.

She sighed. "I borrowed Jasper's truck. I'm escaping with you today after we're done at the boutique."

I frowned as I climbed into the passenger seat and waited until she was in, then turned to face her. "What are we doing? Edward and I had dinner plans."

"Nope. I just called him to cancel. He was kind of upset about it..."

I sighed, and her grin turned mischievous—evil almost. "Sorry, sweetie," she continued. "You've been spending so much time with him in the last few days, and I have been with Jasper so much that the man is starting to drive me crazy. So, we're having a full day. Just us. After dress stuff, we're going to a spa, then out to dinner, and then we're going out for drinks!"

I couldn't help but smile at her. "Okay, Alice. You're right. We need some girl time."

My concession brought forth her grin as we pulled into a parking garage and quickly walked to the very high-end bridal boutique that Alice had chosen to do business with.

"Ah, bonjour, Mademoiselle Cullen."

We were greeted by a receptionist with an adorable French accent. Her appearance shocked me, first because it didn't fit with the accent she held, but then because I was struck by her perfect copper skin and long, shiny black hair. The familiar skin tone and eye and hair color overwhelmed me for a moment as my heart involuntarily jerked in pain, and tears sprang to my eyes. It had been several weeks since I had felt such a strong reaction to a reminder of Jacob, but that moment was nearly as painful as the pain I'd felt during my first few weeks in Chicago.

I knew that it was normal, that it was okay to feel what I was feeling, despite the momentary panic it created. Angela and I had discussed this and the fact that it could be months, if not years, before random occurrences would no longer spark the painful feeling of loss. I took in a deep breath and accepted the grief for what it was and tried to stabilize my sudden inner turmoil.

"Good morning, Mona," Alice chirped cheerfully.

"Diana is just finishing up with another client. Please come with me to your fitting room." Mona had a beautiful and friendly smile on her face as she led Alice and me down a posh hallway.

Alice's hand brushed my arm. "Are you okay, Bella?"

I nodded without making eye contact. "I'm fine. I just...just had a reminder of sorts, but I'm okay." I then allowed my eyes to meet hers. The blue orbs gleamed in compassion as she wrapped her arm around my shoulder. We walked the rest of the short distance in silence until we reached the end door; it was thick oak and one of eight identical doors in the hallway.

"Have a seat. I'll be back momentarily," Mona said with a bright smile.

Alice and I obeyed, sitting next to one another on a large and very soft, cream-colored love seat. The room was the size of my bedroom; the couch was against the same wall that housed the entrance, and the room was separated by a red changing screen. An identical love seat rested against the adjacent wall, and between the two couches was an intricately carved oak table. A black glass vase sat in the center of the table and held six long-stemmed red roses.

"Want to talk about it?" Alice's small, perfectly manicured hand grabbed mine.

I shook my head and smiled sadly. "No." I had nearly fully recovered at that point. "Just a small trigger, but I'm really okay. It'll happen sometimes."

Alice smiled. "Jazz still has that happen occasionally. A few months ago, he and my aunt were talking about us having kids, and she had told him that twins run in our family. She asked him about his, not knowing about Jen, and he froze."

I looked into her eyes, surprising myself with the calm that I felt considering what had just happened. "Does he still have that happen a lot?"

Her smile was sad. "No, not really. Poor Jasper. He was so bad at first—everything set him off. But before this last time, it had been over a year since he had had a reaction like that, and this last one really wasn't all that bad in comparison."

I nodded. "Jasper told me that you saved him."

Her blue eyes sparkled with love as she shook her head. "He saved himself. He just needed someone to lean on while he journeyed through the grief."

I couldn't help but grin at that. "I know. Must be a gift built into your gene pool or something." I winked, which coaxed another smile from her.

"Love you, Bella."

I hugged her. "I love you, too, Ali."

The door opened then. "Here you are, ladies. Diana will be just another minute or so. Please enjoy."

Mona placed a silver tray on the table before us. It held two, full champagne flutes and two small plates of miniature truffles.

"Thank you," Alice chimed as Mona left the room, shutting the door behind her.

She handed me a glass and then took her own, holding it out for a toast.

"To best friends and to soul mates."

I grinned and touched the tip of my flute to hers, taking a long sip of the pink, bubbly liquid. It slid easily down my throat, leaving a warm trail in its wake as my eyes traveled around the ostentatious fitting room.

"Wow."

Alice grinned. "Indeed. There's something to be said for extravagance."

I giggled. "Like being catered to with fine champagne and pieces of chocolate so tiny that a mouse could eat them in a single bite?"

Her grin widened. "Exactly."

The door opened again. "Ah, Miss Cullen. No Mrs. Cullen today?"

An older woman breezed gracefully into the room and sat on the love seat adjacent to us with a bright smile adorning her blood red lips. Her hair was an unnatural platinum blond that gave the sun a fierce competition. Had she been trying for an Marilyn impression, I'd say she was probably as close as she would be able to get.

Alice smiled. "Hi, Diana. No, my mother won't be joining us today, but she'll be here for my next fitting so we can order her dress. This is my maid-of-honor, Bella Swan."

"Swan." Diana's low voice made my surname sound really, rather seductive. I had to suppress the giggle that choked my throat with that thought. "Such a beautiful name. Graceful."

A smile played at my lips as she shook my hand.

Without another word to me, her focus went to Alice. "And, of course, we'll need your other bridesmaid for your next appointment as well, darling."

Alice nodded. "Yes, I'll need a different style for her than for Bella's gown. She's expecting and is due to have the baby two weeks before the wedding, so I'll need something flattering for her. I'll be ordering two dresses, one that's loose fitting and flattering for a baby bump—or post-baby bump—and one in case the baby is early and she's back to her pre-pregnancy size by then."

I was stunned by that. Alice had designed all of the gowns and was having them custom made by Diana Montclair, the most sought-after seamstress in the city. Surely the cost of one would not be cheap, let alone six.

"Certainly, Miss Cullen. Excellent foresight."

Alice grinned. "So here are my sketches for my gown." She handed the papers to Diana. "And these are for Bella's. Dress designs for my mom, mother-in-law, and both of Rosalie's are in the envelope."

"Very good. Lets take a look, shall we?"

The two of them plotted and schemed over colors, fabrics and pattern details, and I quickly found myself lost in my own thoughts. I wondered what Edward was doing. I wondered how long it would be until Edward and I were planning our own wedding; the thought shocked me. It was quite certainly too early to even think along those lines yet. Though we had already talked about soul mates and wanting to be together for all of forever, we had both already decided on the future; it was simply a matter of time before it worked its course.

I shook my mind free of those thoughts when Alice and Diana stood and confirmed the next appointment.

I had to admit, the day had turned out rather wonderfully. It was the first time I'd ever had a full spa treatment, and with Alice, it really had been enjoyable. She had even gotten me to drink enough margaritas that I was inclined to dance with her at the club—surprisingly, that had been fun, too.

The weekend flew by, and almost too quickly, Monday morning arrived, and with it came all of my new-job jitters.

"You'll do great, sweetie!" Alice hugged me before we went our separate ways at the transit station.

I took in a deep breath and nodded. "I know; it'll be fine."

"Think of the incredible edge this will give you, B. Text me when you get a chance!"

I grinned. "Okay."

And then she was gone to catch her train, and I was left to catch my own. The ride that had seemed so incredibly long the last time I had gone to the university was over all too quickly the second time around, and once on campus, I nervously made my way to the HR suite where I was badged and given an account, keys, and a parking permit that I wouldn't be using. Maybe I'd give it to Edward. I thanked the assistant who completed my badge by punching a hole in it and stringing it onto a clip.

Next stop: Dr. Newton's office.

"Bella! I trust everything went smoothly with HR?" The professor's face was bright and sunny, offering a welcoming smile as I entered his office.

I nodded with a smile. "Yes."

He grinned. "Wonderful. Okay, well, why don't we step into your office then?"

I followed him into what would be my office for the next five months. It was about one-third the size of his own but looked identical to it. There was enough space in the area for a small desk and an office chair. On the wooden desk was a computer monitor and keyboard, along with a mouse that rested on a mouse pad donning a Northwestern emblem. To the side of all of that was a single piece of paper, which Dr. Newton picked up.

"This is a copy of my schedule, Bella. I'll give you a new copy each week, and the current copy will have highlighted on it the classes that I would like you to attend with me. When you do attend, you'll help the students, pass out packets, grade papers, and assist with lectures. When you're not, I'll have you busy with research and case studies."

I nodded my understanding, and he smiled again.

"I'm having you come with me to each class this week so the students can get acquainted with you."

"Okay," I agreed with a smile, then turned to look at the schedule. "So, at eleven, two-thirty, and four?"

He nodded his confirmation. "We should be done by five-thirty tonight."

I nodded again as he glanced at his watch. "Would you like to grab a cup of coffee before heading to the first class?"

I was slightly surprised by the invitation, but I supposed it was perfectly normal, and I desperately needed the caffeine—I had run out of time that morning before I could make coffee. I smiled. "Sure, Dr. Newton. Coffee sounds wonderful."

"Mike, please," he said with a smile as we began the trek to the on-campus coffee house. "So, Bella, tell me about yourself."

I almost laughed at how clinically "shrink" he sounded with that statement; I settled on a smile instead. "Well, there's not much to tell. I was born in a small town in Washington, moved to Phoenix with my mom when my parents got divorced, moved back to Forks for my last two years of high school, and was, as you know, in Seattle for college."

He smiled. "Chicago is quite different from Washington."

"It is," I agreed. "But I love it. I really enjoy living in the city."

"I do, as well," he commented, his voice low and fluid, friendly and conversational. "I'm actually from a very small farm town in Iowa. I came to Chicago for school, and once I adjusted to the culture shock, I wasn't able to leave."

I smiled my understanding in regards to that feeling. "Yes, I doubt I could go back to small town living now."

We reached the coffee shop, and Dr. Newton held the door open for me. After ordering our coffees, he motioned to a table by the window.

"So what made you go into psychology, Bella?"

"You know, it wasn't my major in the beginning, but I had an Intro to Psych class my first semester as a freshman, and I was hooked. Sounds kind of kooky, but I just knew."

His blue eyes gleamed as he smiled. "No, that's not kooky."

"What about you?"

He grinned. "Both of my parents are psychologists, and it's always fascinated me. I graduated high school a year early and took the maximum hour course load, which enabled me to cut eight years of study into six."

"Wow, I can't imagine the busyness of those six years."

He laughed again. "Yes, well, everything else took the back burner, I'm afraid. I never really had the college experience or a social life, for that matter. I'm trying to balance things out a bit now."

I nodded. "Do you have a practice?"

"Yes. I have two partners, and they see most of the patients, but I do maintain a small caseload because I enjoy it too much to give it up completely for teaching."

"So you're still crazy busy," I suggested with a smile.

His grin was sheepish, almost boyish. He didn't look like a doctor or professor at all in that moment. "I am, but I suppose it's all a process of finding balance—I'm a work in progress."

I nodded again, and he glanced at his watch. "Ready to go meet a bunch of eager undergrads?"

I chuckled at that. "As ready as I'll ever be."

The rest of the day went by very smoothly. The classes had been fabulous, and I enjoyed watching the students, interacting with them, being in the collegiate environment once again. The time flew, and it didn't seem like the work day could have passed so quickly as I made my way to my office and gathered my coat and bag. A soft knock sounded at the door.

My eyes met a sea of green and a heartbreakingly gorgeous smile, and I flew to their owner. He caught me in his arms while releasing a low chuckle.

"Hi," I murmured into his coat.

"Hey, sweetheart. I thought you might like a ride home? It's snowing out. I didn't want you to have to walk from the station."

I took in a deep breath of his musky scent and smiled, face still smothered against his chest. "That sounds wonderful, thank you."

"How was your first day, love?"

"It was great! I already love it."

I felt Edward's lips in my hair. "That's excellent."

Pulling back from him slightly, I found his beautiful green eyes and grinned. "Let me just shut my computer down, and I'll be ready to go."

He smiled again, and my heart skipped a beat. "Okay, love." Edward walked from the doorway to the corner of my desk.

"Oh, Bella—" I looked up toward the door to see Dr. Newton. Edward turned from me to look at him as well. "Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt."

"No," I said with a smile. "Edward is here to pick me up. Edward, this is Dr. Newton. Dr. Newton, my boyfriend Edward."

The men shook hands in a brief, but awkward silence as they eyed one another.

Finally, it was Dr. Newton who broke the uneasy quiet of the room. "Edward. Nice to meet you."

Edward nodded and smiled, though his smile wasn't completely genuine. "Nice to meet you, as well, professor."

Dr. Newton's eyes flashed from Edward to myself. "Well, have a nice night. See you tomorrow, Bella."

I smiled uncomfortably. "Thanks, Dr. Newton. Good night."

I took Edward's hand, and we left the building. We stepped outside, the sky gray, very nearly black now with the early setting of the sun, and snow was indeed falling in wet, fat flakes. I inhaled a deep breath of the cold and crisp air and raised my face to the falling snow, scrunching my nose as the cold drops melted against my skin.

Then his lips were on me. They started at my nose and worked their way to my cheeks and eyelids before finally settling at my lips. They were warm and glorious and all things wonderful. I sighed into his mouth, wrapping my arms around his neck as his grip tightened.

He pulled away a moment later with a grin and a light chuckle. "I'm sorry. I couldn't resist that. You looked so beautiful just then, basking in the feel of the snow."

"And fresh air," I added with a grin. "Those rooms get rather stuffy."

Edward smiled as our breaths fogged the air between us in swirly, white clouds. "Yes well, it was just an utterly adorable moment, and I had to kiss you."

I grinned, pulling his lips down to mine again for a brief kiss. "You're welcome to any time you'd like, Mr. Cullen."

His lips beamed a smile back to me as his green eyes danced happily. "Why, thank you, Miss Swan." He lowered his heavenly lips to my ear, arms wrapping around me snugly. "Can I take you home with me and kiss you all over?"

In spite of the fact that the two of us had opened Pandora's Box by moving our relationship forward physically—completely unable to keep our hands off of one another—I still blushed when he verbalized suggestions, especially in that sultry and sexy voice, and I felt my cheeks flood in a warm fire. He chuckled and whispered to me huskily, lips grazing my earlobe.

"I love that blush, Bella." He kissed that sensitive patch of skin behind my ear, sucking it into his mouth for the tiniest of moments before murmuring again. "I love that you still get embarrassed when I say things like that. Makes me wonder if you always will? Do you think when we're eighty years old and I still can't keep my hands off of you if you'll blush as you do tonight?"

I hoped that it had been a rhetorical pondering on his part, because as my heart pounded in my chest and my ears, my thoughts were clouded with desire, and I couldn't form a coherent sentence. I managed a strange affirmative grunt and nod as I pulled his lips back to mine.

I don't know how we made it to his car, but we did. We drove from the parking lot and onto the highway, his hand inching up my thigh and mine reciprocating. I let my pinky finger graze the hardened bulge in his jeans, enticing a hiss from him; I grinned when his eyes darted sideways at me.

His smirk was mischievous as his hand slid all the way up my leg and lingered, denying any helpful friction and touching just close enough to make me completely crazy. I huffed at him, swatting his hand away, and he chuckled. "Two can play that game, my love," he winked.

I tried to be angry, tried to look upset, but my lips betrayed me in a half up-turned smile as I shook my head. "Yeah, whatever. Just drive."

He laughed again and hit the accelerator. I pulled out my phone to text Alice that I was going to Edward's and wouldn't be home that night. I'd been staying at his apartment so frequently that he'd bought me all of the toiletries and personal products that I used, and I had accumulated quite a nice stash of extra clothing, both work outfits and casual, and of course, what I liked to refer to as my 'Edward pajamas'—the cute and sexy pajamas that I owned. All others, the ratty sweats and tee shirts, remained at my apartment, hopefully never to be seen by my Adonis boyfriend.

My phone buzzed back immediately, and I smiled. "I let Alice know I wouldn't be home tonight. She's going to Jasper's, anyway. I swear, there's not much point in either of us living there anymore."

Edward's face darted toward mine for a brief moment before facing the road again. Something flashed in his eyes...something I couldn't identify. He looked back at me again.

"What would you think about that?"

I frowned. "About what?"

"About neither of you living there anymore."

I frowned again. "Where would we go? Alice has that weird thing about her and Jasper not living together before they get married...although, I don't really understand that, seeing as how they're with each other all the time anyway. And I can't find another apartment for that cheap right now. I'll need all of my extra savings for what little rent I do have and school."

Edward shook his head. "I don't think Alice's problem with living with Jasper is really much of a problem anymore."

I turned to him. "Do you know something I don't know? Is she going to move in with him? Why wouldn't she tell me that?"

Edward sighed and shook his head. "No, sweetheart, I don't think she's planning on moving. I just think she's staying put for you right now."

"Oh." And I immediately felt guilty about that. Of course, he had to be right. She spent most of her nights at his apartment. Most of her clothing and personal items were there, just as I had moved mine to Edward's. I looked at him again.

"Do you think I should say something to her? She shouldn't stay if she doesn't want to...and maybe your uncle would let me keep the rent at the same price until I can find something more affordable? I guess I could move onto campus..." My mind was reeling with possible solutions, because the very last thing that I wanted was for Alice to be unhappy, to sacrifice her desires to keep me from being alone.

"God, Bella, this is really not how I wanted to have this conversation." Edward was sighing again, confusing me with his frustration. It really wasn't that big of an issue, was it?

"I don't understand what the big deal is, Edward. Don't be mad at Alice. I'm a big girl; I can find somewhere else." That may not have been true a few months ago, but I was okay to do that now.

He shook his head again. "No, love, that's not what I meant. I...I wanted to ask you..." He sighed again, making me nervous. "Would you maybe be open to the idea of moving in with me, Bella?"

I gaped at him. We hadn't even officially been together all that long. I was feeling more emotionally secure now, but was I ready for that kind of step? But as the doubt swirled, it was gradually replaced with little thoughts, thoughts that reminded me that I loved Edward, that he really had saved me from myself. The two of us both knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that we wanted to be together forever. He'd known for longer than I had that we were soul mates, but I did know it, nonetheless.

As I pondered, I remembered the conversation that I had had with Edward about Emmett and Rosalie, and how Emmett's philosophy on the pacing of their relationship had been "sometimes you just know". And I did. I did know about Edward and me; I was sure of us. Our relationship was a constant for me. _He_ was a constant for me, and I trusted him with everything I had. I trusted him with my life.

"Bella...sweetheart, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that. I...I don't want you to be uncomfortable, and I swear to God, I never want to push you farther than you're ready for."

I grabbed his big, warm hand into my own. "I was just thinking, Edward," I tried to assure him. "It's a big step, and it took some processing, but really, it does make sense. I practically live with you right now anyway, right? And I love you. I want to be with you for always, and it may be early," I couldn't help but grin as I repeated his brother's sentiments, "but sometimes you just know." My eyes had been trained on Edward's face throughout the conversation, and I was rewarded as I finished my statement when it lit with joy, and his eyes darted toward mine.

"You're sure?" he questioned, but his eyes danced merrily.

I grinned, squeezing his hand. "Yes, babe, I'm sure."

He lifted our enclosed hands and kissed the top of mine. "I love you, and I'm so very sorry I asked you to move in with me while we were driving in the car. That should have been a special moment."

I giggled and shook my head. "Edward, it _is_ a special moment...you could have asked me in the grocery store, for all I care. It's the moment itself that matters. Not everything has to be candlelit dinners and dancing on the lake," I winked, but then added, "but I really do love those moments, too."

He grinned as he pulled into the parking garage at his..._our_...apartment complex. "I love you."

I couldn't help but grin back. "I love you, too. So when do you think Alice will be ready to move, seeing as how we don't have a lease or anything?"

He exited the car and walked around to open my door for me. "Well, why don't you call her and find out?"

"Really? I can? You're sure you want to live with me? I'm a bit neurotic sometimes."

His laugh was joyful and almost boisterous as it echoed off of the dark gray cement in the otherwise quiet garage. "I know you are, and I love you for it." He grabbed my face in his hands. "I love _you_, Bella. And yes, I've never been more sure of anything."

I grinned and hit my second speed dial button to call Alice.

"Bella, this better be good," she answered shortly.

I laughed as I laced fingers with Edward's, and we walked to the elevator. "Hello to you, too, dear roommate."

She growled, and I smiled at that. "Bella...I'm serious, Jasper and I—"

"Are going to love Edward and me," I interrupted with a smile.

"What?"

"Alice...are you still unwaveringly set against moving in with your fiancé before your wedding?"

Her voice was no longer agitated, but surprised and quiet. "What?"

"Are you?"

"Uh...no...why do you ask?"

I grinned as Edward hit the correct floor number on the elevator and we rose through the building.

"Well...my handsome and rather charming boyfriend just requested that I move in with him, seeing as how you and I are never home anymore anyway..."

"Oh my God, Bella...are you serious?"

My lips were plastered in an up-turned, half-crazed grin, and I bit my bottom lip to keep the chuckle from escaping. "Yes, completely serious. And I accepted."

"Shut up, Bella! Seriously?"

I did giggle that time. "Yes. Seriously."

She was animatedly chattering away to Jasper, and there was a shuffling noise.

"Isabella." Jasper's deep drawl filled my ears as Edward unlocked his door and we stepped into his apartment. "If you are kidding with Alice— you know, having a little fun at our expense— I think I may be very well tempted to—"

My laugh cut him off. "Jazz, I'm not. We're completely serious."

His voice softened, and I could almost see his smile. "Bella, I think that's really fantastic. You deserve to be happy, and so does Edward. I'm proud of you, kid."

I smiled, genuinely touched by his words. "Thank you."

"So," his tone was full of the tease that had been there earlier, "when can we all have a moving day?"

I giggled again. "I guess we'll need to talk about it. I'm leaning more toward 'the sooner the better'."

"Me too," he admitted lightly.

"Okay, Jasper, I'll let you go for now; we can all talk about it later. Give Alice my love."

"Of course. Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight."

Edward's arms snaked from my sides around to my front as he pressed his body into my back. "Positive response?" he murmured as he kissed my neck with a warm, wet, open-mouthed kiss.

"I'll say." My voice was breathy and needy, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

He hummed against my neck. "I expected as much. Which is really very good for us, don't you think?"

I nodded, bending my neck to give his wonderful lips more room to work. As they did, his hands slid under my top and trailed upward towards my breasts. I couldn't help but moan at the sensation.

"Bella, love?" His silky, sexy murmur was buried in my skin.

"Hm?" I responded, closing my eyes against the sensory overload that Edward was creating.

"Baby, I need you."

I smiled and slowly opened my eyes as I turned in his arms and kissed his lips. Against them I whispered, "I like it when you call me that."

He grinned against my mouth. "Good. I like saying it." And with that he swept me into the air and carried me bridal-style up the stairs to his bedroom. To _our_ bedroom. The very thought provoked my skin to goosebumps.

He chuckled. "Are you cold?"

I shook my head, burying my face in his neck.

"What is it, love?"

I was somewhat embarrassed to admit the truth. "The idea of this being...our...room. I like it."

He nuzzled his mouth against my neck. "I like it, too. Very much."

He gently put me down and held onto me until my feet were firmly planted and I had regained some balance. He then took my hand in his and led me into the bathroom. I looked at him in confusion, but he simply smiled.

I watched him, my eyes following his suave movements as he stalked over to the shower. He turned the nozzles and adjusted the temperature before walking back to me with a small smile. I closed my eyes, and the sensations escalated. His fingertips brushed the tops of my hands, up my arms and shoulders, and then swept down over the top of my shirt, my breasts, my stomach, and slid beneath the material, slowly gliding and guiding the top up and off of my body.

I opened my eyes slowly to meet his darkened green forests. The sight took my breath away, and I let out a shuddery, released bunch of air. He smiled gently, lovingly, and my heartbeat increased. His lips blazed across my skin in slow and precise movements, covering every inch of my exposed upper half. He spent longer moments at my breasts and nipples, silently worshiping with his mouth as his fingers slid down my stomach to the button of my black slacks. The pants were relatively loose fitting, and when the button was loose, the soft fabric caressed in flowing waves down my legs, and Edward stepped back from me. The loss of his tongue and lips and hands on my skin left my body screaming for more, but he took another step back.

"You are absolutely beautiful, Bella. You take my breath away," he whispered.

I blushed at that, and in response, he smiled and retraced his steps back toward me, the back of his hand softly skimming my bright red cheek. "There's that blush again," he said, and kissed me heatedly, passionately, as our lips became one. He pulled back after a moment with a grin. "Bella, my love, if you keep distracting me, all of the hot water will run out before we even get our clothing off."

I smiled at that and took the liberty of undressing him, not quite as slowly as he had done for me. He stepped into the shower and pulled me in behind him. Edward reached above my head to grab the pink loofah, which had been purchased with my strawberry shampoo and body wash. He squeezed some of the liquid soap and lathered it, then continued to slowly wash my body, again taking his time in slow, fluid and circular movements.

Edward gracefully swapped our positions so my back was to the water and cascading down my body, washing the bubbles away. I smiled softly at him and returned the favor, trying to make my movements as slow and sensual as he had with me. He washed my hair, massaging my scalp, and I washed his. I let my hands trail down his body and ran a single finger tip across the length of his erection, which solicited an incredible, deep and sexy moan from him.

His movements were quick after that. He pushed me against the wall of the shower and lifted my legs around his waist. My moan echoed off of the walls and into his mouth as his lips crashed into mine at the same time that he thrust fully into me.

"God, baby, you feel good," he moaned into my neck before sucking on the skin there furiously. Coherent thought left me, and all that I could do was moan in response.

Edward and I hadn't been having sex without the barrier of a condom for long, and the feeling was still so new and so much _more._ Very shortly after our first time together, I started birth control, remembering the frustrating limitations that came with not having a condom when one was so desperately wanted and needed.

With the combination of the steamy air, the echoes of our pants and the slapping of our wet skin, the feel of lips and hands and feeling so close, we both quickly reached our release; he moaned my name as his seed—as hot and wet as the water we stood beneath—shot deep inside of me, and I screamed his name before biting his shoulder, trying desperately not to hurt him in the throes of the passion and ecstasy he had caused within me.

He held me in his arms, gently kissing and caressing my skin, until the cold water demanded that we get out. Edward turned the water off and stepped out first, wrapping a towel around his waist before handing me a big, blue, fluffy bath towel. I smiled my thanks as I dried myself and wrapped it around my very relaxed body.

Edward took my hand to help me from the shower and kissed me sweetly, looking into my eyes with his delicious green gaze. The passion in his eyes had subsided, leaving love and adoration and endless depths in its wake.

"I love you," he whispered, kissing my lips once more. "Thank you for agreeing to move in with me."

I smiled and hugged him. "I love you, but don't thank me just yet...in two weeks you'll be begging Alice to take me back."

Edward chuckled; the sound still made my heart beat faster. "Never, love. We'll be together for always now," and he kissed my wet hair before we made our way to the bedroom, discarding our towels in the hamper and falling into the soft cotton sheets of his..._our_...bed; our naked bodies tangled together, and I couldn't help but feel that I was home as slumber claimed us both.

***

**A/N: So I thought another lemon might be alright? We'll be going without now for a few chapters...*sigh***

**As always-big shout out to JadeMoon for editing for me! She rocks. :-)**

**Also go check out my new story, A Fate Greater Than Life. :-)**

**Chocolate for reviews. :-) Maybe I should up the ante to naked Edward for reviews? All of the above? ;)**


	19. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

**Edward's POV**

"Hey, love!" I greeted Bella enthusiastically as soon as her ring tone filled the air of our apartment. I was very much looking forward to having the evening with her and was hoping she'd called to tell me she was on her way home.

_Home_. I still couldn't get used to the wonderful concept that Bella and I shared a home. It was _ours_.

"Hey, sweetheart." Her voice was distracted as papers shuffled in the background. Bad sign—goodbye quiet evening in together.

"Everything okay?" I struggled to keep my disappointment hidden from her; there was no need to make her feel guilty for doing her job.

"Yeah, we're just swamped. Listen, I need to finish this research tonight before I leave. I may be a few more hours. I'm really sorry, Edward, I know we were just going to have a quiet movie night tonight, but I can't put this off, unfortunately."

I couldn't help myself. I sighed, running a hand through my hair while trying to steady my unreasonable nerves. "That's okay, Bella."

"Are you sure?" The genuineness of her tone instantly made me feel bad for feeling the way that I did.

"Yes, love, I'm sure. Of course I was excited to spend time with you tonight, but we'll change our nights around—maybe go out tomorrow night?"

"I think that'd be wonderful, Edward. I love you."

"I love _you_, beautiful girl."

"I'll call before I come home."

We said our goodbyes and ended the call, and I plopped down on the couch with a huffy, frustrated sigh.

It had been two weeks since Jasper, Emmett and I had helped Bella and Alice move from their shared apartment. They hugged and cried as if they'd never see one another again, but once Bella and I had unpacked her stuff and rearranged the apartment a bit so that it better reflected the two of us together, she sighed happily as I held her in my arms.

Two weeks ago. That had been the last time that I'd spent much time with her at all. We were together in the late evenings after we both got home from work, but I usually didn't get home until after nine, and Bella was either grading papers, doing research projects, or planning lessons. I struggled to keep my cool, to not be frustrated. She was following her dreams again, finally, and the last thing that I wanted was to discourage that with my irrational behavior.

I wasn't brave enough to admit, even to myself, that almost as much as I was missing Bella, I was resenting the fact that she was spending more time with her handsome, young professor/doctor boss than she was with me. It stirred memories that I preferred to remain dead forever; I was constantly reminding myself that Bella wouldn't hurt me, that she wasn't Tanya—that she loved me.

But as I clung to my phone after hanging up with the love of my life, I felt as if I would go crazy with anxiety. After pacing for a few minutes, I gave up; I sighed and dialed Emmett's number.

"Hey, bro. What's up?" he answered immediately.

"Hey. Think you can get away for a bit tonight? I need to get out of this apartment for awhile," I sighed, feeling rather depressed and discouraged.

Emmett chuckled. "The girlfriend already driving you crazy?"

I sighed again. "No. That would require her actually being here," I said shortly, instantly feeling bad for saying it out loud.

Emmett's voice immediately sobered. "Oh. Well, yeah, Rose said she wanted to go to bed early tonight; I'm sure she won't mind if we go out for a couple of beers."

"Thanks. I'm going to call Jasper to see if I can pry him away from our sister long enough for a guys' night."

Emmett chuckled again. "Good luck with that. We gonna hang at Oscar's?"

Oscar's was a bar closer to campus; it was the usual venue for our guys' nights and had been since our college days. It was a nice and relaxed atmosphere, complete with pool tables and dartboards.

"Yeah. Meet you there in an hour?"

"Okay, Ed."

We ended the call, and I dialed Jasper's number.

"Hey, Edward." Jasper was his usually chipper self.

"Hey. You and Alice have plans tonight?"

"No, not really. Why?"

"Em and I are going to Oscar's in an hour. Want to join us?"

"Sure. I'll meet you there."

It wasn't long before the three of us were seated at a tall, round table in the corner, sipping our drinks. My eyes darted around the room. It was still early enough that it was relatively mellow, but late enough that the college students were starting to filter in now that classes were ended for the day.

"What's wrong with you, little bro? I haven't seen you this sorry looking since before you and Bella got together." Emmett's eyes fixed on me, genuinely seeking an answer.

I sighed, shaking my head. "I don't know. I guess I just miss her, you know? I mean, we haven't spent much time together lately. With the exception of Valentine's Day two weeks ago, we've hardly spent _any_ time together."

"It will slow down when she's actually taking classes, Edward. You know how busy internships can be," Jasper said quietly, too logically for my liking.

I sighed again, running my fingers through my hair. "The guy she works for—I don't like the way that he looks at her," I admitted aloud, feeling ridiculous for saying the words.

Emmett chuckled, shaking his head; that alone spurred a ridiculous anger within me. I glared at him, but he wasn't deterred.

"Every guy looks at her like that, Edward. You're going to have to just get used to it; it comes with the territory of being with an incredibly hot woman. Believe me, I know."

I rolled my eyes, half-irritated with his sexual innuendos and half-angry at him for talking about Bella in that regard, true as it may be.

Jasper turned to me. "He's right, you know. You can't go crazy over things that neither you nor she can control. You've just got to trust her."

"I do!" I insisted. "Of course, I do. I just...I don't trust him, and I don't like that they're alone together so much, you know?"

Emmett shook his head; his fierce blue eyes almost burned mine with his intensity, his expression caught somewhere between disappointment and upset. "She's not Tanya, Ed." His voice was quiet but stern.

Something about that statement made my blood boil. "Don't you think I know that?!" I spit out at him, half standing from my stool.

"Easy," Jasper said, his hand on my shoulder. "Edward, you need to relax. You and Bella were made for each other. You know it, she knows it. You just said that you trust her, and now you're going to have to put your words into action, man. You cannot spend the next three months of her internship stressing about her doing her job. It's not good for you, it's not good for her, and it's certainly not healthy for your relationship."

Deep down, I knew that he was right, but I didn't want to relinquish the one thing that I did have control over in the situation: not liking it. I sighed.

"Thank you, Dr. Whitlock." I snapped at him sarcastically, then sighed again as he and my brother looked at me incredulously. "I'm sorry," I muttered.

Jasper smiled. "It's okay. Seriously, just relax, alright?"

I nodded and glanced at Emmett, feeling ridiculous for my outburst and wanting to change the subject. "So how is Rose feeling, Em?"

Emmett grinned. "She's starting to get these crazy-ass cravings—has me running to the store at all hours of the night; they seriously don't exaggerate about that in the movies and shit. And man, I never thought about pregnancy as being hot, but...wow. She wants me all of the time, and that stomach..." he sighed with a grin. "It's damn sexy."

I very nearly groaned. I didn't need to hear about anything related to his and Rosalie's sex life. Of course, this was typical conversation for Emmett on nights such as these, nights where it was just us guys. It never bothered me before; it was just Emmett. I was irrationally irritated, however, and I wanted nothing more than to tell him to please refrain from sharing the gory details. The talk of babies and families and sex...it all reminded me of Bella and how incredibly much I missed her.

"Edward?"

I was pulled out of my thoughts by Emmett. "Huh?"

He grinned. "Do you realize you're on your fourth drink, Mr. Lightweight?"

I stared down at my glass. "Huh. No, I guess I didn't."

"Dude, come on. Everything will be fine with Bella. Do you really believe that the two of you have made it passed the hurdles that you have just to be brought down by something small like this?"

"No, I know. You're right. Screw Newton." I thought my words may have slurred slightly with that sentence.

Jasper chuckled. "It's been too long since we've done this, guys."

"Next it'll be your bachelor party." Emmett wagged his eyebrows.

Jasper shook his head. "I hope not. That'll make it another three months until we do this again. I really love living with Alice—she's smart and funny and sexy—" he paused as Emmett and I both grimaced, and he smiled sheepishly. "Sorry. But, she's so easy going, and living with her has been great, but...man, I need some time, you know? And I'm getting nervous about the wedding. You know how big events scare the living hell out of me? Our guest list is at three hundred and fifty people. I don't know if we even _know_ that many people."

I laughed. "I'm sure Alice does, Jazz. Designers and all that. She probably sent an invitation to the queen."

Jasper shook his head. "Probably."

Against my better judgment, or what was left of it at that point anyway, I started on a fifth drink. Emmett was right; I was a lightweight, but at least with each ounce of alcohol, my melancholy decreased a little more.

"So when are you going to ask Bella, bro?" Emmett asked with his wide, amused grin.

I shook my head. "I don't know. Not for awhile, you know? I'm trying to pace us...but, maybe in a few months when things calm down a bit."

Emmett grinned and winked at Jasper and me. "You boys have some catching up to do."

Jasper grinned back at him. "I wouldn't be completely opposed to starting a family soon, but Alice wants to wait, and I'm okay with that, too."

We nodded at him.

"What about you and Bella?"

"Jesus, Emmett, what is it with you and your Twenty Questions game tonight? Seeing as how I don't even know when I'm going to propose to her, would you think it logical that we had anything else planned out?"

Emmett just laughed and shook his head, turning to Jasper. "Call Alice, will you, Jasper? Edward has had way more than enough to drink, and Bella will probably be home soon if she's not already."

"Bella," I sighed, her name like heaven on my tongue.

"Okay, Ed. Give me the cup. Come on." Emmett sounded as if he were coaxing a dog to do his bidding; I couldn't help but laugh at that.

Alice appeared in front of us from out of nowhere, with an amused grin.

"Alice." I hugged her. I really had missed her. "Alice, I love you. I'm so glad that you're here."

She winced, and her eyes darted from mine to Emmett's to Jasper's. "How much did you guys let him drink?"

"He had seven mugs of beer," Jasper choked out as she glared at him.

"Don't be mad at Jazz, Ali." I hugged Jasper. "I'm his _best man_."

"Oh god," she sighed. "Okay, Edward. Lets get you home. Have you called Bella?"

"Bella? No..." Was I supposed to have called her? I wondered if she was home and what she was doing right now. Did she miss me? I missed her...

"Call her." Alice interrupted my thoughts as she walked out the door in front of me. I was vaguely aware of my brothers walking with me, possibly holding me upright as we made our way to Jasper's truck.

I opened my phone, unable to remember how it operated.

"I'll do it." Jasper grabbed the phone from me.

"Hey, Bella. It's Jasper. Listen, Edward, Emmett and I went out for drinks, and we're leaving now. Alice is driving, and we should have Edward home in about fifteen minutes. Just to give you a head's up, darlin', he's a bit...intoxicated."

"I love you, Bella." I hoped that I'd been loud enough for her to hear. I really missed her.

"Edward, if you puke in my truck, I will kill you," Jasper said as he buckled me in, and I grinned at him.

We'd just barely gotten in before we were getting back out. Bella was outside waiting for us.

"Hey!" I hugged her tightly.

"Edward...how much did you drink?"

I nuzzled my nose into her neck. She smelled so good. "I'm not sure," I whispered, kissing across the wonderful skin under her ear.

The others talked to Bella before finally leaving, and she helped me upstairs. I plopped down on the couch, pulling her on top of me.

"I love you," I told her.

She giggled. God, I loved her laugh. "I love you, too, Edward. Why don't you sit here for a few minutes, and I'll go get you some water, okay?"

I tightened my grip around her waist. "No, love. I haven't seen you all day; I need to be close to you."

She sighed. Even her sigh was beautiful. "Edward, you need to drink some water or you'll feel awful in the morning."

"I'll feel awful in the morning anyway because you'll be gone again."

"Honey, you have to work tomorrow, too, remember? And then we have a date tomorrow night?"

I sighed into her hair and nodded, and she pulled away slightly and smiled before kissing my forehead. "Let me take care of you."

She hurried to the kitchen and brought back two bottles of water and a piece of bread. She twisted the white cap off of the water bottle and held it out to me. "Drink."

I did, all of it, as well as the second. I devoured the bread, and by the time I had done so, sobriety slowly crept upon me, along with embarrassment. My eyes found Bella's, and she smiled warmly.

"Better?"

I smiled and nodded. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me tonight. I just..." I sighed, pulling her into my lap again. "I just really missed you and was going crazy here alone without you. The guys and I were talking, and I guess I just lost track of how many drinks I'd had."

Bella's smile erased some of my embarrassment. "Are you okay? I'm really sorry that I had to stay late tonight."

I nodded. "I just missed you."

"I missed you, too. I'm excited for our date tomorrow night."

I nuzzled against her again. "Me too."

Bella patted my arm. "Lets get you to bed."

I nodded, and she took me upstairs, helped me to bed and hummed our love song that I had written while her fingers danced lightly through my hair, my face snuggled against her chest. She lulled me to sleep with her soft and beautiful voice and touch.

***

"Edward? You have to wake up now, sweetie." The voice of an angel pierced through my dreamless sleep. I tried to open my eyes to see her, but a shot of pain ran through my head when the light from the room hit my retinas, and I groaned, squeezing them shut again.

"Come on, hon. I've got to leave in ten minutes, and you've got to be at practice in forty-five. I brought you an egg, some strong coffee, and some aspirin."

I smiled, squinting my eyes open at her beautiful face. "I remember why I never do this..."

Bella returned my smile with one of her beautiful, breathtaking ones. "It happens. Next time let's just be sure it's on a weekend instead, okay?"

I chugged a big gulp of the hot coffee, and it burned its way down my throat before I swallowed the aspirin. "Thanks for getting me to bed and making me breakfast." I smiled sheepishly, slightly embarrassed that she'd seen me drunk. I didn't remember much, but I knew from my wonderfully honest family that I was slightly ridiculous when intoxicated.

"Of course. I'm sure you'll have your turn to take care of a drunken Bella."

I raised an eyebrow at her as some very specific images of exactly how I could take care of a drunken Bella ran through my mind. She grinned at me.

"Yeah, yeah, Cullen. Eat your egg and then shower." She gave me a quick kiss, and I grimaced, knowing how awful my breath must be, but loving her all the more for kissing me anyway.

"I love you," Bella whispered against my lips before kissing me once more.

"I love you, too. Have a good day, beautiful. I can't wait for tonight."

I was rewarded with another beautiful smile. "Me either. You have a good day, too. I'll see you around six?"

I nodded. I was practicing with the symphony this week, but not playing. "Yes, six will work."

She smiled and kissed me once more, and we said our goodbyes. I groaned as I rolled out of bed and made my way to the bathroom for a quick shower. As I walked to my car to go to practice, I texted Bella.

_Can I pick you up tonight?_

She replied almost immediately. _Of course, I'd love that._

I smiled. _Me too. See you tonight. Love you._

She sent a short text returning the sentiment, and I smiled once more.

Because of Bella's care, my headache was minimal and had disappeared by noon. The day went by quickly, and I eagerly drove toward the Northwestern campus, excited to see Bella.

I made my way through the science building and to Newton's office. No one was in his, and I peeked my head into Bella's, where she sat with her head in one hand, pen in the other, staring at a stack of papers on the cluttered desk in front of her.

She hadn't heard me come in, so I simply stood and watched her for a moment. Her brow was furrowed in concentration as she marked the top paper. She was so beautiful.

I tore my eyes away from her to look at my watch; it was just after six. I cleared my throat softly to announce my presence, and her gorgeous, bottomless eyes met mine. She smiled.

"Hey."

"Hey," I responded with an easy smile of my own. "Can I steal you away from here for the weekend?"

She smiled. "Yes, just let me get these gathered. I'll have to grade them at some point this weekend."

I tried to ignore the falling feeling that I felt at her words. It was just grading papers. At home. We'd still be together while she worked, so I tried to bury my frustration at the fact that she had worked that day, Friday, her day off, so that we could have a weekend free of interruption. Instead, I smiled as she stuffed the papers in her bag.

"Oh—hello, Edward." I tensed at his voice and turned to come face to face with Newton. I fought the instinctive impulse to hit his face. I was perplexed by the urges that arose in me simply from being in near vicinity of this man. I had never been violent, but there was something about him...

I forced a tight smile. "Professor Newton."

His smile looked almost as forced as mine, which bothered me even further. "I was just about to invite Bella...and you, of course, to a small dinner that I'm hosting for the psychology department tomorrow night."

With every ounce of strength that I had, I fought to keep my rage in check. I wished he'd just disappear out of our lives and let us be. I looked at Bella, who was eying me warily. Her eyes drifted to him.

"Oh, well thanks, Dr. Newton. I..." She looked at me again. "What do you think, hon?"

Why could she have just said no to the creep? Everything in my head screamed no.

But I smiled. "Sure. Whatever you'd like, love." I wrapped an arm around her and kissed her cheek.

"Okay." She smiled, but it was uneasy, and on a small level, I felt guilty about making the moment awkward for her. "I guess we'll come, Dr. Newton."

"Bella," he said in a condescending tone that immediately raised the hairs on the back of my neck; I wanted to lunge at him. "Please, call me Mike."

I wanted to kick _Mike's_ ass; my blood was boiling. I didn't even want to hear her name on his lips. I didn't exactly understand the unprovoked hatred I felt toward him, but I pulled Bella closer to me instinctively, protectively.

"Super." Newton smiled cheesily. He looked between the two of us and then hesitantly handed me a slip of paper with an address and a time.

I nodded curtly, and he excused himself. Bella and I shared a long, wordless look before walking out to the car in silence. I couldn't make myself relax, despite the fact that Bella and I were going out tonight, and I finally had her all to myself.

"You okay?" She glanced at me as we drove back to our apartment to change for the date.

I nodded without saying anything. In my peripheral vision, I could see her eyes on me, but after a few moments she surrendered and turned to look out her window with a sigh.

"Are you upset about tomorrow night? You could have said no."

I sighed. "Right, and look like the jerk boyfriend who doesn't want you to socialize with the people you work with." My voice sounded a bit harsher than I had intended it to.

Then her hand was on my thigh, and I immediately felt myself relax slightly.

"It wouldn't have been like that, Edward," she said softly, and I immediately felt like a jerk.

I sighed again. "I'm sorry, love. I miss you so much."

She smiled. "I miss you, too, you know. Why don't we just stay in tonight? We can order some pizza and just cuddle and focus on each other."

My hand covered hers on my thigh. "I think I could really use a night like that, Bella."

"Okay," she whispered, and leaned over to kiss me on the cheek. "I'm sorry this transition has been so awkward, Edward. Told you you'd regret it after two weeks."

Bella's tone was joking, but her words bothered me; I looked at her incredulously as I parked the car in our building's garage. "Regret it? Bella, love, the only thing I regret is not having any time with you..." I smiled sheepishly, "and last night. I regret last night."

She giggled into my shoulder.

"Except when you sang to me and held me until I fell asleep. That part of the night was really rather wonderful."

She squeezed my hand. "Well, it was only fair. You help me sleep like that every night."

I smiled and kissed her. "You have a lovely voice, by the way. I want you to sing for me more often."

She blushed a beautiful shade of crimson, and I brushed the fiery skin with my fingertips, drowning my gaze in her beautiful eyes.

I touched my forehead to hers before kissing her deeply, our lips melding together in glorious harmony. I pulled back and smiled. "I love you."

She smiled against my lips. "I know, Edward. I love you, too. Very much."

***

We pulled up to the large, circular driveway full of cars, and I inhaled deeply, trying to settle my nerves. I didn't feel good about tonight, but I would do it for Bella. Beneath the raw emotions that I felt, most of all nervousness and anxiety, I felt strange sparks of insecurities and worries that I didn't want to address. I didn't want to think about them, analyze them, or even acknowledge their existence.

"Edward?"

I jerked my head out of my musings and toward the beautiful voice to find Bella's concerned eyes watching me. "Are you sure you're okay with this? If you want, we can just go home." She didn't sound upset, but I truly didn't want to disappoint her. The feelings storming through me were ridiculous.

"I'm okay," I said, really sounding anything but. I sighed and opened the door, walking around the car to open hers.

Bella took my offered hand with a beautiful and confident smile. She looked absolutely gorgeous in her modest, knee-length black dress. She was wearing a black pea coat Alice had helped her pick out, and she looked classy and stunning.

I smiled at her, kissing her cheek. "You look beautiful tonight."

She blushed, and in spite of my trepidation about the evening, I chuckled at it. "Now even more so," I gently stroked the back of my hand against her cheek. I inhaled deeply, my eyes darting toward the ostentatious house. "Shall we do this?"

Bella's eyes immediately regained the concern that they had held earlier. "If you're sure."

I nodded, and she smiled. She took my hand, and we strolled down the long driveway to the front door. Bella rang the doorbell, and the door was opened to us not a minute later.

Mike's face transformed with a huge smile. His eyes were focused on Bella, and my heartbeat increased with the oncoming rage and protectiveness I felt when he was too close to her. "You made it, Bells!"

Bells? Why the hell was he calling her Bells? I released her hand and wrapped my arm tightly around her waist, which caused him to look at me for the first time. His face fell.

"Hi Edward." At least he was attempting to sound polite.

I didn't even bother answering; I simply nodded once.

It felt as if he were trying to burn a hole into me with the glare from his cold eyes, but then he looked at Bella again and smiled. "Please, won't you both come in?"

He stepped aside, and I led Bella into the house. The inside of it was just as ostentatious as the outside. The decorating was over the top, as if he were trying to impress, trying to prove something. I smirked as I thought of how he must be making up for lacking other things. I glanced at Bella, who was watching me somewhat warily.

"What was that, Edward?"

"What?" I asked innocently.

"Do you have a problem with Mike?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Oh, so it's Mike now, _Bells_?"

She frowned. "Edward..."

"Bella!" Our awkward moment was interrupted by a bouncy blond who reminded me a little of my sister in her mannerisms.

Bella's almost-angry glare left my eyes to acknowledge the girl with a plastered smile while I breathed a sigh of relief. I wasn't ready to answer her questions about my hard feelings toward Mike, and I was a bit ashamed that I had antagonized her just then. She was busily chatting away with the girl, whose name, I picked up, was Jane.

"So is this the infamous Edward?" Jane asked, her eyes raking over me unashamedly. The attention made me slightly uncomfortable; I think I may have blushed a bit.

Bella smiled. "Yes, this is Edward. Edward, this is Jane. She's another T.A. in the department."

I forced a smile that I didn't feel, still completely melancholy from the greeting of Newton as well as my and Bella's exchange. "Hi, Jane, nice to meet you."

She grinned, grabbing my offered hand enthusiastically with a girlish giggle. It almost amused me. "Hi Edward. Bella wasn't kidding."

I quirked an eyebrow at her, then to Bella. Bella bit her bottom lip and smiled, though her eyes reflected that she was still upset with me.

"She was just told me that you're handsome and have the most gorgeous eyes in the world. She failed to mention how sexy you are, though." Another giggle, and I wasn't sure how to answer, so I turned to Bella.

Her face was bright red. "Maybe that's because I don't feel the need to mention to any single females just how sexy my boyfriend is," she murmured quietly.

Jane laughed and playfully hit Bella's arm. "Oh, Bella. You're a crack-up. Well, hey, I'll catch you guys later."

And she bounced away, leaving me with a blushing and upset Bella. I watched her face, her brown eyes on mine.

"Lets just try to enjoy the evening, okay?" she sighed.

I nodded, trying to smile at her.

Newton kept his distance from us, and I was sure he was hoping that Bella would have come alone. If I had been unsure of his feelings about her before tonight, the way that he greeted her when we arrived was enough to seal my opinion on the matter. It angered me, and though I had no reason to, I felt almost betrayed by it.

I struggled against feelings that became more prominent as I pondered them. I knew that I was quiet throughout the party, and Bella became more and more distanced from me, not physically, but the connection we always had—from that very first day we met—felt almost as if it was weaker or shaky somehow. It wasn't absent, but it was just...wrong. I loathed the feeling; it completely threw my world off balance.

Finally the night ended. Bella and I said little as I drove us back home. She stared out the window, fingers fidgeting against one another, and my mind was going into overdrive about Mike Newton and the feelings he held for Bella. My insecurities were multiplying as my mind concentrated on the facts— facts like Newton was a doctor. It was true that I didn't really consider him a real doctor, but he held the title nonetheless. Bella had more in common with him, and maybe she would be more comfortable being with someone who knew how to handle the psychological trauma that she'd been through. He was wealthy; that much was proven with his blatant flaunting. I felt completely inferior in every way, and it frightened me to think of what I could lose—of what I'd given to Bella. I'd given her all of me.

But as these thoughts fell through my head, one after another, I was immediately ashamed of myself. Bella had done absolutely nothing to make me think that she'd had any sort of thoughts regarding her boss. She was respectful and kind to him, but that was it. And I did trust her, but there was just something about him that made me fear losing her. I sighed.

Bella turned to me. "I don't understand what the problem is, Edward." Her voice was colder than usual; she was angry with me, and I didn't blame her for it.

I glanced at her, then back at the road. "Bella, I don't like Mike." I said the first thing that popped into my head and regretted it instantly; I sounded so childish.

"Well, you made that pretty obvious tonight. I don't understand why."

I shook my head. "I don't trust him around you."

She was glaring at me now; not only could I see her from my peripheral vision, but I could almost physically feel her eyes on me. "Do you trust _me_, Edward?" Her voice was broken, and it nearly crushed me.

"Of course I trust you, Bella."

"Then what's the problem?"

I sighed. "I don't know. I'm sorry, okay? I'll try to be nicer."

She imitated my release of air. "Tonight could have been a nice night." It was accusing; I deserved it.

"Bella, I really am sorry." My voice was quiet now as I inched my hand slowly to her knee. She didn't push me away, as I was almost expecting her to do, but grabbed onto my hand with hers.

"I know." Her voice was soft. "It's alright. I think we're both just trying to adjust to such huge changes in our lives right now, and we haven't had much time to work through them together. It's frustrating."

I marveled at the wisdom of her words and how well she could analyze our situation from the inside. "I agree. Honestly, I'm not completely sure how to handle it all."

She smiled. "Me either. But we can figure it out together. I'll make an effort at being home earlier. I'm still going to have to bring things home with me sometimes, but I'll try, Edward."

I couldn't help but smile at that. "And I'll try not to be so obnoxious about it when you can't be home...and...about Mike."

She grinned. "Professor Newton."

"Right," I smiled, eyes still focused on the road. "Would you like to go out for ice cream?" It was late and cold out, but the idea of doing something random and the two of us just being together made my heart swell.

She grinned. "Do you even have to ask?"

We both knew that we had issues to work on and adjustments to make, but for the rest of the evening we forgot about all of that. The only things existing in our universe that night were she and I, our love, and our giant, shared hot fudge sundae.

***

**A/N: Updating early again...you don't mind, right? :) And holy reviews :) Thank you guys**

**My beta, JadeMoon, kicks so much ass. Thank you! :)**

**And thanks also to coldplaywhore—the girl rocks and knows it! :)**

**Okay, so I have a Chapter 19 teaser for those that review ;-) ;-)**


	20. Chapter 19

**A/N: Quick beginning note: don't hate me for what's contained below...hang in there with me. :-)**

**Chapter 19**

**Bella's POV**

The first day of March appeared cold and biting, and as I walked from the El station to Alice and Jasper's house, much earlier than I would have liked, I sighed with frustration and confusion. It had been a slightly tense Sunday morning between Edward and me. We had awoken together and been civil to one another, but the days with lack of communication between the two of us were starting to wear on me.

It had been eight days since the night of Mike's party, eight days since I had assured Edward that I'd make an effort to be home earlier, and a week since Professor Newton had initiated a new research project and put me in charge of supervising four undergrad students. Immediately after promising Edward that I'd be home more often, Dr. Newton had required me to stay late with the research group each evening over the week following my broken promise.

Edward hadn't reacted well to that, and I honestly didn't blame him for it. It had caused an incredible tension between the two of us, and it was painful. I was perplexed as to how I would arrive at a solution for the current situation. I had to do as instructed; it was my job, and my review at the end of the semester was of paramount importance in the program. I wanted to do well and was working my hardest to do so. I longed to have him understand how important it was to me—how I needed his support through the process.

I was mulling the entire situation over so furiously that I didn't notice the cold or the several blocks between the station and Alice's building. I nearly missed her apartment for being so lost in thought and failing to notice my surroundings. Sighing once again, I back-tracked to the front door and gingerly pressed the button, and Alice's chipper "hey," greeted me immediately.

"Hey Alice, it's me." My voice was subdued.

"Come on up, Bella."

The lock clicked, and I hopped the stairs to the third floor, knocking quietly. The door opened to Alice's bright face, and it made me smile in spite of my melancholy.

"Hey! Rose is already here, so we can just go if you're ready?"

I nodded as she and Rosalie stepped out the door, clad in coats and hats for the brisk March morning.

Rosalie smiled at me. "Good morning, Bella."

Her face was radiant, framed with her golden hair and skin aglow. Her belly was becoming beautifully rounded, and the look suited her quite well. Her and Alice's smiles were contagious. "Good morning."

The three of us walked in a companionable silence. Today had been marked on the calendar for six weeks. Alice had finally chosen which bakery she wanted to build her monstrous wedding cake, and it was located only a dozen blocks from her building. The three of us decided that a morning walk would do us all a bit of good. I breathed the fresh, crisp and cold air through my nose and into my lungs, hoping it would clear some of the depression that was starting to creep its way into my being.

It didn't take long for us to arrive at our destination, and we were welcomed with the same warmth that every other wedding service Alice had chosen had bestowed upon us. I smiled at the almost sickening benevolence and briefly wondered if the amount of friendliness that they showed increased as their commissions grew. I decided that was quite likely; I didn't even want to think about the thousands of dollars Alice's wedding was costing Carlisle and Esme. The two of them were more than happy to give their little girl anything and everything she wanted for her special day.

"Alice, my favorite bride!" A tall woman with fire-red hair, and quit literally no shape, embraced Alice.

"Hi, Lily," Alice said sweetly.

"We have many samples ready for you, dear."

"Alice!"

The lot of us turned to see Esme float gracefully through the door, cheeks flushed and eyes bright and sparkling. She kissed Alice's cheek, then mine and Rosalie's "Sorry I'm late, girls. I got stuck in traffic."

"It's okay, Mom. We were just getting started," Alice grinned.

We were led to yet another posh room in the back with many velvety-cushioned chairs centered around a large, square table.

"Alright, ladies, Alice has given me an idea of what style she wants, so now we're going to go through several samples of cake and icing types and flavors."

It took two and a half hours to get through the samples, and the four of us had unanimously agreed that the orange-almond cake with the honey glaze fit perfectly with Alice's theme, color scheme and décor. It even seemed to somehow perfectly match the actual venue for the wedding and reception, the Cullen Estate. I was feeling slightly sickened by the amount of sugar I'd consumed in those couple of hours, so I was surprised at Esme's invitation.

"Okay girls, I'd like to take us out to lunch," Esme grinned.

I hesitated for a moment. I knew that Edward had wanted for us to have some time together after the cake tasting, yet I didn't want to hurt Esme's feelings by declining the offer. I sent Edward a quick text message asking him what he thought and received a reply from him almost immediately.

_'That's okay. I'm going out with Emmett. Love you.'_

I responded in kind, but felt a little down. More than likely I was simply projecting our tension and stress into how I read his message, but his words seemed curt and strained—not at all typical of Edward.

I sighed, putting my phone away and attempting to shake off the unsettled feelings that were building and brewing within me. Our lunch had turned into a shopping trip, and the day had morphed from a morning cake tasting appointment to an all-day Sunday outing with the girls.

I walked through the door of our apartment at a little after five, feeling nervous and apprehensive about how Edward would react to me being gone for so long. He was seated at his piano, and his eyes were fixed in front of him. He simply sat and wasn't and hadn't been playing. He glanced in my direction as I shut the door and locked it.

"Hey," I said quietly, unsure of how to approach him. It was painfully obvious that he was upset.

"Hi." He stood and walked to me but kept his distance, stopping short about five feet in front of me.

His green eyes were dark and unhappy; the look within their depths made my heart ache, and a pit rapidly and uncomfortably grew in my stomach.

"I..." I searched his eyes as I paused. "I'm sorry. Your mom wanted us all to have a girls' day." My voice faded as my heart pounded wildly nervous in my chest.

He shook his head. "It's fine." His tone said it was anything but. I knew that the day apart would push him too far; I should have just come home.

I walked to the fridge, trying to give us some distance from one another to gather our thoughts. My nerves were quickly building, and a foreboding feeling crept within me. I grabbed a bottle of water before making my way back over to him, deciding to try and lighten the mood a bit. "So, how was your day? What'd you do?"

He took in a deep breath, running a hand through his messy hair—a classic Edward-in-frustration gesture. "Well, I waited here for you until you sent me the text about lunch. I know my mother, and I knew it'd be more than lunch, so I called Emmett. He's been begging me to go do this one thing with him, and I finally gave in today," he said with a shrug.

His evasiveness only increased my nerves, and I raised my eyebrows at him questioningly.

He smirked; the malice on his face looked so out of place that it took me completely off guard. My stomach whirled with nausea.

"He's been looking into buying a Harley." The words hit me so hard that I couldn't think, couldn't comprehend anything in that moment.

"What?" I whispered, frowning at him. Surely I'd heard him wrong; surely he wouldn't have...

Edward simply nodded as if nothing was amiss. "We did some test driving this afternoon. The one I rode went incredibly fast. I may look into buying one."

My legs felt like jelly; my heart felt as if he'd taken it out to slap around a bit. "Edward..." I stumbled to the kitchen table and sat numbly as images of Jake's totaled bike flashed through my head. Edward remained still, his face an unapologetic, unemotional mask.

"Oh, God," I whispered as the mental pictures refused to abate; with each one I became increasingly angry at him. He'd done it on purpose. He'd done it to get back at me. My heart ached at the thought, and hot tears made an appearance, welling in my eyes as I willed them not to spill over.

Finally, I found my voice, and it wasn't slight.

"What the hell did you do that for? They are so dangerous, Edward!"

He scoffed, and it fueled my anger. "Not if you're careful."

I saw red at his words and their underlying connotations, and I fought the horrible desire to smack him across the face. "Who the hell do you think you are? Careful or not, they are death machines. Didn't you stop to think about what this would do to me, Edward?"

"Oh, so you do care somewhat then?" The question was taunting and nonchalant all in one. I would have been less hurt if he had kicked me in the stomach.

"What?" I asked him incredulously, throwing my moistened face into my shaking hands.

"You care? Enough to be upset at least? But maybe not enough to stay. Maybe not enough for me to keep you? Maybe not enough for you not to rip my heart out?" His voice grew with each punctuated question, and his words swirled senselessly in my mind.

"What are you talking about, Edward?"

"I, Bella, am talking about you never being here; I'm talking about Mike; I'm talking about me not ever being able to be enough for anyone." His voice cracked on the last word, and I stared at him, unbelieving.

"What?"

"God, Bella, you heard me! Do you want him? Do you want to be with _Doctor_ Newton?"

I frowned, still unable to grasp any kind of understanding while his words swirled around me. Why would he think that I felt anything for Professor Newton?

"Want him? Are you crazy?"

Edward laughed a dark, humorless laugh. "Yeah. Crazy. Paranoid," he said with wide eyes and shaking hands. "I never used to be one of those guys, Bella, but...I'm not going to be stupidly naive again. The signs I should have seen last time...I'm not going to miss them this time."

My anger flared again; I could feel my blood flow increase in my neck and across my face, begging to burst free from my body as my skin heated with its frantic pulses. "You're comparing me to that whore that you dated?" The level of hurt increased immeasurably as I met his eyes. Anger and hurt reflected back from them. "What exactly are you accusing me of?"

He raised his eyebrows. "What have you been doing every night this week, Bella?"

My heart was racing so hard and fast I wondered if it would explode. "I can't believe this," I said, standing angrily. "I'm doing my _job_, Edward. I have not once done anything inappropriate. I haven't once thought anything inappropriate. I have no interest in Mike, and I am _not_ Tanya." My voice was very loud now, echoing off of the walls in our too-still apartment. "I can't even believe that I have to justify myself to you. I have trusted you with all of me, Edward, but apparently that trust was one-sided and very misplaced."

Edward's emotionless pretense was gone, and in its place was a stunned stare, his eyes focused on my face.

I darted passed him and up the stairs, grabbing at items furiously and throwing them into a small bag. Once I was downstairs again, I grabbed my backpack. Edward hadn't moved an inch, expression still frozen in a dazed silence.

"I'm going to your sister's. Feel free to call her if you don't trust that I'll actually be there," I yelled, angry, hot tears falling down my flushed cheeks.

I stormed out the door, slamming it roughly behind me and practically sprinting toward the El station. By the time I had reached Alice's for the second time that day, my cheeks were soaked and stinging, my eyes swollen and my head aching. I buzzed their number.

"Yeah?"

"Hi Jasper," I managed to croak.

"Bella? What's wrong?" He was alarmed, and I took a bit of solace in the fact that someone still cared, even when the person that I loved the most didn't seem to.

"C-can I come up?" I managed through my tears and shaky breaths.

"Of course." The door clicked open immediately, and before I had even reached the first flight of stairs, I was enveloped in a tight, vice-grip hug.

Tears burst from my eyes again as I squeezed onto her small form. She held me for a moment like that, and then I finally pulled back, wiping my tears away on the backs of my hands.

"Bella, sweetheart, what's wrong?" Alice's ice blue eyes were focused on my face and drowning in concern; I loved her for it.

"He...he..." I couldn't form a coherent sentence as I felt the sobs pervade my control. "He thinks I'm...with...with Newton, he thinks..."

Understanding flashed in her orbs, and I was so thankful she comprehended my babble. "Oh my god, he is such an idiot. Come on, sweetie. Let's get you upstairs." She turned and guided me up the steps, my body shaking with sobs and sniffles the entire way, my heart feeling broken all over again and so very small.

"Can I stay with you guys tonight, Ali?"

"Of course, Bella." Her small hand patted my back comfortingly.

We walked through the door, and Alice directed me to sit in a chair at their table while Jasper took the seat next to me. She busily flitted across the kitchen to make tea for the three of us.

"What happened?" she asked quietly.

I inhaled a deep, unsteady breath of air, my head in my hands. "Edward thinks...he accused me of...he asked me why I've been late every night this week. He thinks something is going on with Professor Newton." I bumbled the words out, the truth of them hurting even more the second time around.

The tears started again as I continued to babble my hurt feelings to my best friends. "Why? I'm not her. Does he think so little of me that he believes I would do that to him? I love him; I'd never do anything to hurt him."

Jasper's big hand grabbed onto mine as Alice placed a cup of tea in front of me and sat on my other side, rubbing slow, soothing circles on my back.

"I know you wouldn't, Bella," she said softly, her voice alone calming me a bit further.

She sighed. "Edward..." she paused and then frowned. "Now, Bella, I'm not justifying his behavior, because he's being a total moron, but you have to understand that his only relationship prior to you was with the psycho gold-digger. He's scared, Bella. He has no frame of reference for a normal relationship."

I sighed again, tears subsiding once more. "I would never do to him what she did. He should know better than that, Alice."

She nodded, eyes focused on mine. "I agree; he should know better, but he's learning, you know? He does love you, Bella. I don't think that deep down he honestly thinks that you're doing anything. He's just scared of losing you and he's trying to protect himself. You're in psychology, you should know the behavior better than I do." She nudged me with a smile, and I couldn't help but smile in return.

I studied the white, misty steam swirling above the brown, translucent liquid in the mug that my fingers were wrapped around. "Just because I can see the logical explanation doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt that he's giving into it."

Alice nodded and hugged me again. "Why don't you get some sleep? Things will look better in the morning."

I nodded and hugged her and then Jasper. "Thank you, guys."

They both smiled softly, and Alice helped me prepare the couch to sleep on before we hugged our goodnight, and I fell into a restless sleep.

***

I awoke the next morning to a monstrous headache. The pounding in my temples worsened when I opened my eyes, and I groaned, throwing my head back onto the pillow. The noises of someone tinkering in the kitchen and the beautiful smell of coffee drifted toward me, singing to my groggy being. I felt strangely as if I had a hangover; it was a familiar feeling from those many nights I never slept, the nights I cried until my body couldn't produce any additional tears. I loathed the ramifications.

I stretched my stiff, achy muscles and went to the bathroom to shower and dress for the day. I hated the reflection staring back at me in the mirror; my eyes were bloodshot and swollen, my face red and splotchy. I sighed and tried to cover it all up the best that I could with the very unhelpful makeup.

When I was finally satisfied that I'd done the best that I could with at least _trying _to look human, I met Alice in the kitchen. She handed me a bagel with cream cheese and a cup of coffee.

"Thank you so much," I murmured quietly, sipping the coffee as if it were a lifeline to my weary body.

She offered me a warm smile. "Feeling okay?"

I nodded, downing the entire cup of coffee. Alice refilled it with a smile.

"Edward called your phone twice while you were in the shower. I have to go to work now. You'll be okay?"

I nodded. "Thanks, Alice."

"You're welcome, sweetie. Call me if you need me okay?" she asked while hugging me goodbye.

I nodded.

"Love you."

I smiled at her. "Love you, too."

I rifled through my backpack until I found my phone. Scrolling through it, I discovered that not only had I missed the two calls this morning from Edward, but that he had called three times last night. He left no messages. I hadn't even heard the phone ringing.

I sighed, willing the tears to stay at bay as I sent him a quick text message. I was angry with him, but I didn't want him to worry about me.

_'I'm ok. Please give me some time, not ready to talk yet. I'll be home after work tonight.'_

I threw the phone in my bag, not wanting to read the reply if he bothered with one, and quickly made my way to work, feeling sad and not at all wanting to be there when I hadn't resolved things with Edward.

That morning I went to all of Professor Newton's classes with him, just as he had requested of me the previous Friday. The day felt strange and surreal, like a nightmare that I was just waiting to awaken from.

Edward was giving me my space, just as I had asked him to do. I still felt incredibly hurt by his words and the fact that he'd done something so careless to get back at me for something I hadn't done. His accusations hurt, but I knew that Alice was right. It was only normal that he had those insecurities; I simply longed for him to trust in me the way that I trusted in him.

The day was dragging on unbearably long, and all that I wanted was to go home to Edward—for things to be right between us. I missed him terribly and hated the incredible tension that had developed between us since I had begun the internship. I was brought from my contemplations by Professor Newton's voice sounding from my doorway.

"Bella, you're doing very well with this position," he said, and I smiled at him but was feeling a little uneasy. Perhaps it was Edward's paranoia about Newton being creepy and untrustworthy, but throughout the day, being around him had made me extremely uncomfortable.

He had brought a stack of papers into my office for me to grade; we'd easily fallen into discussion about the classes that I'd attended with him that morning, and then he pulled a chair up next to mine. Blood rushed through my veins, and my stomach clenched nauseatingly at his nearness.

"Have you thought at all about applying for a summer internship in my office?" Dr. Newton had mentioned it on several occasions, almost pushing me to apply. His partnership was one of the most renowned in the area, and the summer jobs were highly coveted. However, I couldn't make myself put in an application for it; something seemed wrong in doing so—what that something was, I wasn't quite sure yet.

"Actually," I cleared my throat nervously, "I don't think I'll be applying for an internship this summer. I would really like to focus on my classes, especially for the first semester."

He nodded with a smile. "I suppose that makes sense."

His fingertips brushed my arm as he reached for the papers I had been grading, and I gasped, surprised that he'd step over that boundary of propriety.

"Bella, I think you've been at the paper grading task long enough for one day, don't you?" He grabbed the pile and shoved it in the bottom drawer of my desk.

"Professor Newton—" my voice was shaky now.

"Bella, how long are we going to dance around this?" His face was mere inches from my own, and I panicked. I jumped from my chair and against the wall.

"Professor Newton, I don't know what you're referring to, but I'd appreciate it if you'd please stay out of my personal space."

He smiled, and it was a rather charming smile. It was oddly out of place with his actions. I frowned at him, my nerves screaming, my heart pounding, my head and my instincts telling me to get the hell away from him, but I was frozen as he stood, his eyes meeting mine.

"Bella, I'm attracted to you, and I know you're attracted to me, there's no use in denying that. We could see where it goes, Bella. I have so much more to offer you."

I stared at him incredulously. Edward was right. He'd been right about Newton all along. I shook my head furiously. "Dr. Newton..." I paused, taking a deep breath and trying to steady myself. Anger had taken over my shock and fear. "You are treading on thin ice. It'd be awful to have to deal with a sexual harassment suit, wouldn't it? I mean, you being newly in charge of the department and at such a young age, I'd hate for this to tarnish your reputation."

His grin fell. "What? You...you're not interested?"

"No." I was completely incredulous at his presumptions. "I haven't done anything that should make you think that I am, either."

He shook his head. "But you've been so sweet..."

I shook my head. "I have done nothing to cause you to make the assumptions that you did, Dr. Newton. I..." I frowned. "I don't feel comfortable working this closely with you anymore."

His eyes widened. "You're quitting?"

I maintained eye contact, feeling sad at first, knowing that if it came to quitting or working with him, I would quit, but then I was filled with rage at even the idea of having to choose. "No. I'm not quitting. You will transfer me to another professor in the department to work with, and you will approve it. If you don't, I will make sure everyone knows just exactly what happened here today." I didn't want to have to do that. He deserved it, but I still hated the idea of pressing those kinds of charges against him.

His eyes studied mine for a long moment before he nodded with a sigh. "Okay, Bella."

"And Dr. Newton..." I paused for effect, unsuccessfully willing myself to calm down. "Don't ever make an assumption like that again, ever—especially in the workplace. The next girl might not be as forgiving. Please send me an email this evening and let me know which professor I will be working with for the remainder of the semester. I don't want to have to come back here in the morning."

He nodded dumbly as I grabbed my backpack and coat and left the office early. I walked as quickly as my wobbly legs would take me; the adrenaline was fading and my muscles were shaking from the conversation and the situation. I felt slightly ridiculous on the ride home, tears streaming down my face as I replayed the day in my mind. Perhaps reporting him would have been the wisest way to go, but as long as he left me alone from now on, I would hate to tarnish his reputation for what might have only been one stupid mistake. He did seem genuinely sorry for his actions after he realized that his interest was not reciprocated.

I ran home and threw the door open to find Edward at the piano. He looked completely miserable, and his sad eyes met with mine immediately. Before I could comprehend his actions, he darted toward me.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I was such an asshole."

His arms' secure hold on my form and his broken apology transformed my upset tears into sobs that released the emotional trauma of the last few weeks. We stood there in the entryway for I wasn't sure how long; my tears fell on Edward's chest and his into my hair.

He pulled back after a moment, his eyes searching mine. "Are you okay? Bella, I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I...I was so wrong."

I shook my head. "You did...I mean..." I looked at my hands as I spoke, unable to keep eye contact with him as tears choked my voice and ran down my face. "You did hurt me, Edward. Very much. I would never—I could never do anything like that to you. I would never hurt you the way that Tanya did. I love you too much."

His finger slid under my chin, lifting it and bringing my eyes up to connect with his. "I know that, Bella. I do. I am so sorry I let my frustrations and insecurities get the best of me. I love you more than I love life. I would die for you, and I don't want you to think that I don't trust you. I do, and I swear to you here and now, I won't overreact about your internship again. I promise." He rested his forehead against mine, and for a moment I closed my eyes and let myself drown in his words and declarations—in his promise.

"You were right about Newton," I whispered.

He pulled back, eyes wide and jaw set. "What?"

I bit my lip. "He hit on me."

"When?" Edward's velvet voice was gone, replaced by a rather frightening growl.

"This afternoon. That's why I'm early. I left."

"I'm going to kill him!" Rage filled and darkened his green eyes, and I grabbed onto his arms.

"No, Edward. I took care of it. I'm transferring to another TA position, and I asked that he leave me alone from now on, with the exception of an email this evening to tell me which professor I will be reassigned to." I searched his eyes. "You were right about his character, though, Edward. I'm done with him, though. He's caused enough problems."

Before I could finish the sentence, Edward's arms were wrapped tightly around me again. "I'm so sorry, Bella. You're so strong and capable, and I'm sorry I've been so awful."

"I forgive you," I whispered, clinging onto him. "I love you."

"I love you, Bella. I love you so much." His voice was full of emotion as it caressed the top of my head, and we stood like that for another immeasurable amount of time. I was emotionally exhausted, but my heart was lighter. The weight of the tension and stress and unspoken fears between the two of us had been lifted, and we were okay. We would make it through.

***

**A/N: Okay first I have to say, personally I know that Bella should have proactively pressed charges against Newton (I know I'll get that response from a few of you and wanted you to know I totally agree) however, for the sake of the story line and where I want to take it, I chose for it to kind of fade away so that Edward and Bella could move on with their story. :-) As I said, stick with me for the next little bit, you won't regret it :)**

**As always, a super huge thanks to JadeMoon, my awesome beta :-)**

**I started a blog! I'm doing Friday reviews on different fanfics. The link is on my profile page (as is my twitter link)--so come and follow me, and if you have stories you'd like to suggest for reviewing, feel free to shoot me a message :-)**

**HUGE thank you to you guys! More and more hits and reviews. I just seriously love each and every one of you—you make me so hapy. Thank you for reading! :-)**

**Chapter 20 Teaser (EPOV!) for reviews. ;-)**


	21. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

**EPOV**

Apparently I had been wrong to think that I'd be seeing more of Bella after Newton's party the previous weekend. That night, I'd had visions dancing in my head of the two of us at home. Together. Eating dinner or talking over pizza, cuddling on the couch, talking or watching a movie. Every vision was doused when Bella had called Monday during her lunch hour to inform me that she'd be overseeing a research team. Naturally, the only time that all of the schedules matched was in the evening after classes, and after Bella's regular hours had long since ended.

I had tried to be patient about it, but by Wednesday, I was crawling out of my skin with anxiety. By yesterday, Saturday, a day that was supposed to be ours, I was completely out of my head. Visions of Tanya and Dr. Spank Me popped through my head, along with visions of her shoving the engagement ring back in my face, eyes gazing upon me with complete, pathetic pity.

Luckily, I had to work late into Saturday evening, which served as a distraction, slight as it was. I had pounded away furiously at the keys of black and white as if they had made an offense against me of the greatest magnitude.

Bella was asleep when I had finally arrived home at just after midnight, and before changing for bed myself, I simply sat on our carpeted floor next to her and stared in an awed wonder as she slept.

Moonlight bathed her milky, white skin in a soft and enchanting glow; her steady, regular breaths dictated a constant rhythm of her chest, a calming rising and falling that I would have been able to set my watch to. For that small, perfect moment in time, I had forgotten my fears and memories, and simply lost myself in her, the same way that I lost myself in music.

I wanted to touch her; I wanted to wake her and tell her how much I missed and loved her. But I didn't. With a lonely, near desperate sigh, I stood, raking a hand through my hair and stripping off my clothing. My boxer-clad body slipped between the sheets next to her, my mind plagued once again.

Bella was good. She was loyal and true. I repeated those facts to myself over and over again like a broken record as images flashed through my mind. They were unbidden and unwelcome, and I hated them. I hated myself for thinking them. Bella with Newton. Newton seducing Bella. Him touching her, looking at her with eyes that only I should be giving her—not him. Newton and Bella lost in a swarm of undergraduate term papers and discarded articles of clothing.

My heart raced as I shot up to a sitting position in bed. Between my racing mind and my racing heart, I knew I would not be finding sleep anytime soon. I took one more small moment to look at the angel by my side. She'd never do that. She wouldn't. Would she?

Careful not to wake Bella, I forced my exhausted body out of bed and traipsed down the stairs, sliding behind my piano. I gently, very softly, and ever-so-quietly splayed my fingers across the keys and released the dark, lonely tune from my head, heart and soul into the very silent apartment. The notes were subdued both in volume and tone—they were the musical translation of tears I couldn't let myself cry, of loneliness, fear. So much fear. I had made myself so vulnerable to her.

The other part of my brain, the sane part, knew that she'd made herself vulnerable to me just as much as I had her. More so, in fact. She'd trusted me with her broken heart; she'd let me in, let me try to stitch it back together with the inexplicable love I had felt for her from nearly the very beginning. Bella loved me, too. The part of me that wasn't insane with insecurity and doubt knew very well that Bella would never hurt me.

Unfortunately, the insecurities ruled; they had stemmed from something too monumental in my life to be inconsequential.

It was some time in the early morning hours that I stumbled, half-asleep, over to the couch and surrendered to exhaustion. I awoke what felt like ten minutes later and only knew otherwise because the sun shone brightly through the window. The smell of coffee and the promise of warm food pulled me from my groggy slumber completely. As awareness crept upon me, I heard her sounds coming from the kitchen, dishes, liquids pouring, spoon stirring. She was so close to me, but felt miles away. It was when I had sat up that I noticed the blanket draped over me. At some point, Bella had covered me while I slept, trapped in nightmares of betrayal.

Face in hands, I rubbed my skin fiercely in a bid to awaken fully. I walked to the kitchen, and her back was to me. She was pouring batter onto a skillet. Pancakes.

Bella was already dressed and prepared for the day, and a bit of excitement rushed through me. Maybe today we could reconnect; I truly needed that, and I thought maybe she did as well. I ached at the strange and disconcerting chasm between us.

She turned, and our eyes met. Her expressions changed so quickly from joy when first meeting my gaze—the look I had grown so fond of over the last few months. It darted from that to concern, followed by sorrow, and then uncertainty. What was she thinking?

The sweet girl offered a weak smile. "I made pancakes."

I, in turn, offered a weak smile of my own, the tension between us palpable. "Thanks. You didn't have to do that."

"I know. I...I wanted to." Her deep brown eyes searched mine for a moment. "When did you get home? I didn't hear you come in."

My small smile was a little more genuine. "Because you sleep like a rock, love."

Bella blushed her beautiful blush. I wanted to cup her cheek, to kiss her when she smiled sheepishly at me, but then the smile was gone as quickly as it had come, replaced by a concerned frown. "Why were you on the couch?"

I shrugged. "I couldn't sleep, came down to play for awhile. I think I was already asleep when I stopped playing and crashed on the nearest surface." I tried to smile at her again, but couldn't. Her frown creased her eyebrows, and her beautiful brown orbs darkened with an odd sadness.

I wanted so badly for her to smile, so I forced one of my own. "Let's go somewhere today," I said, grabbing her hand, thrilling at the connection of our skin that, for a moment, made me forget the tension. "The museum or...I don't know, something out of here. Just us—together all day." Heaven. It would be heaven.

I knew it was a vain attempt, though, when Bella's frown deepened and her eyes lost what little sparkle they'd had left that morning. I panicked; what did that reaction mean?

"Edward, I have that cake thing with Alice this morning, remember?"

I groaned. I hadn't remembered. My frustration was reaching an unbearable limit. "Well, by all means..."

She sighed. "Edward—"

"School, Alice, and then us," I grumbled, my mood darkening as my discontent grew, though I knew I was being unfair.

Her hand, still holding mine, squeezed. "You know that's not true, Edward."

I shook my head, pulling my hand away. I kissed her forehead. "Maybe we can do something after you're done," I mumbled, and she nodded. I could feel her eyes on me as I walked across the room.

"Have fun," I said sulkily, my back to her, before I dashed out of the room and up the stairs.

I was hiding. I knew it. Bella knew it. I couldn't process my emotions, couldn't deal with them. Without showering, I dressed in my gym shorts and one of my many old Northwestern tee shirts. I waited until I heard Bella walk out before going downstairs and leaving myself.

I ran. Hard. Blocks upon blocks I ran in the cold morning air, it burned my lungs and froze my skin. I ran until I reached the lake, and without slowing, I pushed my legs harder still down the empty beach, running until my muscles screamed and my hands shook.

Finally, when I could push my agonized legs no further, I walked shakily, chest heaving with my exerted breathing, hands locked above my head as I struggled to take in enough oxygen. When I had finally caught my breath several minutes later, I began running again, running back home, running until my mind could think of no other thoughts than the painful burn of my muscles and the cry for air from my lungs.

Once in the building, I stumbled to the elevator and somehow found my way into a hot shower, washing away the sweat, loosening my tight muscles, head pressed against the cold tiles, my breathing still regulating itself.

I felt no less mental anguish as I dried myself off and dressed for the day. It had been three hours since Bella had left. Surely she'd be back soon. I would make this better for us. I would take her out this afternoon, and we would laugh and smile and hold hands and kiss.

As if she knew I was thinking of her, my phone rang with a text from Bella.

_Your mom wants a girls' lunch. Would you be ok with that? -B_

I sighed as the words floated across my vision, resisting the sudden urge to throw my phone against the wall. Anger overwhelmed me, and I told her it was fine as my brain began spinning irrationally, a devious idea enthralling me.

I snapped my phone shut angrily after returning Bella's text. I knew that I had no reason to be angry with her—she was with my mother and sisters, and I knew all to well how easily a simple appointment could turn into an all day ordeal for them, especially when they were all together. Yet anger claimed me anyway, and I wanted to fight back; I wanted to regain control of a situation that I had no say in. I hated feeling so desperate, so upset.

Without further thought to any ramifications of doing so, I quickly opened my phone and dialed Emmett's number. He picked up on the first ring, as he always did.

"What are you doing?" It was more of a bark than a greeting.

"Hi to you, too, bro," he chuckled.

I sighed a frustrated huff into the phone. "Hi," I punctuated the word. "What are you doing?"

"Watching a game."

"You still want to go test drive bikes?" He had mentioned interest in doing so several times in the last couple of years, but we'd never actually done it.

His voice was transformed with excitement. "Hell yes. You wont' tell Rosie, though, right? Because it'll make her angry."

I laughed humorlessly, his concern for his wife's reaction leading me to thoughts of Bella. Thoughts I tried to bury. "Whatever," I told him. "No, I won't tell her. I'll pick you up in ten."

And just like that, I so easily made the decision that I knew would hurt my Bella. I wouldn't let myself think about her being pained by it. I didn't have to tell her. She wouldn't have to know, and I could simply have the satisfaction of knowing that I had done it. Even in my half-assed attempt to justify myself, I knew that wasn't how it would play out. Bella would find out, because I would tell her. I knew that. My emotions were building like a perfect storm, and I didn't know just how to channel them into something productive, constructive. But I didn't want to think about any of that. I just wanted to ride fast on a powerful machine that I could bend to my will.

***

One hour later, Emmett and I had obtained two large and powerful motorcycles. We'd been given helmets and told to take our time. We did. We took them downtown by the lake and then out of the city. At one hundred twenty miles an hour, wind gusting past my face and adrenaline pumping through my veins, I saw Bella's eyes. I saw them as they had been that first night that I met her. She'd been lost in pain and grief for over a year prior to that, yet that night it was still so fresh, so raw. Because of him. Because he had died doing the same thing I was in that moment. How could I do this? What was I trying to accomplish? Bella didn't deserve this.

I pulled to the side of the road, and once I had come to a stop, I roughly pulled the helmet from my head, slamming my forehead against the handlebar. After a few moments, Emmett pulled up beside me, cutting the deafening roar of his bike's engine.

"Hey. You okay?"

I nodded, heaving breaths and fighting tears. Why couldn't Bella and I just have it easy for once? No pain, no fear, no hurt, no doubt, no insecurity? Why?

"I'm done, Em. I need to go home." My voice sounded flat and empty, just like my heart. Emmett eyed me for a moment, questions swirling in his eyes, but he said nothing, simply nodding and returning the helmet to his head.

We dropped the bikes off to a disappointed sales associate and drove back to Emmett's house in silence.

Even once I arrived back at our apartment, my emotions continued to rage. Driving the bike hadn't eased my despair; it had only increased it. And so I sat at my piano for hours. I didn't play, didn't move, really. I sat in my memories, my fears, my longing. The afternoon slipped by like the sand of an hourglass, and I finally heard the clicks of the locks on the front door.

When Bella stepped through the door, I turned my eyes to her, feeling an odd mixture of numbness, anger and depression.

"Hey." Her voice was quiet, apprehensive.

"Hi," I returned curtly, unable to force any positive emotion into my own.

I pushed away from the piano and walked towards her, watching her. I stopped several feet in front of her. Five feet, five hundred, what difference did it make with such tension between us? My anger started building again, and I hated myself for it.

"I..." her voice was so small, and she looked fragile, but my anger was unaltered. "I'm sorry. Your mom wanted us all to have a girls' day."

I shook my head. "It's fine." I loathed the cold tone that didn't sound like me.

She walked away from me and into the kitchen, and I followed her, not sure why I was doing so. I knew I needed to get myself under control before we spoke, but I couldn't force myself to walk away.

Bella grabbed a bottle of water and walked back to me. "So, how was your day? What'd you do?"

I wanted to say the words. I battled with myself; half of me, the crazy-jealous, angry side wanted to tell her exactly what I'd done. The other half was lost in a horrified loathing at its counterpart.

I inhaled deeply. "Well, I waited here for you until you sent me the text about lunch." Sort of true. After the incredibly long run I'd waited. Why was I doing this to her? My mouth kept moving. "I know my mother, and I knew it'd be more than lunch, so I called Emmett. He's been begging me to go do this one thing with him, and I finally gave in today," I shrugged.

A battle of good and evil ensued. _Please don't ask me Bella. Ask, Bella, ask me what I did._

Her eyebrows raised in question, and it caused the crazy-jealous monster to break completely free of its restraints. Where had this come from?

"He's been looking into buying a Harley." I knew that was all I'd have to say for her to know what I did.

I was right; Bella's face became immediately pale and ashen. "What?"

"We did some test driving this afternoon. The one I rode was incredibly fast. I may look into buying one." _Tell me no, Bella. Tell me I can't. Tell me you love me—only me. Tell me! Tell me there's no one else, there will never be anyone else. Please._

She swayed like a feather in the breeze, and flopped into a chair at our table. "Edward..."

_Tell me, Bella. Say it._

"Oh, God," she whispered, cutting through my façade a little more.

It seemed like hours that I stood watching her face contort in pain, disbelief—then anger. _Yes, Bella. Be angry. Yell at me. Do it._

"What the hell did you do that for? They are so dangerous, Edward!"

I scoffed outwardly. Inwardly, _Yes. Yell at me, Bella._ "Not if you're careful."

Her face turned an angry shade of crimson, eyes flashing dangerously to me. "Who the hell do you think you are? Careful or not, they are death machines. Didn't you stop to think about what this would do to me, Edward?"

_Because of me, Bella? Or Jacob?_

"Oh, so you do care somewhat then?" The anger left her face as quickly as it had come. It was replaced with something that tore me in two.

"What?" she whispered, throwing her head down into her hands, elbows on the table.

"You care? Enough to be upset at least? But maybe not enough to stay," I wasn't even quite sure why I kept talking, but the words poured like rain from my aching soul. "Maybe not enough for me to keep you? Maybe not enough for you not to rip my heart out?" I wanted to die for thinking these things, let alone telling them to her in her broken state.

"What are you talking about, Edward?"

"I, Bella, am talking about you never being here." The floodgates had opened. "I'm talking about Mike; I'm talking about me not ever being able to be good enough for anyone."

Her eyes met mine, and in them brewed an eerie, frightening fusion of anger, hurt, pain, disbelief and questions. "What?"

I nearly growled at that word, spoken for the millionth time in the last minute. "God, Bella, you heard me! Do you want him? Do you want to be with _Doctor_ Newton?"

She frowned at me, searching my eyes before understanding made itself known in her own brown orbs. "Want him? Are you crazy?

Crazy. Was I? I certainly had never behaved in such a way before, had never felt so strongly before. I laughed. "Yeah. Crazy. Paranoid." I sighed. I hated myself. "I never used to be one of those guys, Bella, but...I'm not going to be stupidly naive again. The signs I should have seen last time...I'm not going to miss them this time." I was shaking, and my nerves only increased when her anger came back in full force. I could actually see the pulsating of the vein in her neck. I had pushed her so far.

"You're comparing me to that whore that you dated?" The venom in her beautiful voice, the revulsion in her deep lovely eyes...it made me want to throw up. I was. I was comparing her to the whore. How could I? Why couldn't I shake these doubts? Her eyes leveled with mine. "What exactly are you accusing me of?"

I raised my eyebrows at her. It was now or never. I needed to know—the _beast_ needed to know. "What have you been doing ever night this week, Bella?"

"I can't believe this," she said, no longer looking at me, but her entire being shook. Finally, after what seemed like eternity, her eyes, dancing on fire, nailed into mine. "I'm doing my _job_, Edward. I have not once done anything inappropriate. I haven't once thought anything inappropriate. I have no interest in Mike, and I am _not_ Tanya." Her voice was strong and loud, emanating from her clenched, angry jaw. "I can't believe that I have to justify myself to you. I have trusted you with all of me, Edward, but apparently that trust was one-sided and very misplaced."

And then she was gone, the last sentence from her mouth echoing again and again in my mind. _I have trusted you with all of me. Apparently one-sided. Misplaced._ Oh God, I was an ass. I was paralyzed. What had I done? Compared the only person who truly understood me to my life's biggest mistake. Accused her of cheating, of being dishonest and unfaithful, of betrayal and heartlessness. Bella. Bella, who lit my world on fire with passion and love and wonder. Bella, who had been broken beyond belief and had trusted me with herself. Bella, who cared for me, who loved me. Bella. Bella.

She stormed down the stairs, and I remained frozen. I couldn't think past the weight of my own stupidity and the realization of what I had just done to her. "I'm going to your sister's." Her angry voice somehow reached my cognizance, but I couldn't respond. My muscles refused to move. "Feel free to call her if you don't trust that I'll actually be there." I flinched at the words, and stood as the door slammed behind her.

I crumpled to the floor in that moment. How could I? How could I have let myself get so grossly carried away in my uncertainties, my insecurities? It was Bella. Bella, the love of my life. She was the _reason_ for my life. I was made for her. She was made for me. We were meant to be, and I was doing my damnedest to ruin it.

Tears flowed, though at what point they started, I wasn't sure. I didn't know how long I sat on our kitchen floor, longing for her, needing her. I called and got only her voice mail, though I wasn't expecting her to answer. She'd be a saint to ever talk to me again.

It became dark out, but I couldn't convince myself to move. The knock at the door startled me into action. Maybe it was Bella. Why was she knocking? Would she forgive me? My legs ran to the door, and swung it open wildly, and my chest crashed in with disappointment.

There stood my sister, arms crossed over her chest, her eyes wild with disappointment and anger. She said nothing as her eyes stared mine down, making her way into the house and sitting at the table. Her silence frightened me.

"Where's Bella?" I asked through the agony, my voice breaking.

Alice's glare sharpened, her blue eyes ice cold. "She's asleep on my couch."

I studied her face, silently begging her for answers. "Alice—"

"Edward," she interrupted. "You listen to me, and you listen good. You are a jackass."

"I know." My voice was a whisper.

"I'm not done," Alice snipped. "You hurt her so badly today, Edward. She's doing the best that she can with this job. It's her future; it's yours. She needs you, Edward. She needs your support and love and do you know what she doesn't need? A jealous asshole of a boyfriend who doesn't trust her, doesn't have patience for her career pursuits, doesn't support her the way that she desperately needs it. Edward, Bella is the strongest person I've ever met, but don't take that for granted. Just because she's strong doesn't mean you can just add to her burden."

Her words cut me, but I knew that was what I'd been doing— adding to her burden. I found Alice's eyes again, tears falling from my own. With nothing left of my pride, the tears fell in front of my little sister, and I did nothing to stop them. Her own face softened.

"She loves you, Edward. She wants _you_. Not him. Not anyone else. You."

I nodded, my heart breaking at my idiocy. "Do you think she'll forgive me?"

A small smirk played on her lips. "Yes. But make sure that you earn that forgiveness. Don't expect her to just dole it out to you. You need to do something big to show her how much you really do love her, how much you want and need her. You've got to let her know these things, Edward. If you're not careful, you'll break what's left of her and lose her forever."

Ice ran down my spine at the thought, panic swirling in my brain and heart. "No," I whispered. "No, that can't happen."

Alice's eyes found mine again, and she patted my hand. "Then fix it, and stop being a moron."

I frowned, nodding, formulating.

Her lips transformed into a smile, and I was suddenly in her arms. "I love you, Edward. You'll do the right thing. I have to get back now. Jasper and Bella were already out cold when I left, but I should get back in case they wake up."

I nodded again, and she opened the door to leave.

"Alice?"

She turned, her eyes falling on mine.

"Thank you." I choked the whisper out into the air between us.

She smiled again and walked out the door, closing it softly behind her.

I sat for a few moments in my shame. There weren't words for how I had behaved. As I thought of Bella, of how much I loved her and how incredibly horrible I had been to her, I resolved to make it right.

I rushed to get my laptop and set up a small camp in our living room as I worked out the best "I'm sorry" package that I could. I wanted her to know, and as Alice said, I wanted to show her just how much she meant to me. It was late, and part of my scheming would have to be saved until the next day.

I fell into a restless sleep and didn't fare much better the next day. I awoke early to call Bella, hoping to catch her before work. I didn't want to apologize on the phone, but I didn't want to approach her before she was ready. A couple of hours later she sent me a text, asking me to give her time but leaving me with the promise that she'd be home after work. I clung to it like a junkie to his next hit.

I finished my preparations, making phone calls and storming about the apartment in preparation, praying that it would be alright and that she'd say yes. By the time afternoon had rolled around once again, I was ready for her arrival, with hours left to go until she came home. I sat at the piano, my instrument of emotion and stories and love, and I wrote for her. I poured my everything into our song, into her song, into our love story, willing away my stupidity, willing myself her forgiveness, embracing her sweet heart and her tender love.

Finally. She was finally home, her footsteps stopping outside the door, key sliding into the lock, the knob turning and my heart accelerating. I saw her and took time for nothing else as my legs darted faster than they ever had before, squeezing my arms around her so tightly, afraid she'd be gone again.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I was such an asshole," I whispered, tears threatening again.

I held onto her tightly, my tears falling into her hair and her sobs falling into my chest. Time passed. Endless amounts of time. But she was here; she wasn't pulling away from me, and I loved her all the more for it.

Her sobs didn't abate, and nervously I pulled my arms away, searching her face. Her eyes were red and swollen and devastated, cheeks trailing salty tears. "Are you okay? Bella, I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I...I was so wrong."

Her head shook back and forth, her eyes intense and sad and disappointed. "You did... I mean..." Then her eyes fell to her hands, her voice forced from her in a strangled whisper. "You did hurt me, Edward." My heart broke as more tears fell. "Very much. I would never—I could never do anything like that to you. I would never hurt you the way that Tanya did. I love you too much." My broken heart melted at her words, and I couldn't bear not seeing her face. I let my finger travel to her chin, lifting it and losing myself in her chocolate orbs.

"I know that, Bella. I do." I desperately wanted her to understand that I knew she would never, that I was so wrong. "I am so sorry I let my frustrations and insecurities get the best of me. I love you more than I love life. I would die for you, and I don't want you to think that I don't trust you. I do, and I swear to you here and now, I won't overreact about your internship again. I promise." I pushed my forehead against hers, thankful for the closeness she was allowing, though she had every right to push me away from her

.

"You were right about Newton," she whispered, and shock hit my system. Right about what?

I pulled back again, searching for the answer. "What?"

"He hit on me."

Rage flooded over me, but I struggled to keep it in check for her. I'd done enough damage to her. "When?"

"This afternoon. That's why I'm early. I left."

"I"m going to kill him!" I couldn't help myself from saying the words. I knew the asshole was up to no good. Her cold hand grabbed onto my arm, bringing me back into the present.

"No, Edward. I took care of it." I looked at her, not comprehending her words. Had she punched him in the face? Kicked his nuts off? Better yet, had she _cut_ them off? I forced myself to focus on her words. "I'm transferring to another TA position, and I asked that he leave me alone from now on, with the exception of an email this evening to tell me which professor I will be reassigned to." Her eyes held onto mine, full of apology, which filled me with guilt and grief. She had absolutely nothing to apologize for.

"You were right about his character, Edward. I'm done with him, though. He's caused enough problems."

I hugged her, held onto her for dear life. The woman was an angel, a saint, everything heavenly and wonderful, amazing and bright. She was my world.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," I said again into her hair, her scent permeating my senses. I wanted to soak her up—all of her. "You're so strong and capable, and I'm sorry I've been so awful."

Her grip on me tightened, bringing me relief— relief that she wouldn't bolt, didn't hate me, wanted to stay. And then she whispered golden words in my ear, caressing me in love. "I forgive you; I love you."

Another tear fell as I silently thanked God for her. With someone such as she, surely God must exist. "I love you, Bella. I love you so much." I clung to her forgiveness, to her love.

We stood there forever as one, unmoving save for our lips' whispers of love and our lungs' shared breath of life and adoration. Finally, I pulled back to look at her, catching her eye and smiling.

"God, how I've missed you. I'm so sorry, Bella."

Her fingers were at my lips, and she smiled. "No more apologies, Edward. Please... just trust me from now on, okay?" Her eyes were heavy magnets to my own. "I will never hurt you." The promise was so great, so solid, that it nearly plowed me over with its force.

"I don't ever want to hurt you again, Bella. You didn't deserve that—any of it. I'm—"

"No more apologies," she whispered, her eyes on fire. "Edward, I trust you never to hurt me like that again. I know you'll strive not to. I trust that." A smile slowly caressed her face. "I've missed you, too. So incredibly much."

We embraced again, and I kissed her roughly, with all of the regret and love and passion that I had for her. I poured everything into that kiss, and when she moaned into my mouth, my tongue found its way into hers. I was lost in a sea of fire and salty tears and Bella, always Bella.

I struggled to remember what I wanted to tell her as I bathed with her in a fog of wanton desire and lust, but it was important enough, big enough for me to push through, and I pulled back from her, both our ragged breaths releasing haphazardly into the hair. "Bella," I said without air as I found her eyes again.

She smiled, and my heart soared. That smile. It was back, and God, how I had missed it. I'd not done nearly enough to make her happy lately. I smiled in return, cupping her cheek with the palm of my hand, melting inside when she leaned into my touch.

"Bella," I said again softly. "I have something for you, and if you don't want it, it's okay, because I didn't talk to you about it beforehand and it's random and unplanned and completely impulsive," I rambled as her eyes searched mine with amused confusion.

I grinned. "Well, see, I thought you and I could escape."

She raised an eyebrow. "Escape?"

I nodded. "Come away with me for a few days. I called the school, the dean, and he approved your vacation time if you want to take it. I've cleared my schedule at work; I purchased tickets for us and made reservations. Come with me," I said breathlessly, and her eyes teared.

"Where?" she whispered.

"Is that a yes? Will you?"

She giggled. "Yes. Where are you taking me?"

"One of my favorite cities."

She simply cast me that curious look again, and I caved with a boyish, carefree grin. "San Francisco."

Here eyes widened. "Really?"

I nodded, heart pounding wildly with love and excitement and spontaneity.

"When?" she whispered again.

"Our flight leaves at six tomorrow morning."

Excitement flashed across her face. "Really?"

I laughed at that, pulling her into me. "Yes, really."

She pulled back, eyes on my face with a silly, light grin that gave my soul wings. She was happy.

"I love you, Bella."

Her eyes fell to my lips, and I needed no further prompting. I scooped her up into my arms, spinning the two of us around and around, her giggling into my neck as I finally stopped and darted us both up the stairs.

Bella clung to me, kissing my neck, licking my skin, pulling me in and enticing my every nerve, coaxing my flesh to hers.

Finally we made it across the room, and I steadied her on her feet. We were both frantic, our kisses desperate as both sets of hands mingled between our bodies, yanking at buttons, pulling at hems, ripping off, prying off, unclasping and more grabbing until we'd finally somehow managed to rid ourselves of all clothing. We stumbled toward the bed, limbs woven in tangles, lips in locks of desire that were desperately set aflame in us, around us and consuming us alive.

Bella transformed into something I'd never seen before. She pushed my shoulders back, severing our connection, and stood feet away from me, body heavily panting, eyes hooded in lust, desire and need.

"I need you, Edward," she said, her voice steady, low, seductive and pure sin.

I nodded, stepping forward, but her hand shot to my chest and halted my advance. Her endless eyes searched mine, serious and intense. "Edward, I need to know that this," she paused for a moment, then continued slowly, "that this night is the end of all of this. I can't live my life constantly battling against Tanya's mistakes. I need you to trust me. I need you to know that I would never," she took a step closer, eyes never leaving mine, "could never," another step, "hurt you like that." Her next step brought us face to face. "You love me. Please trust me."

"I trust you," I answered firmly. "I trust you, Bella," I repeated, my hand brushing over her heated cheek, down her neck, and finally splayed over her heart. Her eyes still held steadfastly to mine. "I can't promise my insecurities will disappear."

She shook her head with a small smile. "They won't. Not overnight. I just ask that you trust me through them, talk to me about them."

I nodded. She understood me. Of course she did. "I will, and I do." My lips found her skin and danced against her face, her cheeks and eyelids, nose, jaw and down her neck. "I trust you, Bella," I repeated again, and she tugged at my hair, pulling me toward our bed.

"Let me worship you tonight," I whispered against the flesh of her neck; she whimpered in my ear, my cock stiffening at the sound.

I withdrew from her and took her hand, guiding her to sit at the foot of our bed. I kissed her lips softly, then whispered against them, "Lay down, my love."

She did, legs hanging off the end, bent at the knees and feet on the floor. I took a moment to appreciate the view of her, the absolute artistry that was her body. I darted to the head of the bed, feeling Bella's eyes on me as I grabbed two pillows and returned back to her. I slipped one under her head and one beneath her hips; her deep orbs were hooded, sultry and delicious.

"You're beautiful," I told her as I nestled my legs between her own and leaned over, hovering in the air above her with my forearms resting on either side of her body. I kissed her soft, swollen lips. Her arms snaked around my neck, pulling my face tighter against hers, our mouths fighting together for some satisfaction that would never come. With a lung-filling gasp, my lips journeyed along her jaw and down her neck, and I moaned at the feel of her soft skin there, her smell, her essence.

I murmured my love and adoration, my trust and eternal devotion. "I love you," carried across her breasts as a prelude to my mouth encircling her hardened, dulcet nipple. I hummed around it, eliciting a deep groan from Bella that shot straight from my eardrums to my throbbing cock.

I sucked on the peak hard as Bella began writhing beneath me, seeking friction, moaning my name while pulling my hair and scratching across my back in one erotic turn after another. I switched sides and continued to lay open-mouthed and wet kisses down her flat stomach, hips and thighs, at which point she thrust her elevated hips. I chuckled, pushing them back down onto the pillow and keeping her there with a hand pressed firmly across her stomach. I slid to my knees, kissing and nibbling the skin of her thigh, knee, calf and foot. I let my tongue slide across her big toe, soft and perfectly smooth; I sucked it into my mouth, and Bella clutched the quilt beneath her, moaning.

I took my time going back up the opposite leg and slower still when I finally reached her thigh, so close to her glistening, wet core. From my knees at the foot of the bed, my line of vision fell right across Bella's body, up her breasts and to her beautiful face.

"Edward." It was a heavy, breathy sound on her lips and my erection twitched, screaming at me to take her then in that very moment.

"Bella." Her name fell off of my lips in a holy reverence as I drank her in, lowering my head to her center and kissing her outer lips, up and down each side. I grabbed her ankles and pulled her feet up to the edge of the mattress, spread far, forcing her legs apart and granting me a most heavenly view. I groaned and leaned into her again, sliding my tongue over her bundle of nerves, swirling, circling, tasting her, drinking the juices dripping from her, tantalizing and perfection.

Bella's moans became a strange and wonderful symphony that alternated between deep, throaty, needful groans buried in her throat to higher, pleading whimper-like moans. The contrast, the beauty, the sounds and tastes and smells overcame me, and I moaned against her, spurring another thrust of temptation from her hips.

My hand slid from her thigh to her core, and I immersed two fingers within her, twisting them and stroking the heated, wet flesh.

"God, baby, you're so wet for me," I mumbled against her clit, my lips brushing against it.

She responded with a fierce growl that took me by surprise and caused every ounce of blood to rush to my arousal as her fingers, tangled in my hair, pushed my face against her. My tongue slid across the length of her sex and to where my fingers worked for her release.

Her breathing became erratic, her symphony became an intense and slurred magic as my fingers drowned in her sweet juices and my tongue lapped them up, each drop.

Bella's legs shook, and at the same moment my fingers twisted and curled upward, massaging her G-spot while I took her clit between my lips and sucked hard.

She cried out my name in a whirlwind of exotic noises as her walls clamped upon my fingers and her muscles spasmed wildly around me, and I thrust my fingers, slightly slowing as she came down from her high.

When her body had relaxed, I withdrew my fingers, licking each of them as she watched with darkening eyes.

"I love you, Bella," I murmured against her skin, kissing my way back up to her mouth where we shared a passionate kiss, and she wrapped her legs around my back, an invitation.

"I love you," she whispered when I pulled back for air. My eyes met hers as I stood, her legs sliding down as I did. My hands slid down her body, grabbing onto her hips and pulling her back to the edge of the bed.

I took one of Bella's ankles in each of my hands and guided them up to my shoulders, hands returning to her hips, and I buried myself within her in a single, wanton and powerful thrust. We groaned as I joined her symphony of pleasure in a masterful duet that grew with each stroke, deepened with each thrust, morphed into a separate, live being of its own with each sound. Our breaths, moans, groans and grunts joined with the slapping of our wet skin, our words of love and ecstasy and forever. It twirled and sped and crescendoed gloriously.

Our eyes were locked together and intensity increased at the very thought that I could see all over her, and she me, and we watched; we danced; we created love as our world exploded with a crash of pleasure, our names simultaneously shouting into the dark as my body collapsed on top of her. She kissed me softly.

"I love you, Bella. God, how I love you. I'll need you for always."

She nodded against my neck. "I love you; I need you, too, Edward. For always."

All too soon, I was pulling out of her. We cleaned up, and then I held her, our naked bodies tangled beneath the sheets. She sighed against my chest and we whispered our exchanges of love once more.

As I drifted to sleep, I was certain that I'd get more rest that night than I had in the previous week. Slumber claimed me, my dreams of our upcoming trip, our love, and the overwhelming peace that had come with finally giving her absolutely everything.

***

**A/N:**

****Huge thanks to JadeMoon—she is AMAZING. She edited this for me even though she has the flu :-( Get well, soon, hon!**

****I have to send a plug for a new collaboration story I'm writing, because I am SO excited about it (Sorry for the repeat for those of you reading AFGTL). It's under a co-writing penname, sparabella. Link to the story is on my profile page! Check it out :)**

****Also, must check out this awesome new contest, Esme's Exotic Ecstasy hosted by kikiwhore. They're encouraging new and seasoned writers alike to join the fun as well (go check out my entry if you'd like!). Their link is: www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/u/2079696/**

****Sorry for such a huge note, almost done I promise. Come follow me on Twitter and my Blog! I will have a new review up on my blog by this evening.**

****Finally, reviews for teasers. ;-) Is Edward forgiven? **


	22. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

**Bella's POV**

"Bella, sweetheart..." The voice emerged from a foggy haze in my brain—a haze in which Edward and I had been together, naked, wet—

"Bella." The voice was louder this time, effectively pulling me out of what, I could only now assume, had been a dream.

I grumbled, refusing to open my eyes, but then I smelled him; he smelled of coffee and cinnamon rolls and Edward. I sighed, and he chuckled in my ear. He was close, very close.

I opened one lid, squinting to the side where I could feel his breath on my neck. "I was dreaming."

I tried to throw as much of an accusatory tone behind my words as I could muster, but failed rather miserably at it when he smiled.

"I know you were dreaming," he whispered.

My eyes popped open, my head flying toward his. "What?" I groaned. "Oh, God. What did I say?"

Edward bit his lip—actually bit onto his lip, a smirk dancing around the edges of his rather glorious mouth. He raised an eyebrow. "You were making some rather delicious noises, love, and while I enjoyed them more than would be appropriate on a plane full of other passengers, I thought perhaps you might appreciate me waking you."

His wink made my heart flutter as my cheeks flamed with the heat of embarrassment. I threw my face into my hands with a groan and felt Edward chuckle against my shoulder. "I battled with myself for a few minutes before opting for your pride instead of my...enjoyment," he grinned.

I groaned again and leaned against his waiting arm, which immediately encircled me in his warmth. His lips were up against my ear again.

"We'll have tons of time for that this week, my love, and I plan on utilizing it to the fullest extent," he whispered, breath tickling my ear as I shuddered. "But for now, look out your window."

My eyes opened and fell to the window next to me; I realized that we'd already begun to descend and gasped. "Where's the land?" Panic arose in my throat as my heart thudded wildly. Surely if we were crashing there'd be some sort of alarm sounding? Flight attendants running around with emergency exit signs and telling us to stay calm? I gripped the armrest.

Edward's laugh irritated me. Did he not realize that we were about to die? I glared at him.

"It's there, right on the bay, so you won't see it until right before we touch down."

I was near hyperventilating, and his words didn't reassure me much. With my hand that didn't have a death grip on the armrest, I grabbed his arm, as if the harder I pressed into it, the higher the chances of survival.

Right as I thought that we would splash to our deaths, pavement appeared just feet below us. I exhaled sharply, releasing my grip on the armrest and poor Edward. He grinned, kissing me on the forehead as we taxied toward the airport.

"I love you, silly girl."

I couldn't be angry with him for his amusement at my irrational fear. I smiled wryly at him and followed him off of the plane, my fingers linked in his.

"So what's on the agenda for today?" I asked as we headed toward baggage claim.

"Nice try, sweetheart," he smiled, lifting our joined hands to kiss my knuckles.

I'd asked him countless times on the drive to O'Hare and on the plane before falling asleep against his shoulder. I shook my head.

"Fine."

He grinned, and we gathered our large, shared black suitcase from the luggage carousel before heading to the rental car office. It wasn't long before we were in our rented Impala and on the freeway. My eyes swept across the beautiful water of the San Francisco Bay. It glistened in the sunlight, and I glanced at Edward with a grin.

He smiled at me, and I leaned into him, linking my arm underneath his and resting my head against his shoulder. I let my fingers trail down to his jean-covered thigh as we started driving west.

"Edward?" I drew out his name in the sweetest voice I could muster as I drew circles on his upper thigh with my fingertips.

A whoosh of air passed through his lips. "Yes, Bella?"

"Where are we going?"

He released the air he had just inhaled. "Bella, that's not going to work."

I tipped my head to look at his face. His square jaw was clenched, knuckles tight on the steering will.

I smiled.

"No?" I asked innocently, letting my fingers slide up closer to his crotch.

"Bella..." There was weak warning in his voice.

"Come on, baby. Won't you tell me?"

What could only be described as a growl emitted from his lips. "You really want to ruin your surprise?"

I giggled into his shoulder as I brushed my pinky against his hardening cock. "It'll still be a surprise...you'll just be telling me a bit sooner than you would have otherwise." I leaned a little further into him, kissing his neck. "Right?"

He glanced over at me, not looking even a little amused. "Bella, we have fifteen minutes left until we're there."

I sighed, palming him very lightly. "Really? Where is there?"

"No. You'll have to wait," he said in clipped words.

I kissed his neck again. "Okay, Edward."

I slid my hand down to his knee and let it rest there for a moment before tracing patterns. My gaze darted out the window, and I was surprised that we were at the ocean already. I gasped at how blue it was against the crisp sky.

"It's beautiful."

I could feel Edward nod against my head. "It's alright. Next to you, eh."

I grinned into his skin, and he nudged me back slightly. "Okay, so we're now turning onto Highway One."

I had to bite back the laugh at how much of a tour guide he sounded as I lifted my head and glanced at our surroundings. The highway was literally on the edge of the beach and ocean for as far as I could see. It was stunning.

"'Cruisin' down Pacific Coast Highway'," I belted out the song, but those were the only words I knew.

Edward grinned. "You have a beautiful voice, Bella. You should sing more. I would like it."

My blush crept upon my skin yet again, and I grimaced at him. "Right."

"Truly, you do."

Thankfully, we pulled into a parking lot, and when my eyes locked on what it was the parking lot for, I gasped. "Edward...please do not tell me that this is where we're staying."

Before us was an enormous sand-colored house, Victorian and mostly windows, placed romantically on cliffs against the beach. When he didn't answer me, I pried my eyes from the monstrosity to look at Edward's very joyful face.

"Do you want me to tell you that this isn't were we're staying, or would you like me to tell you the truth?"

I chastised myself for the immediate grin that plastered itself onto my face, and definitely couldn't help the squeal-like, "Really?!" that popped from my throat.

His intense green eyes studied mine for a moment. "Do you like it?"

"Are you kidding?"

He smiled, but said nothing.

I dove into him, wrapping my arms tightly around his shoulders. "It's beautiful."

"Wait until you see the inside." He kissed me chastely before leaving the car and coming around to open my door. He grabbed the suitcase, and we walked up the flower-lined sidewalk hand-in-hand. The inside of the house was even more beautiful than the outside—pristine hardwood floors were adorned with antique furniture in the lobby, and there was a giant, romantic fireplace.

"Wow," I whispered as Edward squeezed my hand and led me to the front desk.

We were greeted by a boy in a red vest. "Welcome to the Landis Shores Inn, how may I help you?"

"Yes, we have reservations under Cullen," Edward said smoothly, sophisticatedly.

The boy typed furiously for a moment on the computer in front of him before he looked up with a smile. "Ah, yes. Mr. Cullen. Looks like you reserved the Bordeaux Breakaway room—is that correct?"

Edward's smile was friendly. "Yes, that's right."

Edward finished checking in, and the boy gave us an antique key, telling us that our room was on the second floor. He grinned at me, taking my hand and guiding me in front of him toward the stairs. We reached the thick oak door at the end of the long hallway, and Edward sat our suitcase down before catching my eye with a grin and unlocking the door.

He pushed the door open to reveal a light and airy room full of sunlight and ocean, and I couldn't help but gasp, "Oh, Edward."

He smiled and swept me into his arms, pressing his lips against mine as he walked us into the room. He then put me down onto my feet, but his arms tightened around me. His tongue slipped through my lips, and I moaned into his mouth.

My fingers tugged at his hair as I tried to stumble backward toward the massive king-sized bed, decorated in navy blue and sand—so fitting of the ocean. Edward pulled back slightly and, frustrated by that, I tried to pull him back to me.

He chuckled into my hair. "Bella, have patience, my love."

Edward pulled back even further until my eyes were captured by his mesmerizing emerald gaze. His smile made my heart flutter.

"I promise we'll have so much time for that, and very soon, but since it's only nine in the morning, I figured you may want to see a little of the coast?"

I didn't want to admit that that _did_ sound wonderful—especially seeing it with Edward by my side.

He grinned. "Why don't we change? It's slightly warmer here than it is at home."

I couldn't help but return his smile and nod in agreement. It was warmer, but not excessively so. We both settled on shorts and tee shirts with hoodie zip-up sweatshirts that we could remove when it got too warm for the extra clothing.

I took a moment to glance around our room. It was spacious and rather gorgeous. Both black bedside tables held vases of beautiful, small purple flowers that were unfamiliar to me. There was a large, black and encased fireplace in the wall just by the foot of the bed, and an enormous arched window that overlooked the beautiful ocean and beach. To the side of the window was a matching arched glass door that led to a private balcony.

"This is so beautiful, Edward."

He walked up behind me, arms snaking around my waist as he planted warm, wet kisses at the base of my jaw. "I'm glad you like it, my love. Thank my mother. She recommended it for us. I've never stayed here myself." His hot breath on my skin was extremely distracting.

I nodded slightly. "Yes. Remind me to thank her."

He chuckled. "There's a hot tub on the balcony."

I whipped my head around to catch his eye. "Really?"

He grinned with a nod. "We'll have to try it out later tonight, yes?"

His grin was contagious; I'm sure I looked rather foolish with my own happy smile plastered upon my face. "Definitely."

"We have to leave now, Bella, before I lose what little control I have."

I giggled as he took my hand, our fingers entwined, and we walked outside.

"I thought we could check out the beach here a little later. I want to take you somewhere else right now if you're up for a bit of a drive? And we can stop any time you'd like. There are beach access roads literally every few miles."

I grinned at him, feeling an excitement I hadn't felt since I was a child. "Sure. Let's go where you'd like to go."

"You'll love it, beautiful," Edward said, lifting our hands and kissing the back of mine. "I promise."

We drove down the Pacific Coast Highway for miles, stopping every now and then to take photos of scenery, each other, and to ask others to take pictures of us together. We admired the views and stopped at one of the several lighthouses.

The view was absolutely breathtaking, with endless ocean on one side of us and green and golden hills on the other. Edward's hand held onto my own, his fingertips lightly grazing across my bare leg.

Around lunchtime, we reached a town on the coast, and I glanced at Edward curiously, wondering where we'd ended up.

"Santa Cruz," he smiled. "Surfing capital of northern California."

I looked at him warily, suddenly fearing for my life—for the second time that day. "Edward, you're not going to make me surf, are you?" The words came out of my mouth in half a groan, and he squeezed my hand.

"No. Although, that may be something fun for us to try together sometime. I've never done it."

I groaned again. "I would die."

Edward's head darted toward me with a shocked frown that startled me until I realized my own words, and my stomach flipped. Another hand squeeze.

"You wouldn't," he said firmly.

I smiled a weak half-smile, desperately wanting to change the subject. "So if we're not surfing here...what are we doing?"

My eyes darted at the people outside, people who epitomized 'California Surfing' with their board shorts, surf boards, tans and bleached out blond hair. I smiled as I soaked it all in.

"Well, Santa Cruz also has this huge boardwalk, with an amusement park that has a ton of rides and attractions. Its rickety old roller coaster is in the top five best roller coasters in the U.S. or something."

I raised an eyebrow at his very un-Edward 'or something' comment, and he shrugged with a grin. "That's what I hear, anyway."

I nodded with a smile as we reached the massive parking lot for the boardwalk, surrounded by palm trees and barely dressed beach bodies.

Edward parked and opened my door for me.

"We'll probably be okay to leave our sweatshirts here, love."

I nodded, shedding the jacket as Edward did his, and we walked hand-in-hand to the boardwalk entrance. I tried not to stare at my surroundings, especially the people, but the observer in me found it very difficult to look away. Everyone looked so relaxed, so comfortable.

Edward chuckled, and my eyes darted toward him, questioning the cause.

He smiled at me. "Most of the people here midday in the middle of the week are spoiled, rich college kids or aspiring professional surfers. It's seriously another world here. They have no clue of how the real world works."

I smiled gingerly at him. "Well then, it sounds like a perfect place for us to be to forget about everything for a little while."

We were inside the gate finally, and Edward stopped, just looking at me with his beautiful, intense eyes. His fingertips trailed down my cheek as he nodded.

"Yes, exactly. Everything but us."

I nodded, a soft smile playing at my lips, and he kissed me sweetly for one long moment before we separated. I glanced around, taking in my surroundings.

The boardwalk was alive with bodies wandering, waves crashing off of the sandy beach below us, and smells of hot dogs and popcorn and cotton candy permeating the air.

"What first?" I asked, unable to hide my excitement.

Edward grinned again, kissing my hair. "Whatever you want."

"The infamous roller coaster?"

He grabbed my hand and started a quick pace for us. "Let's do it."

We spent the afternoon on the rides, eating junk food, and even getting our picture taken in one of the silly photo booths nestled between vendors. Edward won a strange tossing game and selected a giant, stuffed red heart as his prize.

He handed it to me with a cheesy grin. "Because you have my heart."

I giggled, hugging it to my body. "How on earth am I going to get this home?"

Edward shrugged nonchalantly with a lazy smile. "We'll buy another suitcase."

I shook my head with a patronizing smile. "Whatever you say, babe."

Our eyes met for a moment, his twinkling in the dimming light. "Come on," he said, tugging on my hand and leading me down a huge flight of wooden stairs to the soft, sandy beach. I quickly kicked off my flip flops, hooking them in my free hand and relishing in the feel of the warm sand sliding between my toes.

We walked, one of his arms wrapped securely around the ridiculous heart and his other hand still linked with mine. We finally stopped, and Edward sat, placing the heart beside him in the sand and pulling me down in front of him onto the warm beach floor, just at the edge of where the wet met the dry.

Edward's arms encircled my own, his hands grabbing onto my hands and clasping all four of them in front of us as he held onto me tightly. His chin rested on my shoulder as we watched the sun fall behind the ocean, and the sky danced with brilliant orange and pink splashes of beauty.

Never had I felt so relaxed, so calm, so whole.

"I love you," he whispered in my ear before kissing along my jaw.

I smiled, leaning back against his toned chest. "I love you."

We stayed like that until chill crept upon our skin, and the tide slowly worked its way up to us. Edward sighed against my skin. "Are you hungry?"

I nodded lightly, and I could feel his lips smiling against my neck. He nudged me to scoot forward, and then stood up, reaching down to help me to my feet as well. "You like sushi, sweetheart?"

I grinned. "I've never had it."

His perfect, beautiful lips formed a slight "o" in his surprise. "Really?"

I felt my grin widen across my cheeks. "Really. I've never been brave enough to try it."

"Oh, Bella, we're eating sushi for dinner!"

I giggled at his enthusiasm as he pulled me toward the entrance gate and toward the car. Instead of opening my door first as he usually did, he opened the back door, grabbing our sweatshirts and easing mine onto my arms. I zipped it, snuggling into the warmth it offered against the cool, humid evening air as Edward slipped his on, zipped it, and grinned at me. He grabbed my hand and pulled me back out of the parking lot and onto the sidewalk.

We walked several blocks before Edward stopped us and turned, rather suddenly, to open the glass door of a building we'd nearly passed by. The glass danced in beautiful Japanese script and my senses were immediately drowned in delicious aromas. I smiled at Edward.

"You'll order for me?"

He grinned. "Of course."

Edward ordered expertly while I observed him, the chef and the entire atmosphere of the small restaurant in complete awe. We sat at a small table in the corner of the dimly lit room, holding hands and losing ourselves in one another.

I hadn't been sure of what to expect, but the food was mouth-wateringly delicious. I was sure the people around us were staring at me and my moaning noises—it truly was that wonderful.

It was late when we arrived back at the inn, and I was surprised when we reached our room to see that a bottle of champagne on ice awaited us on the small table beside the fireplace. Edward's hands fell to my hips as he stood behind me, kissing my neck. "Would you like to check out the hot tub?"

I grinned at him. "Oh yes."

He chuckled. "Good. You change and I'll pour our champagne and meet you on the balcony."

I nodded at him, rummaging through the suitcase until I found the skimpy two-piece that I'd purchased a few weeks ago on a shopping trip with Alice. I still hadn't worn it and doubted that it would stay on me long tonight but picked it up anyway, leaving Edward's suit on the bed for him before dashing to our bathroom.

I hadn't seen the bathroom yet and wasn't entirely surprised to find that it was just as luxurious as the rest of the inn. It was completely marble and glistening white granite. The hardware was all rustic, antique-looking gold. I sighed rather contentedly as I stripped out of my clothing and replaced it with the blue bikini.

I joined Edward outside, and we both sank into the hot, bubbly water, welcoming its movements and temperature after the long day of travel and playing in Santa Cruz. We sipped our champagne and talked and laughed together, carefree and lighthearted—more than we had ever been together before, more than I had ever been in my life.

The romantic and mysterious wall of fog literally rolled in from the ocean, surrounding us in a thick blanket of white. It was as if it had brought with it all of the pent up need, desire, and teasing that had danced between Edward and me all day long. Our eyes met and our lips touched, dancing harmoniously together as we sank to our chins, bubbling water splashing our faces and mouths but going unnoticed by the two of us. All that existed in that moment was us, wrapped in the fog and the water and the touches of skin and lips and heat and electricity as we melted into one.

***

I awoke to a pair of glorious lips dancing across my collarbone, neck, face, and, finally, my lips, and I moaned into the kiss. As awareness crept upon me, I felt his body pressed against mine, smelled his fresh-out-of-the-shower fragrance and tasted our minty toothpaste filling his mouth, reminding me that my own wasn't nearly as fresh. I pressed my head into the pillow, trying to escape his lips.

He grinned. "Wake up, baby."

I smirked at him. "I need a shower."

"Okay. I'm going to get dressed and order our breakfast. What would you like this morning?"

I smiled. "What are my choices."

He darted quickly to the table across the room and brought back the room service menu. After looking over it for all of five seconds, I easily made my decision. "Belgian Waffle, strawberries, extra whipped cream."

Edward grinned at me, planting a quick kiss on my closed lips. "I'll get it. Go shower, we have a full day planned, my love!"

I groaned, though not too seriously, at his morning enthusiasm. "And coffee. Lots of it."

His grin widened as he nodded and watched me walk to the bathroom.

We dressed and ate our early-morning breakfast on our balcony above the ocean. The fog was starting to lift and loomed over us in a strange eeriness. We were in the car before Edward informed me of what our day would consist of. As we drove, the population, houses, buildings and roads increased once again.

"Were going to spend the day in San Francisco," Edward said, with a smile dancing on his lips.

I grinned. "What are we going to do first?"

"Well," Edward said in a low voice that made my stomach flutter. "I thought we could start by catching a ferry to Alcatraz Island? Then spend the rest of the morning at Fisherman's Wharf?"

I nodded in agreement. "That sounds wonderful."

"We're going to park at the BART station and use public transportation for the rest of the day. Thought that'd be easier."

"Bart?"

He grinned. "Yeah, it's the rail system here. Bay Area Rapid Transit."

I chuckled. "Okay."

We parked in South San Francisco and took the transit across the city to Fisherman's Wharf along the bay. It didn't take long for us to purchase our ferry tickets, and it being so early on a cold weekday morning, we had most of the boat to ourselves, save a few fellow tourist couples and families. I stood leaning against the railing, and Edward's arms were securely wrapped around me, hands resting on the rails right in front of me. As we left the piers and floated into the bay waters, the crisp San Francisco skyline took shape before us.

We stood in silence as I bathed in Edward's warmth and strong body pressed behind my own. We slowly reached the prison island, and Edward and I took the official tour, listening to our headsets, smiling at one another, and taking pictures in Al Capone's former cell. We traded favors with one of the couples who had been on our ferry ride; we took their picture against the San Francisco skyline, and they took ours. We wandered the island for awhile, pointing things out to one another, talking about anything and everything.

Once we'd had our fill, we took the ferry back to the piers and simply walked along the boardwalk amongst the tourists and the docked boats, once again assaulted by smells of food and salt water and morning.

We walked to the very end of Pier 39 and stood against the railing, as we'd done on the ferry.

"Look," Edward whispered in my ear, his arm pointing to our left. My eyes followed his finger, and I gasped.

"Wow."

There, on large and flat pieces of wood floating in the water below us, were sea lions. Their barks rang through the air, and I couldn't figure out how I'd missed them before he'd pointed them out.

"Kind of fun, huh?"

I nodded with a grin. "There's so many of them."

He nodded. "There are."

Edward grabbed my hand. "So, Bella, I've decided that there's something we need to do," he said as he turned me to face him. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"What's that?"

He grinned. "Well, first let me start by saying that I plan on taking you around the world." My other eyebrow rose to meet its mate. He nodded. "The world is ours, baby."

I giggled. "And when do you plan on doing this, Edward?"

He brushed the back of his hand against my cold cheek. "Always, Bella," he whispered. "We're going to experience everything together; and our kids are going to experience new places and cultures and have so many stories to tell before they even graduate high school."

My heart pounded in my chest. We'd never spoken of children before, but as the words from his mouth sank into my brain, I easily envisioned us traveling together at first, and us traveling with children as the years progressed—going to Disney World and battlefields and Europe and camping trips in the Rocky Mountains.

I smiled at him softly, clearing my throat of the emotion that had suddenly clogged within it. His eyes pierced into mine. "So what does that have to do with what you'd like to do now?"

He grinned boyishly at me. "Every new place we go, Bella, lets visit the local Hard Rock Cafe."

I couldn't help the laughter that bubbled out of me at that. I shook my head. "Okay, Edward."

He kissed me. "And buy tee shirts. We'll have a million by the time we've visited everywhere."

His eyes danced with his dreams and laughter and enthusiasm, and I couldn't help but wrap my arms around him and kiss him.

"Okay," I whispered against his lips.

We ate at the Hard Rock Cafe at Fisherman's Wharf, indulging in good old American cheeseburgers and gigantic french fries. As Edward wanted, we bought tee shirts, classic white with the HRC emblem on the front and with "San Francisco" beneath it. He also insisted we buy a onesie for Emmett and Rosalie's baby that matched our shirts.

We followed lunch with a trip across the street to Ghirardelli Square. We walked through the stores full of chocolate and mixes and trinkets and souvenirs. We sampled chocolate and bought truffles made there in front of us for Alice, Rosalie and Esme.

We walked down the hill back toward the wharf, and Edward glanced at his watch. "We have time for one more thing before we'll have to go to our next stop. What would you like to do?"

I looked around at the stores and attractions, ships to tour and an aquarium, and then I saw the sign that made me grin. "Ripley's Believe it or Not?"

Edward returned my grin and wordlessly pulled me across the street to the museum. We laughed at the oddities within, making faces at one another and pointing out the bizarre facts that the other had missed. We held hands and stood so close to one another that our bodies were always touching. At one point, Edward and I looked at two separate exhibits feet away from one another, but our fingers held together, connecting us through the distance.

"Newlyweds?" a middle-aged blond asked me with a smile and a twinkle in her blue eyes.

I blushed and smiled at her. "Not exactly, no."

Then I felt Edward behind me, kissing my neck before looking at the woman in front of us. "Not yet, anyway."

My heart skipped a beat, and my blush raged out of control. Edward chuckled, and the woman smiled warmly at us, wishing us well.

"Now where to?" I asked as we finally made our way outside the building.

Edward's smile brought to life in me a joy I thought would burst my heart open. "We're going to walk for a few blocks and catch a cable car."

I felt my eyes pop out of my head and did that annoying, girly squeal again. He laughed, wrapping me in his arms. "Let's go."

We walked, holding hands, chatting away wildly while I watched people, cars, the water in the bay and the birds in the air, wholly content. I delighted in the ride up and down the extreme hills of the city in the trolley car, squeezing Edward's hand, pointing out the spectacular views and reveling in his joyous smile.

We walked through downtown happily, stopping in random shops and finally deciding on dinner in a Thai restaurant. Edward kept glancing at his watch, hinting at the fact that he still had something planned. I eyed him across the table, smiling.

"What are we keeping track of the time so acutely for?"

Edward grinned sheepishly. "Well, this is kind of selfish of me...but I'm hoping you won't mind?"

I raised my eyebrows at him, willing him to continue.

"The San Francisco Symphony is playing tonight..." He suddenly looked nervous, but my heart jumped excitedly.

"Really?"

He nodded, eyes studying mine.

"That will be so much fun! I've never gotten to experience that sitting next to you." I winked at him.

His radiant smile was breathtaking. "Are you sure you don't mind? I've never heard them—not in person, anyway."

"Of course not."

He smiled. "My dad has an old college buddy who lives here in the city. He and his wife are on an extended vacation in Europe and graciously offered us their tickets. We'll have a private box."

Wow. I should have been used to it, but the extravagance of the Cullen family never ceased to amaze me. "Private box," I repeated.

He nodded with a smile. "I was just going to buy us regular Joe seats, but he offered, and...well, I thought it'd be nice."

I squeezed his hand, returning his smile. "It _will_ be nice... though we're both underdressed."

"Oh, I have that taken care of. Or, I suppose I should say Alice took care of that for me. We'll have access to clothes and a changing room at Davies Hall."

I shook my head. "When?"

He glanced at his watch again. "Starts in an hour. I was thinking we could grab a cab now, and that'll give us time to change."

And with that, we were off to the symphony hall, a room waiting for us when we arrived. How Alice managed to swing that or how much money Edward had to pay for that little perk, I didn't know—also didn't want to know. We changed together, and I watched in awe as Edward dressed in a sexy black suit with a red tie and I slipped on my own long, red slinky halter dress.

"Beautiful," Edward whispered against my lips before giving me a quick, passionate kiss.

We were ushered upstairs and to our private box on the left of the hall. The circular room glowed in dim golden light, and it wasn't long before notes filled the air. The sounds were lovely, but they weren't Edward's, and I found myself watching him, mesmerized by the enchanted look on his face. He rubbed his hand against my leg, but his eyes never left the stage. My heart fell a little more in love with him, watching his love for music splayed across his expression. I wouldn't have chosen any other way to spend that evening with him—his reaction a gift greater than anything else would have been.

Edward basked in a strange glow as we walked to the transit station and rode back to the parking lot. Finally, when we'd gotten in the car and started the half-hour drive back to the inn, he began talking animatedly in terms that I didn't fully understand. His voice, wrapping around music theory, composition and filled with an incredible passion that drew me to him, made my mind similarly wrap around every word— not because I understood exactly what he was saying, but because it was his love, his passion.

We ended the day with a glorious symphony of our own. Edward lit a fire in the fireplace at the foot of the bed, and on the floor between the two, we played our own harmonies in perfect time.

***

I opened my eyes, disoriented and achy. The fire had long-since gone out and the light shone brightly into my eyes. I glanced down in surprise. My body was completely on top of Edward's, our naked flesh pressed together and his arms wrapped tightly around me as he slept. I watched his peaceful face for a moment, unable to resist kissing his pouty lips. He moaned in his sleep, pulling me more tightly against him. I nipped at his neck and his hips pressed against mine; his smile danced on those gorgeous lips, though he refused to open his eyes. Finally they popped open, and he grinned at me.

"Would you like to join me for a shower?" His hands nearly distracted me from the question as they ran suggestively against the skin of my hips. I nodded dumbly.

After a steamy shower that I wouldn't have been surprised had taken the entirety of the hot water in the entire ostentatious inn, we were finally on our way to whatever Edward had planned for the day. We drove through the city and across the Bay Bridge into Oakland. We traveled north, and though the drive lasted nearly a couple of hours, I cuddled against Edward's shoulder as he drove. The landscape changed as we drove north, water and bridges disappearing and replaced with miles upon miles of green vineyards. I glanced at Edward with a grin as he pulled off of the highway and onto a dirt road that ran directly beneath a vineyard sign of what looked to be a family owned operation.

"Up for some wine tasting, my love?" He kissed me when we'd parked.

"Yes, Edward! I've always wanted to do this."

He grinned. "Me too."

We were greeted by a friendly, elderly couple who gave us a tour of their vineyard, explaining the different stages of growing the grapes and fermenting them, the ins and outs of winery and what made wine _very good _wine. We sampled several types, almost unanimously sharing the same opinion on each. Edward led me behind the buildings and onto a grassy hill, where there awaited us a red blanket. On the blanket sat a bucket of ice with a bottle of wine and a basket.

"Up for a picnic?"

I grinned at him. "You're really unbelievable."

He chuckled. "Yes, I get that all the time."

I nudged his ribs with my elbow, and we sat together. "I really shouldn't have anymore wine if I'm driving us back, but would you like another glass?"

I shook my head. "You think maybe we could save that bottle for later?"

He grinned. "Of course."

Edward reached into the basket. "Okay, we have cheese, crackers, strawberries..." He grinned at me.

We ate, talked, laughed and fed one another under a sun that felt much warmer inland than it did on the coast. When we'd eaten our fill, we laid on our backs, watching the clouds pass and soaking in the sunshine. I sighed, entwining my fingers with Edward's.

"How'd you pull this one off? The vineyard owners family friends, too?" I asked him, my eyes still closed as warmth enveloped me.

He chuckled. "No, just turns out they're both highly romantic people."

We stayed there for endless moments, occasionally chatting but mostly staying silent, the calm, warm and refreshing air enveloping us both.

"Okay, love. One more thing planned for the day," Edward said as I stood, breaking the reverie of the hours we'd spent on that blanket.

I nodded, squinting up at him as he offered a hand to help me up. We worked our way back to the car, thanking the owners once again before taking a different route than our original. The scenery again changed, becoming green and full of trees, plants, and water. Gorgeous Victorian houses lined the streets and highways.

Edward parked in a lot by the water and various boats in a harbor.

"Where are we?" I asked as he held out his hand for mine.

"Do you have the bag that I suggested you bring?" he asked, not answering my question.

I nodded.

"Okay, love, take your bag, and go through that door. There will be a woman inside who will guide you to a place where you can change."

"Okay..." I drew the word out, waiting for further explanation. Upon realizing that he wasn't going to give me one, I followed his instructions.

I was greeted by the warm smile of a beautiful, brunette woman. "You must be Bella."

I glanced at her apprehensively. "Yes," I confirmed.

She grinned. "That's some man you've snagged for yourself, sweetheart. My husband's idea of romance is dinner out at our local pizzeria."

I smiled.

"You can change in here, honey." She led me to a room down the hallway from the lobby. It was plush and peach colored throughout, from the walls to the carpet to the lighter shade that was the fluffy chair in the corner. "Feel free to leave your belongings in here; the building will be locked after we leave."

"Alright," I responded quietly, unsure of what else to say. I closed the door behind her and locked it, shimmying into the corset that Alice had given me for my first date with Edward—the one he'd never seen. I managed to somehow tie it on my own before draping my dress over the top of it; Alice had helped me pick out this dress as well. It was black, strapless and fairly low-cut. It fit my torso and gently flowed from my hips to my feet. I worked my hair up into a bun that would have to work. The sun of the afternoon had given my skin a healthy glow, and I smiled into the mirror, excited for whatever it was that Edward had planned.

He met me outside; the woman from earlier was nowhere to be found.

His green eyes darkened. "You look breathtakingly beautiful, sweetheart." He kissed my lips gently.

I couldn't stop my blush. "Thank you. You look wonderful, yourself."

And he did. Dressed in a deep navy, pin-striped suit with a black tie and hair actually combed back for once, he looked like a man that had stepped out of a 1930s romance movie— suave and sophistication incarnate.

His hand fell to my lower back, and he led me toward the harbor docks.

"What are we doing?" I asked curiously.

He smiled gently, a new look dancing across his face. It was soft, subtle, content and beautiful. "Going to dinner."

I glanced at him, and he nodded toward the boat at the end of the dock. "Really?"

He nodded. "I rented the boat and its captain for the evening. She'll be taking us under the Golden Gate Bridge."

Edward's eyes sparkled and ignited a fluttery excitement in my stomach. We reached the end of the dock, and the same woman I'd spoken to earlier met us with a grin. We both climbed onto the boat.

"Make yourselves comfortable. My chef informed me that dinner is about 20 minutes from being finished. If you'd like to wait at your table, feel free. It's on deck."

Edward grinned and kissed my hair. "Would you like to sit down, love?"

I nodded at him with a smile, unable to contain my excitement. We sat on the deck, the sun glowing a furious orange as the boat sailed south and west and we stopped just short of going beneath the amazing bridge.

A man in a tuxedo brought our plates and filled our wine glasses. We smiled our thank you's, and I smirked at Edward.

"What?" he smiled, fork suspended before his lips.

I shook my head. "You must really have a thing for boats, babe."

His eyes danced and he chuckled. "You know, I never used to, but...after the first time I shared the experience with you...well I hope we have many more, Bella."

I smiled softly at that. "I like them."

He grinned. "Good."

We ate the delicious tender and buttery lobster as music played softly in the background.

After we'd finished our meal and the sun neared the horizon beyond the bridge, Edward stood and held his hand out to me. "Dance with me."

I smiled at him and let him pull me up and to a wide open space of the wooden deck. We danced and swirled and I giggled into his neck as his hands moved across my dress-covered back. He pulled out his phone, eyes twinkling.

"Hey, we're ready," he said quietly. "Thanks." He turned his phone back off, dropping it into his pocket.

A new song filled the air, and he twirled me with an experienced grace. He sang the words that played over the hidden speakers.

_Never knew I could feel like this  
Like I've never seen the sky before  
Want to vanish inside your kiss  
Everyday I love you more and more  
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing  
Telling me to give you everything  
Seasons may change winter to spring  
But I love you until the end of time_

He kissed my neck as tears pooled in my eyes.

_Come what may, come what may  
I will love you until my dying day_

__

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place  
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace  
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste  
It all revolves around you

He smiled through his words as he spun me away and then back into him, pulling my body back against his tightly, hand finding its rightful place at the small of my back, the other clinging to my own.

_And there's no mountain too high no river too wide  
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side  
Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide  
But I love you until the end of time_

__

Come what may, come what may  
I will love you until my dying day  
Oh come what may, come what may  
I will love you 

__

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

The music ended, and he leaned forward, his lips at my ear. "I love you, Bella. Until the end of time."

A tear finally slipped down my cheek, and he smiled at me, wiping it away with his gentle thumb.

"Thank you, Edward. For...for this. All of it. You have spoiled me so much this week."

He smiled softly, eyes full of emotion. "I want to spoil you forever."

I returned his smile, and he kissed me gently.

I hadn't realized the boat had moved back to shore, and all too soon the magical moment in time had ended, leaving me emotional and full of love, but also mourning its loss. I would treasure it forever in my heart.

Edward carried me up to our room, placing me on my feet. His eyes were full of the desire that I felt, too. His lips brushed against my bare shoulders, neck, collarbone, until his fingers slipped behind me, slowly pulling the zipper of my dress down. It easily fell into a silken pile at my feet.

His eyes widened at the corset squeezing my flesh up and out. For a moment his gaze met mine before falling to my half-exposed chest, brushing his lips and tongue along the very low neckline of the corset.

"I wore this the night of our first date, you know," I said in a shaky whisper.

His head darted up in surprise, and I smiled.

"Alice made me."

He chuckled, but it was husky, full of need.

"I knew you wouldn't see it that night, but I was fully expecting you to enjoy it tonight."

A fire lit in Edward's eyes as he grabbed a hold of me tightly, pressing his lips against mine in a wild, wanton lock of force. I moaned against and into his mouth.

"God, Bella. That's...that's..." His lips trailed my jaw. "That's so damn sexy."

I smiled, licking my lips as he pulled off his jacket and began unbuttoning his shirt. It soon joined my dress on the floor as we kissed in passionate want. I unbuttoned his pants, pulling them and his boxers down slowly to his ankles. He kicked them off and pushed me toward the bed.

"You're beautiful in this, baby; it makes me so hard to see you in it, but...you know it's got to go, right?"

I giggled with a nod. "Yeah," I whispered.

Our feet tangled together as his hands slid behind me, unhooking the hooks and loosening the ties, until he was able to pull the material from my body, allowing my ribs to expand normally again.

He inhaled sharply, eyes meeting mine, intensely dark and green and beautiful. "You're perfect."

I smiled gently, wrapping my arms around him and entangling my fingers in his hair, effectively ruining the effort he had put into it earlier in the evening. He pulled my hair out of its bun, letting his hands glide through it a few times, moaning as his lips met mine.

"Can we..." I tried to speak, but my voice clogged somewhere in the passion. I cleared my throat as his lips attacked my neck. "Can we go in the hot tub?"

He pulled back, a devilish grin on his face. "Did you enjoy that, baby?"

I nodded as I licked my lips. His eyes darted to my mouth, and he grinned. "So did I."

Without a word he led me to the private deck, blocked from the view of the beach by the trees and shrubbery. He turned the jets and climbed in, reaching his hand out for me. I took it, stepping into the hot water, and he pulled me on top of him. I landed in his lap, effectively straddling it.

We were lost in fiery kisses and splashes as his hands grabbed my hips roughly and brought me down forcefully onto his waiting erection. We both groaned loudly. My hands reached in front of me, one on the edge of the tub beside his shoulder, the other locked in his hair, gripping it tightly.

"God, Bella," he moaned into my shoulder before biting it. I let my hips rise until I almost completely lifted myself off of him, and then slammed back down in one long, hard thrust. Edward grunted, increasing the throbbing of my center. His hands grabbed wildly at my breasts, pulling and pinching and biting my nipples.

He gripped his hand into my hair, pulling it and my head backward slightly as he attacked my neck.

We grunted and panted, and neither of us lasted long. The heat of the water, the movement of the bubbles and the contrasting night air clashed against one another, increasing the explosions of our joined bodies.

He held me tightly against him as our breathing calmed and our pulsating bodies relaxed. His lips danced lightly across my wet skin and tenderness flooded us as we whispered love, endearments and thankfulness. Edward was everywhere, in me, out of me, surrounding me with everything that he was.

As we dried and climbed into bed together, exhausted from the busy day we'd shared together, I mourned the end of our trip. We had an evening flight back to Chicago the next day, and I was sad to leave our trip behind. Edward's hands stroked through my hair as he kissed me, soft and loving kisses, all over my body.

"Are you okay?" he whispered.

I nodded. "It went too fast."

"We'll come back," he said without hesitation.

I smiled at him. "Promise?"

He nodded against my shoulder. "I promise. Plus, we still have a few hours in the morning. I have big plans for us tomorrow, love."

My eyebrows raised. "Yeah?"

He grinned. "I saved the best for last."

I eyed him, not all that comfortable with the smirk on his face. "Not the surfing?"

He laughed. "No. And I'm not saying anything more about it. You'll have to wait until tomorrow."

I sighed into his chest. "Goodnight Edward."

He kissed my forehead. "Goodnight, sweetheart."

***

Edward rushed us through packing the next morning, and I blew a kiss to the beauty that had been our room at the remarkable inn at Half Moon Bay. We grabbed bagels from the continental breakfast and ate them in the car as we drove to San Francisco. Edward pulled into a massive parking lot on a hill right by the south entrance onto the Golden Gate Bridge.

"Oh, I read you can walk across it!" I said excitedly. "Is that what we're doing?"

He was hiding a grin. "Yes, that's part of what we're doing."

I looked at him, but he simply grinned and pulled me to a building at the edge of the parking lot. Edward gave his name to the man behind the desk.

"Yes, Mr. Cullen, we have everything prepared. Our instructor is already waiting for you with all of the equipment you'll need. I just need to fit the both of you with helmets and have you sign your release forms."

I felt my eyes strain, wanting to poke out of my head. "Helmets? Release forms? What are we doing?"

Edward smiled and shrugged. "Bungee jumping."

"_What_?" I nearly growled at him.

His smile fell as his eyes met mine. "I thought it'd be fun for us to do together. We can jump together."

"Oh, God." I was starting to hyperventilate.

"Bella, if you don't want to it's okay," he said seriously. "I just thought it would be fun. Symbolic. You know, a leap of faith and all of that."

I stared at him for a moment, then glanced to the boy behind the counter who was watching us with an amused expression. "Don't worry, ma'am. Our company has been doing this for thirty years, and we haven't had one incident."

I glared at the boy, and he shriveled.

Edward laughed. "Please, Bella? Will you go with me?"

I sighed, and against my better judgment agreed. "Fine."

He wrapped me in his arms, spinning me around. "Thank you."

We signed the papers, the boy gave us helmets, and we walked to the middle of the bridge—more than likely to what would be the death of the both of us.

A friendly man greeted us and fit us in our harnesses, tying them together so Edward and I could "leap" together. I looked down and felt my breakfast churn in my stomach.

"Are you out of your mind?" I looked at him, completely mortified.

He grinned playfully. "Come on, love. Think of the story we'll have! The memories! I bet we could even get someone to snap a photo of us together right in the middle." He was teasing me as my heart pounded too quickly for my breathing to keep up with.

Mr. Bungee Instructor took that moment to pull out his camera. "Pictures are complimentary."

"Joy," I mumbled sarcastically.

I stood in fear and panic on the prepared platform just off of the bridge, my pulse in my ears and pounding against my helmet as I silently begged Edward with my eyes to let me out of this.

He didn't surrender. "Bella, you'll love it. I promise."

I groaned and looked over, down the rocky cliff, waves crashing so many, many feet below us.

My heart pounded even more furiously against my chest, and my stomach flipped. Our eyes met.

"Trust me?" he said with a stupid lopsided smile, taking my hand.

It was all he had to say; he had me there. I nodded and inhaled deeply.

"On three," he said, and counted off.

When he reached three, I pushed one foot down from the ledge a bit hesitantly, and we both went propelling forward.

Cool, wet ocean air blew past my face, and I was screaming as my stomach fell out of my body, hand hand clenched tightly against Edward's. I wanted to close my eyes against our fall to the ocean and impending death, but I couldn't. I watched as we both fell closer and closer to the blue depths of the water, a thrill shooting through me.

I yelled, and Edward yelled and something amazing rushed through my body and as we bounced back up from the fall, I laughed a crazy insane laugh that I couldn't control.

Edward was laughing as well, and when our cable stabilized, he wrapped his arms around me and we laughed together, tears streaming from my eyes.

"Oh my god," I repeated over and over, and his eyes were alight with pride and joy and the rush of the fall.

"Thank you, Bella. That was incredible!"

I laughed and sobbed and smiled dumbly. "It was. Thanks for making me go."

We clung to one another as the cord was raised back up to the platform, and my eyes never left Edward's. His hand fell to my cheek, and his eyes shone with adoration.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you," I repeated, finally closing my eyes as the adrenaline subsided and we were helped onto firm ground again.

***

**A/N: Big thanks to JadeMoon, my kick ass beta. :-)**

**Also, I'll be posting links on my profile to pictures of, not only Bella's corset from the chapter (thanks to addicted2twilight79 for finding it for me and pushing to have Bella wear at time where Edward actually got to see it ;) , but I'll also have pics of the SF Bay Area, Edward and Bella's inn and room, as well as the SC boardwalk/beach. :-) Check 'em out!**

**Also—please check out the new collaboration story I'm working on with Clurrabella, The War Inside! It's posted under our combined pen name sparabella—link is on my profile as well. :-)**

**And finally thanks so much for your reviews! You guys are wonderful. :-)**

**The song that Edward sings to Bella is Come What May © Almo Music Corp; Canvas Mattress Music; T C F Music Publishing Inc; Zen Of Iniquity **


	23. Chapter 22

**A/N: It lives! Okay, after a major bout of writer's block with this poor fic, I'm finally back. Promise I won't let it go so long again, and thank you so much for your patience.**

**Chapter 22**

**Bella's POV**

Edward's face, his smile, his intense green eyes all danced with excitement as he laughed and held my hand. We were alone. The warm sand cushioned us, and we were surrounded by the sounds of the wind and the birds and the ocean, but the only thing my eyes took in was Edward–my world, my light, my everything.

My sense of peace and serenity was interrupted by a light tickling sensation on my cheek. My hand brushed against the tingling feeling as something soft and warm traversed my face, coaxing my nerves to life. A low chuckle was accompanied by another line of fire across my skin. The feelings and sounds of paradise mingled with the scene which was beginning to unfold around me. I focused my attention back to the call of the birds, the waves of the ocean, the fresh, crisp, salty air as it all fell away from my mind, replaced instead with a constant, soft breathing pattern and the soft laughter of Edward.

"Bella," his voice caressed my soul, pulling my attention away from my paradise.

My body stirred before I had willed it to do so. I managed to lift my heavy eyelids, soaking in the light from the window above our bed that bathed us in warmth and sunshine—and his face—always his face. Just as it had been in my dream, his face hovered above my own, his gorgeous smile lighting the room and my heart.

I blinked a couple of times, returning his smile with one of my own, thankful that the dancing eyes and joyful smile I had abandoned in my dreams were still right before me. I stroked his stubbly cheek with the palm of my hand and sighed at the wonderful feelings he'd brought back to life within me as I gazed into his deep, green eyes. Edward was beautiful, even in the morning with his hair tousled, face stubbly, and looking utterly disheveled.

I inhaled deeply and smiled again as I stretched beneath him. I wanted to wake up in his arms like this every morning for the rest of my life.

"Good morning," I choked out, my voice full of sleep.

That earned another deep chuckle as Edward's eyes twinkled in the morning light. He lowered his bare chest onto me, and his full lips brushed against my neck, causing an immediate reaction from the beating of my heart and flow of blood through my veins. Slumber was readily vacated as I reveled in his touch.

"Morning," he murmured against my flesh.

His low, husky voice coaxed a moan from within me, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling his mouth closer to my own. Our lips met, dancing in a way that only the pair of them could. Edward's hand slid across the mattress toward my head, allowing his body to slowly lower fully against my own as I reveled in the emotions that he created within me.

I couldn't help but think of the changes that had occurred between the two of us in such a short time. Once I had reached the point of being okay with moving on, everything in our relationship had been a complete whirlwind. Neither of us had much time to process the monumental change and what it meant for each of our lives to converge as one. The strength of our quick bonding was tested early, and I was still in awe that it had worked out so well, that we had became unified because of it.

Edward and I had been back from our impromptu trip to San Francisco for nearly two weeks now. In retrospect, I was completely amazed by how much we truly had needed that time together. Life had been too hectic and chaotic for our still new and tender relationship. I hadn't realized it until after we'd plunged back into reality, but we had desperately needed the time to reconnect.

The past two weeks had been host to a wonderful change, and not only between Edward and I, but with school as well. I had been reassigned to a brilliant tenured professor who was highly respected in the world of psychology. She was amazing and had taught me more in the two weeks I had worked under her than Professor Newton had in three months.

I was truly happy with every facet of my life, which was something I had never been able to boast before. Something unspoken, but pivotal, had transpired between Edward and me on our trip, and I had been wrapped in a blanket of peace since then, a peace like I had never known and never wanted to lose.

Edward's hands brought my attention back to him as they traveled under the hem of my tank top and up the skin of my stomach, eliciting a moan from me that I couldn't stop or control. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling his mouth to mine as my fingers fisted through his hair, earning a sexy growl from the god above me.

The green digits on the alarm clock in my peripheral vision caught my attention, and I pulled back from him slightly with a frustrated huff. He leaned back in towards me, attempting to recapture my lips. When I dodged them, trying to will myself to speak the words I didn't want to say, his head dipped instead to my neck, his lips tracing a tantalizing line down my neck. I forced myself to remember why I couldn't let him continue.

"Edward," I choked out, trying to push against his chest.

He pulled his lips away from my collarbone and raised his eyes to meet mine before grinning. His dazzling smile was almost enough to grab him and pull him back down on top of me. _Almost._

"Honey, I'm sorry. Really, you don't know _how_ sorry, but I have to get ready to go. I have brunch with your mom today, remember? She's going to be here in an hour."

His head bobbed forward with a groan of his own. He pressed his forehead to mine, eyes locked to my own.

"Yes, I remember. I guess that means I'm stuck in that hideous golf game with my dad and Emmett."

I giggled, lifting my chin until our lips met in a soft, quick kiss.

"How does Jasper always get out of all of those, by the way?" I wondered aloud.

Edward flashed a good-humored grin. "I don't know. The jerk is just evasive."

I was unable to resist pushing myself up and away from the bed and into his hips as my lust soared. His smile fell away with a husky moan, and his lips captured mine once again with a fierce passion.

All logical thoughts fell from my mind as I ground my hips against his. His tongue caressed my mouth before his lips began another passionate trail down the side of my neck. I pressed my head into the pillow, stretching to allow him better access, as he crept down past my collarbone teasing my body into a frenzy.

His wet, open-mouthed kisses blazed across my skin and triggered the familiar building of need and warmth deep in my stomach, but as his lips wandered further south, I groaned, realizing that once he started there we would never pry ourselves away.

I groaned in disappointment, pushing his shoulders away from my body.

"Bella," he growled.

I kissed his cheek softly, trying to apologize with my eyes, hoping my own disappointment was well displayed within them.

"We may not have time for _that_," I smiled, "but you're welcome to join me in the shower if you'd like?" I offered, pushing him all the way off of me and sauntering to the bathroom.

The sheets rustled behind me, followed by a loud thud and quick footsteps on the soft carpeted floor. I giggled, and practically ran into the bathroom. Edward was right behind me, and once my feet hit the cold marble floor of the bathroom, his strong arms encircled me, and his lips resumed their lust filled dance across my neck. His hard body pressed behind mine, and I moaned at the sensation of our skin connecting once again.

All too soon, he withdrew his lips from my skin and stepped around me to turn the shower on. Once it was warm and spilling steam from the door, Edward stepped in and offered his hand to me, a beautiful smile gracing his perfect lips.

Our shared shower had not turned out to be in the best interest of saving time. Thirty minutes, two orgasms, and a tankful of hot water later, we both scrambled out of the shower to dry off, dress, and get ready for the morning. I had just finished drying my hair when our buzzer rang through the apartment. Edward kissed me, and after offering me a soft smile, headed downstairs to buzz in our visitor, more than likely Esme, while I scrambled to finish getting ready for the day.

Moments later, Edward slipped in behind me at the bathroom counter, his arms sneaking around my waist and lips pressing into my neck.

"I love you," he murmured softly, smiling at me into the mirror.

His gaze sucked me in, the love and happiness in them never failed to amaze me or leave me in complete awe of his beautiful soul. I smiled back at his reflection as he rested his cheek against the top of my head, drowning me in the depths of his affection.

"I love you, too," I whispered.

"Mom is here. I just buzzed her in," he added.

I nodded, turning in his arms to kiss him. As our lips met and when my hands found his neck, he hoisted me up onto the counter, arms secure around me, helping me keep my balance as I lost myself once again in the softness of his touch. A knock echoed up from the living room, pulling us away from our moment of escape, breathless and smiling foolishly.

Edward pulled away from me and lifted me back off the counter, lowering me back onto my feet before placing one final chaste kiss on my cheek.

"I'll get it. Go ahead and finish up, love."

I smiled a wordless thank-you to him.

Five minutes later, I strolled to the living room where Edward and Esme sat, chatting with smiles and matching, twinkling eyes. I couldn't help but grin at their happiness. Esme's eyes met mine, and she stood, smiling warmly as she delicately embraced me.

"Bella, dear. You look beautiful."

I smiled as we pulled back from one another. "Thank you, so do you."

She did, of course, as always. With a knee-length, flowing and floral skirt and a pastel pink sweater, she looked light and full of spring happiness. Her soft, flawless face looked years younger than its actual age–she was stunning.

"I've missed you. How are you?" I asked quietly as Edward moved behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder.

Her smile brightened. "I'm doing well, sweetheart. Where would you like to go for brunch?"

I grinned. "There's a tiny cafe a few blocks down that has amazing food."

Her eyes danced in the same way that Edward's did. "That sounds wonderful."

I smiled at her before turning in Edward's arms, meeting his gaze. He smiled warmly before giving me a soft kiss.

"Have a nice time," he said quietly.

"Have fun golfing," I replied with a barely contained snicker.

Edward groaned, and Esme and I shared a conspiratorial laugh as I opened the door.

"I love you," I called to Edward as I walked into the hallway.

Edward leaned against the entrance to our apartment, smiling warmly. "I love you. Be safe."

I grinned, linking my arm in Esme's. "Always."

We shared one final smile before Esme and I finally left. We had opted to walk the few blocks to the cafe instead of driving and strolled at a casual pace, talking of Alice and Jasper's wedding plans, how the family had been in the last couple of weeks, and how her Emmett's new practice was doing.

We reached the restaurant in very little time, and after our orders were taken, Esme met my gaze with another heart-warming smile.

"So, how was your trip, Bella? I haven't had a chance to get the scoop from you and Edward yet."

I smiled. "It was wonderful. Thanks for giving Edward the recommendation on the bed and breakfast. It was so perfect."

"I thought so, too. I fell in love with that inn the first time we stayed there, and Carlisle and I have stayed there several times since."

"Your son is quite the romantic, I'll have you know," I said with a grin.

Esme's face lit with pride. "He takes after his father."

"He's incredible," I said, feeling lame at the gross understatement.

"You know, Bella, Edward has transformed since he met you. He's always been so introverted, but with you, well, you've touched his life–even his music. He's always been so gifted with his playing and composing—but when you came into his life, Bella, the entire essence of his work changed in such an amazing way. It's not just that, though. You've brought the real Edward out. He loves you so much."

I almost felt ridiculous at the tears that stung my eyes and the incredibly intense emotions that her words created within me.

"I love him so much, too, Esme. With all that I am," I whispered.

Her eyes melted into green jade pools as she reached across the table and took my hand in hers.

"I know, and I love you for it, Bella."

I smiled. "I only hope I can be everything that Edward deserves."

Esme's expression turned thoughtful, her eyes, Edward's eyes, meeting my gaze with an unspoken affirmation.

"I know it's sort of a faux pas to speak about past relationships of your children with their current significant other, but I really feel like I should tell you that I was so relieved when things ended between Edward and Tanya. I feel so bad for saying it, because it broke his heart, but she never loved him, and he was never truly in love with her, either."

"You don't think so?" I asked quietly.

I was surprised that Esme felt that way. When Edward and I had discussed Tanya and how things had ended between the two of them, it seemed like he had loved her very much. So much so, in fact, that I sometimes struggled against my own insecurities when thinking of the mere memory of her. I knew it was ridiculous to feel the way that I did, but certainly there was something to be said for competing with the memory of someone's first love, especially of someone he had been with for so many years and who he had shared so many personal and life experiences with.

Esme shook her head, her caramel brown hair glistening in the sun that streamed through the window next to our table.

"No. Edward has always been my grown-up, even when he was five," she said with a chuckle. "He was never irresponsible and always knew what he wanted in life. Always the same two things–music and love. Music, of course, was the easy part to guide him with, but it took him so much longer to find the kind of love he was searching for, the kind of love he was starting to think couldn't possibly exist for him. You've been so good for him, sweetheart."

I smiled. "He's been good for me, too, Esme. I honestly love him more than I ever dreamed my heart capable of. He saved me."

Esme's beautiful green eyes glossed over, and there was a strange, long and emotional silence between the two of us. After a few moments, she focused again on my eyes and smiled, a deep look of sadness and longing gracing her soft complexion.

"Did Edward or Alice ever tell you that I was married before Carlisle?"

My eyes widened in surprise. "No, they didn't. Really?"

She nodded, eyes moist and pensive.

"I married my high school sweetheart when I was eighteen, right after graduating. He was a firefighter, two years older than I, and incredibly handsome."

She smiled again, her piercing green eyes focused far away again, no doubt on the memory of her lost love.

"We had a honeymoon baby."

Another wave of surprise washed over me when I processed her words and finally realized what the probability of what her statement meant.

"Emmett?" I asked in a shocked whisper.

Esme's smile was both sad and soft. She nodded slightly, and my mind spun at the revelation.

Never, in a million years, would I have ever guessed something like that on my own. It baffled me that Emmett didn't share Carlisle's genes. The two of them were so very similar in many ways, physical and mental alike that it seemed almost impossible that they weren't blood related.

"Emmett was five months old when Stephen was killed in a house fire."

A tear slipped down her cheek, and I squeezed her soft hand with my own.

"Oh Esme, how awful. I'm so sorry."

As my mind slowly connected the dots, realization struck me with a force that I wasn't wholly prepared for. Esme understood. She knew what I had gone through, only she had survived the loss and the pain while keeping herself together for her sake of her baby. I couldn't fathom how she had made it through something like that. I wasn't sure if I could have. I was filled with awe at her quiet strength, a strength amplified infinitely by her revelations.

"It was," she agreed, her eyes again fixing on mine once more. "I didn't handle things very well, actually. I struggled to get out of bed every morning and moved back in with my parents. Thank God my mother was there to help with Emmett, because I wasn't much of a mother for awhile. I had met Carlisle before I married Stephen; in fact, the two of them had been friends, though they hadn't been incredibly close. Carlisle had even been at our wedding."

Her beautiful eyes were once again in the trance of remembering, and I found myself mesmerized by her very musical, very delicate tones, her gentle face. I thought about the pain she'd endured and overcame, and how she was now all the stronger for it.

"Anyway, Carlisle worked in my father's clinic his first year of practicing medicine. He became a friend to me, my shoulder to cry on, my support...and somewhere along the way, he'd managed to steal my heart without me even realizing it."

A tear of my glided down my cheek, and I swiped it away with the back of my free hand.

"Guess it's genetic," I said with a half-laugh, half-sniffle.

She chuckled. "I guess so."

"I can't imagine having to go through that pain and grief and having to hold it together for a baby as well."

Esme nodded softly. "In some ways, I continually felt like a failure. I felt it so hard to look at Emmett's blue eyes and not see his father, to listen to his laughter—even now. As an adult, Emmett is very much the image of his father. It's hard sometimes, even after all of these years and a very much mended heart. Yet, at the same time, having Emmett helped for those same reasons. I was able to keep a piece of Stephen with me."

I nodded, suddenly finding it so very difficult to swallow.

"And even though Carlisle has all of my heart and soul, and has for many years now, I still find myself missing Stephen."

"I can't imagine a time where I'll never miss Jacob," I agreed. "I've given everything I am to Edward, but I still miss Jake."

She nodded again. "It will always be that way, sweetheart, but with time, it hurts less to miss them."

I smiled, reaching across the table to hug her.

"Thank you for sharing that with me, Esme. I...I really had no idea."

She smiled, drying the last of her tears.

"It's something I probably should have shared with you before now, Bella, but I didn't want you to think I was hinting that you should be with Edward before you'd made up your mind for yourself."

I couldn't help but smile back at her.

"I never would have thought that, but I'm so glad that you shared it with me now. While Edward and I were on our trip, I realized that I'm finally in a place where I can fully move on, you know? It took me forever to realize that I could still miss Jacob, still remember everything that we shared, without it lessening anything that I feel for Edward."

She nodded. "Sometimes it can be a difficult balance to find, even for them, you know. Carlisle knew, especially in the beginning, of my struggles and feelings. I think it's difficult for them to walk a line between being understanding and being jealous."

I nodded. "Edward has been wonderful about that. I've taken it for granted that he has never said anything."

I was slightly ashamed that I'd never even take the time to consider how my past may have or did affect Edward. I made a note to watch for signs of conflict in him, to reassure him of my love and my commitment to him.

Esme nodded with a smile as we stood from the table, and I dropped the tip on the table.

"I'm not afraid to tell you that Carlisle and I already see you as a daughter, Bella. Just don't tell Edward I told you that; he would be completely mortified—thinking I was trying to scare you away."

I laughed, linking my arm in hers as we strolled out of the cafe. "My lips are sealed."

We reached the apartment building again in very little time, and I said goodbye to Esme at her car, after she informed me that she'd have to excuse herself for a meeting that she had for a charity event she was co-hosting. My heart and my step were light as I unlocked the door to our apartment, quickly realizing that Edward was still away. I abandoned by purse and keys near the door and decided on using the extra time to my advantage. I grabbed my phone and hit my second speed-dial button.

He answered on the second ring.

"Hello?"

I smiled, feeling the same sense of home and security that I always felt when I heard his voice.

"Hey, Dad."

"Bella! How are you? It's been forever since you called, kid."

I fought against rolling my eyes as my grin widened.

"Dad, I called you three days ago."

"Oh, well, It feels like it's been longer. How's everything going? How's Edward?"

"Everything is good. Work's been great, and Edward is doing well. Actually, Edward is one of the reasons that I'm calling."

"Oh?"

I couldn't help but smile at the sudden alertness to his tone.

"Yeah. I want you to meet him."

"Oh. You do?"

He was hesitant, and I couldn't tell if it was nerves that made him unsure or if it was something else all together, something related to my moving on from the loss of Jacob. I hoped it was only his introverted tendencies or the typical over-protective father duties coming into play.

"I do, Dad. He's very important to me. I want the two most important men in my life to get to know one another."

He let out a long, slow breath of air, and I suddenly felt nervous. What was he thinking? Did he think it was too soon for me to be moving on? Was he thinking of Jacob, who had practically been a son to him from the moment he was born? Was he upset that I was in a serious relationship, thinking that I was betraying Jacob?

I bit my lip, but refrained from letting my emotions rage out of control just yet, and inhaled shakily.

"Are you two very serious?"

I hated that I couldn't read his tone. More than anything I wanted his support, his approval, but I knew my decision had already been made, regardless of what my father's opinion would be. Edward was my other half. I couldn't live without him.

"Yes," I said, swallowing the rising emotion that was choking me.

"You love him?"

"Of course, Dad. Very much."

"Then I want to meet him. And Bella..." his voice faded, and I braced myself for the worst. "I only ever want for you to be happy. If Edward makes you happy, then I'm happy about that. You deserve that, kid."

I smiled and whispered a thank you.

"So, when will we do this?" he said suddenly, the emotion gone from his tone. The chief was all business again.

"Well," I began, shifting the phone to my other hand. "I'm not sure. I have time off from work in a couple of weeks for spring break. I haven't talked to Edward about it yet, but I was thinking we could maybe come for a visit then?"

"Sure, Bells, just let me know."

"Okay," I said softly as Edward walked through the door with a goofy smile. "I'll let you go for now, Dad."

"Okay. Thanks for calling, Bella."

"Of course. I'll talk to you soon and let you know what we decide."

As we said our goodbyes, Edward walked up to me, wrapping me in his arms around me in a warm embrace. I smiled up at him, and he responded with a gentle kiss.

"How's your dad?"

I smiled. "He's good."

He nodded, his lips traveling to my neck. "How was brunch?"

I pulled back slightly to meet his eyes. "Good. Your mom told me about how she and your dad got together."

Edward's beautiful green eyes softened as he searched my own. "Did she?"

I nodded, tucking myself under his arm. "She did. I really had no idea."

His hands rubbed the length of my arms as he kissed my hair.

"It was Mom's story to share with you, which is why I never said anything. I'm glad that she told you about it, though."

I smiled. "I know it was. I can understand why you and Alice never said anything about it." I inhaled deeply, soaking in the delicious scent of the man that I loved. "I feel very honored that she decided to share it with me."

Edward's arm tightened around me. "My family loves you very much."

My heart swelled with emotions that, even after all of these months of knowing the Cullens, still nearly brought me to tears. I pulled back from him, grabbing his hand as I walked toward our living room and sat on the couch.

"I love your family very much, Edward."

**Edward's POV**

I pulled the beautiful girl before me into my lap and kissed her with passion. The declaration of how she felt about my family warmed me throughout. She smiled against my lips, and I closed my eyes, focusing on the feeling of her fingers as they trailed through my hair. I released a contented sigh as I realized once again how perfect she was for me.

It finally felt as though Bella and I had finally broken through the monumental communication and trust barriers between us–barriers that neither one of us had even been aware of. Our getaway had been the turning point in our relationship, but it had been the following two weeks of reality that had given me the most hope.

My hope was not only found in the knowledge that Bella and I truly were made for one another and that we could take anything life threw our way, but in the hope that neither one of us had been too scarred, too damaged to sustain a happy and healthy relationship together.

I was hesitant to admit, even to myself, that I had worried about that. Bella had been through so much more than I had, but I worried nonetheless that I wouldn't be able to push past my own scars to be the man that she needed me to be. Yet, as I looked into her eyes, full of love and adoration, I knew that regardless of our imperfections, we would make it through together.

"So, speaking of family..."

Bella's soft voice was a welcomed intrusion of my musings. Her head was nestled under my chin, and my arms wrapped securely around her as her warmth seeped into my very soul. Bella was my home—now and always. I knew that I'd never be able to live without her.

"Yes?" I prompted when she didn't complete her statement.

She wiggled in my lap, pulling away from me slightly, her gaze meeting mine. I couldn't keep myself from smiling at her beauty and allowed the back of my hand to brush along her cheek. She blushed with a small smile that I returned, my heart feeling as if it might explode with love and the joy that she had brought to life in me.

"Well, I was thinking of visiting my dad over spring break."

I searched her eyes for a moment before smiling. "Okay. How long do you think you'll be gone, sweetheart?"

Bella's face scrunched in a frown before she looked down at her fidgeting hands.

"Well, I...I was kind of hoping that maybe you would be able to go with me? If you could get a couple of days off from work?"

Her eyes met mine again, full of an apprehension that I couldn't understand.

"Of course, Bella, I'd love to. I'm so excited to meet your dad and your friends..."

I couldn't keep my voice from fading into nothingness as I processed my own words and the implications that they held. Bella wanted me to go home with her. She wanted me to meet her father and her friends...she wanted to introduce me into the life that she led in Washington—the life she lived with Jacob and the people who had shared it with them.

I couldn't understand my own reaction to that realization. My heart pounded wildly, and I inhaled a deep breath, trying to find a focus to my thoughts that just wouldn't come. My mind blurred through images of the eyes of her friends, her father, sizing me up, knowing that I wasn't Jacob—that he would never be back to be with her, to be with them. Would they hate me for that? Did Bella? Was there a part of her somewhere deep inside that wished he was here with her instead of me?

I had no idea where my sudden fears and insecurities were coming from. In all honestly, I had always felt a little apprehensive about Bella silently wishing she was with Jacob instead of with me, that she could be living her life with him in Washington instead of with me in Chicago. I'd continually pushed the fears aside, knowing that nothing good could come from them, yet at the idea of meeting her family, meeting her friends, panic seized me with a force I had never known before.

"Edward?"

My eyes darted toward her face, and what I found there pulled me from whatever had just dragged me under. I focused on the concern in her gaze, the love that shone in her eyes, the fact that she loved me, and I had to remind myself that this was my Bella. I had made the decision to trust her with my life, my heart, my very soul, and I knew that she returned those sentiments.

I cleared my throat and offered a small smile. "Are you ready for me to meet your dad, Bella?"

She smiled, and I felt guilty for the relief that flooded her features. I shouldn't have caused her to worry over my reaction, to let her see any doubt from me.

"Yes," she whispered.

"And..." I swallowed. "And your friends?"

Bella's arms snaked around me again before I felt her lips press against my neck. I inhaled deeply, squeezing her in our embrace, seeking a comfort and reassurance that I didn't know I needed.

"Yes, Edward. They will love you, just like I love you."

She pulled back once more, and our eyes locked. We gazed at each other for a long moment, looking for something undefined. When she smiled again, all of the my thoughts and concerns melted into one solitaire focus. I loved her, and I would do anything for her.

"Edward," she said softly, her warm, soft hand cupping my cheek.

Unable to find the words to speak, I simply leaned into her touch.

"I know you're nervous about it, and I understand why you feel that way, but know that I'll be there with you every step of the way. They love me, Edward, and they want me to be happy. I love you, and you make me happier than I have _ever_ been, and they will love you for that. I promise."

Bella's words unlocked and opened a floodgate within my soul. I pulled her into me tightly, pressing my lips to hers with a ferocity that didn't come close to the emotions swarming within me. The woman in my arms understood me so much more than anyone else in my life ever had before.

"God, I love you," I murmured against her lips.

Without giving her the opportunity to reply, my mouth was against hers again, our tongues dancing intricately against one another. Bella's soft whimper into my mouth only stoked the fire within me, and I stood, lifting her up with me. Her legs wrapped around my body, and I carried her up the stairs to our bedroom loft.

Her mouth worked furiously at my neck, lips and tongue, grazing over my skin, making it nearly impossible for me to get us the rest of the way up the staircase. As I crossed the threshold into our room, Bella bit down on my earlobe as she pressed her hips tightly against mine.

I groaned at the friction, kicking the door shut and pressing her roughly against it. My efforts to get her to our bed were futile. I had to have her right then and there. I needed that connection with her more than I could take the time to analyze, and somehow, Bella sensed that. She surrendered completely to my lead as I lowered her back onto her feet and wasted no time in removing her shirt, kissing her exposed flesh as I did. I quickly unbuttoned her jeans as she pulled my shirt over my head and down my arms to where they met her hips. I threw my shirt on the floor before tugging her out of her jeans and panties in one fluid motion.

I lifted Bella into my arms once more, pushing her body against the door and pressing myself against her. I kissed her, pouring into it all of the love and passion and need that I felt.

My hands, grasped firmly on either hip, lowering her onto my waiting cock. We both groaned as we finally connected, her wet warmth enveloping all of me, and I let out another groan. I kissed her once more, hard and desperate and pouring all of my desire into her.

One of my hands slid around to her ass, grasping onto it tightly as the other traveled to her full, firm breasts. With a fiery passion, I grasped onto them before pinching a nipple between my thumb and finger before letting out another breathy groan into her mouth.

Bella's deep, lusty moans only encouraged the monster within me as I slammed her against the door with each long, hard thrust.

"God, Bella. I need you. Always," I grunted.

As my body demanded her complete surrender to me, on an entirely different level, so did my heart. I desperately needed to know that she was mine—always.

"I need you, Edward," she responded breathlessly.

"Always. Say it, Bella," I panted, thrusts quickening. "Always."

"Always," she said with more force than I expected. My eyes met hers, chocolate on fire with love and lust and truth. "Always," she repeated.

The intensity in her tone and her gaze threw me over the edge of all sanity, and I reached down, pinching her clit, and taking her over the edge of ecstasy along with me.

She cried out my name, arching against me. I groaned her name against the skin of her throat as she tightened around me. I kept her trapped between my body and the door, wrapping in my arms around her waist as we panted, trying to reclaim our breaths. I pressed my forehead to hers and smiled when she finally opened her eyes that danced in a way that only Bella's could.

"I love you, Edward. Always. You're it for me," she said, her tone strong and sure.

I kissed her neck, drowning myself in the love that radiated off of her.

"Bella, I will love you forever. I promise."

I meant the words with everything I was.

My arms tightened around her as I realized that it was finally time–time to ask her, officially, to be mine forever.

***

**A/N: Okay, this chapter is wholly dedicated to my Yang, Clurabella, because without her holding my hand through this chapter (and the writer's block that prevented it for all of these weeks), it still wouldn't be posted. She's also kicking some ass in the beta game as well ;-) Thanks sweetie! Lots of love to you. :-)**

**Thank you so so much for your patience and encouraging messages letting me know you missed RM updates. They meant so very much to me. :-) I'm not going to promise to have regular weekly updates to you, as life is crazy-hectic with projects right now, but I won't let it go this long again. I promise!**

**A couple of other things:**

**Check out The War Inside. I'm co-writing it with Clurrabella under the pen name Sparabella. We also have some fun one shots ;-) (Links to The War Inside and our profile on my profile page)**

**Also! The TwiWrite Fan Fiction Convention has been announced! It's going to be absolutely amazing, so be sure to check out the blog at: http: //twiwrite (dot) blogspot (dot) com. **


	24. Chapter 23

**A/N: I was told to give a tissue warning here—so consider yourself warned ;-)**

**Chapter 23**

**Edward's POV**

I'd tried to retain a reasonable amount of calm on the journey to the small town of Forks, Washington. I couldn't keep my nerves from knotting my stomach and clamming my hands as I struggled to focus on Bella, focus on the fact that she loved me, she had chosen me, and I loved her in a way that I had never before imagined as a possibility. I would do anything for her.

I kept repeating these things to myself, trying to build some sort of courage as Bella slowed to a crawl, our journey finally ending with the wooden "Welcome to Forks" sign on the side of the highway, embedded in thick, green forest.

Bella's hand squeezed my thigh as she glanced at me before refocusing on the road.

"It will be okay, Edward. My dad is going to love you."

I inhaled deeply, trying to find some amount of calm—surely that emotion existed somewhere within my being. I forced myself to smile for her, because the last thing in the world that I wanted was to make her feel unsure or uncomfortable, to ruin this moment for her.

"Thank you, Bella," I sighed. "I'm just nervous, you know? I mean, for obvious reasons, but I'm also terrified we'll have absolutely nothing in common."

Her beautiful smile lit her face, as her hand squeezed my leg once more.

"You will. You have to trust me. If all else fails, you both love me, and that's a good place to start, right?"

I smiled at her, feeling my nerves relax as I studied the joy on her face. My hand wrapped around hers, and I pulled it to my lips, brushing them against the knuckles of her hand.

"You're right, sweetheart. Of course, you're right."

She pulled our rental car up to the curb in front of a two-story, white house. It was plain and simple and unassuming, as was the yard that surrounded it and the monstrous truck parked in the driveway. I grinned, shooting a glance at her.

"Is that your beast?"

Bella was struggling not to smile, that much was obvious. I chuckled as the corners of her mouth turned up slightly.

"Contrary to what you and my father refer to her as, she is _not_ a beast," she said with a grin. "And she still runs just fine. Better get used to her, because we're driving the truck around this week, Cullen."

I grinned. "Yeah, okay. At least it's hearty right?"

Bella faked a growl that made my heart leap. She was always beautiful, but teasing her, things light and playful between the two of us, brought more happiness into my soul than it could hold. I leaned over the consul of the rented Impala and pressed my lips to hers, taking a moment to enjoy the feel of her mouth on mine, her intoxicating scent and her sweet taste. I had to force myself away from her, because the last thing I needed was for her father to see me attacking his daughter outside of his house.

I smiled at Bella, and without speaking, I stepped out of the car, walking around to open her door for her and offering my hand. Her smile beamed at me, and I couldn't help but grin, before kissing her fingers again, and wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"Will you take me in and introduce me to your dad?" I asked with a small smile.

Her grin widened, the brightness of her smile washing over all of my nerves, calming them, taming them, making them fully submissive to her happiness in that moment. With a slight nod, she pulled me up the cracked sidewalk and to the old, white door, with its chipped paint and slightly warped wood, and she pushed it open, having to put quite a bit of force behind it.

We stepped into the small entry way that opened into the living room. All of the walls in the house, mostly bare of decoration, were a faded yellow. The furniture was well worn, and I wouldn't have been surprised if it was as old as Bella. The thought made me smile.

"Bells! You made it!"

Bella's dad walked, his face beaming as his eyes took her in. Bella's face radiated the same excitement that his did, and for a moment I felt slightly out of place in their reunion. The unease was short-lived, however, when Bella's hand looped in my elbow.

"Dad, I want you to meet Edward Cullen. Edward, this is my dad, Charlie."

Charlie's eyes appraised me with a look that only a father could have. I'd seen it in my own father's eyes the first time he met Jasper. It was the 'you hurt my baby girl and a prison sentence will be worth your murder' stare.

"Edward," he said, his voice stern and down to business.

I somehow offered him a smile, in spite of the terror clenching at my every nerve. His hand captured mine in a vice-grip handshake, and I kept my own grip firm, trying to relay a confidence that I in no way felt.

"Mr. Swan, it's nice to finally meet you. Bella's told me so much about you."

His brown eyes, Bella's eyes, narrowed at me, and my heart pounded a little harder against my chest.

"Dad," Bella said, in what I had come to know as her warning tone.

His eyes darted from mine to Bella and back once more. A grin suddenly covered his face as his free hand slapped my shoulder.

"Edward, welcome. Bells, show Edward up to your room. Once you guys get your bags put away, we can have dinner. I ordered pizza; hope you guys don't mind."

He turned to me.

"I don't know if Bella's told you, but I can cook all of two meals, fried fish and macaroni and cheese, and even those get burned half the time."

I smiled, glancing from him to Bella, whose eyes were trained on her father, her love and admiration flowing from her in waves. God, I loved her.

"Pizza's great, Dad."

He turned and headed to the living room as Bella grabbed my hand, pulling me toward the narrow staircase across the room. The wooden stairs creaked as Bella ascended, pulling me behind her, both of our duffel bags thrown over my other shoulder.

The yellow walls along on the railing were adorned with pictures. Most of them were of Bella, school photos, snapshots, her graduations, both high school and college. My breathing hitched as my eyes fell upon a large photo framed in black. Bella's radiant, beautiful face shown back at me. Her hand was crossed over her body, her finger displaying a modest ring, and rested on her shoulder, on top of a large, dark hand.

Frightened to let my eyes continue their journey, but unable to keep them from doing so, I followed the image to another set of brown eyes, darker than Bella's. They were alive, passionate and intense, so full of love.

_Jacob._

I was surprised at how charismatic he looked, and I was taken aback by the amount of love that emanated between the two of them, even from this photo taken so long ago. He may have been gone, but the love that he and Bella shared would live on, as it still lived, captured in this photo.

I suddenly felt so intrusive. He had loved her first. He had held her heart, her trust, her utter devotion long before I even knew her name, had seen her eyes, and had heard her beautiful voice. I was intruding upon his world. Had he been here, they would have been married by now. They could have easily already started a family by this point. Was I worthy of assuming that position in her life?

"Edward?"

Her soft, beautiful voice broke the silence, causing my eyes to dart from his eyes to hers. Her eyes were wistful, but she smiled.

"That's Jake."

I nodded, my eyes going back to the photo.

"You guys," I paused and cleared my throat, "he...looks like he was a great guy, Bella."

He looked like someone I would have been friends with.

She smiled, glancing at the photo for a moment before locking her gaze on mine.

"He was. That was our engagement photo."

I nodded again, and she smiled, pulling me close to her and kissing my lips.

"I love you, Edward."

Her words broke my trance, shattered my fears and gave me hope. She loved me. She had loved Jacob. I knew that a part of her always would love him, but she chose to share her heart with me, to love me in spite of her own fears and insecurities, her own losses, and for that, I would be forever grateful. She had chosen me.

"I love you, Bella," I whispered in response as I let her pull me the rest of the way up the old staircase.

The small, wood floor landing at the top of the stairs had three walls, each with an open door. The first opened to a room of dark blue. The curtains were pulled, and though the room was tidy, it definitely lacked any kind of personal touch. It was simple and basic.

I looked at Bella, who grinned and rolled her eyes.

"Dad's room. It's looked the same since he replaced everything in it after my mom left."

She nodded in front of us to a small room, everything yellow.

"Bathroom," she commented, before pulling me further to the right.

"And this beauty," she said with a grin, "is my room."

I chuckled. The walls were pink, bordered at the top with a flowery wallpaper print. There was a small desk below the window, a dresser on the opposite wall, and a full-sized bed in the corner, covered in a cream-colored quilt with pink roses.

"Yeah, I know. It looks like a pink elephant threw up. My mom painted it when I was two...and it's been the same since."

I chuckled.

"It really does look like that, but it's really very girly, Bella."

Her nose scrunched adorably between her eyes.

"I know."

I leaned down, unable to keep from kissing her any longer. My lips brushed against hers, and I was surprised by the reaction it coaxed from her as her arms wrapped tightly around my neck, pulling me closer to her.

My hands flew to her waist, trying to distance my body from hers before things got carried away.

"Bella," I whispered against her warm, full lips, "sweetheart, we can't do this right now."

She sighed, sinking into my arms.

"I know."

I kissed her forehead and tugged at her hand.

"Let's go see your dad. I can't wait to get to know him."

Bella groaned, but led me once more down the stairs and into the living room where her father, and two large pizzas, waited for us. A basketball game was on TV, and Bella nodded for me to sit.

"Help yourself to the pizza, kids," Charlie said, reaching for the remote and muting the volume from the game.

I grabbed a slice of pepperoni pizza, as did Bella, and we sat together on the small love seat adjacent to the brown recliner that Charlie sat in.

"So, Edward, Bella tells me that you play piano in the Chicago Symphony."

"That's right, sir."

"You must be good."

I smiled, but before I could speak, Bella's hand squeezed mine.

"He's very good. The symphony featured two pieces that Edward wrote earlier this year."

Charlie nodded, a smile tugging at his lips.

"That's great, Edward. You must be very proud of your work."

I smiled.

"I can't describe the feeling of having a full orchestra playing my music in front of thousands, but none of that compared to having Bella there that first night that we played the pieces. Without her, none of it would have existed, would have mattered."

I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to me and kissing her temple. Charlie's eyes darted between the two of us. He didn't say anything for a long time as his eyes studied the two of us together on the couch, and as uncomfortable as I thought it maybe should have been, it wasn't. I hoped he could see my love for her; I hoped he could tell by the look in my eyes that I wanted to take care of her forever. Before Bella and I left, I fully intended on having a discussion with him that left no doubt as to my intentions with his daughter, but for now, I hoped it was all written in the unspoken things coming from her and me.

When Charlie spoke again, the change of topic caught me completely off guard.

"You fish, Edward?"

I smiled, swallowing a bite of my pizza.

"I've gone fishing a couple of times before."

"Well, I'm going tomorrow, if you'd like to join me?"

Without hesitation I agreed.

"Yeah, I think that'd be great, Charlie."

I glanced at Bella, who smiled back at me, her face beaming with a kind of happiness different than what I'd ever seen before. Charlie's throat cleared somewhere in the background, and I pulled my attention from the beautiful woman next to me to her father.

"Yeah, I leave pretty early, Edward. Sunrise. So, you'll want to be sure to get plenty of rest tonight."

I fought a smile as Bella giggled into my shoulder. The connotations of his words clung to the thick air between the three of us.

"Dad, geez," she mumbled into my shirt.

Charlie's mustache twitched with a smile he didn't release.

"Okay, well, I'm going to bed. Edward, it was nice to meet you, son. See you first thing in the morning. Bella, I'm glad you're home for awhile, kid. I missed you."

He shook my hand, hugged Bella, and murmured goodnight to us both before he trudged up the stairs. I turned, my eyes meeting Bella's. Her beautiful brown depths danced with an excitement that almost took me by surprise, and when she grinned, I couldn't keep myself from brushing the back of my fingers against her flushed cheek. She was so beautiful.

"My dad really likes, you, Edward."

I raised an eyebrow, allowing myself a small smile.

"How can you tell?"

Her eyes widened, and she smiled.

"He asked you to go fishing with him."

"And?"

"...and...he doesn't do that with just anyone, you know. Edward, I think it's a great sign. He likes you."

I couldn't help but smile at her confidence. If only I could feel a fraction of that confidence, I'd dare to hope that her father could think me worthy of his amazing daughter. I so often struggled with my own worthiness, with my fears of competing with a man who had died with her heart in his hands.

I forced the thoughts from my head once more; it would do me no good to focus on what I couldn't change. With a sigh, I wrapped my arm around her and kissed her softly.

"I love you, Bella," I whispered against her lips.

I felt her smile her gorgeous smile against my own.

"I love you, Edward Cullen. Now," she paused, pulling away and standing from the couch, pulling me with her, "if we don't get to bed he may retract his invitation."

I grinned, letting her pull me to my feet, and I followed her up the stairs, avoiding the picture that had thrown me so off balance only a few hours earlier. I couldn't look at them together, couldn't look into the eyes of the man that she was going to marry without feeling as if I was betraying him somehow.

I internally scoffed at my own thought process, unsure of how I could betray someone I'd never met. Yet I felt it as I looked into his fiery eyes, when I saw the love emitting from them both. I knew it was not a battle that I'd win against myself anytime soon. It would take time for me, just as it took time for Bella, to get passed my own feelings on the issue. If it meant having Bella in my life, I would gladly accept a lifetime of insecurity, though I hoped it wouldn't be required.

Bella and I slept in the small double bed in her room, and I held her close, enjoying the feeling of comfort that she never failed to offer, even as she was completely unaware of doing so. Wherever we were, as long as she was with me, I felt like I was home.

I awoke to my cell phone alarm that I had set the night before, not wanting to keep Charlie waiting for me. Bella's warm body was half-draped over mine, and for a moment, I considered staying here with her for the day. Yet I was pulled from the warmth of her arms with thoughts of getting to know her father, of letting him know my intentions with Bella, of asking for his blessing in my pursuit of marrying her.

I dressed in the dark, not wanting to wake Bella, and wrote a quick note for her by the light of my cell phone.

_Bella,_

_I didn't want to wake you this morning. It was nearly impossible to pry myself away from you. You look so calm and peaceful, my very own angel. Have a great time visiting your friends today, and I will see you when the Chief and I get back. _

_I love you,_

_Edward_

I slipped out, closing her bedroom door behind me and made my way down the old, creaky stairs, met by the glowing light from the kitchen and the potent smell of coffee. Charlie stood at the counter and nodded toward me when I walked in.

"Morning, Edward."

"Good morning, Charlie."

"Sleep well?"

"I did, thanks," I responded as he handed me a travel mug.

"Ready?"

I nodded, and followed him out the door into the chilly morning air. We got into his truck, newer and more sensible than Bella's beast, and drove in silence for a few long minutes. We reached the lake, and it didn't take us long to set up an area with chairs and the cooler. We cast our lines, and sat back in our chairs, sipping our coffee as the sun crept over the horizon. Charlie was first to break the silence.

"You serious about, Bella, son?"

I shouldn't have been surprised by him immediately jumping to the topic of the hour, but I was still slightly taken off guard by the straight forward question. I glanced over at him; his eyes were trained on the water in front of us, but his expression was serious. My heart sped a little, and I imagined this man could be extremely intimidating without even putting much effort into it.

"Yes, sir. I love her more than anything."

He glanced at me.

"Do you?"

"Yes, sir," I said again without hesitation.

There was a long silence between us again, and I grew uneasy. Was he expecting me to say more? Should I say more? Was this conversation going to take place now rather than later? My nerves caused my heart to pound wildly, something that didn't happen to me often before Bella had entered my life.

"Edward, you know Bella has been through a lot, but she's strong."

"I agree. She's the strongest person I've ever known."

Charlie nodded.

"Me, too. She was really broken after Jake died, Edward, and after meeting you, after building the relationship that she has with you...well...you've changed her. She's happy again."

He paused for a moment, and I watched quietly, waiting for him to finish.

"She's not just happy; she _glows_. I never thought I would see that again, Edward. You brought back her fire."

Something within my soul warmed at his words. It was obvious this level of discussion and emotion was not something that Charlie was comfortable with, and I appreciated the conversation all the more because of it.

"Honestly, Charlie, Bella gave me a reason for life. I love her with all of my heart."

"I know you do," Charlie whispered, and I glanced at him, surprised by the emotion lacing his words.

"Edward, please don't hurt her. She loves you; she's finally happy again. If you hurt her, I swear to God I will make you disappear and no one will be the wiser. You got that?"

I met his gaze, serious and alive with passion, and I nodded solemnly.

"I...I want to marry her, Charlie, and I would like your blessing for me to ask her."

I hadn't meant to blurt the words out as I did, but it was time. I wanted him to know the depth of my feelings, my complete commitment to his only daughter and how very much I loved her.

His eyes widened in surprise, and I was surprised when he actually smiled.

"Is that so?"

I nodded, blood pounded through my ears.

"Yes. If she'll have me."

He grinned.

"I'm glad, Edward. Bella loves you very much, and I have no doubt that she wants to spend her life with you. Of course I give you my blessing. You take care of her, love her, and don't ever hurt her."

I inhaled deeply, my own grin surfacing.

"I will take care of her, sir. I love her so much, and I want to devote my life to making her happy."

Charlie nodded.

"You're a good kid, Edward. Bella deserves that."

"Honestly, she deserves so much more than me, Charlie, but I will spend every minute of every day for the rest of my life striving to be worthy of her love."

He nodded again, seemingly satisfied with my answer, and silence fell between us again. This time, the silence was calm, a quiet companionship. An understanding had passed between Charlie and me. He knew the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt Bella, and I knew all he wanted was someone to love her, to take care of her, to cherish her in all of the ways she should be.

*~*~*

"Looks like Bella's still gone," Charlie mumbled as he pulled his truck into the driveway.

We'd fished for the majority of the day. Charlie had caught several more than I, but I'd managed to catch a couple of fish big enough to justify keeping. I had to admit that I was a little proud of that fact, even if Bella's dad could fish circles around me.

I looked to the empty spot that the beast that Bella called a truck was usually parked, and I smiled, hoping that she was having a good time reconnecting with her friends.

"Charlie, if you don't mind, I think I'm going to run to the store. I'll be back in half an hour or so."

Charlie nodded.

"Sure, kid, take your time. I'll take these fish in and clean them up. You like fish?"

I grinned.

"I do. I'll be back to help you as soon as I can," I promised.

He nodded again, waving me off as he walking up to the house, and I jogged the few steps from his truck to the rental car. I knew where I wanted to go, but it wasn't a place I would admit to him. I wasn't even sure that I could admit it to myself. It was a strange concept, and again, my nerves escalated, and my hands began to shake.

I drove, looking for signs or telltale clues to find my destination. The small, quaint town had little to it, and it didn't take long for me to find it. I pulled onto the dirt lane, and parked just inside the entrance. I walked to the opposite end of the lot, to where there were fewer markers, and it didn't take long to find the one that I both needed and dreaded to see.

I stood silently for several minutes, my eyes tracing the letters of the gray stone, finding it hard to comprehend how much those letters meant, what they meant for his family, for hers, for mine. I contemplated the tragedy, the love lost, the love gained, and how it all came down to a girl named Bella Swan, who had stolen my heart before she even had her own back.

"Hi, Jacob. I'm Edward. Bella believes that you led her to me, and I don't know what to think about that. I mean, if you did, thank you. Thank you for trusting me with her heart." I swallowed, feeling strangely emotional; it wasn't as odd as I thought it would be, talking to him like this.

"She loved you so much, and...you know, that gets kind of intimidating for me sometimes. It shouldn't; I know that, but it does. I know you were a great guy. The stories I've heard from her, from Charlie...you were a wonderful person.

"Please know that I'll take good care of her, Jacob. I promise. I am going to ask Bella to marry me soon, and I want to give her all of the good things in life that she deserves. I'll give her the things that I know you would have wanted for her."

I paused, frowning at the italic lettering.

"I don't even really know why I'm here, if I'm being honest. I guess...I just wanted to feel that you'd be okay with this. The closer that Bella and I become, the more I feel like I'm stealing away a life that should have been yours. It doesn't make much sense, but I did want you to know, if you can hear me, that I do love her. God, I love her. I'll look out for her for the both of us, Jake. Thank you," I finished on a whisper, and stood for a few moments before turning to walk away.

My breath caught in my chest when I realized that I wasn't alone. Standing several feet away from me was the woman who I loved more than anything, tears running down her face as her eyes met my gaze, her lip caught between her teeth.

"Edward," she whispered, and I suddenly feared of what she would think of me being here, of what I had said.

"Bella," I choked out, walking to her, but pausing before her without making contact.

I swallowed.

"I—I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm here."

She smiled through her tears and nodded.

"I...I don't know what to say, Edward. I didn't know that you felt like that. I'm so sorry that you feel intimidated by...by Jake...by the love we had...but, I love _you, _Edward. Jacob did lead me to you. He knew that you would take care of me, and Edward, my heart belongs to you."

I couldn't find it within me to care about the tears that fell down my own cheeks as I stepped forward again, closing the distance between us. I brushed my thumb against her tears and then leaned in to kiss the rest of them away.

"Do you know how much I love you, Isabella? I love you more than life itself. I love you, and I need you more than I need oxygen in the air. You are my everything," I said against her face, kissing down her cheek as additional hot tears met my lips before I finally reached her mouth.

After a moment she pulled back, her brown eyes dancing in tears and a strange combination of joy and sorrow.

"You are my everything, Edward. I love you, so very much."

I kissed the crown of her head and smiled, taking her hand in my own.

"Would you like a minute?"

She smiled softly.

"Yes. Thank you, Edward."

I returned Bella's smile and nodded.

"I love you," I whispered once more, before releasing her hand and walking past her and toward where both of the vehicles were parked.

I heard her voice, echoing through the small, silent cemetery, but I forced my brain away from focusing on her words. They were her words and Jake's, private and sacred and something meant for only the two of them.

As each step took me further away from her, my heart felt uniquely strange and wonderful, melancholy and content all in one whirlwind of mixed emotion. It wasn't jealousy that I felt; at least, I didn't think it was. I had felt jealousy toward him before, just as I had felt blinding jealousy toward Mike Newton. No, this feeling I had now was different from that. It was a peaceful sadness, but I didn't feel it for me. The sadness I felt was for Bella and for everything that she'd gone through, for how much it had taken her to get to this point, for the pain her heart had to endure.

I hadn't been back at the car for long before Bella joined me, her eyes dry and her smile bright. I wrapped my arms around her, unable to stand the distance any longer, and I kissed her cheek.

"Are you okay?"

"More than okay, Edward. Are you ready to go?"

I pulled back to search her eyes. The brown pools were full of her own peace, a calm that reached my soul and a love that pulled at my heart. I smiled at her, squeezing my arms tightly around her.

"Well, I'm ready. But once you learn that I actually caught a couple of fish and that I'm going to be helping your dad cook them..._you_ may not be ready to go."

My heart grew wings as she giggled into my jacket. "There's no way I'm letting you two cook the fish. Come on; let's go before he burns something down."

I chuckled as she pulled away from me and opened the driver's door to her monster of a truck.

"You do realize that he survives just fine while you're in Chicago, Bella. I think he can probably manage to cook the fish without starting a fire, but if he did start one, I'm guessing it'd be safe to say he's already a volunteer fireman as well?"

Bella's eyes lowered into tiny slits as she glared at me, and I laughed, kissing her forehead.

"I'll see you at the house," I whispered, before kissing her quickly, and shutting her door.

I watched her drive away before getting into the rental car. I inhaled deeply and smiled. Things would be alright between the two of us, and I had no doubt in my mind that she wanted to be with me. I couldn't help the giddy feeling that arose within me as my mind started planning the where, when, and how of my proposal to her. It was finally time.

*~*~*

**A/N: A big thank you to NCChris for beta reading this chapter for me, as well as Clurrabella for her nudging and talking me off the ledge of deletion a couple of times ;-) **

**Ooh also, my partner in crime, Clurrabella, and I wrote an Edward/Bella one-shot for the Roaring Twenties contest. Be sure to check it out and leave us some love! :-) You can find it at: http:// www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/5580541/1/Mancanza_di_Rispetto**


	25. Chapter 24

**A/N: Adding a beginning note here real quick. Mskathy is organizing a twifan donation for the victims in Haiti. Many authors and such a worthy cause. Please check out her blog for more information: http:// mskathyff(dot)blogspot(dot)com/2010/01/haiti(dot)html**

**Chapter 24**

**Bella's POV**

With a deep breath, I rolled over, my fingers reaching for the familiar warmth on the opposite side of the bed from me. Instead of finding his warmth, his unruly hair or slightly stubbly face, my hand brushed across the cold pillow and the piece of paper that lay on it, folded in half.

The note and the fact that Edward was no longer in bed with me were enough to grab my attention, pulling me fully from my slumber. I forced my eyes open, slowly adjusting to the bright sunlight streaming through the window.

I groaned in malice at the alarm clock on the nightstand that mocked me with its red numbers, glowing that it was seven o'clock. It was Saturday, and after two weeks of hard work and long hours upon returning from Forks, I had been looking forward to a lazy day with Edward, a day that included sleeping past seven.

At the thought of Edward, my heart sank. I wasn't sure where he had gone, but I already missed him and felt cheated that I hadn't gotten to see him before he left. I reached for the plain, white paper and unfolded it, smiling at his flowing writing.

_Good morning, sweetheart._

_I hope that you slept well. Even as I sit next to you writing this, I miss you already. However, I was called in to work, and I'm afraid I'll be away all day._

_When I leave the apartment, I'm going to go to the little coffee shop by yours and Alice's old apartment building._

_Do you remember the first time that we had coffee together there, my love? Granted, you wanted absolutely nothing to do with me at the time. It was shortly after you moved in with Alice and I was so enamored with you. I never in a million years could have imagined on that day that I would be lucky enough to have your love, and I still can't believe that I do now._

_When I arrive at the coffee shop this morning, I'm going to buy you a coffee, as well. Enjoy a nice warm shower and then go and have a nice time relaxing at the coffee shop for awhile. I'll be thinking of you as you do._

_Have a wonderful morning, Bella. I wish I could spend it with you._

_All my love,_

_~Edward_

I smiled at his thoughtfulness as my fingertips brushed against his written words. He continually told me how lucky he felt, but it was I who was the lucky one. I folded the note again, tucking it in my new, leather bound journal. I stretched lazily and showered quickly, already fully anticipating the coffee that awaited me.

An hour later, I walked through the doors and smiled as I was greeted by the familiar, friendly faces.

"Bella!"

Christina smiled brightly.

"Hey, Christina. How have you been?"

It felt as if had been ages since I'd been to the shop.

"Can't complain, sweetie. Your McHottie bought you a drink this morning," she said with a wink, as she started the espresso machine. "You want your usual?"

I grinned. "Yes, that'd be great. Thank you."

We chatted casually as she finished preparing my drink, and after thanking her again and handing her a tip, I smiled. "Thanks, Christina."

"No problem, hon. Have a great day."

I made my way to the front of the small cafe and sat at the table beneath the large picture window that looked onto the street and the city. I sat in silence for awhile, enjoying the peacefulness of the morning as I mindlessly fidgeted with the cup in my hands. It was the moment that I looked from the window to my coffee cup that I noticed the paper tucked into the cardboard sleeve.

Biting back a smile with a shake of my head, I pulled out the paper, folded far smaller than the one this morning had been. I wasn't surprised to find his elegant writing on this one, just as I had the first this morning. My heart sped a little at the oddity of the situation.

_How is your coffee, Bella? Drink up and enjoy—for the day you have ahead, something tells me that the extra caffeine will be of use to you._

_You know what I was thinking about earlier this week, Bella, my love? I was thinking of that time that you and I went to the zoo...do you remember? Could you do me a favor? Would you go there? Would you go to our spot this morning?_

_I wish I could go with you, but I'll be thinking of you, sweet girl._

_I love you with all of my heart,_

_~Edward_

I skimmed through the note twice more after reading through it. I bit back the grin that surfaced as my heart raced crazily. What was he up to?

I chanced a peek at Christina, who was subtly watching me from the corner of her eye as she worked. I shook my head, finally allowing my grin to break free. I stood, grabbing my coffee and waving to her.

"Thanks again, Christina."

She returned my grin with one of her own. "Have a great day, Bella," she said with a wink.

I grinned again, practically jogging out of the place and running down the block to the L station. It would take awhile to get to the zoo, so I sat back in the seat of the train, sipping my coffee as my mind raced. I wondered why Edward would want me to visit the zoo. I giggled quietly as I thought about 'our spot'. It wasn't nearly as romantic as it sounded.

My mind traveled back to the only time Edward and I had visited the zoo together just a couple of months ago. March probably hadn't been the best time for us to choose to go. One of the only exhibits open was the indoor ape exhibit. It was freezing on the day we had gone, and we huddled in our coats, watching the apes, piled on top of one another, trying to sleep and stay warm. I'd made a quip about how romantic apes were, and Edward had jokingly deemed it forever 'our spot at the zoo'.

I smiled at the memory as the train slowed at my stop. I rushed out the door, down the stairs and to the zoo entrance.

"Bella Swan?"

I paused as a tall man with curly blond hair stopped me. I eyed him curiously, slightly nervous, before he smiled and pressed a stamp against the back of my hand.

"Edward Cullen asked me to wait for you here and stamp your entrance. Enjoy your visit."

He shot me another knowing smile, and I watched him walk away before inhaling deeply and walking through the gate. I practically ran to the building with the apes. I stood before the glass of the exhibit, watching the apes and wondering what Edward's intention was for me to be here.

"Are you Bella?"

I turned to see a middle-aged woman. She was shorter than I, her hair a mess of curls. She was in a zoo uniform.

"Yes," I said tentatively.

She smiled, her cheeks flaming red. Without a word, she handed me an envelope and darted away. I watched her leave as well, more perplexed than before, but growing more excited at Edward's creativity. I briefly wondered what he had up his sleeve before I broke the seal on the envelope and pulled out the next note.

_Here's to romance, the apes and us. We were freezing, and it was miserable out, but it's one of my favorite memories because we were together, we laughed, we cuddled and...you can't beat a place of romance like the ape exhibit..._

_Do you remember one of the first times we all went out as a group after you moved in with Alice? We'd finally convinced you to go out for awhile...we went to the Navy Pier, and you got stuck with me on the Ferris wheel..._

_If you'd like to venture to that Ferris wheel now, there's someone waiting for you there._

_I love you,_

_~Edward_

A thousand thoughts ran through my mind—possibilities of who could be there waiting for me and why Edward had me coming to all of these places without him, to all of these places that held wonderful memories of our relationship.

The trek back into the city seemed to take so much longer than the trip out, but, finally, I arrived at the stop by the Pier and made my way to the large Ferris wheel. Now that it was the middle of May, there were many more people out. Not only were locals soaking in the sunshine, but tourists were starting to fill all of the local attractions as well.

I honestly didn't remember much about our first trip here to the Navy Pier. It was last summer after I had moved, and I had still been so buried in grief that it made those months of my life feel like a blurry haze...almost as if my memories from that time belonged to someone else. So very much had changed since then.

I couldn't stop the massive grin that forced my lips upward when I saw them. I darted toward them and was hugged by them both. Emmett's huge arms wrapped around me first, pulling me off the ground in his signature bear hug.

I looked at his face, his bluish green eyes sparkling in delight, as he placed me back on solid ground. I was then hugged by Jasper—his embrace was softer and gentler, just as his personality, and I couldn't help but thrill at the love I felt for them both.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked breathlessly, my eyes darting between Em's and Jasper's.

Jasper grinned. "We're on a mission, Bella."

I waited for further explanation, but without words and with goofy smiles, each of them cradled either of my elbows and led me to the line for the Ferris wheel.

"So...do I get to know what the mission is?" I asked, searching both of their faces only to find barely contained smiles and eyes of excitement and teasing.

"I suppose we might get around to mentioning it," Emmett joked, ribbing me lightly, "but there's a price."

I rose my eyebrows, silently willing him to explain.

"You have to ride up to the top with us," he said, nodding toward the giant Ferris wheel, for which we were now at the entrance to.

Emmett handed the operator tickets for the three of us and squished me between he and Jasper as the security bar was lowered over our laps. I cleared my throat, biting back a smile.

"Well?"

They exchanged glances with sly grins.

"We're not at the top yet, Bella. Have some patience," Jasper said with a grin.

Shaking my head at the complete craziness of this day, I leaned back against the seat, figuring that I may as well make myself comfortable. It was a slow ascent to the top. We chatted about school, about the soon-to-be arrival of Emmett and Rosalie's baby, the wedding, and I reveled in the warm feelings I had for the family who had so easily accepted me, loved me.

"Where are Alice and Rose?" I asked.

They again exchanged glances with half-smirks. "They have a day of pampering and...you know...girl stuff."

I smiled at Emmett's clear lack of understanding as to exactly what "girl stuff" they were doing.

"Good. Alice has been so stressed about wedding plans, and Rosalie is probably getting really uncomfortable...they both could use a day of relaxation."

Their smirks grew, and I shook my head at them.

We finally reached the top, and Emmett turned in the seat, trying to reach for something in his back pocket. When he retrieved it, he shoved it at me with a look of triumph.

"Here."

I giggled, taking the familiar paper from him.

"Well...open it," he coaxed, and I looked at him with a quirked brow.

I followed his instructions, opening the folded note to, again, display Edward's perfect script.

_Since before you and I got together, Bella, you have been a part of my family. Everyone loves you—you mean so very much to us all._

_I thought that having Emmett and Jasper ride the Ferris wheel with you would be a good reminder that you will never, ever be alone. My family is your family, Bella, and yours is a place in it that could not be filled by anyone else. I am so thankful for you._

_At the end of the Ferris wheel ride, Emmett and Jasper will walk you to your next destination on our day of memories. Again, I wish that I could be there with you, but know that as you visit our places together, I am thinking about you every second of the way._

_I love you so very much,_

_~Edward_

I glanced sideways to Emmett, whose dimpled grin spread as wide as his face, and then to Jasper, whose eyes danced with an unspoken secret delight. I shook my head again, trying hard not to grin like a fool.

"I don't suppose you guys are going to tell me where my 'next destination' is?"

They silently shook their heads, Emmett shaking with laughter.

Once we were back on the ground again, they each tucked one of my hands in their elbows and we walked for several blocks. We again fell into easy conversation as I tried to keep my curiosity in check and refrain from asking them, begging them, to tell me where we were going.

"Here we are," Jasper said, pulling me towards the glass door of the building next to us.

I looked around, realizing we were at the Sears Tower. I looked at him questioningly, but he and Emmett simply gestured for me to go in as Jasper held the door open. We took the elevator to the observation deck, and once we reached the top, they both led me to one of the telescopes that overlooked the city.

I smiled gingerly as Jasper put quarters into the machine and turned it to the angle of the direction that I was, apparently, supposed to be looking.

It took a moment for my eyes to focus, but then I recognized a neon sign for one of Jasper's stores. I pulled away from the machine and looked at him in surprise.

"I didn't know you had a store downtown," I mumbled, looking back through the scope again.

He chuckled. "Yep, take a look at it, Bella."

My forehead furrowed against the cold metal of the telescope, but once I looked closer, I saw the giant, painted sign in the large window of the store and gasped.

_In honor of our third date, a visit to the observation deck of the Sears Tower. I love you, Bella!_

I giggled, glancing at Jasper and Emmett. They both shrugged.

"He's such a sap," Emmett mumbled, which caused me to giggle again.

"Okay, Bella, come on," Jasper said.

I knew better than to ask what we were doing next, so I let the two of them lead me to the elevator, back down to the street, and Emmett hailed a cab. He quietly gave the driver instructions as Jasper opened the back door and helped me inside. My eyes darted back and forth between them again.

"We're not going with you this time, darlin'," Jasper said with a wink. "You're worth it," he added quietly.

I looked at both of their huge grins and couldn't help but smile back at them as Jasper shut the door and hit the roof twice to signal the driver. It was well after four in the afternoon, and I began to wonder just exactly how this journey would end, whether or not this next stop was the last, and when I would finally get to see Edward again.

The cab stopped just outside The Drake hotel, and once the car had stopped, the driver turned and looked at me with a smile.

"That big guy you were with paid your fare, miss."

I nodded and mumbled a thank you to him before stepping out of the car and onto the curb.

"Bella!"

Alice flew to my arms, and I laughed as she knocked into me, wrapping my arms around her.

"Alice! What is going on?"

She pulled away from me, grinning ear to ear when a very pregnant Rosalie waddled up to us with a much more reserved smile than her sister-in-law.

"Girls' time," she said simply with a shrug.

I smiled. "Jasper and Emmett told me you guys were doing that. I figured you'd be at a spa."

Alice practically buzzed with energy. "Why go to a spa when the spa can come to you? Come on!"

She grabbed my arm and pulled me into the hotel, past the lobby and to the elevators. I glanced at both her and Rosalie, both grinning much like Emmett and Jasper had.

"You guys want to tell me what's going on with everyone today? Did we all take happy pills?"

The two of them giggled, and I smiled in response.

"No, silly," Alice said, looping her arm around my waist. "Edward just wanted you to have a wonderful and relaxing day, and we all wanted to help. You've been working so hard with school and everything that we all thought you deserved it."

We got stepped out of the elevator on the sixth floor, and Alice led the way, with Rose and I following behind her. We stopped at a room down the hall, and I was floored when we walked inside. It was a suite and had been transformed, as Alice said, into a spa. There were three massage tables in the sitting area, and the room was darkened but glowed with the light of the candles sprinkled throughout it. Flowers scattered throughout as well—it was absolutely breathtaking.

The three of us received massages, pedicures, manicures and facials. We ate as we were pampered, and by the time we'd completed all of those activities, my body felt like jelly, but I was completely relaxed and comfortable.

"Now it's time for you to get ready!" Alice piped up as the massage therapist and manicurists left.

I glanced at her, and after a long pause, finally asked, "Ready for what?"

She grinned.

"Come on, Bella."

She pulled me into one of the bedrooms with Rose following behind. She threw a beautiful, dark blue gown on the bed, followed by a set of black lace lingerie and finally a pair of strappy black shoes.

I glanced at her. "Alice?"

She grinned. "No questions, Bella. Get dressed, and then we'll be back to do your hair and make-up."

I watched the two of them leave; giggling and whispering to each other before glancing back at the bed, and with a sigh, I undressed and redressed myself. I was beginning to get nervous. This wasn't just a day of relaxation and walks down memory lane.

Before I could further contemplate that thought, both girls popped back into the room and attacked me with curling irons and several cases of make-up.

"There now," Alice said, pleased with herself. "Take a look."

She spun me around to the full-length mirror on the wall, and I gasped at the sight. I had to admit that even I thought that I looked rather elegant. My nerves were shaking, and I bit my lip as I turned back around to face Alice and Rosalie, both of whom were beaming.

Alice stepped forward with a small smile. "Here."

She handed me another envelope, and I inhaled deeply as I opened it.

_Bella My Love,_

_I hope that you've had a wonderful day. I'm sure by now you know that something is up, but the day isn't over just yet. As soon as you're finished with your afternoon with Alice and Rose, head downstairs and outside._

_I love you so much, and I can't wait to see you._

_~Edward_

I took another deep breath through my nose and glanced at the girls in front of me. Both had tears in their eyes, which only served to increase my suspicions. I smiled nervously.

"I have orders to go downstairs when you both are done with me."

Alice hugged me tightly. "I love you, Bella. Have a wonderful night."

I bit my lip, searching her eyes for a moment before Rosalie hugged me awkwardly. "Go get him, Tiger."

I laughed, grateful to relieve some of my nervous tension, and nodded.

"Thank you, girls," I whispered to both of them, and pried myself away, walking out the door and to the elevator on shaky legs.

My breath caught in my chest when I reached the sidewalk and saw a long, shiny and black limousine.

"Ma'am," said a man in a black suit, bending slightly at the waist and capturing my hand in his.

He opened the door for me, helping me into the backseat, and I couldn't suppress the gasp that escaped from me when he closed the door and my eyes settled on the red roses. There were dozens of them in vases secured throughout the stretched backseat.

_Edward._

I bit my lip to keep it from trembling—whether the trembling came from nerves or emotion, I wasn't sure, but I knew it was probably both. It had been an eventful day that was pointing toward one, defining moment. I knew that it was coming, and in spite of my assuredness, I was admittedly nervous about it.

It was now seven; the sky was nearly dark and the lights of the city and the traffic illuminated all of my surroundings just outside the tinted glass. I was surprised when we pulled up at the entrance of the Symphony Center. It was completely quiet and devoid of patrons save for one man standing next to the glass doors holding a bouquet of flowers.

As soon as the limo had stopped, the man rushed forward, opening my door before the driver could even get out of the front seat. I saw his long, graceful fingers before I saw anything else. He held them out for me, and I gratefully accepted them, keeping my eyes trained on the ground as I stepped onto the curb.

My heart pounded wildly in my chest, but I somehow finally managed to force my gaze to his face. It was soft, his piercing, green eyes sparkling with emotions so deep that I could almost physically feel them.

"Hi," I whispered, biting my lip.

His smile caused a familiar flutter within me, and without speaking, he kissed my knuckles, taking his time as his warm lips brushed against my hand. When he stood, our gazes locked once more.

"Bella, you are devastatingly beautiful."

I felt the heat flooding my cheeks, simultaneously embarrassed by the fact that my cheeks were probably as red as fire engines and wondering how it was possible that this affect he had on me only continued to grow.

"Thank you," I said softly.

He smiled, kissing my cheek and turning to the driver. He spoke in low tones that I couldn't hear, before taking my hand once more, placing it in the crook of his elbow, and leading me inside.

"Did you have a good day today, sweetheart?" he asked so conversationally that I was thrown off.

I laughed nervously. "Yes. It was quite a trip down memory lane...though I still am not sure why I had to take the trip without you..."

He smiled. "I'm sorry. I had some things to take care of here. I've thought about you all day, though, and wish that I could have been with you today."

"That's okay," I said with a smile, glancing at him and taking a moment to study his face as he held the door open for me. "Sure is quiet tonight."

Edward nodded wordlessly, following me into the lobby. It was lit so much more dimly than usual that it took several moments for my eyes to adjust to the low, golden glow of the room. The smell hit me before I could see them. Flowers. And then they came into my view, sprinkled throughout the lobby. I turned to Edward, unable to hide my awe.

"What is this for?" I whispered.

His smile was soft; it was the epitome of love.

"For you," was his equally quiet reply.

He handed me a bouquet of beautiful flowers before leaning to me, his lips next to my ear. "Everything is for you," he said slowly.

I leaned back to find his eyes, and the intensity of what they held left me breathless. I had no words, and thankfully, Edward wasn't asking for any. He led me slowly to a private seating box in the auditorium, just as he had on our first date. The only difference was that this box was right off of the stage—just mere feet away.

"There's water and fruit there on the table, sweetheart. Sit down and relax."

He led me to the plush couch and pointed to the small table just to the side of the seat.

"I love you," he whispered against my neck, kissing it softly once, and then turning and walking out, shutting the curtain behind him without another word.

Everything seemed too surreal; it took me a moment to realize that the hall was completely empty. There wasn't another soul in the audience—it was only me. I watched as Edward took his place at the grand piano, and when the lights flooded the stage, I finally noticed that his orchestra was with him as well.

Instead of dressed in their traditional black tuxedo and gowns, they were all in a beautiful sapphire blue, all sitting very still and professionally silent, just as they had every other time I had seen them. Edward took his place at the piano, which was directly in front of me, his eyes meeting mine.

"Welcome, Miss Swan, to this evening's concert," he said officially, and I couldn't help but giggle, biting my lip as I watched his perfect face smiling at me. "Tonight, this hall is yours. Everything that we will play tonight is written for you, about you, to you. Everything, Bella, is you. I love you," he said, and with one very subtle nod of his head, the low strings of the basses and cellos resounded in smooth, fluent notes.

I hadn't heard any of the pieces they played. Edward had been very careful to work on them while I was away from the apartment or while he was here. There were three pieces, each flowing and romantic and full of love. I never before would have been able to imagine that I'd feel love in music, but I had when they played his music—when he played it. Its movements brought me to tears.

Finally, after the third piece ended, its final notes echoing through the silent air, I stood, clapping as tears ran down my face.

"Come here, Bella," Edward said softly into his microphone.

I stared at him for a moment, unsure of how to get to him. He smiled.

"There are some stairs at center stage, you'll see them just outside of the booth."

I stood, opening the curtains and focusing on the stage. I made my way to the wooden stairs that were in the center and climbed them. Edward was at the top, waiting with an outstretched hand and a beautiful smile.

The lights overhead dimmed, and Edward dropped to one knee. My eyes never left his as my heart raced wildly, threatening to beat out of my chest.

"From the moment I met you, Bella, I've felt this incredible draw to you. It didn't take me long to figure out why. You have the most beautiful heart in the world. You're the strongest person that I know—and the most loving. You have changed me for the better, Bella, and you make me want to be a better man—the best man that I can be for you."

My tears started again as he grabbed my hand, my heart completely overwhelmed with the powerful emotions he evoked within me. He continued, his voice becoming rough as his own beautiful green eyes filled with tears.

"I love you with all of my heart. You are my other half, and I cannot live without you. Say you'll stay with me always, Bella. Will you marry me?"

I closed my eyes for a moment in a vain attempt to keep every detail of this moment burned in my brain forever. Hot tears slipped down my cheeks as I nodded, grinning at him.

"Yes," I whispered.

His grin was blinding as he placed an amazingly beautiful white gold ring, topped with a glittery, oval diamond in the center. I forced my mind away from its size and the enormous amount of money he must have spent on it, and simply put my attention completely on him—on this moment. He stood, sweeping me from the floor in one fluid moment. Then his lips were on mine, and I couldn't help but laugh against his lips as the joy bubbled up from my soul.

Music filled the air, the orchestra players broken from their professional demeanors, smiling, as they played. Edward twirled me around on the stage and then held me close as we danced.

"Come on, sweetheart," he said after several moments, pulling me backstage, turning to say a quick thank you to his peers before he pulled me through a hallway and back out to the lobby.

Once we were in the open room again, he swung me in his arms once more, peppering kisses across my face.

"I love you so much," he whispered. "Thank you. Thank you for taking a chance on loving me, Bella, and thank you for saying yes."

My arms tightened around his neck. "Thank you, Edward. I love you with all of my heart."

He pulled back, looking into my eyes with a mischievous grin. He handed me a piece of paper, and I smiled at him, shaking my head.

"You mean there's more?"

He nodded at the paper without a word.

Slowly, I opened the single fold.

_To my beautiful bride-to-be,_

_Thank you for saying yes. I love you with all that I am, and not a day will go by that you won't know that I do. You are my everything, Bella, and I can't wait to spend forever with you._

_Our final destination tonight is a place you've already been today—and a place in which we'll stay to see tomorrow's sun rise._

_I love you so very much, my love, my soul mate,_

_~Edward_

I glanced at him and smiled again.

"Not the ape exhibit?"

His head fell back with his laughter, his eyes dancing. "No, not the ape exhibit."

I smiled at him as he took my hand, and we walked outside to our waiting limo. The scent of roses hit me hard again as I crawled onto the black leather seat with Edward right behind me. Once we were situated, I rested my head on his shoulder as his hand squeezed mine. I closed my eyes, feeling his soft lips brush against my hair.

We were silent for most of the drive, soaking in the overwhelming power of emotions whirling around us, filling us and magically creating a fairytale bubble in which no one and nothing existed but us. When the car led us back to The Drake, Edward silently helped me from the car and led me through the doors with his hand resting on the small of my back. There wasn't an inch between us as he walked past the check-in desk and to the elevators.

Edward placed light, gentle kisses on my face, my neck and shoulders, as the elevator ascended. It finally dinged our stop, and I was only minimally surprised that it was on the top floor. I glanced at Edward, who smiled lightly.

"I hope you don't mind, but I reserved a suite for us for the next two evenings."

I grinned at him. "I definitely don't mind."

'Suite' was slightly an understatement. I stepped inside the door Edward held open and stared open-mouthed at our surroundings. The room was done in shades of beige and gold and was absolutely breathtaking. As every other place had been that evening, flowers peppered nearly every available surface, and before I had time to turn around and look at him, Edward's arms slid around my waist, his lips attaching to my neck.

I hummed lightly, leaning into his body and feeling the curve of his lips dancing against my fevered skin. "Shall I give you a tour?"

I grinned, though kept my eyes closed, enjoying the warmth of his body pressed closely behind mine. "I've never stayed in a hotel room that required a tour before."

He chuckled lightly, and pulled back from me, grabbing my left hand in his once more, his fingers playing with my new ring.

"Okay, so this is the sitting area, and there's a little dining table over there," he said, pointing across the room to a small and beautiful table with two chairs, situated in front of the large picture window that overlooked Lake Michigan.

"Beautiful," I said softly.

He grinned. "There's also a small bathroom down here, right through that door."

"Down here?" I repeated dumbly, unable to process what that could mean.

Edward's grin widened as he pulled me across the room, and that's when I noticed for the first time the spiral staircase. I felt my eyes go wide as they darted between Edward and the stairs. He simply smiled, gently nudging me to the first step, following closely behind as I ascended to the loft. It was beautiful in and of itself with a king-sized bed, decorated in the same beige and gold as it was downstairs. And in the corner was a large hot tub. I couldn't help but gasp, biting my lip.

"This is completely crazy," I said with a nervous laugh.

Edward smiled. "I'm sorry. I know I did go a little over the top with this, but...I wanted it to be special. It's the first day of the rest of our lives, you know."

I smiled, taking his hands in mine before winding them around his neck, losing myself in his emerald gaze.

"I may not have known it then, Edward, but the night we met was the first day of the rest of our lives together. I love you so much, and while the flowers and limo and expensive hotel suite are all very sweet, please know that all I will ever need is you."

His face softened, and I sighed as his palm cupped my cheek. I leaned into his touch, nearly drowning in the love that he always offered to me so freely, so unconditionally. His hand slid to the back of my head while his fingers nimbly picked out each and every pin that held it up, releasing my curled hair to fall around my shoulders.

"Better?" he whispered, eyes still focused on my own.

I nodded, smiling slightly at him right before his lips crashed to mine. It was as if all of the building tension and passion throughout the day crashed upon us at once in that moment, and I moaned against his mouth. Edward was all that existed for me in that moment and I wanted him to know it.

I pulled away from him slightly, smiling as my eyes met his. My hands flattened against his crisp, white dress shirt and underneath his black suit jacket, pushing it from his shoulders. Neither of us watched it fall haphazardly to the floor as my fingers quickly traveled to the first button of his shirt.

I kissed him quickly, not letting my mouth linger long on his before traveling down his jaw and neck, finally reaching each new inch of exposed skin as my fingers continued to work at the buttons. Edward's hands rubbed at my back and in my hair in turn, and I felt his small, quiet moans rise first from his chest, where my lips lavished him and up through his throat and beautiful lips.

Both of us moved in unison, Edward backward toward the bed, as I pulled his shirt free from his body. When his legs hit the edge of the bed, his eyes lit with a soft smile. We stood mere inches apart as his hands slid the zipper of my dress down, his eyes never straying from my own. I felt the soft material graze my skin lightly as it fell to the floor, and stepped from it, tilting my head and biting my lip—the intensity of his stare making me tremble with need.

"I love you," he whispered, undoing the button to his pants and sliding them down his legs slowly, adding to them his boxers, shoes and socks.

"I love you," I returned as I stared at his bare form, amazed as I always was at his complete perfection.

I smiled slightly as he took the final step that closed the gap between the two of us. His soft, warm hands grazed my shoulders and slid down my arms as he gently lifted me only to release me softly on the large bed. I smiled up at him as he climbed onto the bed next to me, arranging himself at my feet.

My heart pounded wildly, my eyes completely transfixed on him and unable to be diverted, even if I wanted them to. His eyes were now on his hands as his fingers worked to unfasten the straps of my shoes around my ankles at an excruciatingly slow pace. When they were on the floor with my dress, he focused solely on my feet, kissing each toe, followed by the tops of my feet.

His soft lips were warm and worshiped me with a reverence that was overwhelming. They made a painfully slow journey across every inch of skin on my legs, his hands languidly following the trail of his lips as they slid against my skin, up and down at the same pace as his lips. I couldn't reach much of him, so my hands found purchase in his silky, soft hair.

When his mouth reached the apex of my thighs, his lips left my skin, his hands softly skimming the black lace of my hipsters and to the sides of my stomach. His mouth returned to my blazing skin, resuming just above the lace and up my stomach. He again bypassed my lace-covered breasts, driving me crazy with the need to feel him in the places he was clearly leaving alone for now.

"Edward," I said, trying to communicate my displeasure with his unhurried speed, but my voice only escaped my throat in a needy whisper.

He moaned softly against my collarbone in response as his lips passed it, up to my neck and jaw. Finally, his lips were on mine, and I pulled him onto me fully, unwilling to release him, unwilling for any distance to be between us.

His slow and gentle teasing had stoked my need for him until it was wholly unbearable. Never had I wanted him so much; never had I felt so completely and wholly loved.

I was first to break our kiss, panting against his face.

"Edward, I need you."

His eyes danced with life and fire—and in that moment I could see everything. I could see us here like this now; I could see our wedding day. I could see the day that we had our first child, and I could see us growing old together. The rest of our lives were there in his eyes, in his promise and in his love. It was overwhelming and nearly brought me to tears.

Edward lifted himself from me with a soft smile, his passionate gaze locking onto mine as his fingertips hooked inside of my panties and pulled them down my legs at the same pace in which he'd done everything else since we entered the room. My breaths came heavily as my stomach coiled with need. He silently took my hand and pulled me up into a sitting position.

"I have loved you since the first time I saw your beautiful brown eyes, Bella," he whispered, peppering light, open-mouthed kisses from my hand up my arm and shoulder, finally finding my neck once more.

He continued to whisper lowly, his lips and his hot breath brushing my skin with his words.

"I didn't realize it then, that it was love. Yet somehow, somewhere deep within my heart and soul, I knew that I was created for you—that I exist for you and you alone."

As his lips caressed just below my ear, a sensual dance creating sensations that lit my body on fire, his hands slid around my back, slowly unclasping my bra with practiced assuredness. After that final piece of clothing met everything else on the floor, his arms pulled at me tightly, pressing my body against his own. Our skin met with an intense electricity that made each and every nerve ending dance with anticipation.

Edward sat on his heels, pulling me into his lap. His hands fell to my hips, and he lifted me onto his hard shaft. His lips pressed against mine, and we both moaned as I slowly slid onto him until our hips met. He held me there for a moment, and my neck fell back as his lips trailed from my mouth to my jaw and neck.

"Just as I was made for you, Edward," I moaned finally finding my voice enough to answer him. "All of me is yours," I added, grabbing one of his hands and placing it against my heart.

Our eyes locked again, and I was lost in his emerald eyes for countless moments as we began moving in a slow and exotic dance. Nothing tonight would be rushed, and as we moved, heated skin sliding against skin, sweat beading from the passion and effort of our excruciatingly slow movements and the power of our gazes locked together manifested an unbearably pleasant ache within me. I knew that I would need him always—every part of him, heart, soul, mind and body.

"Oh, Bella," Edward groaned, finally dropping his head to my shoulder.

Our breathing accelerated and we were both teetering on the edge of euphoria. When Edward's teeth sank slightly into my shoulder, pushing me over the edge, I cried out his name, my entire body tensing above him as his hands grasped onto my hips tightly, holding them tightly against his as he joined me with his own intense climax.

As we both slowly returned to earth, panting heavily against one another, we sat for an unmeasured time, our breaths and our heartbeats the only sounds surrounding us as we gently resumed grazing caresses that left trails of fire on our sweaty flesh.

Unwilling to be separated from him so soon, I wrapped my arms around his neck, placing delicate kisses all over him.

"Thank you for being mine," I whispered against his shoulder.

He pushed me back slightly so that our eyes met once more, shaking his head with a soft smile, his eyes so intent upon mine. He swallowed, his throat bobbing slightly.

"Thank you for risking your heart on me, Bella. I have never felt more honored by anything in my life...that you trusted me with you and that you let me love you. You are and will always be the best thing ever to happen to me."

I couldn't help the traitorous tear that fell from the corner of my eye as I softly pressed my lips against his once more before finally separating my body from his. I leaned closer to him, hugging him while I whispered in his ear.

"I love you with all of my heart, and I promise you that I always will."

We stayed awake through the night, holding one another, talking and making love. The entire night was slow and so very full of love that neither of us could ever doubt in its depths or truths. When the sky began to lighten with the approaching dawn, we made our way down the stairs and sat at the table with a cup of coffee each. We watched the sunrise together, hands clasped tightly together as the sky transformed from its black night into the pinks and oranges of the beautiful promise of a new day.

*~*~*

**A/N: Did you survive all that syrupy fluff?? :-) Well, we're winding down now, only one or two chapters left (still trying to decide about that). What'd you think of his proposal?**

**A big thanks to NCChris, super beta. :-) Thank you so much, hon! Love ya! And also big thanks to my ever-helpful, ever-patient girls, clurrabella and addictedtotwilight79—their help and support is invaluable to me :-)**

**Also, coldplaywhore wrote a very sweet review of Rescue Me on the P.I.C. blog—thank you for that, hon. :-)**

**And finally, I wanted to thank gossip_bangkok. She started a post for Rescue Me on the Twilighted thread! Granted, I don't make my way to Twilighted too often, and I very much appreciate her starting the thread! Here's the link if you'd like to check it out! Http:// www(dot)twilighted(dot)?f=44&t=7944&sid=**


	26. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

**Bella's POV**

The warmth of the sunshine blanketed the room, mirroring the warmth radiating from my soul as I stood in Alice's old bedroom, watching her nervous excitement bubble out of every pore as she rustled her dress, her veil, and her hair.

I smiled, wondering how long it would be before we found ourselves in this very situation again, roles reversed. In the two weeks that it had been since Edward proposed, we'd talked about dates for our wedding, possible venue and styles, and many other details, yet we hadn't come up with anything we liked – anything that seemed us. I'd be lying if I said it didn't make a small part of me a little nervous.

I couldn't help the doubt that began to cloud my mind. I couldn't help but think that maybe the reason nothing felt right was because I wasn't truly ready to go down this path again. Truth be told, the idea of starting the planning – booking a band and looking for dresses – made me nervous.

It seemed like a daunting task, one that I knew would instill fear with every step of the process. Logic told me that there was nothing to fear, that people got married every day without some tragedy wreaking havoc and destruction before vows could ever be spoken. Alice and Jasper were proof of that.

Shaking the melancholy thoughts from my head, I pushed them away. I knew I would have to deal with them sooner or later, but today wasn't that day. I glanced again at Alice. She was radiant. Her gaze caught mine, and we smiled.

"Alice, you look absolutely incredible," I said wistfully.

The craziness of the last minute wedding preparations had finally calmed, and my emotions were starting to get the better of me.

Alice's perfectly red, shiny lips beamed another smile at me from our reflections in the full length mirror as her excitement vibrated throughout her. She emanated an unavoidable electric current that somehow filled every inch of the air surrounding us.

"I know."

We giggled together, and I willed myself not to cry and ruin the make-up recently completed by one of the four artists that Alice had hired for the day. They were to be at our every beck and call for the entire day, which in and of itself was amazing to me. I hadn't even considered a make-up artist when I'd planned my wedding to Jake.

A small, but tangible panic laced through me, but I focused the energy on the situation in which I found myself.

My mind replayed what I was like when I first moved to the city: how desperately alone and miserable that I'd felt. Then I'd met Alice in the coffee shop, and the internal light that she and her family exuded, seeped into my being, changing me and somehow making me a whole person again.

I could feel the tears building as I turned to my best friend.

"Seriously, Alice," I said, my throat thick with emotion. "Thank you. For being my friend and taking me in when you had no reason in the world to trust me. You're my best friend," I said, biting my lip.

Her bright blue eyes glistened with tears of her own as they studied mine for a moment. She finally smiled a small, gentle smile. "You're my best friend, Bella. I love you."

"Okay, you guys need to stop with the sentimental bullshit right now before the waterworks start and Janice beats the hell out of both of you. Here."

We both turned to see Rosalie, very nearly back to her pre-baby weight after having had Maddi just two weeks prior. She looked stunning, almost as much so as Alice. With a goofy grin, she set down a tray with shot glasses and a bottle of whiskey.

I doubted that Alice's neurotic wedding planner, Janice, would prefer our drinking shots to the waterworks, but it was the option we chose as Alice and I giggled in response. Rosalie unceremoniously poured the three glasses full and handed one first to me and then to Alice.

"To our beautiful sister-in-law and the man brave enough to marry her," Rosalie said, her smile cocked to one side.

We shared a laugh and downed the shots with one quick gulp each. I shut my eyes as the warmth burned down my throat and through my veins, immediately relaxing me and dousing the worries lurking in the back of my mind.

Alice slammed her glass back down on the tray and threw her arms in the air. "Whoo!"

We shared goofy grins before a soft knock sounded at the door and it slowly cracked open.

"Is it safe?" Carlisle's voice echoed through the heavy door.

"Come in, Dad," Alice responded.

When he entered the room, his eyes fixed on Alice, and his face transformed. His expression was peculiar – a look I'd seen on my own father's face. It was full of love and grief and joy and sorrow, all rolled into the one look, reserved for fathers who were letting go and saying goodbye to their daughters. With a silent, shared look, Rosalie and I each kissed a cheek, whispering our love before quietly leaving the room to let them have their moment.

"I can't believe their day is finally here," I said quietly, staving off the tears that threatened to well in my eyes again.

Rosalie and I walked down the hall of the second floor of the Cullen home and down the spiral staircase. I held tightly to the banister, silently cursing Alice for forcing me to wear the fearsome high-heeled monstrosities adorning my feet.

"Yeah, after all of the damn planning and meeting and color choices and flavor choices and fabric choices and flower choices...thank God it's over."

I glanced at Rosalie, her smile bright, and I giggled, before my eyes fell upon Edward, who was waiting with Emmett at the back door in the kitchen.

The afternoon sun was also shining through the big, pristine windows in the kitchen. It bounced of off Edward's brown hair, reflecting the natural red highlights. His crooked smile melted my heart, and I couldn't bring myself to pry my eyes from his when Emmett whistled, low and long.

"Look at these gorgeous women, Edward," he said with a dimpled smile as he wrapped his arm around Rosalie.

She rolled her eyes, but quickly smiled at him, her adoration for him shining past the sarcasm and punches. She snuggled into him, careful not to let her hair get messed under his arm.

I smiled at them before turning my grin to Edward. He was devastatingly handsome, as always. I had seen him in a tuxedo so many times before, but the effect never seemed to lessen. His sparkling green eyes twinkled before he leaned down to kiss me – just a soft, quick peck that held in it the promise of his love.

"You do look absolutely breathtaking," he replied.

The closeness of his lips to my ear and the warmth of his breath against my skin caused me to shiver slightly. For a moment, I lost myself in his eyes and all that existed was him and I. After a moment, he chuckled against my hair.

"We're going to get yelled at if we stay here much longer," he whispered.

I pulled back from him, looking around quickly, realizing that Emmett and Rosalie had already stepped outside onto the deck behind the house. I quirked an eyebrow at Edward and smiled with a roll of my eyes. I laced my hand into the crook of his elbow and let him lead me out the door.

As the warm summer air hit my face, my breath caught in my chest. The backyard that had become so familiar to me in the last several months had been transformed into a magical wonderland. Butterflies danced among the flowers that were peppered across the yard; it was all so perfect that I wouldn't have been surprised to spot a fairy twinkling happily above us.

I smiled, shaking my head at the idea. With Alice, it truly would not have been out of the realms of possibility.

Directly in front of us and at the bottom of the oak stairs of the deck began a path of flowing white. The flower girls were waiting several steps from the stairs, holding their tiny basket of red rose petals. The orchestra, all of whom played with Edward, was tuning quietly as the final guests of the two-hundred invited were seated.

Beyond the seating of the ceremony was a beautiful altar right in front of the spot where the sand of the beach met the grass of the lawn: an arch of white flowers and green ivy. Flowers were everywhere, and the sun's rays glistened off the calm water of the lake just beyond. The day and the setting could not have been more storybook in any way.

Rosalie and Emmett stepped behind Edward and I as Janice motioned us down from the deck and into the processional line. I smiled at Edward, squeezing his arm slightly.

"It's beautiful," I whispered.

"It's Alice," Rosalie piped in from behind us.

I turned and winked at her with a nod of agreement as Edward placed his free hand over the one I had resting on his arm.

"Would you like our wedding to be like this?" he whispered as the final touches were added and the rest of the wedding party was lined up for the ceremony.

My heart skipped a beat, and I forced a half-smile.

"I really don't know," I answered honestly.

"Good God, you guys, elope. Save yourselves the destruction of Hurricane Alice. I speak from experience," Emmett said, nudging both Edward and I before Rosalie jerked him back into his place in line.

Elope.

My mind raced at the possibility; the word was literally music to my ears, and I couldn't quite understand why it was so much less intimidating than planning a wedding. I didn't have much time to focus on the reason, because when I glanced at Edward, his expression in reaction stopped my thoughts from progressing.

He looked appalled by the idea....upset even. I couldn't understand my own falling feeling at his reaction, but covered it with a smile. I sent him a wink to let him know it was okay, and took a deep breath. A moment later, the music changed, and the small flower girls in fluffy, lacy white dresses went forward at the urging of Janice, the militant wedding planner. The girls scattered the crimson petals upon the white path, and Edward and I stepped forward, waiting until we were given the go ahead to lead the rest of the party down the aisle. Janice nodded at us, motioning us forward with a strange sweeping gesture of her arm.

My heart pounded wildly in my chest, though I wasn't sure why. It wasn't as if it were my wedding – the day that would change the rest of _my_ life. My eyes met Jasper's, and I couldn't help but smile at him. He stood to the side of the archway of flowers, practically glowing. His blonde curls fell loosely, and his face was as radiant as Alice's had been when we'd left her upstairs. The excitement of the day shone through his gray eyes. He returned my smile, winking as Edward and I separated at the end of the aisle.

I smiled at Edward before turning to watch Rosalie and Emmett join us at the altar followed by two additional pairs in the wedding party. I took a moment to look over the crowd that had gathered for the occasion and caught sight of Esme, holding the sleeping two-week old Madison, dressed in a fluffy pink dress. We shared a small smile before her attention was again captivated by her first grandchild.

The music changed, slowing somewhat as everyone stood, and I glanced back toward the deck where Alice stood with Carlisle, her face glowing in the setting afternoon sun.

Alice and Carlisle slowly walked down the aisle as all eyes fixed upon them, and I couldn't help but smile as I watched my best friend's face, her eyes never straying from Jasper's. When she and Carlisle reached us, he lifted her veil and kissed her cheek before whispering something in her ear that made her laugh. Their matching eyes glistened with unshed tears as he gently laid her veil on her hair and stepped back to join Esme in the first row.

We all turned toward the minister, and the ceremony began. Words of change and love and forever echoed into the air around us, but they blurred in my ears as my mind flashed through memories and pains that hadn't quite faded. My eyes found Edward's, and as if he knew exactly what I'd needed in that moment, he smiled and whispered an 'I love you'. The words anchored my heart to earth, and I smiled at him, mouthing the words back to him as Alice began speaking.

"Jasper, you're the heart and soul of who I am. We've been through so much together, and it is only the beginning of our forever. I love you so much, and I promise to love you forever," she said, her voice cracking fractionally in the last sentence before she slid the band onto his finger.

He grinned, before taking her ring between his fingers. "Alice, I struggled for a long time to try and find the right words for this moment – for this moment that we will remember forever," he began, his southern drawl more pronounced with his nerves. "You saved me when I had hit rock bottom; you've been my light and my grace and my joy. I promise you, Darlin', I will love you and I will adore you for forever."

He slid the glistening ring on her finger, and the minister began talking once more.

I found myself watching Edward as he watched me. There was something in his eyes I couldn't comprehend...something that reflected part of his soul. I knew in that moment that regardless of my fear, regardless of the difficulty of planning another wedding, if it was something that was important to him, I'd do it a million times over again.

"I proclaim you husband and wife. Jasper, kiss your bride."

My friends beamed at one another before Jasper wrapped his arms around his bride and lifted her up, kissing her. The yard drowned in applause before music reclaimed the air once more, Jasper and Alice practically dancing back down the aisle. I grinned at Edward, meeting him in the middle before we turned to follow the newlyweds.

"Are you okay?" Edward whispered in my ear.

I turned to look at him as we reached the end of the white carpet. I swallowed a small smile and nodded.

"Yeah, I'm okay."

I was okay, and I'd make it through whatever the future held for us together. We walked quickly across the yard and down to where the reception had been set up. I was so glad for Alice's sake that the weather could not have been more beautiful than today. The reception was on the beach, set up on a large wooden platform that expanded in width to accommodate the two-hundred guests that had come to share the day with my family.

_My family._

Something within me lurched at the thought. I loved each of them – and somehow, a part of me had known from the very first night I'd been with all of them together in a room. I had known that they would become a large part of my life, though I didn't want to admit it to myself at the time.

I sighed as Edward and I took our places at the table with our name cards. Rosalie and Maddi had managed to vanish, and oddly, so had Emmett. Also sitting at our table would be the bride and groom when they arrived.

"Champagne?" asked a young waitress, as she eyed Edward with interest.

He looked at me and smiled. "Sweetheart?"

_God bless him._

I nodded to the waitress and smiled, in what I hope looked like a graceful manner. "Thank you."

Edward followed suit and held his glass up. "To you, my bride-to-be. You look truly amazing today."

I smiled and touched my glass to his.

"Ladies and Gentleman," a voice boomed from the speakers. "It is my pleasure to introduce to you for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock."

I bit my lip, again nearly overwhelmed with emotion, feeling goose bumps appear as my best friend and her husband stepped up onto the wooden platform, greeted by a monstrous applause and cheering. The band –friends of Jasper's – began playing Coldplay's "Yellow".

I turned to Edward with a laugh, and his amusement only increased my own.

Jasper lead Alice around the dance floor as the song rang through the evening air.

"No wonder she wouldn't tell us what their first dance song would be," Edward said with a chuckle.

I grinned. "It's oddly fitting for them, though, don't you think?" I asked, leaning against his sturdy shoulder as Rosalie and Emmett joined us, Maddi cradled in Emmett's big arms.

"They look good, don't they?" Emmett nodded toward his sister and new brother-in-law.

We all nodded in agreement, and I glanced at the baby in his arms. It was an odd phenomena; a man of his size and personality completely transforming because of something so incredibly small and fragile. I'd never allowed myself to think of Edward and I having children with too much imagination, but for a brief moment in time, with "look how they shine for you" echoing over and over as the song wound down, I imagined Edward holding our child, being a father, and my heart melted all over again.

It was a time of life and new beginnings, of family and of love. Emmett's gaze met mine, and I smiled at him. He and Jasper had become the brothers I'd never had, just as Alice and Rosalie had become my sisters. They were all so different, yet so completely paramount in my world now.

"We're up," Edward said, standing and holding his hand out for me. "Dance with me?"

I smiled as I stood, and we joined Alice and Jasper on the dance floor.

I would never be as elegant and graceful as Alice – or as Edward for that matter, but I let myself forget that fact for the moment as Edward's arms surrounded me. I'd never felt safer, more at home, than when I was in his arms.

"Does the idea of a big wedding scare you, Bella?" Edward asked as we twirled across the floor.

Panic increased the beating of my heart. It wasn't fair for me to keep this from him – to keep him guessing as to what I was thinking and feeling.

I nodded slowly.

"Yes. I know that it shouldn't, but it does. But Edward, if it's what you want, we'll do it. It's going to be your wedding, too."

He nodded, his perfectly shaped eyebrows creased above his nose.

"Hey, seriously, Edward. It's not a big deal...I just...I'm scared, and I feel panicked, but I'll work through it. It'll probably be good for me."

He smiled. "You're amazing. You know that, right?"

His response left me feeling confused, and the issue still felt so unsettled. I didn't have a chance to respond to that before Alice tapped on my shoulder.

"Alice! It's all so beautiful!" I said, throwing my arms around her.

She squeezed. "Thank you, Bella. Can I steal your dance partner?"

I pulled away and smiled at her. "Of course."

"May I have the honor?"

I turned to Jasper and grinned. "Yes, thank you, Jasper."

We twirled around for several moments in silence. "It's such a beautiful wedding, Jasper. I'm so happy for you guys."

His smile was relaxed and happy. "Thank you, darlin'. We're very happy for you and Edward, too, you know."

I nodded.

His eyes studied mine for several moments, and I nearly looked away. It felt as if he could see into my soul.

"You're scared," he said softly.

I nodded again, finally breaking my eyes away from his penetrating gaze.

"Contrary to what Alice would have you believe, there isn't only one way to do this, Bella. You shouldn't have to be scared of getting married. Everyone knows that you and Edward love each other, and no one would think you were horrible for not wanting a big to-do wedding."

I smiled at him, a genuine smile to the one person who always seemed to understand. "I know, but I don't want to disappoint him."

My gaze fell to Edward, dancing and laughing with Alice. The two of them were completely in their element with all of the people and the wine and champagne and music. I sighed again.

"Hey," Jasper said in a tone that caused me to look back to his face. He smiled a bit. "He won't be disappointed, Bella. Let me tell you a little something about guys," he said with a quirked eyebrow and a half-smile. "We don't care about what kind of flowers there are – or even _that_ there are flowers. Once we've taken that step to commit ourselves to someone for forever...everything else is just a technicality. Hell, I would've married Alice at City Hall. It's going to be your day, Bella. Edward wants you to be happy, not scared."

The music ended, and I smiled. "Thank you."

"Anytime, Bella," he said, hugging me and leaving a kiss on my cheek, before he went to join Alice once more.

Before I could make my way back to Edward, I was swept up by Emmett, who'd already had enough alcohol to make him even sillier than normal. I laughed as we tripped not-so-elegantly across the floor. We walked back to the table together, and I was surprised when Edward wasn't there. Had I upset him by what I'd said during our dance? If Jasper was right, that wouldn't be the case, but I couldn't shake the nagging feeling that something was bothering him, and that added to the undercurrent of panic that hadn't completely abated.

I took a deep breath and smiled at Rosalie as we all sat at the table again. Emmett slurred his jokes while Rosalie and I took turns alternating between laughing and eye rolling. Alice and Jasper cut their massive cake, making an elaborate mess of feeding it to one another. Edward slipped into his seat as they were finishing the rite, and I glanced at him, offering a small smile. He smiled back, wrapping an arm around me.

The cake and the toasts flew by, and as Esme again reclaimed her granddaughter and Emmett and Rosalie left for the dance floor, my anxiety escalated.

"Hey," Edward whispered, "want to go for a walk?"

I nodded, so glad that he was always perceptive of my feelings.

We crept away from the party mix of our half-drunken friends and family members and complete strangers, and we found a quiet stretch of beach just beyond the band and the twinkling lights of the reception. The sun was low in the sky, turning a burning shade of orangey-pink. I pulled my shoes off and laced them over my fingers, and we walked in silence for several minutes.

"Bella –"

"Edward –"

We both chuckled nervously, a strange and unusual tension hanging between us.

"Go ahead," I said quietly.

Edward sighed, and fear gripped my heart. Maybe he'd finally had enough; maybe his patience with me was finally completely exhausted. My heart ached at the thought.

"Bella, I'm not sure what happened today...I know today must have been hard for you; I knew that it would be, but I guess I thought that..." he sighed again.

"Edward, it's not that. It's just that...I'm...I don't know, I guess I'm scared of something happening."

He glanced at me in surprise. "Really?"

I nodded, looking at my feet. "I know it's completely illogical, but it's true. I just...I hate the idea of planning a huge wedding, of reliving those memories over and over. I want it to be about us, Edward, not the past."

I felt his warm hand slip into mine. "Then let's make it just about us. Now. No waiting, no planning. Let's go."

I couldn't comprehend the meaning of his words and gaped at him. "What?"

He stopped, pulling at my hand until we were inches apart. I finally made myself look into his eyes and was taken aback by the intensity within them. "Edward?"

"Let's get married. Today...well maybe tomorrow, but let's just go."

"Go where?" I managed to croak out, my mind racing at the prospect. No cake, no dancing, no flowers. No planning. No old resurrected memories.

He grinned, a lop-sided, excited grin that made my heart float. "Hawaii. Let's go get married in Hawaii."

My blood raced through my veins as I stared at him for several long, quiet moments.

"Really?" I whispered.

He nodded, squeezing my hands.

"You're sure?"

"Yes. Bella, I just want you. I don't care about having a big wedding that takes a year to plan. I just want you...want you to be mine. Always."

I couldn't stop the squeal that escaped my throat as I jumped into his arms and hugged his neck.

"Yes! Let's go. Let's go now."

He set me down on the sand and grinned, kissing me for a long moment before pulling away and dragging me back toward the reception. We found Alice and Jasper easily enough, and with one look, they both knew.

I hugged Alice. "Congratulations, Sweetie. I'm so happy for you."

She grinned. "Don't ask me why I did this, Bella, but I bought you a simple, white, gauzy dress, and, well...it's hanging upstairs in my old closet. I just...I had a feeling and I went with it."

I bit my lip, a tear falling down my cheek. "Thank you."

She nodded. "I love you. Congratulations to you, too. And please, you guys, at least make sure someone takes some pictures."

She tried to sound agitated, but it just didn't happen. I grinned at her, and hugged Jasper.

"Congratulations," he whispered, just for me. "I knew you would get there."

I smiled.

"Bye." Edward and I said together, and hastened toward the house.

I grabbed the dress, and we were in the car five minutes later headed back to Chicago. Excitement pulsed through my veins, and I held tightly to Edward's hand.

"We're really doing this," I said, awed by the incredible change of events.

He grinned. "We are. I was thinking we could stop by the apartment and pack."

I nodded, suddenly completely at ease. The worries of the last two weeks, worries I hadn't even acknowledged until today, fell away, and it felt as if finally, the stars in my universe had aligned for the first time. My hands fidgeted with the controls of the car as my knee bounced with extra energy.

Edward glanced at me, and I grinned. "Are you sure you're okay with this? I don't –"

His hand fell to my knee and his warm fingers squeezed. "Yes."

I bit my lip, and grinned as we pulled into the parking garage.

"Do you mind packing us a bag or two while I call the airline?" Edward asked as he unlocked our apartment.

I shook my head, but neither of us moved to our assigned tasks once we were inside. I pushed the door shut only to be pressed against it not a moment later, Edward's warm mouth found mine and his hands slid to my hips. I sighed into the kiss and welcomed his tongue with a moan.

His hands slid to my back, pulling down the long zipper to my dress, and his fingers danced under the fabric and against my bare flesh, creating trails of fire and desire. They skimmed down the curve of my back and to my ass, stopping there with a firm squeeze.

I pulled back from him, biting my lip with a small smile. Edward's green eyes were focused on mine, though his hands remained in place. I slid my hand under the strap on my left shoulder, and Edward's hand moved quickly to cover it.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I wasn't thinking –"

"Shh," I responded, pushing his hand away and slowly pulling my dress off my shoulders and letting it slide to the floor.

I grinned at Edward, pushing his jacket from his shoulders and working at the bow tie at his neck as his fingers quickly undid the buttons on his vest. I worked at the button on his pants while Edward's lips attacked my neck.

"As I was saying," he spoke between kisses, his hot breath gliding across the skin under my chin. "I'm sorry...for this distraction...but today was nearly unbearable, Bella...your face, your eyes...your beautiful smile...I need you in every way that you can imagine...and I need you now."

I slid his pants off.

"Stop apologizing," I said breathlessly as he kicked off his shoes and socks.

His lips left my skin and he stood back, his eyes sweeping from mine down my body. Without another word, his hands brushed the skin of my hips and his lips were again at my neck. Firm, moist, open-mouthed kisses fell on my collarbone, my breasts and nipples and down my stomach. My hands grabbed at his hair, pulling on it slightly as a warm, steady fire blazed within me.

The tension of the day, the nerves and apprehensions and fears culminated into one hungry need.

I pulled him back to me, and his lips ravished mine once more as my palms glided down his firm chest and stomach and around to his back, pulling all of his body flush against mine. We shared a long, low moan, and without warning, Edward's arms lifted me up, pressed me against the wood of our front door, and stepped forward as my legs instinctively wrapped around his waist. He kissed and nipped at the flesh of my neck as he lowered me onto him in one quick, powerful thrust. I groaned, my fist tightening again in his hair.

Our pace escalated rapidly, both needing something neither of us could put into words. Edward rolled my nipple between his fingers and then pinched, pushing me over the edge as he spilled within me, his mouth pressing against mine as he pressed me hard into the door. His hands were in my hair, mine grasping at his back, trying desperately to anchor myself to him, to reality.

His forehead fell against mine as our panting breaths mixed and swirled in the few inches between us.

"I love you," he whispered, peppering kisses against the corners of my mouth, my cheeks and jaw and finally my forehead. "I love you."

I smiled, kissing his chest. "I love you."

"Wanna go get married?"

I laughed euphorically against the skin of his neck, finding it impossible to want anything more.

"Yeah, I really do."

*~*~*

**Edward's POV**

The day had been a long one, and in spite of the excitement – or maybe because of it – Bella had fallen asleep against my shoulder as we chased the sunset to Hawaii. We talked and laughed and joked on our flight between Chicago and L.A., but she'd fallen asleep within the first hour between California and Kona.

I was tired, as well – exhausted, in fact, yet my mind raced frantically, and sleep continued to evade me. With my head rested against the back of the seat, I closed my eyes and concentrated on the feeling of Bella's warmth against my shoulder. I rubbed my thumb lazily against her forearm, smiling at the turn of events.

It was hard to believe that after all this time...after all that we'd been through, and even more that Bella had gone through to get to where we were...that it was finally happening. She was ready; I was ready, and finally, all roadblocks had been eliminated.

I smiled, squeezing her arm as our plane descended.

"Sweetheart," I whispered in her ear, unable to resist kissing her hair. "We're almost there."

"Mmm," she breathed, causing me to smile again.

She straightened, stretching in that cute way that she always did after falling asleep in a strange position, and smiled her beautiful smile. She turned away slightly to look out the window and gasped.

"The water is so blue. And how is it still daylight?"

"Well," I said with a grin, leaning closer to her. "It's two in the morning in Chicago right now."

Her brown eyes widened as she turned to look at me. "It is?"

I nodded. "Six hour time difference; the sun is almost setting here," I nodded out the window. "We'll have about a ten minute drive from the airport to our resort. We can just go to the room and sleep if you want, and maybe figure out everything else in the morning?"

She smiled. "Please."

Ten minutes later we'd stepped off the plane into the warm, humid air. Bella hummed next to me. "Let's move here."

I chuckled, resting my hand on her lower back as we walked toward baggage claim.

"Can we hike the volcano?"

Mount Mauna Loa stood tall, creating the Big Island. It was one that I hadn't visited before, and it was the one reason that I'd chosen this island to visit with Bella. It'd be a first for both of us.

"Definitely. They also have macadamia nut farms, coffee farms...a black sand beach. We can do anything you want. We're here for two weeks."

She smiled sleepily. "Can we go on a helicopter ride?"

I grinned. "I don't think I could really deny you anything, you know."

"Mh-hm. I'll try very hard not to take advantage of that in the future."

I winked at her as we grabbed our bags and headed to the rental car desk. It wasn't long before we were in our rented Jeep Liberty and on our way to the resort I'd booked for us. It was a little civilization of tourists in and of itself.

We'd have plenty of time to explore the floors of restaurants and shops and to swim in the monstrous pool that opened into the ocean, with waterfalls and turtles and dolphins and exotic South Pacific flowers and plants. I would get to experience it all with the one woman I had given all of myself to, and it would be perfect, but it would have to wait. Bella and I had both been up for almost twenty four hours and were exhausted on our feet.

Our bags were taken to our room on the fourteenth floor, to the honeymoon suite with a balcony on the ocean. I carried Bella over the threshold, kicking the door shut softly behind me.

I undressed her and tucked her into bed before crawling in next to her, falling asleep with her in my arms, her breath on my chest, and knowing that I would fall asleep like this every night for the rest of my life. I smiled in the dark before sleep claimed me.

"Wake up, Edward!"

My breath escaped me as something warm, soft and...solid landed on my chest; my eyes shot open to meet Bella's. She was on top of me, wrapped in a bathrobe with her hair and make-up already done, grinning.

"Good morning. Happy wedding day. Get up!"

I chuckled, followed by a groan. "Okay. I need a shower."

"Hurry! I ordered breakfast, and we have a meeting downstairs with the minister in an hour and a half. They have one on staff here. Can you believe that? This place is huge! I mean, I haven't been out; I didn't want to go exploring without you, but it's huge! They have a minister and a dolphin trainer. Here. For the resort only. Did you see the pool last night? I didn't notice it last night, but it's incredible."

My eyes followed her hands as she rambled with excitement and animation, and my heart soared. I loved her so much that it hurt, and I was so full of joy that she was truly ready, that she wanted this.

"I love you," I couldn't keep myself from saying.

Bella smiled the smile that took my breath away. "I love you, too. And I'm going to marry you today!"

I grinned and hopped out of bed. "I'll hurry."

With the quickest shower of my life, I was clean, dressed in khakis and an emerald green shirt within minutes. I smiled as I ran a comb through my hair, trying to get it to do anything resenbling tame.

"You look great."

I turned to see Bella leaning against the doorway of the bathroom. She was dressed in the white dress, her hair curled and down. She was devastatingly gorgeous.

"There are no words, Isabella," I swallowed. I couldn't live without her; the power she had over me – she had no idea. "No words to express just how amazing you look...how amazing you are..." I ended in a whisper. I couldn't keep myself from telling her over and over again – it made me like this was all _real._ Like she was real.

Her smile was soft, her brown eyes sparkled, and she silently took my hand. "I'm too anxious to eat."

I smiled with a nod. "We can eat after."

Bella bit her lip, and my stomach flipped. This _was_ real; it was happening.

I stepped forward, brushing my lips against hers. "Marry me."

She nodded, and we silently walked to the minister's office.

The minister was a fifty-something; a charismatic man with graying hair and ice blue eyes. He had a jolly laugh, and I instantly found myself relaxing in his presence. He'd explained to Bella and me how the process worked, and an hour later, with his wife and another young couple due to marry after us, we walked to a large flower garden nestled between a lush, grass-covered hill and the beach of the bluest ocean.

Bella had a pink Hibiscus flower in her hair and looked more happy and carefree than I had ever seen her. I fell in love with her a little bit more as I looked into her face, her skin glowing and eyes bright. We entered a gazebo on a grassy hill, draped in vines and blossoms of pink and purple and red. The ocean offered a romantic backdrop as I took her hands in mine and promised her my forever, just as she promised me hers. The gold band she slid on my finger completed me in a way I could have never fathomed before that moment, and I placed the same symbol of eternity on Bella's hand; the only place that it belonged. And then I pressed my lips to hers, and we shared salty tears of joy and triumph, of our victory.

I pulled back from her and couldn't resist going in for a second kiss. Bella's soft laugh filled my mouth, and I smiled as I pulled away once more.

"I love you, Mrs. Cullen."

She grinned, rolling her eyes. "You're so cheesy."

"I know."

"I love you, too," she said, her voice softening as her eyes met mine, her gaze reinforcing every promise we'd just made to one another.

We kissed again, thanked the minister and his wife, and walked to the ocean hand in hand. Bella and I sat on the sand, the sun shining down on us. I wrapped my arm around her, and she rested her head against my shoulder.

"We did it," she said, her voice soft, almost far away.

"We did," I agreed. "Are you happy?"

She turned to me, her eyes still bright, her face flushed, and a tear slipped down her cheek. "More than you could ever know."

I smiled and kissed her. We had someone take our picture, which we promptly texted to Alice, who was on her own honeymoon in Cancun.

We began our forever there on the beach, talking of our love and our lives and our future, of our family and our hopes and our dreams. The sun set in a grand finale of brilliant, exotic colors reflected on the waves. I held my wife in my arms and sang softly to her, then stood from the sand, pulled her up with me, and we made our way to our suite. The first chapter of our life together closed, and after hours of showing her again just how much I loved her, I drifted to sleep thinking about the many chapters ahead with the only woman I would want to share it with: the love of my life, the life of my heart. Bella. It had always been, and would always be, Bella.

*~*~*

~*The End*~

**A/N: I didn't think I'd ever get this finished. :-) But...finally, they get their HEA. :-)**

**I have to send BIG thank yous to NCChris and Mababerella for beta'ing and making pretty. And huge hugs and thanks to my girls, Clurrabella and addictedtotwilight79 – without their encouragement (and a shove here and there), this story would have been abandoned in despair. Love you girls.**

**And finally, thank you so much for reading. I hope that you enjoyed reading this little fic as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'm a little sad to finish it up, but I will be starting a new fic soon...so watch for that :-)**

**To all of those hidden readers, can I trouble you for a review on this, the last chapter of this fic? I would love to hear from you :-)**


	27. FGB Alert

Please, please forgive me for this non-update update. I hate those. However, I feel as if this is for a very good cause, so I'm going to go ahead and do it, and beg your forgiveness for the non-update alert!

I have two auctions posted for the Fandom Gives Back fundraiser for Alex's Lemonade Stand (www(dot)thefandomgivesback(dot)com) . As most of you already know, this is a charity that raises money for children's cancer research. It's an amazing cause, and the ladies at FGB have worked hard to organize yet another incredible fundraiser by which the fandom can contribute.

That being said, I'm posting my auction links below. The first is for a Rescue Me Outtake — anything you'd like. (As always, replace the (dots) with actual periods. :-) )

**RM outtake: ****http:/www(dot)thefandomgivesback(dot)?id=785**

The second is for a slash one-shot, any slash pairing, any plot line you want, any POV you want.

**Slash OS: ****http:/www(dot)/item(dot)php?id=786**

Come check out the auctions for all of the amazing fandom writers, and, if you're able, make a donation for this awesome cause and win an auction or two in the process ;-)

Thanks for reading! :-)

~Sparagus


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